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So I'm in a job interview,

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and the interviewer asks me,

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"Talk about a time you've been
a victim of racism or discrimination."

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I smirked because I knew
to expect this question,

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and smugly, I said, "I've never been
a victim of racism or discrimination."

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(Laughter)

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Three months prior, I was sitting
at a table with a group of colleagues,

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and we were talking about
privilege and prejudice,

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and I said, "You know, I don't understand
this privilege and prejudice thing.

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People are successful
because of the hard work that they put in.

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I'm successful because
of the hard work I've put in.

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And if anyone isn't successful,

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that's because they just
haven't worked hard enough."

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I'm sure we've heard these things before.

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I grew up in Pikesville,
a suburb of Baltimore.

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It's an upper-middle-class area, Jewish.

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My parents were young
when we moved to this neighborhood,

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and I remember there being a real sense
of pride when we moved to the county.

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"Wow, we live near
white people now! We made it!"

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(Laughter)

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And even though I lived
in an affluent zip code,

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the mansions that I saw
you couldn't find exactly on my street.

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I went to school with many of the people
who lived in those big houses.

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I was in advanced classes in school,
and so most of my classmates were white,

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and I made real strong, awesome
relationships with many of them.

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They would say things like, "Jabari,
tell us about how black people do this."

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And, "Why can't they swim?"

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(Laughter)

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And all of these things.

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So I would joke and laugh,

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and try and, you know,
give them some knowledge.

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I began changing the way I dressed.

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I was wearing American Eagle
and Abercrombie - when I could fit it -

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(Laughter)

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and listening to pop and rock,

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and for the most part,
my family just made fun of me.

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But one thing that my parents said -

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that was pretty important,
that I learned that it was -

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they said, "Jabari,
sweetheart, you're black."

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(Laughter)

41
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"And that means something.

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You can have white friends,
you can love them and you can trust them,

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but at the end of the day, you're black,
and that means something; racism is real."

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Well, at that time, I thought these were
just black people talking about racism!

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Again!

46
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Little did I know that it was
much more than that.

47
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So I ended up getting
a job at a nonprofit.

48
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I was doing low-income LGBT work
in Baltimore city.

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And I had this brilliant black
queer woman as supervisor.

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I was networking with leaders
all over the city,

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and I was really learning
how systems interacted in people's lives:

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housing, juvenile justice,
education, transportation, healthcare.

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I was also in school at the time.

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I was a Gender and Women
Studies major at UNBC,

55
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and this program really helped me
deeply study concepts

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that I didn't really spend
much time with in high school.

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I learned about redlining.

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I learned about state-sanctioned violence,

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and how gender violence
is often underscored by racial violence.

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At the same time, this was 2015.

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I had lived through the news
of Eric Garner and Tamir Rice.

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My lens was changing.

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I was no longer a black boy
going to school in Pikesville, Maryland.

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I was becoming a black man,
living and working in Baltimore city.

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So for one of my job assignments,

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I put together a training conference
for colleagues all over the country.

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I was the coordinator.

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And when they arrived here in Baltimore,
I got off the bus and I said,

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"Hey, I'm Jabari! I'm the coordinator!"

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And they looked at me
and became confused

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and visibly uncomfortable.

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I remember it was raining that day,

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and so I rented a van so that folks didn't
have to walk around the training site

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in the rain.

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I said, "Come on in the van!"
They said, "We'd rather walk."

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The folks who were in the van with me
referred to me as their chauffeur.

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They told me I should hold doors for them.

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At meals, they sat with me and they said,

79
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"You know what? I'm going to sit with you
so you don't think that we're being weird

80
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or, God forbid, racist."

81
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They were saying stereotypical things,
comparisons, statements,

82
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and at the end, I felt
so emotionally drained.

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I referred to my brilliant supervisor,

84
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who happened to be
a participant of the training,

85
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and I said,

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"Was that racism?"

87
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And she said, "Yes, baby.

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It is."

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(Laughter)

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And immediately, years
of suppressed memories came back.

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I remember laughing it off with my friends
when they used the N-word.

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I remember black peers making fun of me

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because of the way I dressed
and the way that I talked.

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And most importantly,

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I remember that message that my parents
told me when I was young:

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"You're black. Racism is real."

97
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And I guess I never wanted to believe
that we could really live in a world

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where we treat each other this way.

99
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So afterwards, I was studying

100
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and learning of what I can do
about this thing called racism.

101
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I learned about internalized racism.

102
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Internalized racism happens
when black folks, people of color,

103
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start to behave or act in manners
that uphold whiteness and white supremacy.

104
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Donna Bivens,

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who is a consultant and a writer
for the Women's Theological Center,

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says that internalized racism
is a system all in itself;

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it has its own life,

108
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and therefore, its own system
of rewards and consequences;

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and that black folks
are unconsciously rewarded

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when we participate
in internalized racism.

111
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And I read that and I said,
"You know what? I feel that."

112
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We are rewarded when we embrace
white-standard English

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and abandon African American
vernacular English.

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We are rewarded when we start
to adopt white life styles

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and styles of music which are almost
always characterized as more luxurious.

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These are things that I realized that
were going on in my own life for ever.

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I grieved for a really long time
after that training.

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Not only did I realized
that racism exists,

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but I was embarrassed!

120
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I thought, "How could I learn it this way?

121
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How could I abandon the narrative
that my ancestors set forth?

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How could I reject all
of the wonderful evidence there was

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that racism was real?"

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But I've realized that there was
no degree, no job, no pair of shoes,

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no preference for medium-rare steaks

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that's going to protect you
from the violence of racism.

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And I felt embarrassed
that I learned in this way.

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Even as I was preparing
this speech, I wondered,

129
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"How is this going to be received?

130
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'Black kid grows up in rich,
white neighborhood,

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white people were mean to him,
and that's how racism is,

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that's how he learned it.'"

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But it wasn't how Eric Garner
or Tamir Rice or Rekia Boyd

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or Korryn Gaines or Maya Hall
or any of these people learned it.

135
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So there was some privilege
in how I grew up,

136
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and I had to learn about that,

137
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but that doesn't absolve me
from being shot down in the streets,

138
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because at the end of the day, I am black.

139
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So today, I am a nonprofit
leader in Baltimore.

140
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I'm executive director of an organization

141
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where I get to give back
to LGBTQ youth every day,

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particularly LGBTQ youth of color.

143
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I'm also president of Baltimore's
LGBT Community Center.

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Being a black gay man, you really start
to see how whiteness operates

145
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even in spaces of inclusion and diversity.

146
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I saw the millions of dollars and droves
of support for marriage equality

147
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but today hear the deafening silence

148
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when we talk about the deaths
and murders of trans women of color.

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So this gay rights movement,

150
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I wonder, what would the gay rights
movement look like today

151
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if being gay as something
that only someone black could be?

152
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So I've learned a couple of lessons.

153
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First,

154
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racism is real!

155
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Internalized racism is real.

156
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I'm a victim of it, and I'm learning
to be a survivor of it.

157
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Today, it's probably the most
important lesson that I've ever learned.

158
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I've learned to love myself in ways
that I never thought that I could.

159
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Because that's what
internalized racism does,

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it seeks to decimate your own culture.

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But today, I walk proudly
down the street as a black man,

162
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as a gay man.

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Two, I learned that black folks
or people of color

164
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can be operants of white supremacy
if they're not checked,

165
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but to no fault of their own.

166
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Whiteness is pervasive, it's powerful,

167
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and sometimes we don't even know
how it shows up in our world.

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But most importantly, three,

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I've realized that being black in America

170
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is one of the most unique, amazing
and beautiful revolutionary things

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that I could ever do.

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And black love and black joy is something
to be cherished and honored,

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and I'm so proud that I've learned
that lesson, and so grateful.

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Thank you for listening to me.

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(Applause) (Cheering)