WEBVTT

00:00:09.152 --> 00:00:16.944
(Bell)

00:00:27.236 --> 00:00:29.020
Dear Thay, dear Sangha

00:00:35.600 --> 00:00:39.285
(SPANISH)
At times I control
a lot of anger coming up.

00:00:39.285 --> 00:00:43.469
I keep it inside, but then
it suddenly explodes.

00:00:43.475 --> 00:00:45.178
I let it all out at once,

00:00:45.178 --> 00:00:49.757
without knowing why and without
being able to control it at that time.

00:00:49.757 --> 00:00:51.760
When all my anger explodes

00:00:53.573 --> 00:00:58.089
I hurt the other person
and also myself a lot.

00:00:59.577 --> 00:01:04.869
And then I do not have compassion
for the other, because I'm not aware of it.

00:01:06.397 --> 00:01:12.860
After I have calmed down and
my anger has exploded and I let it out.

00:01:13.470 --> 00:01:17.070
then I have compassion
and I am aware that I made him suffer.

00:01:17.098 --> 00:01:20.159
But in the moment I do it,
I cannot do anything.

00:01:20.479 --> 00:01:22.129
How can I do this?

00:01:24.672 --> 00:01:27.213
Dear Thay, our friend is saying...

00:01:27.213 --> 00:01:30.099
This is another question about anger.

00:01:30.099 --> 00:01:33.595
She feels a lot of anger come up sometimes.

00:01:33.601 --> 00:01:36.760
and she doesn't want to let it come out.

00:01:36.760 --> 00:01:41.176
So she tries to keep it under control,
she's pushing it down.

00:01:41.176 --> 00:01:44.498
But then, at some point
it explodes, it comes out

00:01:45.693 --> 00:01:48.489
and she can hurt the other person.

00:01:48.489 --> 00:01:50.882
She feels sorry to hurt the other person.

00:01:50.882 --> 00:01:54.739
She feels compassion for
the suffering she caused him.

00:01:54.959 --> 00:02:00.227
And she wants to know how she can
take better care of the situation.

00:02:02.669 --> 00:02:07.080
Is she capable of seeing the
suffering of the other person?

00:02:09.592 --> 00:02:14.590
(FRENCH)
Can she see the suffering
in the other person?

00:02:15.681 --> 00:02:16.448
And when?

00:02:17.370 --> 00:02:20.386
Before or after the explosion?

00:02:40.613 --> 00:02:42.685
I do see their suffering

00:02:42.685 --> 00:02:46.817
but I still have the strong emotion
come up.

00:02:46.830 --> 00:02:48.830
What can I do with it?

00:02:56.037 --> 00:02:57.987
To control is not enough.

00:02:59.240 --> 00:03:02.749
To control may be to suppress.

00:03:03.561 --> 00:03:05.505
Suppressing is not good,

00:03:06.256 --> 00:03:10.200
because it is always there,
you pin it down

00:03:10.200 --> 00:03:12.161
but it is still there.

00:03:12.677 --> 00:03:15.816
So suppressing is not good.

00:03:16.922 --> 00:03:19.026
We have to transform.

00:03:23.212 --> 00:03:27.822
And to transform you need compassion.

00:03:30.320 --> 00:03:35.171
The only antidote for anger,
violence is compassion.

00:03:37.424 --> 00:03:39.406
There is no other way.

00:03:40.368 --> 00:03:43.512
But how to fabricate compassion?

00:03:44.486 --> 00:03:47.110
How to generate the energy of compassion?

00:03:47.110 --> 00:03:49.264
That is the real question.

00:03:50.261 --> 00:03:56.950
And in this retreat we have learnt
to recognize the suffering?

00:03:59.318 --> 00:04:01.861
Because the suffering in that person is

00:04:01.868 --> 00:04:07.987
the cause of his action
or of words that can make you suffer.

00:04:10.560 --> 00:04:14.922
The anger in him waters
the anger in you.

00:04:16.845 --> 00:04:22.691
The violence in him waters
the violence in you.

00:04:25.540 --> 00:04:32.120
And that is why...we have
to breathe in and out mindfully

00:04:32.611 --> 00:04:40.291
and to look, to see
that the other person is a victim

00:04:40.317 --> 00:04:46.288
of his own violence, his own suffering,
his own misunderstanding.

00:04:46.820 --> 00:04:48.592
This is very important.

00:04:49.768 --> 00:04:52.162
This is the teaching of the Buddha:

00:04:52.676 --> 00:04:56.038
look at suffering and
understand suffering.

00:04:58.119 --> 00:05:00.971
When you understand your own suffering

00:05:01.200 --> 00:05:05.023
you can understand the suffering of 
the other person.

00:05:06.158 --> 00:05:09.436
Understanding suffering always
brings compassion.

00:05:09.436 --> 00:05:14.816
And only compassion can
transform anger and violence.

00:05:19.009 --> 00:05:23.581
There are those of us
who think that we can...

00:05:25.351 --> 00:05:28.958
we can take the block of anger out of us,

00:05:30.243 --> 00:05:33.191
like doing surgery.

00:05:37.929 --> 00:05:40.264
But you cannot do that with anger.

00:05:40.264 --> 00:05:43.303
You cannot take anger out of you.

00:05:45.392 --> 00:05:47.714
You can only transform it.

00:05:48.157 --> 00:05:52.239
Anger can be transformed within
into something else.

00:05:52.239 --> 00:05:55.889
Anger can be transformed into 
understanding and compassion

00:05:56.530 --> 00:05:59.181
And that is the work of the practitioner:

00:06:01.961 --> 00:06:03.720
looking into the suffering,

00:06:03.720 --> 00:06:07.576
your own suffering and
the suffering of the other person,

00:06:07.576 --> 00:06:10.282
and trying to understand the cause.

00:06:11.890 --> 00:06:17.485
That is the way to generate
the energy of compassion.

00:06:19.395 --> 00:06:22.760
And when compassion is there
it transforms anger.

00:06:23.960 --> 00:06:26.866
You don't need to take it out.

00:06:29.317 --> 00:06:32.170
There are those who try to take it out.

00:06:33.842 --> 00:06:36.451
There are those who advise you to

00:06:36.451 --> 00:06:40.953
take it out by the practice of
so-called 'ventilation'.

00:06:43.196 --> 00:06:46.116
It is like there is smoke in your room

00:06:46.116 --> 00:06:49.940
and you want to ventilate the 
smoke to take it out.

00:06:50.481 --> 00:06:56.330
And the way is to go to your room 
and lock your door

00:06:57.242 --> 00:07:01.777
and to try to punch,
to hit your pillow,

00:07:05.516 --> 00:07:09.477
to hit for ten minutes,
fifteen minutes.

00:07:10.992 --> 00:07:18.830
And they believe that by doing so
you may take anger out of you.

00:07:21.107 --> 00:07:23.569
'I am aware that anger is there.'

00:07:23.569 --> 00:07:25.414
'I want to take it out.'

00:07:27.458 --> 00:07:30.675
Because they think it is safer 
to hit a pillow

00:07:30.675 --> 00:07:33.880
then to hit the other person directly.

00:07:33.880 --> 00:07:37.406
And they call it
'take it out of your system'.

00:07:39.573 --> 00:07:41.216
But it does not work.

00:07:43.050 --> 00:07:44.448
It does not work.

00:07:45.442 --> 00:07:48.118
It may make your anger stronger.

00:07:50.287 --> 00:07:53.467
It is like rehearsing your anger.

00:07:58.608 --> 00:08:02.524
And they call it 'getting in touch with 
your anger'.

00:08:03.634 --> 00:08:07.081
It's good to get in touch with your anger.

00:08:07.081 --> 00:08:11.367
The Buddha also advises us to breathe in

00:08:12.200 --> 00:08:15.680
and to go home and
to get in touch with your anger

00:08:16.760 --> 00:08:21.684
and embrace it tenderly
and look deeply into your anger.

00:08:23.962 --> 00:08:30.521
But in this practice of... 
pounding... the pillow

00:08:32.433 --> 00:08:35.802
you don't really get
in touch with your anger.

00:08:39.123 --> 00:08:41.442
You are a victim of your anger.

00:08:41.741 --> 00:08:43.751
You are not getting in touch.

00:08:44.755 --> 00:08:47.240
You are not even in touch with the pillow...

00:08:47.240 --> 00:08:50.449
(Crowd laughs)

00:08:50.449 --> 00:08:52.720
even though you are hitting it,

00:08:52.720 --> 00:08:56.906
because if you are really in touch
with your pillow,

00:08:56.906 --> 00:08:59.175
you will know that
it is only a pillow.

00:08:59.178 --> 00:09:01.919
(Crowd laughs)

00:09:01.919 --> 00:09:04.121
It's funny to hit a pillow.

00:09:04.121 --> 00:09:05.754
The pillow is innocent.

00:09:05.754 --> 00:09:06.964
(Crowd laughs)

00:09:06.964 --> 00:09:09.486
So if you cannot get in touch 
with the pillow

00:09:09.486 --> 00:09:12.206
you cannot get in touch with your anger.

00:09:14.205 --> 00:09:15.772
And if you continue like that

00:09:15.772 --> 00:09:19.998
maybe one day, meeting him on 
the street, you may like to...

00:09:21.183 --> 00:09:23.344
hit directly and you get in jail.

00:09:24.239 --> 00:09:29.921
So this work does not seem
to help you to get it out.

00:09:32.521 --> 00:09:34.865
So according to this practice,

00:09:35.675 --> 00:09:39.754
the practice that the Buddha recommends,

00:09:40.129 --> 00:09:44.044
you have to come home and recognize anger

00:09:44.044 --> 00:09:47.023
and try to hold it with the energy 
of mindfulness.

00:09:47.023 --> 00:09:49.694
This is called mindfulness of anger.

00:09:49.779 --> 00:09:53.048
Mindfulness is always
mindfulness of something.

00:09:53.652 --> 00:10:04.338
When I drink my tea and become aware
that I am here and now drinking my tea

00:10:04.804 --> 00:10:06.782
that is mindfulness of drinking.

00:10:08.257 --> 00:10:12.430
And when I breathe mindfully,
that is mindfulness of breathing.

00:10:12.769 --> 00:10:16.788
When I walk mindfully,
that is mindfulness of walking.

00:10:16.788 --> 00:10:21.741
So when I come home to myself
and recognize my anger and hold my anger

00:10:21.741 --> 00:10:25.080
anger becomes the object 
of my mindfulness.

00:10:25.080 --> 00:10:27.839
This is called mindfulness of anger

00:10:27.839 --> 00:10:30.297
There are two energies.

00:10:30.297 --> 00:10:33.205
First there is the energy of anger.

00:10:33.205 --> 00:10:37.110
Then the second energy is the 
energy of mindfulness.

00:10:37.891 --> 00:10:39.973
In order to have this energy

00:10:39.973 --> 00:10:43.407
you have to practice breathing 
and walking mindfully.

00:10:43.407 --> 00:10:49.992
And with the second energy, you recognize
the first energy and embrace it tenderly.

00:10:50.004 --> 00:10:51.740
You do not suppress it

00:10:57.361 --> 00:11:01.250
but embrace it tenderly,

00:11:01.629 --> 00:11:04.100
like a mother embracing her...

00:11:06.540 --> 00:11:08.960
her suffering...baby.

00:11:11.864 --> 00:11:16.295
And when the energy of mindfulness
is embracing the energy of anger,

00:11:16.310 --> 00:11:17.698
you suffer less.

00:11:19.931 --> 00:11:24.662
It is like the sunshine
embracing the lotus flower.

00:11:25.384 --> 00:11:30.326
The lotus flower gets the warmth
the energy, in order to bloom.

00:11:32.400 --> 00:11:37.700
So when you use the energy of mindfulness
in order to embrace your anger

00:11:38.080 --> 00:11:40.283
you suffer less,
you get a relief.

00:11:40.283 --> 00:11:41.415
You suffer less.

00:11:42.643 --> 00:11:47.988
And if you look more deeply
you can identify the cause of your anger.

00:11:49.380 --> 00:11:51.505
That may be a wrong perception.

00:11:51.505 --> 00:11:56.557
That may be your lack of capacity to
see the suffering of the other person.

00:11:57.622 --> 00:12:01.360
And if you identify your wrong perception

00:12:01.360 --> 00:12:04.279
or if you can see the suffering 
of the other person

00:12:05.148 --> 00:12:10.756
suddenly that kind of understanding
and vision makes compassion arise.

00:12:12.091 --> 00:12:13.858
And when compassion arises,

00:12:13.858 --> 00:12:18.127
that is a kind of nectar that
makes you suffer less right away.

00:12:18.127 --> 00:12:19.526
You get a relief.

00:12:19.526 --> 00:12:21.488
And you can transform it.

00:12:24.971 --> 00:12:26.318
And...

00:12:28.080 --> 00:12:29.617
This...

00:12:31.554 --> 00:12:34.351
This practice always works.

00:12:36.402 --> 00:12:41.506
You know that in Plum Village,
in the past we used to sponsor

00:12:41.506 --> 00:12:46.063
groups of Palestinans and Israelis
to come and practice.

00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:53.260
And there is a lot of misunderstanding,
anger and suspicion in each group.

00:12:57.981 --> 00:13:03.913
And if they can stay for two weeks,
transformation and healing can be possible.

00:13:05.578 --> 00:13:10.318
We practice calming, releasing tension.

00:13:11.205 --> 00:13:16.070
We practice getting in touch with
the wonders of life in order to nourish us.

00:13:17.402 --> 00:13:20.207
And we also practicing breathing

00:13:20.404 --> 00:13:25.507
in order to recognize our suspicion,
our fear, our anger.

00:13:28.535 --> 00:13:34.091
And then we sit down and try
to listen to each other

00:13:37.215 --> 00:13:42.081
And we tell the other group about
our own suffering, our own fear.

00:13:43.523 --> 00:13:47.939
We use the practice of
the fourth mindfulness training:

00:13:48.920 --> 00:13:51.950
Loving Speech and Deep Listening.

00:13:54.444 --> 00:13:58.015
You can tell them
everything in your heart:

00:13:58.796 --> 00:14:01.903
your suffering, your fear, your anger.

00:14:03.459 --> 00:14:07.468
But you tell it in such a way that
the other person, the other group

00:14:07.468 --> 00:14:08.813
can understand you.

00:14:08.813 --> 00:14:10.716
Help them to understand.

00:14:12.044 --> 00:14:18.204
So during the time you speak,
you do not condemn, you do not blame.

00:14:21.312 --> 00:14:25.317
You just try to help them to understand
how much you suffer,

00:14:26.163 --> 00:14:29.061
you and your people and your children.

00:14:30.052 --> 00:14:33.141
In that way you help them to
understand your suffering.

00:14:36.282 --> 00:14:42.745
And then it will be your turn to sit
and listen to their suffering.

00:14:43.908 --> 00:14:45.571
They will tell you

00:14:46.368 --> 00:14:50.088
their suffering, their fear,
their anger, their despair.

00:14:50.088 --> 00:14:52.095
And you have to listen.

00:14:53.732 --> 00:14:56.883
And during the time they speak

00:14:56.883 --> 00:15:00.928
you may notice that they have
wrong perceptions of you.

00:15:05.463 --> 00:15:07.901
And you want to correct them.

00:15:08.563 --> 00:15:12.277
But according to this practice
you should not correct them.

00:15:12.680 --> 00:15:15.621
Because if you correct them
while they speak

00:15:15.621 --> 00:15:18.802
you will transform
the session into a debate.

00:15:20.540 --> 00:15:23.724
That's not the practice of deep listening.

00:15:23.724 --> 00:15:24.650
You say:

00:15:24.868 --> 00:15:29.600
"Oh, they say wrong things because
they have not seen the truth.

00:15:30.364 --> 00:15:33.284
But I have the time to help them

00:15:33.284 --> 00:15:37.575
to correct their perceptions
in a few days,

00:15:37.903 --> 00:15:41.101
because they will be
there for another week.

00:15:42.043 --> 00:15:45.464
So in a few days we will have
a chance to tell them,

00:15:45.473 --> 00:15:48.894
to give them the kind of
information that can help them

00:15:48.894 --> 00:15:50.832
to correct their perceptions.

00:15:50.832 --> 00:15:51.844
But not now.

00:15:51.844 --> 00:15:56.813
Now we have to listen,

00:15:58.964 --> 00:16:00.963
listen attentively."

00:16:00.963 --> 00:16:04.925
Listening like this is called
'compassionate listening'.

00:16:06.754 --> 00:16:10.708
And if you know how to listen
with compassion for one hour,

00:16:10.708 --> 00:16:12.454
they will suffer less.

00:16:13.284 --> 00:16:15.500
So we are practicing compassion.

00:16:15.500 --> 00:16:18.788
We are giving them
a chance to suffer less.

00:16:22.118 --> 00:16:25.902
And that is the practice of the
fourth mindfulness training:

00:16:25.902 --> 00:16:30.604
listening with compassion in order
to help other people to suffer less.

00:16:30.611 --> 00:16:33.803
You may do it with your husband, your wife

00:16:33.803 --> 00:16:38.419
with your son, with your daughter,
with your father or mother.

00:16:39.062 --> 00:16:45.666
And listen so that they have
a chance to empty their heart.

00:16:46.517 --> 00:16:48.226
That is compassion.

00:16:50.228 --> 00:16:58.820
And after a week of practice we are able
to remove many wrong perceptions.

00:17:00.030 --> 00:17:02.886
We increase our mutual understanding.

00:17:02.886 --> 00:17:05.364
And the two groups can sit down,

00:17:06.555 --> 00:17:13.397
can hold hands to do walking meditation,
and share a meal together.

00:17:15.919 --> 00:17:18.987
Brotherhood, sisterhood is born.

00:17:20.849 --> 00:17:23.671
So this is a very important practice.

00:17:27.377 --> 00:17:28.621
And...

00:17:30.060 --> 00:17:34.089
We believe that politicians
have to learn this practice.

00:17:35.841 --> 00:17:38.749
When they come to a peace negotiation,

00:17:39.280 --> 00:17:41.794
they should follow
the instructions of calming,

00:17:44.123 --> 00:17:45.488
releasing,

00:17:46.800 --> 00:17:49.249
recognizing suffering inside,

00:17:49.249 --> 00:17:52.540
recognizing the suffering in
the other person.

00:17:52.705 --> 00:17:56.963
And if they spent one or two weeks
practicing like that,

00:17:57.402 --> 00:18:00.604
their negotiations for peace
will be fruitful.

00:18:03.726 --> 00:18:07.496
And I think that in schools
of political science

00:18:08.640 --> 00:18:11.930
students have to learn
this kind of practice.

00:18:11.930 --> 00:18:15.650
They don't need to be a Buddhist
in order to learn it.

00:18:15.998 --> 00:18:21.341
This is applied ethics that can be
taught in every kind of school,

00:18:21.534 --> 00:18:23.465
including elementary school.

00:18:24.910 --> 00:18:28.200
Because children can learn the practice

00:18:28.200 --> 00:18:31.127
and reconcile with
their brothers and sisters

00:18:31.127 --> 00:18:33.077
and reconcile with their parents

00:18:33.077 --> 00:18:35.617
and even help their parents.

00:18:36.309 --> 00:18:40.039
They are many retreats organized
for young people, children.

00:18:40.057 --> 00:18:44.267
And the children are transformed
when they are able to see

00:18:44.267 --> 00:18:47.570
the suffering in their father,
in their mother.

00:18:47.570 --> 00:18:49.847
And they come home after the retreat,

00:18:49.847 --> 00:18:52.248
listen to their father and their mother

00:18:52.248 --> 00:18:54.345
and help them to suffer less.

00:18:54.708 --> 00:18:56.034
It's a miracle

00:18:56.034 --> 00:18:58.566
It always happens in our retreats.

00:19:08.033 --> 00:19:22.025
(Bell)