[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.46,0:00:02.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, I often joke about tensions
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.43,0:00:04.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,between me and the press, but
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.81,0:00:07.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,honestly, what they say doesn't bother me.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.57,0:00:09.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I understand we've got an adversarial system.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.98,0:00:11.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a mellow sort of guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.68,0:00:16.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's why I invited Luther, my anger translator
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.96,0:00:18.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to join me here tonight.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.39,0:00:39.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hold on to your lily-white butts.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.08,0:00:42.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In our fast changing world
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.78,0:00:45.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,traditions like the White House Correspondents' dinner are important.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.81,0:00:47.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, really!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.27,0:00:50.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What is this dinner?!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.01,0:00:54.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And why am I required to come to it?!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.73,0:00:59.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jeb Bush, do you really want to do this?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.44,0:01:01.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because despite our differences
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.15,0:01:02.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we count on the press
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.54,0:01:05.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to shed light on the most important issues of the day.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.09,0:01:06.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we can count on Fox news
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.69,0:01:09.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to terrify old white people with some nonsense.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.26,0:01:16.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sharia laws coming to Cleveland, run for the damn hills!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.81,0:01:18.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Y'alls ridiculous.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.12,0:01:20.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We won't always see eye-to-eye.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.86,0:01:25.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, and CNN, thank you so much for the wall-to-wall Ebola coverage.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.74,0:01:27.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For two whole weeks
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.56,0:01:30.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we were one step away from "The Walking Dead."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.33,0:01:34.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then y'all got up and just moved on to the next thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.15,0:01:36.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was awesome.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.12,0:01:39.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, and by the way, just if you haven't noticed
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.20,0:01:41.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you don't have Ebola!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.09,0:01:46.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I still deeply appreciate the work that you do.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.42,0:01:50.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Y'all remember when I had that big old hole in the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.72,0:01:52.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then I plugged it!?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.27,0:01:54.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remember that?!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.35,0:01:57.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which "Obama's Katrina" was that one?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.50,0:02:01.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Was that 19 or was it 20, because I can't remember.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.54,0:02:06.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Protecting our democracy is more important than ever.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.30,0:02:09.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, the Supreme Court ruled that the donor who gave Ted Cruz
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.63,0:02:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,$6 million was just exercising free speech.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.60,0:02:15.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, that's the kind of speech like this
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.05,0:02:17.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I just wasted $6 million."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.03,0:02:21.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's not just Republicans.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.90,0:02:24.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hillary will have to raise huge sums of money too.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.86,0:02:27.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.34,0:02:30.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's going to get that money!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.66,0:02:34.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's going to get all the money!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.82,0:02:39.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Khaleesi is coming to Westeros!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.36,0:02:45.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So watch out!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.41,0:02:51.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The nonstop focus on billionaire donors creates
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.06,0:02:52.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,real problems for our democracy.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.88,0:02:55.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's why we running for our third term!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.15,0:02:56.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No we're not.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.11,0:02:57.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-We're not?\N-No.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.01,0:02:58.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who the hell said that!?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.64,0:03:04.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we do need to stay focused on some big challenges.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.41,0:03:05.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like climate change.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.34,0:03:07.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hey listen y'all, if you haven't noticed
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.07,0:03:11.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,California is bone dry!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.26,0:03:15.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It looks like a trailer for the new Mad Max movie up in there.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.14,0:03:20.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Y'all think that Bradley Cooper came here because he wants to talk to Chuck Todd?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.19,0:03:24.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He needed a glass of water!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.28,0:03:26.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.47,0:03:29.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The science is clear.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.02,0:03:31.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The science is clear.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.96,0:03:37.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nine out of the ten hottest years ever came in the last decade.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.31,0:03:40.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I'm not a scientist but I do know how to count to ten.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.79,0:03:43.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rising seas, more violent storms
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.53,0:03:45.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You got mosquitoes
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.15,0:03:48.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sweaty people on the train, stinking it up.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.57,0:03:50.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's just nasty.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.25,0:03:52.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean look at... what... who
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.94,0:03:55.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at what's happening right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.14,0:03:57.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every serious scientist says we need to act.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.25,0:03:58.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.02,0:04:01.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Pentagon says it's a national security risk.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.80,0:04:04.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Miami floods on a sunny day and
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.14,0:04:08.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,instead of doing anything about it, we've got elected officials throwing snow balls in the Senate!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.22,0:04:09.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Okay, okay, Mr.-\N-It's a-
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.12,0:04:10.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, I think I got it bro.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.49,0:04:12.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is crazy.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.27,0:04:13.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What about our kids!?\N-Okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.89,0:04:16.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What kind of stupid, short-sighted
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.28,0:04:18.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,irresponsible bull-
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.21,0:04:20.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.10,0:04:20.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hey!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.63,0:04:21.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What!?\N-What?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.59,0:04:22.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What? No, hey!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.46,0:04:33.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.04,0:04:35.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All due respect, sir
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.24,0:04:37.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you don't need an anger translator.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.28,0:04:39.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You need counseling.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.65,0:04:41.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So now I'm out of here.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.93,0:04:44.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I ain't trying to get into all this.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.48,0:04:46.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Go.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.58,0:04:59.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He crazy.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.01,0:05:05.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Luther, my anger translator, ladies and gentleman.