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(Half bell)

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(Bell)

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What should we do if we begin [br]to hate someone we love?

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What should we do if we begin [br]to hate someone we love?

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What should we do when we begin [br]to hate the person we love?

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We have to practice mindfulness and

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to know that love is transforming [br]itself into something else.

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Love is becoming hate.

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And if you practice right away, [br]you have a chance.

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You know it is only[br]beginning to become hate.

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So you still have a lot of time in order[br]to stop that course of transformation.

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And you don't want your love [br]to turn into hate.

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There are many things you can do in order[br]to prevent your love turning into hate.

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And Buddha said you have to [br]learn how to feed your love,

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how to give it something to eat,

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because the Buddha said nothing [br]can survive without food.

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Love needs food in order to survive.

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And you can produce a thought [br]that can feed your love,

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the thought of loving kindness, [br]the thought of compassion and forgiveness.

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You can say something in order to[br]feed your love, something nice,

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that helps love to get stronger

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or you can do something [br]in order to help love to grow.

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We act with our mind, thinking;[br]with our mouth, speaking

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and with our body, doing things.

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And there are many things [br]you can think, you can say, you can do

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that can help your love to grow.

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And if you don't feed your love,[br]it will die.

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It will die certainly.

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Love can be very beautiful [br]in the beginning.

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And the lovers have to [br]learn to feed their love.

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And if you know how to[br]feed your love like that,

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love will never degenerate into hate.

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So maybe that is good enough,

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not allowing your love[br]to degenerate into hate.

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And how to do that?

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Learn to feed your love better.

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And you know,

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when you are a really good practitioner,[br]you can even turn hate back into love.

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With a lot of concentration,[br]mindfulness and insight,

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you can very well [br]turn hate back into love.

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Because both love and hate [br]are organic things.

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And this is possible,[br]even after only 3, 4 days of practice.

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Because in the retreats we offer [br]everywhere in the world.

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Many couples suffer of losing love,

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including father and son, mother [br]and daughter, partner and partner.

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They cannot look at each other anymore.

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They cannot communicate [br]with each other anymore.

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It is not pleasant for them [br]to look at each other anymore.

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It is not possible for them to say [br]something nice to the other person.

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And yet when they come to a retreat,

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they practice breathing, walking [br]to calm down their suffering.

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They practice looking into[br]their own suffering,

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and the suffering of the other person.

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They learn how to speak kindly [br]and listen deeply.

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And on the fifth day, [br]they can restore communication,

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they can say something nice to each other.

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They can listen to the other person [br]with compassion.

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And they transform and [br]they turn hate back into love.

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The miracle of transformation [br]always happens in our retreats.

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And even if one of the two [br]is not in the retreat.

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Because after five days of practice, [br]you can use your portable telephone

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to practice loving speech, deep listening[br]and reconcile with the person at home.

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That miracle happens in every retreat.

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Thay remembers that retreat[br]in Oldenburg, northern Germany.

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Thay said, [br]"Ladies and gentlemen,"

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"this is the fifth day of our retreat and[br]you have learned many things."

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"Now you have to put them into practice in[br]order to reconcile with the other person."

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"If the other person is [br]in the retreat, that is easier,"

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"because he or she has been exposed to [br]the teaching and they have practiced."

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"But if the other person is not there, [br]you can use your telephone"

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"and practice compassionate listening[br]and loving speech."

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You say:

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"Father" or "Mother" or "Darling"

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"I know that in the past many years[br]you have suffered so much."

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"I was not able to[br]help you to suffer less.

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"In fact, I have made the situation [br]more difficult for you."

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"I have reacted in such a way that [br]makes you suffer more. I am sorry."

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"It is not my intention [br]to make you suffer, darling."[br]

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"It is because I did not understand you."

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"I did not see the suffering [br]and the difficulties in you."

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"It is not my intention [br]to make you suffer."

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"So I don't want to make you suffer [br]and I need you to help me."

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"You should help me to understand [br]your suffering, your difficulties"

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"so that I will not react like[br]the way I did in the past."

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"Please tell me your suffering,[br]your difficulties."

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"Please tell me what is in your heart."

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"I really want to know."

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"And if you don't help me,[br]who will help me? So, please ..."

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And if you say something like that, [br]that is called loving speech.

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And you open the heart of [br]the other person.

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And he will tell you, the suffering, [br]the difficulties in his heart.

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And you can practice like a Bodhisattva

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and listen very carefully [br]with all your compassion.

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Even if the other person says something [br]wrong, you don't interrupt him or her.

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If you do, then you turn the session of [br]listening into a debate. That is not good.

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You tell yourself:

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"I am practicing as the Bodhisattva,[br]of compassionate listening."

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"My purpose is to listen in such a way[br]that he can suffer less."

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"Therefore, I will not interrupt him."

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"If he says something incorrect,[br]I wait until a few days later."

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"And I will try to offer him [br]some information"

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"so that he can correct his perception,[br]but not now."

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And that is called [br]'mindfulness of compassion'.

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Mindfulness of compassion, [br]breathing in and out,

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helps you to protect yourself [br]with compassion.

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So that what the other person says[br]will not spark off

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irritation and anger in you.

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It is wonderful.

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Mindfulness of compassion protects you.

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And do not let what the other person said,[br]spark off the irritation and anger in you.

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And you can listen half an hour, [br]one hour without irritation.

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And that helps the other person [br]suffers less right away.

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So that kind of practice of listening [br]with compassion and using loving speech

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can always help restore communication [br]and bring reconciliation.

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So, in that retreat, Thay said:

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"Ladies and gentlemen, you have until[br]midnight tonight in order to do it."

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"Use your telephone."

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And the next day, four German gentlemen [br]came up to Thay and reported that,

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with their telephone, they had been able [br]to reconcile with their father

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the night before.

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And one of them said: [br]"Dear Thay, it is so wonderful."

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"Before the retreat, I did not believe [br]I could talk to my father that way."

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"I was so angry at him."

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"I even thought I did not want to have [br]anything to do with my father."

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"And yet, after five days of practice,[br]last night, breathing in and out"

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"to see the suffering in my father,[br]I called him."

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"And suddenly I found myself capable of [br]speaking kindly to him."

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"Daddy, I know you have suffered a lot [br]during the past many years."

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"And I was so stubborn. I reacted in[br]a way that makes you suffer more."

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"I am sorry."

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They were able to say things like that.

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And the door of the heart of his father[br]opened.

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They talked for an hour or so[br]and they reconciled.

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And he said: "After the retreat I will[br]go right back to him and visit him."

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And we know that there are many others[br]in the retreat who have done that.

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But they have not come up to report.

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Thank you for asking the question.

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(Half bell)

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(Bell)