Closed Captions by Teacher Luis Enriquez [MUSIC] [CRYING] MAJOR MONOGRAM: Ooh, ooh, oh, get it off! G-Get it off! Ooh! Sorry Agent P, just walked through a spiderweb. Don't you just hate that? Ya spend the rest of the day worried there's a spider on ya. [SHUDDERS] Gives me the willies. Anyhoo, our sources tell us there's a cowboy hat in front of Doof's building. Normally, that wouldn't be of any interest to us. Because is the week of the Danville Hootenanny. But it is a rather large hat and in spite of its name the Danville Hootenanny is a dignified affair. I wish I had more information but Carl said there was a big bee by the surveillance equipment. So get out there, Agent P! Ooh! Carl, is there...is there a spider on my head? CARL: No, sir. There's no spider...on your head. ♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated ♪ DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Uh, Perry the Platypus. I bet you're wondering why I'm cowering outside my lab. Well, day started like any other day. You know, How am I going to take over the Tri-State Area? But I suddenly remembered a movie that I've seen long ago at a drive-in. It was called Night of the Felis. I knew right away that the old masters were onto something. Imagine taking something cute and enlargening it to frightening proportions. Brilliant! [GROWLING] But in order to take over the Tri-State Area. I had to study with some other types of small animals. Preferably, something that could fly. And I vowed to get right to work... as soon as the movie was over. The first thing I needed to do was create an inator that would make things larger. Eh? I tried it out on my cowboy hat. It was a success! My 10 gallon hat had turned into a 2,000 gallon hat! Whoa! Well, that's the end of that hat. Next, I had to genetically modify a mouse so it could fly. [SQUEAKS] Ow! Then I decided it would be easier to just use a bat. So I ordered a retired stunt-bat from a low-budget bat circus that had recently gone belly up. You know...the economy. I was on the precipice of Tri-State Area domination. At last, I had the ultimate creepy soldier! [SQUEAKS] And then I remembered, I had a very mild phobia of bats. [SQUEAKS] Aaaah! Get away, get away, get away! I also had a mild phobia of shellfish. WAITRESS: Here's your order, sir. DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Aaaah! Get away, get away, get away! But bats are worse. Scram, you flying gerbil! [SQUEAKS] DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Amscray! [SQUEAKS] You're making me miss the hootenanny! [SQUEAKS] NORM: Sir, I found your radio. It was embedded in the dashboard of your car. DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Norm, don't just stand there! Do something about this bat! Really? That's your solution? Throw a radio at it? Whoa whoa! Don't throw that! That's imitatable. NORM: What if I hit it with this? DOOFENSHMIRTZ: No no wait! Don't shoot it with that! That's my... And I thought the bat was scary before when he was...tiny. [SQUEAKS] It was at that point that Norm and I decided to come out here. Plus the bat kinda looks like my cousin Narthelliot, which as you can imagine is weird for me. Is not about right, Norm? NORM: It's even more horrible than it looks! DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Thank you for the blanket, Perry the Platypus. VANESSA: Dad? DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Vanessa? Oh, no! Vanessa, get out of there! 'Cause there's a huge bat on the loose! VANESSA: Really? [SQUEAKS] VANESSA: Wow, cool! It looks like your cousin Narthelliot. DOOFENSHMIRTZ: No sudden movements or loud noises, Vanessa! VANESSA: Dad, relax. It's just a bat. They just eat bugs. DOOFENSHMIRTZ: But it's a very big bat! VANESSA: Now, come on. J-Just stand up. It's okay. It's time to face your fear. DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Well, okay. VANESSA: No no no! Bad bat! Spit him out!! DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Oh, gross! [SCREAMS] [SQUEAKS] Oh, yeah, this is much better! VANESSA: Dad!! Oh, hey, Perry. I was wondering if you could help me. Thanks Perry! You're a peach. NARTHELLIOT: So, what'd I miss? VANESSA: Oh, hey, Narthelliot! We were just talking about you. [SQUEAKS] DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Whoa! Oh, I get it! This is what it does! Flying through a hoop! That's what I get... For buying a bat... From a defunct... bat circus! Oh no! Oh no no no! Not again! [BANG] Ow, my head! [BANG] Ow, my head again! [BANG] Ow! Now I forgot math! [BANG] Ow! There goes social studies! [BANG] Oh, good, they're back! CANDANCE: This way, Mom! Just see yourself! LINDA: Oh, wow! It's our house! [SCREAMS] DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Perry the Platypus, welcome to St. Louis! Now do something about this bat, please! [SHOOTING] [SQUEAKS] Aah! Well, at least I lost my fear of bats! WAITRESS: Oh, it's you again. DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Aaaah! Go away, go away, go away! WAITRESS: Oh, just stop it. Closed Captions by Teacher Luis Enriquez