[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.74,0:00:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright what can be said about our next roaster Marlee Matlin?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.13,0:00:11.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Virtually anything cuz she can't hear shit.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.62,0:00:16.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She appeared on 'The L Word' where she protrayed a deaf lesbian,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.14,0:00:20.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,uh, in fact, Marlee has become a hero among deaf lesbians or as they prefer to be called:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.70,0:00:23.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ear Muffs
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.78,0:00:29.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Please welcome my good pal, Marlee Matlin
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.01,0:00:47.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Interpreter's Voice) Well Thank you, as you can see I'll be speaking
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.32,0:00:49.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the help of my signer this evening,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.58,0:00:52.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to be honest I'm a little self conscious about my voice.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.86,0:00:55.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I have been told by thousands of people that when I speak
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.84,0:00:58.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it sounds like Whitney Cummings with a dick in her mouth.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.79,0:01:15.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I guess I'm the perfect choice for this roast because
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.06,0:01:19.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like The Situtation, I too have never heard the sound of laughter.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.21,0:01:36.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, the Deaf Community has a special sign for everyone up here tonight
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.26,0:01:41.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Snoop Dogg
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.15,0:01:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Situation
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.86,0:01:50.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anthony Jessolik --whatever, I don't even know who he is.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.84,0:01:56.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Larry King
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.68,0:02:03.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Seth McFarlane
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.45,0:02:08.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whitney Cummings
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.87,0:02:16.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lisa Lampinelli
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.94,0:02:22.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And of course, over there, is the legedary Roast Master General
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.08,0:02:23.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jeff Ross
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.30,0:02:26.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you believe he actually asked me out? I said Jeff,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.31,0:02:29.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm deaf, not blind!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.44,0:02:34.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to say, it's such a thrill to be up here
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.45,0:02:38.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with such an esteemed peer like Lisa Lampinelli.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.30,0:02:40.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I won the Oscar for best actress
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.86,0:02:44.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Lisa won best in breed at the county fair.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.96,0:02:54.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not many people know this, but I replaced her on The L Word
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.39,0:02:59.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Apparently the only way she would eat p{\i1}*{\i0}y is if it had french fries in it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.07,0:03:02.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Interpreter) Marlee I can't do this anymore!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.81,0:03:04.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's an Oscar winning actress and I can't do this,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.89,0:03:06.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm out of here, see you later.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.14,0:03:12.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Marlee's voice) Well, uh, can anyone else speak for me?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.86,0:03:15.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you talk for me? Hello?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.14,0:03:19.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Gilbert Godfreid) I will be of assistance!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.89,0:03:41.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will happy to sign for the great Marlee Matlin!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.51,0:03:45.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah the Hammerstein Ballroom!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.18,0:03:51.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Speaking of 'ballroom' Mr Trump, how are those spanks holding up?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.98,0:03:59.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the developer, Donald Trump, has done so much damage to
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.41,0:04:04.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the New York skyline, instead of calling him the Donald,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.16,0:04:07.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they should call him the 20th hijacker!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.17,0:04:13.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Jeff Ross) Too soon!!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.47,0:04:19.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Donald always says money can't buy happiness
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.46,0:04:29.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it can buy the best Eastern European whores New York City has to offer!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.48,0:04:40.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Donald has told many-a-tale of vivacious walkers of the night
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.35,0:04:44.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and their mystical extra hole.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.10,0:04:53.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They come from a far away land to shuck the blood and ill-gotten bank accounts
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.57,0:04:58.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from wealthy but stupid billionaires!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.19,0:05:05.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tell us, o-great Trump, where are these women of who you speak
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.50,0:05:09.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who posses the coveted fourth hole?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.73,0:05:18.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For we shall not rest until we have all experienced the pleasure
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.17,0:05:24.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the four hole Eastern European whores that are currently
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.85,0:05:29.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doing blow in your dressing room!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.95,0:05:38.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did I get that right?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.35,0:05:48.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Marlee's voice) Sounds good to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.57,0:05:52.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Gilbert) Thank you Mr. Trump, you're the best
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.54,0:05:56.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this has been a real thrill for me
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.14,0:06:01.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not often you get a boss that can laugh at himself.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.67,0:06:07.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Marlee's voice) Now please stop staring at my tits.