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My mother was a teacher[br]and my father was a preacher.

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Our family lived in Florence, Alabama,

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a sleepy little river town[br]of Baptists and artists.

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Mostly Baptists.

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Florence is quintessentially southern,

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and growing up there[br]is Sunday lunches after church,

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Little League baseball[br]and high school homecoming parades.

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I made good grades, followed all the rules[br]and even played football.

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This made me a good southern son.

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From a young age,[br]we're taught to tell the truth,

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but no one teaches us to tell our truth,

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maybe an eating disorder[br]or some childhood trauma,

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or something simple like a love for art[br]in a world full of jocks.

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Nope. Nobody teaches us[br]to tell those truths.

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I began to uncover my truth[br]at an early age.

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It's a truth discovered alone,[br]grappled with alone, denied alone

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and, when you are young,[br]it feels like a ball of lead in the soul,

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both heavy and toxic.

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This football-playing[br]preacher's kid was gay!

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What do you think it would feel like[br]being a gay preacher's kid

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in the American south?

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Well, this was my two-ton truth,[br]but telling it was not an option.

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The good-old-boy ghost[br]of southern culture was clear:

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"Zip it up, lock it down. We don't talk[br]about that down here, preacher boy."

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I love my southern roots and I love[br]the people I went to church with,

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some of the best people on the planet,

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but, in 1988,

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a resolution was passed at a meeting[br]of our national church leaders,

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declaring homosexuality was[br]"a manifestation of a depraved nature,

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a pervasion of divine standards[br]and an abomination."

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This very fierce language was mimicked[br]by lots of other religious organizations

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in the 80s and 90s,

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and those strong words did not go[br]unnoticed by little ears in the pews.

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To be gay is to be a unique minority,

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living with a physiology you did not[br]choose, in a tribe not your own,

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amongst families that struggle[br]to understand you.

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And to be a gay person of faith[br]in the American south

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is its own unique challenge.

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Flannery O'Connor famously wrote,

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"While the south is hardly Christ-centered[br]it is most certainly Christ-haunted."

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To be gay in a community[br]steeped in religion

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is to know that you are welcome[br]only if you remain single and celibate.

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It's to feel forced to choose[br]between spiritual faith and earthly love.

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It's to beg God to change you,

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hoping for a golden ticket[br]into straightness.

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And so, I made my way through high school[br]and college with no dating, just denial.

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I was serious about my faith,

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hoping to one day discover[br]a tonic of spiritual disciplines

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that would cure me.

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And, in the meantime,[br]I perfected the art of numbing the pain:

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work, work, work,[br]nights out, big vacations

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and the continual incantation,

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"I don't need love, I don't need love,[br]I don't need love."

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Forget coping mechanisms.[br]I had built a coping machine.

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And it worked!

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Until it didn't.

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Some time around 30,

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I woke up and realized all of my friends[br]had moved on with their lives,

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matriculating into the world of wedding[br]dresses and children's birthday parties.

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My loneliness grew and,[br]as the sleepless nights began to add up,

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I eventually gave up:[br]I decided to stop hiding.

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And, through one painful[br]conversation after the other,

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I began to come out to friends and family,[br]most of whom were very religious.

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The conversations were tough at first.

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Red wine was my courage,[br]Pepto-Bismol was my peace.

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(Laughter)

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For years, I had imagined[br]the worst reactions,

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with people freaking out[br]and casting judgment,

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but, each time, every time,[br]I was met with love, and a tear,

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and one of those lingering hugs you give[br]someone who's been fighting a hard battle.

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And so, in my 30s,

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I finally, clumsily, stumbled my way[br]into the light of telling my truth,

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something I wish I'd done so much sooner.

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Many people seem to think

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that the religious folk of the south[br]are fueled by hate,

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but I know that's not true[br]because I know these people.

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They are wildly generous[br]and kind beyond belief.

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For centuries, they have been the ones[br]helping the poor in our neighborhoods

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and providing relief after disasters.

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We need our faith communities,

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and outsiders typecasting them as bigots[br]are peddling the fallacy of composition.

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Vocal zealots do not represent[br]the benevolent majority.

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I don't think our faith communities[br]have a problem with hate.

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I think we have a problem with love.

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We just haven't loved[br]our LGBT children well!

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(Applause)

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We've not loved our LGBT children well.

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We haven't listened.

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We've offered theology before empathy.

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We've protected a tabu that quietly[br]boils kids in their own shame.

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We haven't given them the space[br]and the grace that we give everyone else,

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and we've defended[br]disembodied spiritual doctrines

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while missing the actual[br]bodies in our pews.

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Kids in our religious communities[br]dare not speak their truth, out of fear!

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Many of them are struggling alone[br]and we need to ask ourselves the question:

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why is the word H-E-L-P so hard for them?

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Now, the good news is[br]that I see faith leaders rising up,

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changing the conversation.

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I see our churches pivoting,

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as they have so many times[br]across the centuries, towards love.

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I see the rhetoric being replaced[br]with a lexicon of grace.

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I see people of faith learning a sacred[br]song that keeps rhythm with orthodoxy,

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while shouting a chorus of love.

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And I see believers united,[br]reminding every child,

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"You are loved and you are lovely,[br]and your future is incredibly bright ."

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Thank you.

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(Cheers) (Applause)

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Thanks. Thank you.

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(Applause) (Cheers)