0:00:12.491,0:00:14.700
Well, I've been teaching[br]stress management

0:00:14.700,0:00:16.910
for a good 30 years,

0:00:17.560,0:00:19.288
and I have to tell you:

0:00:19.288,0:00:21.017
people are going insane.

0:00:21.387,0:00:22.581
(Laughter)

0:00:23.271,0:00:25.329
It's just unbelievable, isn't it?

0:00:26.039,0:00:28.631
I mean, I think about my origins.

0:00:28.631,0:00:31.103
I'm a Sicilian girl from Brooklyn

0:00:31.983,0:00:36.232
and was born into this Italian family[br]with a lot of drama.

0:00:36.232,0:00:37.381
A lot of drama.

0:00:37.381,0:00:39.307
I mean, you know, it's like an opera.

0:00:39.917,0:00:41.126
You take the garbage out,

0:00:41.126,0:00:45.419
you've got to go, "Oh,[br]taking the garbage out, oohhhhh!"

0:00:45.859,0:00:48.906
And you've got to kiss everybody[br]because you might not come back.

0:00:48.906,0:00:50.095
Who knows?

0:00:50.095,0:00:51.454
(Laughter)

0:00:53.844,0:00:56.885
But the word "stress"[br]didn't even exist then.

0:00:56.885,0:00:58.852
Nobody talked about stress.

0:00:58.852,0:01:00.107
There was a depression.

0:01:00.107,0:01:01.702
There was World War II.

0:01:01.702,0:01:05.287
My grandmother had three sons in the army,

0:01:05.287,0:01:09.444
and she was always suffering[br]because of that - Sicilian martyrdom.

0:01:09.444,0:01:11.958
Every time I looked at her: "Oh I suffer!"

0:01:11.958,0:01:13.108
(Laughter)

0:01:13.718,0:01:15.449
But we laughed a lot.

0:01:15.489,0:01:18.583
You know what else we did?[br]We ate a lot.

0:01:18.583,0:01:21.913
We ate, and when we were eating,[br]we practiced to eat again.

0:01:21.933,0:01:24.769
We talked about eating all the time.

0:01:24.769,0:01:26.239
(Laughter)

0:01:26.239,0:01:30.823
We had some fun amidst the angst[br]that was going on.

0:01:30.823,0:01:34.231
And people seemed[br]to just roll with the punches.

0:01:34.231,0:01:37.241
I mean, they accepted the reality,

0:01:37.241,0:01:41.274
and they had a community of people[br]that helped them.

0:01:41.274,0:01:43.470
They were called neighbors.[br]You remember them?

0:01:43.470,0:01:44.975
(Laughter)

0:01:45.335,0:01:48.776
Nobody comes to your house any more[br]with a sausage or a meatball.

0:01:48.776,0:01:50.179
(Laughter)

0:01:51.031,0:01:53.870
Because, you know,[br]what if your LDL is too high?

0:01:53.667,0:01:54.854
(Laughter)

0:01:55.314,0:01:57.746
Or something might go wrong, you know.

0:01:57.746,0:01:59.445
And who are these people, anyway?

0:01:59.445,0:02:01.638
You see them coming[br]to the door, you "Aaaah!"

0:02:01.638,0:02:02.677
(Laughter)

0:02:02.677,0:02:06.234
"I don't want to see any people![br]I have my show to watch tonight.

0:02:06.234,0:02:07.454
(Laughter)

0:02:07.454,0:02:09.175
The one with neighbors in it.

0:02:09.175,0:02:10.469
(Laughter)

0:02:14.521,0:02:18.133
I don't ever remember my grandmother[br]standing in front of the sink, going,

0:02:18.133,0:02:21.013
"O Madonna mia! I'm so stressed!

0:02:22.783,0:02:24.342
I can't take it no more.

0:02:25.182,0:02:27.323
I got to go to my spin class.

0:02:27.323,0:02:28.746
(Laughter)

0:02:29.511,0:02:32.097
Maybe I forgot[br]my kale smoothie this morning,

0:02:32.097,0:02:33.564
(Laughter)

0:02:33.564,0:02:35.669
and I don't know where my Fitbit is."

0:02:35.669,0:02:37.019
(Laughter)

0:02:42.784,0:02:45.123
We have gotten to a place

0:02:45.123,0:02:48.801
where we don't know[br]how to see humor in our lives,

0:02:48.801,0:02:51.833
because we don't have[br]those people stopping by -

0:02:51.833,0:02:54.686
the characters that were once in my life

0:02:54.686,0:02:57.386
that provided me[br]with historical references

0:02:57.386,0:02:59.520
that I could put in my books.

0:02:59.520,0:03:03.045
We don't have those meals together[br]like we often did,

0:03:03.045,0:03:06.427
where we talked and laughed[br]and shared stories.

0:03:06.427,0:03:09.783
And if you acted up - huh, lots of luck!

0:03:09.783,0:03:10.833
(Laughter)

0:03:10.833,0:03:14.079
You got told, "What's wrong with you?"

0:03:14.649,0:03:16.836
And I went to Catholic school.

0:03:17.136,0:03:19.521
I had the Sisters[br]of Perpetual Mood Disorder.

0:03:19.521,0:03:21.082
(Laughter)

0:03:22.692,0:03:26.457
Trust me, they didn't let you[br]get away with anything.

0:03:28.507,0:03:29.510
And, you know,

0:03:29.510,0:03:33.267
that's all part of understanding[br]how to humor your stress, isn't it?

0:03:33.327,0:03:36.168
To have people around to guide you,

0:03:36.168,0:03:37.589
to laugh with you,

0:03:37.589,0:03:40.063
to make light of things here and there

0:03:40.063,0:03:43.119
instead of all this drama[br]we go around with now, don't we?

0:03:43.119,0:03:44.985
Isn't there a lot of drama?

0:03:45.535,0:03:48.551
Everybody's got to tell you[br]what's happening.

0:03:48.551,0:03:50.881
Facebook is full of stories:

0:03:50.881,0:03:53.878
"Oooh! You should see what happened!

0:03:54.886,0:03:56.337
I was in traffic!"

0:03:56.337,0:03:57.494
(Laughter)

0:03:58.244,0:04:01.981
"Oh, here's a picture of me [br]going through the E-ZPass."

0:04:01.981,0:04:03.269
(Laughter)

0:04:06.869,0:04:08.558
This is pathetic, folks.

0:04:08.558,0:04:11.030
Pathetic, isn't it?

0:04:11.650,0:04:13.790
We don't have a life anymore.

0:04:14.340,0:04:15.558
Because in our life,

0:04:15.558,0:04:17.856
we have become human doings.

0:04:17.856,0:04:19.898
We're no longer human beings.

0:04:19.898,0:04:22.599
We have to tell everybody we meet[br]what we're doing.

0:04:22.599,0:04:24.595
That's why we're so stressed out.

0:04:24.733,0:04:25.941
Everybody we meet:

0:04:25.941,0:04:28.606
"You know, you know what I'm doing?

0:04:29.046,0:04:30.518
Do you know how busy I am?

0:04:30.518,0:04:32.994
I am so busy I don't know what to do!“

0:04:32.994,0:04:34.462
(Laughter)

0:04:34.462,0:04:37.447
Well, maybe you should shut up.[br]Maybe that would help.

0:04:37.447,0:04:38.901
(Laughter)

0:04:40.160,0:04:41.358
Just shut up.

0:04:41.358,0:04:42.737
(Laughter)

0:04:44.557,0:04:46.485
But now the person you've told -

0:04:46.485,0:04:48.464
hey, they have to ramp it up!

0:04:48.464,0:04:49.714
(Laughter)

0:04:49.714,0:04:51.254
They've got to win this contest,

0:04:51.254,0:04:52.364
for God's sake!

0:04:52.364,0:04:53.604
(Laughter)

0:04:53.604,0:04:54.846
So they have to say,

0:04:54.846,0:04:56.559
"You think you're busy?

0:04:56.559,0:04:58.499
You should see how busy I am!"

0:04:58.499,0:04:59.855
(Laughter)

0:05:00.269,0:05:03.085
Now you have nowhere to go[br]but your physical ailments.

0:05:03.085,0:05:04.308
(Laughter)

0:05:04.738,0:05:06.559
You have to share them:

0:05:07.138,0:05:10.632
"Well, my back hurts,[br]my front hurts, my side.

0:05:11.320,0:05:13.753
And I don't go to the bathroom[br]very much any more."

0:05:13.753,0:05:15.057
(Laughter)

0:05:16.247,0:05:19.255
And I have to tell you[br]that the more stressed you are,

0:05:19.255,0:05:21.317
the more you're going to need a laxative.

0:05:21.317,0:05:22.565
(Laughter)

0:05:22.985,0:05:24.582
We are one of the few countries -

0:05:24.582,0:05:26.590
and I've been in many places[br]in the world –

0:05:26.590,0:05:28.040
that have so many laxatives.

0:05:28.040,0:05:29.228
(Laughter)

0:05:29.228,0:05:31.012
Why do you think that is?

0:05:31.784,0:05:33.959
Look at people's faces,[br]and you'll find out.

0:05:33.959,0:05:35.311
(Laughter)

0:05:37.019,0:05:39.846
People walk around like this all day long,

0:05:40.566,0:05:42.894
squeezing and squeezing and squeezing.

0:05:42.894,0:05:44.359
(Laughter)

0:05:47.759,0:05:50.962
By the time they go to bed at night,[br]they look like dead parrots.

0:05:50.962,0:05:52.273
(Laughter)

0:05:57.163,0:05:59.784
We have problems with insomnia.

0:05:59.784,0:06:03.309
More people are medicated now,[br]taking sleeping medications.

0:06:03.309,0:06:07.148
We have more people on antidepressants[br]than any other place in the world.

0:06:07.148,0:06:09.443
We even have children on antidepressants

0:06:09.443,0:06:11.424
because we can't leave them alone either.

0:06:11.424,0:06:12.639
(Laughter)

0:06:12.639,0:06:14.690
God forbid they should go out and play.

0:06:14.690,0:06:17.527
Go out and play? What? Are you serious?

0:06:17.527,0:06:20.485
I'm going to make an app[br]that has a squirrel on it

0:06:20.485,0:06:22.361
so the kids can see that.

0:06:22.361,0:06:23.645
(Laughter)

0:06:25.205,0:06:26.800
I'll probably make a fortune.

0:06:26.800,0:06:28.285
(Laughter)

0:06:28.653,0:06:30.999
You can't even ride your bike[br]up and down anymore.

0:06:30.999,0:06:33.217
You've got to wear a NASA astronaut suit.

0:06:33.217,0:06:34.736
(Laughter)

0:06:36.769,0:06:38.689
You've got to wash yourself with Purell.

0:06:38.689,0:06:40.704
You've got to have a healthy snack.

0:06:40.954,0:06:42.897
No wonder the kids are stressed.

0:06:43.147,0:06:44.988
I used to drink out of the hose.

0:06:44.988,0:06:46.218
(Laughter)

0:06:46.818,0:06:48.700
And I'm still alive.

0:06:48.700,0:06:49.906
(Laughter)

0:06:49.906,0:06:51.710
(Cheers) (Applause)

0:06:57.210,0:07:00.573
I even fell off my bike, lots of times.

0:07:00.573,0:07:02.048
(Laughter)

0:07:02.048,0:07:03.467
It's kind of sad, isn't it?

0:07:03.467,0:07:06.019
Kids don't know how to be kids anymore,

0:07:06.019,0:07:09.160
human beings don't know[br]how to be human beings anymore,

0:07:09.160,0:07:11.419
because we're all stressed.

0:07:12.205,0:07:14.676
It's become a metaphor[br]for existence, hasn't it?

0:07:15.321,0:07:18.692
So I just want to start[br]by taking you on a journey -

0:07:18.692,0:07:20.177
perhaps to de-stress -

0:07:20.177,0:07:22.040
with a simple little survey.

0:07:22.040,0:07:25.623
How many of you've been stressed[br]the past week? Raise your hand.

0:07:26.214,0:07:28.394
Past several weeks?

0:07:29.619,0:07:31.442
Past month?

0:07:32.357,0:07:33.800
Several months?

0:07:34.414,0:07:35.835
Several years?

0:07:35.835,0:07:37.316
(Laughter)

0:07:37.316,0:07:38.701
Lifetime?

0:07:38.701,0:07:40.118
(Laughter)

0:07:41.631,0:07:43.860
Now, when we're stressed, what do we do?

0:07:43.860,0:07:45.810
We like to tell people.

0:07:45.910,0:07:47.350
And we form groups,

0:07:48.453,0:07:50.185
global whining groups.

0:07:50.185,0:07:51.199
(Laughter)

0:07:51.199,0:07:54.034
We get together in our offices,[br]in our home - wherever.

0:07:54.034,0:07:57.352
Some people, before they leave the house,[br]will tell their family:

0:07:57.352,0:07:59.505
"I'm going to be tired when I get back."

0:07:59.505,0:08:00.975
(Laughter)

0:08:02.945,0:08:05.074
This is a form of pre-suffering.

0:08:05.074,0:08:06.210
(Laughter)

0:08:07.654,0:08:09.795
You're not tired yet, but you will be.

0:08:09.795,0:08:11.215
(Laughter)

0:08:11.215,0:08:14.835
Now, my suggestion is,[br]when you're stressed like this,

0:08:14.835,0:08:17.072
give yourself a standing ovation.

0:08:17.382,0:08:18.737
Ask for one.

0:08:18.737,0:08:21.875
Maybe when you go in your office,[br]you walk in and you say,

0:08:21.875,0:08:23.220
"I came in.

0:08:23.220,0:08:24.624
(Laughter)

0:08:24.624,0:08:26.332
I'd like a standing ovation."

0:08:26.332,0:08:27.602
(Laughter)

0:08:30.066,0:08:31.316
Why not?!

0:08:32.300,0:08:33.650
When you go home tonight,

0:08:33.650,0:08:36.438
some of you have already[br]made yourself crazy

0:08:36.438,0:08:39.777
by thinking about what went on[br]while you weren't there.

0:08:39.777,0:08:41.167
(Laughter)

0:08:42.017,0:08:45.017
What's the difference?[br]Something went on.

0:08:45.937,0:08:49.650
When you walk in the door tonight,[br]go in and say, "I'm back.

0:08:50.190,0:08:52.216
I could have gone someplace else.

0:08:52.216,0:08:53.417
(Laughter)

0:08:54.522,0:08:56.783
You're damn lucky I came home.

0:08:56.783,0:08:58.023
(Laughter)

0:08:58.758,0:09:01.057
I'd like a standing ovation."

0:09:01.207,0:09:02.434
(Laughter)

0:09:03.737,0:09:07.259
So with that in mind,[br]I want every one of you to stand up

0:09:07.259,0:09:10.137
and give yourselves[br]a standing ovation right now.

0:09:10.137,0:09:12.212
(Applause) (Cheering)

0:09:15.382,0:09:17.157
Woo hoo hoo hoo!

0:09:19.712,0:09:21.172
Yahoo!

0:09:26.697,0:09:28.279
That was awesome.

0:09:29.399,0:09:32.330
Now, that's one step[br]in the right direction.

0:09:33.110,0:09:34.879
The second thing you have to do

0:09:34.879,0:09:40.816
is realize we have 60,000 thoughts[br]that go through our brains every day,

0:09:40.816,0:09:43.342
most of which are there to disturb you.

0:09:44.651,0:09:49.256
A lot of us are always thinking about[br]the worst possible scenario, aren't we?

0:09:49.256,0:09:51.348
"Oh my God, what's going to happen?"

0:09:51.348,0:09:55.233
And, of course, the fear messages[br]that come across with the media today

0:09:55.233,0:09:57.147
just enhance that, don't they?

0:09:57.147,0:10:00.852
A lot of you are crazy enough[br]to put the news on in the morning.

0:10:00.852,0:10:02.148
(Laughter)

0:10:03.270,0:10:05.593
And we have to know what the weather is.

0:10:05.593,0:10:06.691
When I was growing up,

0:10:06.691,0:10:09.182
you know how you found out[br]what the weather was like?

0:10:09.182,0:10:10.955
You looked out of the window.

0:10:10.955,0:10:12.717
You said, "Oh, it's raining."

0:10:13.157,0:10:14.548
Not now. You put it on.

0:10:14.548,0:10:16.257
You have to know it's raining,

0:10:16.257,0:10:18.263
what the dew point is,

0:10:18.263,0:10:20.411
and if there's some kind of thing -

0:10:20.411,0:10:21.459
a lot of rain -

0:10:21.459,0:10:26.100
you have to watch some idiot anchorperson[br]by the ocean with an umbrella.

0:10:26.220,0:10:27.551
(Laughter)

0:10:32.261,0:10:35.400
Then, if it's nice here,[br]they tell you where it's awful.

0:10:35.552,0:10:36.916
(Laughter)

0:10:38.338,0:10:44.134
So you have to start your day[br]always catastrophizing and awfulizing.

0:10:44.134,0:10:48.937
That's a term that was developed[br]by Dr. Albert Ellis,

0:10:48.937,0:10:51.440
the author of rational emotive therapy.

0:10:51.918,0:10:56.331
And many of us are catastrophizing[br]and awfulizing every day, aren't we?

0:10:56.614,0:10:58.463
We get in our car,

0:10:58.463,0:11:02.163
and we just can't take the fact[br]that there's traffic.

0:11:02.863,0:11:05.430
Every time I went for a ride[br]with one of my husbands,

0:11:05.430,0:11:06.557
and I've had two -

0:11:06.557,0:11:07.818
(Laughter)

0:11:08.118,0:11:10.129
I call them my "was-bands" -

0:11:10.129,0:11:11.629
(Laughter)

0:11:14.964,0:11:16.736
the first thing they'd say is

0:11:16.736,0:11:18.689
"Where did all these cars come from?"

0:11:18.689,0:11:19.941
(Laughter)

0:11:19.941,0:11:21.041
It's a road.

0:11:21.041,0:11:22.352
(Laughter)

0:11:26.242,0:11:27.451
I said, "Let's go home.

0:11:27.451,0:11:28.680
Let's go in the driveway.

0:11:28.680,0:11:30.783
We'll just go up and down.[br]We won't leave.

0:11:30.783,0:11:32.147
(Laughter)

0:11:37.107,0:11:41.678
See, the only way[br]to de-stress and use humor

0:11:41.678,0:11:43.594
is to move away from yourself,

0:11:43.594,0:11:45.511
to become the witness to your behavior.

0:11:45.511,0:11:47.915
That's a very Buddhist kind of mindset.

0:11:47.915,0:11:50.151
Become the witness to your own behavior.

0:11:50.151,0:11:53.129
Think about what you're thinking about.

0:11:53.129,0:11:54.603
Is it realistic?

0:11:54.603,0:11:58.995
You're in a car, asking yourself[br]where the cars came from.

0:11:58.995,0:12:00.619
It's an idiotic question.

0:12:00.619,0:12:01.874
(Laughter)

0:12:01.874,0:12:03.473
You might want to ask yourself,

0:12:03.473,0:12:05.442
"Gee, I wonder why I said that?

0:12:05.442,0:12:06.942
(Laughter)

0:12:06.942,0:12:09.042
This doesn't make any sense."

0:12:09.791,0:12:13.738
And then we try to ramp it up[br]and make it as bad as possible,

0:12:13.738,0:12:15.864
and we torture the person next to us.

0:12:16.394,0:12:17.780
"Did you see all the cars?"

0:12:17.780,0:12:19.031
(Laughter)

0:12:20.181,0:12:21.952
"No, I'm an idiot. I didn't notice."

0:12:21.952,0:12:23.112
(Laughter)

0:12:25.877,0:12:28.222
How many of you do this[br]when you go food shopping?

0:12:28.222,0:12:31.350
I've stood in line with people[br]who are harrumphing

0:12:31.350,0:12:33.635
and pawing the earth like bison

0:12:33.635,0:12:35.084
(Laughter)

0:12:37.078,0:12:38.862
and going insane,

0:12:39.452,0:12:41.764
asking stupid questions again.

0:12:41.764,0:12:45.021
Like, "Oh! Oh! Look at[br]all these people in the store!

0:12:45.021,0:12:46.282
(Laughter)

0:12:46.282,0:12:48.194
I wonder why they're here now?"

0:12:48.194,0:12:49.422
(Laughter)

0:12:51.554,0:12:53.913
See the Seinfeld's part in this.

0:12:53.913,0:12:56.307
Ask yourself, "Why am I saying this?"

0:12:56.307,0:12:58.982
People go shopping at odd hours.

0:12:58.982,0:13:00.143
There is no plot.

0:13:00.143,0:13:02.710
They're not here to take revenge on me.

0:13:02.710,0:13:04.121
(Laughter)

0:13:07.541,0:13:11.631
Can you imagine what the world[br]would be like if we lightened up?

0:13:12.063,0:13:13.878
What if we lightened up?

0:13:13.878,0:13:15.619
What if every one of you

0:13:15.619,0:13:19.930
realized that you were the joke[br]"koo, koo, kajoo"?

0:13:19.930,0:13:21.338
(Laughter)

0:13:23.267,0:13:26.385
Imagine what fun we could have[br]with people that we met

0:13:26.394,0:13:31.447
if we started listening to our dialogue[br]instead of taking it so seriously.

0:13:31.507,0:13:34.982
Because if you think the worst[br]and get the worst, you suffer twice.

0:13:35.870,0:13:39.104
If you think the best and get the worst,[br]you only suffer once.

0:13:39.139,0:13:40.463
(Laughter)

0:13:40.463,0:13:43.689
But I think a lot of us like to suffer.[br]What do you think?

0:13:44.070,0:13:46.225
Yes! And let's face it -

0:13:46.856,0:13:50.269
it isn't just something [br]that we do on purpose.

0:13:50.269,0:13:54.278
Some of us have overreactive[br]parts of our brain.

0:13:55.173,0:13:56.627
And they've noticed

0:13:56.627,0:14:00.861
that when Buddhist monks[br]have meditated since they were children,

0:14:00.861,0:14:04.646
that part of their brain[br]is not as reactive.

0:14:04.974,0:14:07.952
And that's sort of innate[br]to a lot of us, isn't it?

0:14:07.962,0:14:11.089
Because we're born[br]with that predisposition.

0:14:11.578,0:14:16.669
People in my family, all the women,[br]have had panic attacks, including myself.

0:14:17.226,0:14:18.988
The wonder of my journey

0:14:18.988,0:14:22.451
is that I have been able[br]to teach other people

0:14:22.451,0:14:24.712
the things that I needed to learn.

0:14:26.212,0:14:28.625
And I continue to try to do that

0:14:28.625,0:14:30.960
because as you get older -

0:14:30.960,0:14:34.268
and I was 77 a couple of months ago ...

0:14:34.298,0:14:35.485
(Applause)

0:14:37.731,0:14:39.452
Thank you. I'm still alive!

0:14:39.452,0:14:40.638
Ha ha ha ha!

0:14:40.638,0:14:41.958
(Laughter)

0:14:43.630,0:14:45.620
That's what people come up to me and say:

0:14:45.620,0:14:47.061
"Oh, you're still doing this?"

0:14:47.061,0:14:49.006
I said, "Yeah, I'm not dead yet, OK?"

0:14:49.006,0:14:50.675
(Laughter)

0:14:50.981,0:14:56.746
One of my greatest visions[br]is to see the world lighten up.

0:14:56.746,0:15:00.377
Because if each and every one of us[br]had a light heart,

0:15:00.377,0:15:02.589
we could share it[br]with others, couldn't we?

0:15:02.622,0:15:05.365
And our energy in this world would change.

0:15:05.605,0:15:08.570
So many times when we engage[br]with each other,

0:15:08.570,0:15:13.725
it's out of - I don't know - necessity[br]to get out of the place we're in.

0:15:14.252,0:15:16.413
We don't even know[br]where we are half the time,

0:15:16.413,0:15:18.920
because we're always thinking[br]where we're going next.

0:15:18.920,0:15:20.698
We don't even enjoy the moments,

0:15:20.698,0:15:23.413
because we have to take selfies[br]of the moments we're in

0:15:23.413,0:15:24.462
(Laughter)

0:15:24.462,0:15:26.820
so we can watch the moment later.

0:15:26.820,0:15:28.210
(Laughter)

0:15:29.265,0:15:34.063
There are so many ways that [br]we can get through this life and laugh,

0:15:34.740,0:15:37.056
and one of them[br]is to just laugh on purpose.

0:15:37.056,0:15:38.313
Just crack yourself up!

0:15:38.313,0:15:39.654
(Laughter)

0:15:39.654,0:15:41.994
Have a staff-laugh at work!

0:15:43.154,0:15:45.085
Sit with your friends and laugh!

0:15:45.085,0:15:47.660
I mean, some people haven't had[br]a good laugh for years,

0:15:47.660,0:15:50.490
because they're riding[br]with a committee in their head -

0:15:50.742,0:15:51.905
people who told them,

0:15:51.905,0:15:54.440
"Wipe that stupid grin off your face!

0:15:55.240,0:15:57.065
You think this is funny?

0:15:57.065,0:15:58.357
(Laughter)

0:15:58.357,0:16:02.350
When are you going to control yourself[br]so you can be like me - you see how I am?

0:16:02.350,0:16:03.744
(Laughter)

0:16:05.574,0:16:07.600
Because you got to grow up[br]and be an adult

0:16:07.600,0:16:09.508
and squeeze a lot, squeeze."

0:16:09.508,0:16:10.893
(Laughter)

0:16:14.883,0:16:16.511
So consider another option,

0:16:16.511,0:16:17.510
Smile.

0:16:17.510,0:16:20.908
Smile often. Smile at your fellow human.

0:16:20.908,0:16:23.278
You know, when you're going[br]through the counter

0:16:23.278,0:16:25.075
and you're paying for your groceries:

0:16:25.075,0:16:26.403
"Hey, hey - check me out!"

0:16:26.403,0:16:27.520
(Laughter)

0:16:30.480,0:16:32.507
Become the fun you're seeking!

0:16:32.507,0:16:34.338
So many of us are waiting for the fun.

0:16:34.338,0:16:35.650
You are the fun.

0:16:36.220,0:16:42.182
And smiling at one another creates a sense[br]of lightness around you, doesn't it?

0:16:42.512,0:16:43.714
I talk to everybody.

0:16:43.714,0:16:46.087
I don't care whether[br]they want to hear me or not.

0:16:46.087,0:16:47.497
(Laughter)

0:16:47.497,0:16:52.928
I just know that I want to enjoy[br]whatever life I have left on this planet.

0:16:53.408,0:16:56.080
So, another couple of things[br]I want to share with you

0:16:56.080,0:16:57.993
before my time is up -

0:16:57.993,0:16:59.746
and it's not up totally yet.

0:17:00.476,0:17:02.878
Buy yourself a little red nose.

0:17:03.998,0:17:05.920
Try complaining with this nose on.

0:17:05.920,0:17:07.130
(Laughter)

0:17:09.770,0:17:11.370
Walk into a store.

0:17:11.370,0:17:12.885
(Laughter)

0:17:12.885,0:17:15.340
Say "I don't see anybody here.[br]Where are they?"

0:17:15.400,0:17:16.700
(Laughter)

0:17:22.766,0:17:25.912
If you're in a relationship,[br]and your partner wants to get amorous,

0:17:25.912,0:17:27.330
and you're not in the mood,

0:17:27.330,0:17:28.433
(Laughter)

0:17:28.483,0:17:29.713
put your nose on.

0:17:29.713,0:17:30.955
(Laughter)

0:17:31.443,0:17:33.586
Say "Why don't you start without me?

0:17:33.586,0:17:34.650
(Laughter)

0:17:36.530,0:17:38.730
When it sounds good, I'll be in."

0:17:38.770,0:17:39.922
(Laughter)

0:17:40.987,0:17:42.222
(Audience member) Wooh!

0:17:42.222,0:17:43.561
Ha ha ha ha!

0:17:44.374,0:17:47.915
Hey, who knows, 50 shades of grey -[br]50 shades of noses, I don't know.

0:17:47.935,0:17:49.237
(Laughter)

0:17:51.187,0:17:55.245
If you like to pre-suffer, and you have[br]a psychic mentality, put this on.

0:17:55.255,0:17:58.459
Get yourself a little costume[br]like this and put it on.

0:17:59.019,0:18:00.764
Start a psychic booth.

0:18:00.764,0:18:02.104
(Laughter)

0:18:02.104,0:18:04.829
Go into work and say:[br]"It's going to be a bad day."

0:18:04.829,0:18:05.990
(Laughter)

0:18:08.895,0:18:11.256
"Next week it's going to get worse."

0:18:11.256,0:18:12.536
(Laughter)

0:18:12.823,0:18:16.220
If someone says it's a beautiful day -[br]"It's going to rain Friday."

0:18:16.250,0:18:17.250
(Laughter)

0:18:17.250,0:18:19.900
How many people do you know like this?

0:18:19.903,0:18:22.271
It's like why suffer in advance?

0:18:22.351,0:18:23.761
(Laughter)

0:18:23.761,0:18:26.812
You know, we don't have[br]that much time, as I said before.

0:18:26.812,0:18:29.184
We're all going to go to another place.

0:18:29.494,0:18:30.711
Enjoy it.

0:18:30.711,0:18:33.170
You don't have to be[br]a perfectionist at everything.

0:18:33.170,0:18:34.981
You don't have to be a martyr.

0:18:34.981,0:18:37.235
You don't have to be a control freak.

0:18:37.235,0:18:38.529
Tamp it down.

0:18:39.059,0:18:41.253
I've never walked through[br]a cemetery that said,

0:18:41.253,0:18:43.609
"Did everything. Died anyway."

0:18:43.609,0:18:44.845
(Laughter)

0:18:49.525,0:18:52.158
And if nothing that I've said works -

0:18:52.158,0:18:54.762
I love this, this is a great metaphor.

0:18:54.762,0:18:56.352
You want to drive yourself crazy?

0:18:56.352,0:18:57.713
Get a whip.

0:18:58.216,0:19:00.075
Use it when you wake up in the morning.

0:19:00.075,0:19:02.163
Start right in: "Oh, it's raining.

0:19:02.193,0:19:03.483
(Laughter)

0:19:05.252,0:19:07.024
Oh, I'm so bloated.

0:19:07.032,0:19:08.352
(Laughter)

0:19:08.740,0:19:10.610
Oh, I'm still married to you?"

0:19:10.610,0:19:11.973
(Laughter)

0:19:14.483,0:19:15.794
Take it to work.

0:19:15.794,0:19:18.983
There are people there that you know[br]were brought in to disturb you.

0:19:18.983,0:19:21.730
Go right up to them,[br]say "I was fine until I saw you."

0:19:21.730,0:19:23.185
(Laughter)

0:19:26.925,0:19:29.168
Now you've given up your power,

0:19:29.775,0:19:31.949
and you've lost your sense of humor.

0:19:33.332,0:19:37.080
So I hope you will go out[br]into the world, especially tonight,

0:19:37.080,0:19:39.984
because some people will start right in[br]as soon as they leave:

0:19:39.984,0:19:41.539
"Oh, it's dark.

0:19:41.539,0:19:42.825
(Laughter)

0:19:44.076,0:19:45.490
Oh my God! It got dark!

0:19:45.490,0:19:46.490
(Laughter)

0:19:46.490,0:19:47.495
Can you believe it?"

0:19:47.495,0:19:50.045
No, I didn't believe it[br]until you told me. Now I know.

0:19:50.045,0:19:51.309
(Laughter)

0:19:53.480,0:19:55.902
"And where's the car?[br]Can we find it?"

0:19:56.259,0:19:58.878
"No, we're going to sleep[br]here on the sidewalk tonight."

0:19:58.878,0:19:59.894
(Laughter)

0:19:59.894,0:20:01.133
Ha ha ha ha!

0:20:01.995,0:20:04.622
You've got to see the funny.[br]You really do.

0:20:04.622,0:20:07.368
It's the best revenge, folks.

0:20:08.043,0:20:09.642
And it's a wonderful connection

0:20:09.642,0:20:11.942
because when you can laugh at yourself,

0:20:11.942,0:20:13.945
it shows your humility.

0:20:13.945,0:20:17.487
And it really breeds[br]connection to all of us.

0:20:17.497,0:20:19.998
Because we're all vulnerable,[br]aren't we?

0:20:19.998,0:20:21.600
We're all vulnerable.

0:20:21.600,0:20:23.593
So, thank you so very much.

0:20:23.593,0:20:26.525
I hope you have a wonderful,[br]wonderful rest of your life.

0:20:26.525,0:20:27.915
Thank you. Thank you.

0:20:27.915,0:20:28.933
(Applause) (Cheering)

0:20:28.933,0:20:29.993
Thank you.

0:20:29.993,0:20:31.213
(Applause)