[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.91,0:00:14.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Leslie Carr.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.96,0:00:18.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a registered clinical psychologist\Nin private practice,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.08,0:00:21.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm here today\Nto talk to you about therapy.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.76,0:00:25.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really love what I do for a living.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.67,0:00:28.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's truly what gets me out of bed\Nin the morning.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.16,0:00:32.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I have a dilemma in my work,\Nwhich is that, from my vantage point,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.39,0:00:35.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it seems that therapy\Nisn't very well understood.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.58,0:00:38.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even though I think we've come\Na long way in this regard,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.27,0:00:41.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's still a fair amount of stigma\Nthat surrounds psychotherapy.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.82,0:00:43.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And even more signficantly,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.48,0:00:46.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it seems to me there are\Nmany misconceptions about it
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.29,0:00:50.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that it is something that is \Ngenerally mysterious to most people.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.61,0:00:55.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It seems to me that these misconceptions\Nkeep many people from trying therapy
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.43,0:00:57.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even if it would benefit them,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.91,0:01:00.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is a travesty, to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.75,0:01:03.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I really see it as my mission
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.14,0:01:07.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to increase our collective understanding \Nof what therapy is and how it works
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.76,0:01:11.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that we can start to change\Nthe way the world looks at it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.68,0:01:16.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, first of all, I should explain\Nthat the kind of therapy that I practice
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.13,0:01:18.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the kind that I am going to talk\Nto you about today
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.73,0:01:20.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the kind that is\Ntraditionally referred to
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.84,0:01:24.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as psychodynamic\Nor psychoanalytic psychotherapy.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.62,0:01:26.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know that it can be confusing
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.36,0:01:29.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because there are a lot of different kinds\Nof therapy out there these days,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.94,0:01:31.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but what I'm talking about
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.39,0:01:34.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is what I'll refer to as\Nthe "old-school" kind of therapy;
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.29,0:01:37.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the classic kind, where you talk
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.51,0:01:42.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and another person listens\Nand asks questions and reflects.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.49,0:01:45.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's something called\Ninsight-oriented therapy,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.92,0:01:49.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I think that in many ways\Nit's gotten a bad rap in recent years.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.32,0:01:55.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the single biggest misconceptions\Nabout this kind of therapy
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.04,0:01:58.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that there's no scientific\Nevidence that it works,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.65,0:02:01.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is actually not true.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.65,0:02:05.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Research in this field has demonstrated,\Nnot only that it works,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.04,0:02:07.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that it works really well.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.37,0:02:09.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I'm going to\Ndig into this a little bit.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.48,0:02:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, my talk today is not\Ngoing to be super data heavy,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.00,0:02:15.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but this stuff is\Nactually really interesting,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.44,0:02:18.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so if you don't mind,\NI'm going to run some numbers by you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.40,0:02:22.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For those of you who speak research -
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.79,0:02:25.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if you don't, don't worry,\NI'll come back to you -
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.90,0:02:30.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a meta-analysis of 23\Nrandomized control trials
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.12,0:02:36.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,found an effect size of .97\Nfor overall psychiatric improvement
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.55,0:02:43.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and 1.51 for follow-up studies conducted\Nnine months after the therapy ended.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.74,0:02:47.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This study is one example of hundreds\Nthat have been conducted in this area.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.94,0:02:50.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For those of you who don't speak research,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.20,0:02:56.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,effect size is the statistical measurement\Nof how much something works.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.90,0:03:01.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,An effect size of .2 is considered small,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.32,0:03:04.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,.5 is considered moderate,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.92,0:03:08.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a large effect size is .8 or above.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.33,0:03:11.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, to give you a frame of reference,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.59,0:03:19.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the effect size for Prozac, according\Nto studies conducted by the FDA, is .26.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.45,0:03:23.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll just let that sink in.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.24,0:03:25.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because these numbers -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.70,0:03:30.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,.97 for overall improvement\Nand 1.51 at follow-up -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.11,0:03:34.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are really off the charts, actually;\Nit's pretty astounding.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.91,0:03:36.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Part of what that also means
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.53,0:03:41.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that people continue to benefit\Nfrom therapy even after they stop going -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.09,0:03:43.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is pretty cool.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.59,0:03:46.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now this kind of therapy helps people
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.40,0:03:51.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who are experiencing psychiatric symptoms\Nor are suffering in some way, of course -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.04,0:03:53.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do want to make that clear -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.18,0:03:56.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it also helps people\Nin the name of personal growth,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.13,0:03:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it works according to\Nthe same principles.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.44,0:04:03.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It helps us to gain insight\Ninto how we relate to people,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.34,0:04:06.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to identify and change recurring patterns.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.90,0:04:11.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It increases our consciousness\Nand improves our decision making.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.10,0:04:15.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we reap all these benefits\Nwhether we have a mental illness or not.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.78,0:04:19.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Excuse me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.64,0:04:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, let me tell you a little bit about me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.12,0:04:28.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I chose to become a therapist
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.75,0:04:34.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I was once, many times in fact,\Na therapy patient myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.89,0:04:37.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was blessed to grow up in a family
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.64,0:04:40.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that valued therapy\Nand that didn't buy into the stigma.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.90,0:04:43.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, when we encountered\Nchallenges in my childhood,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.40,0:04:46.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,namely, the potentially\Nterminal illness of a family member,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.49,0:04:50.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my parents did what they thought was best,\Nand they sent me to see a therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.22,0:04:52.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the first time\Nwhen I was ten years old.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.44,0:04:56.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think they made that decision\Nlargely out of being proactive,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.52,0:04:58.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was also really clear\Nthat I was struggling,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.90,0:05:02.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and most of that was manifesting\Nin my experiences at school.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.48,0:05:05.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My grades were slipping;
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.18,0:05:07.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my teachers were reporting\Nthat I seemed distracted.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.51,0:05:11.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The anxiety and sadness that I felt\Nabout what was going on at home
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.87,0:05:14.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was making it hard\Nfor me to pay attention,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.12,0:05:16.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was falling behind my peers.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.29,0:05:21.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I have to tell you\Nthat I consider that, to this day -
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.38,0:05:24.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the decision that my parents made\Nto send me to a therapist -
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.23,0:05:27.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as being one of the best things\Nthat has ever happened to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.14,0:05:28.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.19,0:05:31.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I liked it so much that it made me want\Nto become a therapist myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.52,0:05:33.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, clearly I got a lot out of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.60,0:05:38.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I also have to admit \Nthat I really didn't want to go, at first.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.35,0:05:42.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It would be hard to say\Nwhat I was so afraid of, exactly,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.13,0:05:46.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I was so young\Nat the time, but I was terrified.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.03,0:05:50.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I literally, at first, refused\Nto even go into the woman's office.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.11,0:05:54.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We spent the first two or three sessions\Nin the waiting room.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.22,0:05:57.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that was what therapy\Nwas for me at first,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.11,0:06:01.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just trying to get comfortable enough\Nto go into the woman's office.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.12,0:06:07.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the funny thing about that, for me,\Nis that having had those early experiences
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.32,0:06:12.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really removed any sense of stigma\Nfrom therapy, for me,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.84,0:06:15.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I also clearly would be lying\Nthrough my teeth
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.35,0:06:18.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I were to say that I don't know\Nwhat it's like to be afraid at first,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.88,0:06:20.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to give it a try.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.49,0:06:24.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I know that it's different\Nwith adults from children -
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.65,0:06:26.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after all, I only work with adults
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.79,0:06:30.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so my only point of reference\Nfor child therapy is my own -
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.51,0:06:35.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I do think, on a fundamental level,\Nthe feeling is the same.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.23,0:06:38.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I think it really just has to do\Nwith fear of the unknown.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.39,0:06:42.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just didn't know what that lady\Nwas going to do to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.53,0:06:46.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt like she had some magical power\Nand I didn't know what it was,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.51,0:06:49.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I felt like she was going to\Nget in my head or something,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.40,0:06:51.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it just kind of freaked me out.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.29,0:06:58.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it reminds me of how sometimes -\Ntoday, now that I am a therapist myself -
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.52,0:07:00.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll get this feedback\Nfrom people sometimes,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.67,0:07:03.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they think I can read\Ntheir minds or something.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.85,0:07:08.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it always makes me laugh a little bit\Nbecause that's not how it works.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.23,0:07:11.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I suppose on some level,\NI can identify
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.15,0:07:15.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I have a vague recollection\Nof having felt that way myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.34,0:07:18.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do think that for many people
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.70,0:07:22.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's a lot of fear\Nof the unknown about therapy.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.02,0:07:24.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You might consider giving it a try,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.78,0:07:28.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we avoid it just because\Nwe don't know what it's going to be like.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.78,0:07:32.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think there's also some fear\Nand trepidation that comes up
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.86,0:07:37.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,around sharing our thoughts and feelings\Nand vulnerabilities with a stranger
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.31,0:07:42.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and perhaps some concern that we are\Ngoing to be judged for what we reveal.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.01,0:07:44.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think that's a really natural concern.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.49,0:07:48.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Honestly, I think it's\Nvery common and very human.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.66,0:07:51.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I personally don't think there's\Nany room for judgment in therapy,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.89,0:07:55.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I know that's a sentiment I share\Nwith many of my colleagues,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.63,0:07:57.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but nonetheless, I always recommend
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.40,0:08:01.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that people treat first therapy sessions\Nlike interviews of sorts.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.37,0:08:04.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because a lot of the fear that comes up\Naround unloading to a stranger
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.85,0:08:09.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,goes away once we establish a connection\Nwith a real flesh and blood human being.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.64,0:08:14.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this brings me to something\Nreally significant
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.09,0:08:17.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I want to make sure\Nthat I impart to you today,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.76,0:08:20.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is how vitally important it is
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.14,0:08:24.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to really be discerning about\Nthe therapist you choose to work with.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.70,0:08:29.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This could be a whole\Nseparate talk, in and of itself,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.38,0:08:34.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the single most important factor\Nin any effective therapy
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.92,0:08:36.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has to do with the relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.86,0:08:41.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's built between\Ntherapist and patient or client.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.61,0:08:44.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The relationship of the therapy
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.09,0:08:47.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is actually what accounts\Nfor most of the change that occurs -
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.03,0:08:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a complex process.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.96,0:08:52.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But studies show us again and again
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.13,0:08:56.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it is the single most important\Ningredient in therapy - the relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.95,0:09:00.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I really want to empower you\Nto be discriminating.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.20,0:09:04.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're wondering how to pick\Nthe right therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.27,0:09:06.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's really just about trusting your gut.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.91,0:09:10.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the most important thing is that\Nyou find the person who's right for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.65,0:09:15.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if you tried therapy in the past\Nand you've had a bad experience,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.48,0:09:18.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,please know it can be better\Nthe second time around
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.24,0:09:20.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you find the right person.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.90,0:09:27.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I do have a reason why I think\Nthat we should all see a therapist
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.62,0:09:29.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at least once in our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.91,0:09:33.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my hope is that hearing this\Nwill spark a little curiosity in you
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.83,0:09:36.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and perhaps help you to look at yourself\Nand the world around you
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.93,0:09:39.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just a little bit differently.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.18,0:09:43.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It certainly isn't the end-all be-all\Nto what people get out of therapy,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.35,0:09:45.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's fascinating to me
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.65,0:09:48.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it is something\Nthat applies to all of us.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.25,0:09:52.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think that most of us have\Na sense of appreciation
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.71,0:09:56.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for how our life experiences\Ncan impact our emotional lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.25,0:09:59.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I want to suggest a subtle shift here,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.61,0:10:03.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that our life experiences shape\Nnot just our emotional lives
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.38,0:10:08.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but our very understanding\Nof what reality is.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.47,0:10:12.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Different branches of psychology\Nhave different names for this -
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.79,0:10:18.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,schemas, relational templates, scripts -\Nbut regardless of what we call it,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.30,0:10:21.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what it means is that \Nour early childhood experiences
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.15,0:10:24.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,create our understanding\Nof how the world works.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.10,0:10:28.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, all of our experiences\Nthroughout life do -
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.09,0:10:30.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these relational templates,\Nas I'll call them -
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.30,0:10:32.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are always shifting, at least slightly.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.82,0:10:35.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But this is particularly salient\Nwhen we are children
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.55,0:10:39.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because when we're young, we don't have\Na sense of what's normal or abnormal.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.55,0:10:43.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no objective standard\Nthat we can compare our lives to,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.16,0:10:46.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and children's brains are like sponges.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.58,0:10:51.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So every early experience that we have\Nwhen we are children
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.59,0:10:54.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,works to create this internal script
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.26,0:10:59.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of how we think the world works\Nand how we expect people to respond to us.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.28,0:11:02.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Part of why this happens -
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.12,0:11:05.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this might help in your understanding\Nof what I'm talking about here -
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.51,0:11:08.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has to do with how we learn as humans.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.77,0:11:11.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To use a very basic,\Nbut kind of funny, example:
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.97,0:11:14.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If every time you got behind\Nthe wheel of a car
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.24,0:11:19.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you had to learn to drive all over again,\Nit would be hard to get by in the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.11,0:11:21.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right? But, no.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.02,0:11:23.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You get behind the wheel, and you expect,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.65,0:11:27.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,assuming that the ignition is turned on\Nand that the car is in gear,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.13,0:11:30.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if you put your foot\Non the gas pedal, the car will go forward;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.76,0:11:34.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or backward, depending on\Nwhich way you are headed.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.43,0:11:37.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you make that assumption\Nbecause your past experiences
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.18,0:11:40.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dictate your expectations\Nof how the world will work in the future.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.13,0:11:45.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The tricky part is what happens\Nwhen we apply this theory of learning
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.74,0:11:49.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to our emotional lives\Nor to human relationships.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.16,0:11:54.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To give you an example that I think\Nwill resonate easily for everybody:
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.40,0:11:58.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we take a child - let's call him Joe -
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.11,0:12:01.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and raise him in a combative,\Nhostile environment -
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.78,0:12:04.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,imagine that he is physically\Nand emotionally abused -
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.76,0:12:07.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he's likely to grow up with \Nan unconscious expectation of the world
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.95,0:12:10.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a violent, angry place,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.38,0:12:13.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that he needs to be\Naggressive to get by in it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.72,0:12:16.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem here
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.10,0:12:19.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that because Joe's expectations\Nare that people aren't trustworthy,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.53,0:12:24.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because the psychological world\Nthat he lives in is an aggressive one,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.93,0:12:29.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he's probably going to operate in a manner\Nthat is generally combative.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.94,0:12:30.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you can bet
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.94,0:12:35.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if his manner of being in the world\Nis generally combative,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.04,0:12:38.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that most people are going to treat him\Nwith a fair amount of hostility.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.42,0:12:41.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so it goes.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.20,0:12:44.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Joe's unconscious expectations of how\Nthe world works have been confirmed.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:45.37,0:12:48.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the essence\Nof self-fulfilling prophecies.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.90,0:12:54.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the slightly dramatized example\Nis probably easy to imagine for everybody,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.20,0:12:56.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but what might be more surprising
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.28,0:13:02.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that some version of this is also how\Nall of us learn to function in the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.24,0:13:06.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all think that we see\Nthe world very clearly,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.45,0:13:09.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,despite the fact that we are looking at it\Nthrough specific lenses
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.69,0:13:10.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which have been created
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.82,0:13:14.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by all of the experiences\Nthat we've had in our lives, to date.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.24,0:13:20.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The unconscious beliefs and expectations\Nwe have about life can be very subtle.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.82,0:13:25.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They can be as relatively simple\Nas not going after what we really want,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.81,0:13:28.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we believe, deep down,\Nthat we are unworthy,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.98,0:13:31.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they can be as complex \Nas staying in relationships
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.59,0:13:35.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with people who hurt us because\Nthat's what our understanding of love is.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.84,0:13:37.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Put them all together,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.98,0:13:42.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they create the very fabric\Nof our individual universes.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.66,0:13:45.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So to use an example\Nthat is probably closer to home, here:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.48,0:13:49.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our relational templates have a lot to do\Nwith the people we attract into our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.71,0:13:52.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our romantic partners especially.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:53.25,0:13:55.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we have a hard time finding a partner,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.33,0:13:59.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if we feel incredibly frustrated\Nwith the one we've got,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:59.69,0:14:01.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at some point, we have to recognize
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.48,0:14:06.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we are the thing that all of \Nour experiences have in common.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.70,0:14:12.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is the reason why\Nwe can all benefit from therapy.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:12.10,0:14:15.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's also part of the reason\Nwhy talking to a therapist
Dialogue: 0,0:14:15.16,0:14:18.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not just like talking to a friend.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.60,0:14:22.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What a trained therapist does,\Namong other things,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.34,0:14:26.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is help us to explore the role \Nthat we are playing in our own lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:27.36,0:14:30.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because if you can't see the role\Nthat you're playing
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.87,0:14:33.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the circumstances of your own life,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.29,0:14:35.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're powerless to change them.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:38.75,0:14:41.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The beauty of this kind of therapy
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.16,0:14:46.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that it carries with it a deep respect\Nfor the human condition.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.54,0:14:51.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because it isn't about\Nsickness versus health;
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.96,0:14:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's about expanding consciousness.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.70,0:14:59.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It isn't a sign of weakness,\Nbut a sign of strength,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.69,0:15:04.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it takes courage to look at\Nthe parts of ourselves we'd rather avoid.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.75,0:15:08.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For anyone who's experiencing\Npsychiatric symptoms,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.33,0:15:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this therapy can help -\NI just want to repeat that.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.60,0:15:16.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The aims of psychoanalytic\Ntherapy don't stop there.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.91,0:15:21.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because psychological health\Nisn't defined by the absence of symptoms.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.18,0:15:25.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's defined by the presence\Nof inner resources
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.69,0:15:30.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that help us to lead\Nmore fulfilling, satisfying lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.89,0:15:37.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're struggling\Nor suffering in some way,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:37.66,0:15:41.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope I've said something today\Nthat will help you to feel less fearful
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.06,0:15:43.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of reaching out and getting\Nthe help that you need.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.70,0:15:45.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, even if you aren't,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:45.61,0:15:48.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's time for us to change\Nthis conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.04,0:15:53.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We owe it to ourselves\Nto explore our inner worlds
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.60,0:15:55.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to take control of our destinies.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.74,0:15:59.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And therapy helps us to do this.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:01.86,0:16:06.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I believe this with\Nevery fiber of my being.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.71,0:16:10.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I believe that you are someone\Nwho is worth getting to know.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:11.23,0:16:12.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.44,0:16:15.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)