1 00:00:04,745 --> 00:00:08,003 Alright what can be said about our next roaster Marlee Matlin? 2 00:00:08,126 --> 00:00:11,985 Virtually anything cuz she can't hear shit. 3 00:00:12,616 --> 00:00:16,033 She appeared on 'The L Word' where she protrayed a deaf lesbian, 4 00:00:16,140 --> 00:00:20,702 uh, in fact, Marlee has become a hero among deaf lesbians or as they prefer to be called: 5 00:00:20,702 --> 00:00:23,008 Ear Muffs 6 00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:29,859 Please welcome my good pal, Marlee Matlin 7 00:00:43,013 --> 00:00:47,322 (Interpreter's Voice) Well Thank you, as you can see I'll be speaking 8 00:00:47,322 --> 00:00:49,578 with the help of my signer this evening, 9 00:00:49,578 --> 00:00:52,864 and to be honest I'm a little self conscious about my voice. 10 00:00:52,864 --> 00:00:55,844 Because I have been told by thousands of people that when I speak 11 00:00:55,844 --> 00:00:58,909 it sounds like Whitney Cummings with a dick in her mouth. 12 00:01:11,786 --> 00:01:15,065 I guess I'm the perfect choice for this roast because 13 00:01:15,065 --> 00:01:19,259 like The Situtation, I too have never heard the sound of laughter. 14 00:01:30,213 --> 00:01:36,257 In fact, the Deaf Community has a special sign for everyone up here tonight 15 00:01:36,257 --> 00:01:41,149 Snoop Dogg 16 00:01:41,149 --> 00:01:45,862 The Situation 17 00:01:45,862 --> 00:01:50,842 Anthony Jessolik --whatever, I don't even know who he is. 18 00:01:50,842 --> 00:01:56,680 Larry King 19 00:01:56,680 --> 00:02:03,450 Seth McFarlane 20 00:02:03,450 --> 00:02:08,870 Whitney Cummings 21 00:02:08,870 --> 00:02:16,083 Lisa Lampinelli 22 00:02:17,944 --> 00:02:22,083 And of course, over there, is the legedary Roast Master General 23 00:02:22,083 --> 00:02:23,300 Jeff Ross 24 00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:26,309 Can you believe he actually asked me out? I said Jeff, 25 00:02:26,309 --> 00:02:29,422 I'm deaf, not blind! 26 00:02:32,437 --> 00:02:34,453 I have to say, it's such a thrill to be up here 27 00:02:34,453 --> 00:02:38,302 with such an esteemed peer like Lisa Lampinelli. 28 00:02:38,302 --> 00:02:40,864 I won the Oscar for best actress 29 00:02:40,864 --> 00:02:44,700 and Lisa won best in breed at the county fair. 30 00:02:48,962 --> 00:02:54,393 Not many people know this, but I replaced her on The L Word 31 00:02:54,393 --> 00:02:59,897 Apparently the only way she would eat p*y is if it had french fries in it. 32 00:03:01,066 --> 00:03:02,813 (Interpreter) Marlee I can't do this anymore! 33 00:03:02,813 --> 00:03:04,893 She's an Oscar winning actress and I can't do this, 34 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,559 I'm out of here, see you later. 35 00:03:09,143 --> 00:03:12,862 (Marlee's voice) Well, uh, can anyone else speak for me? 36 00:03:12,862 --> 00:03:15,144 Can you talk for me? Hello? 37 00:03:15,144 --> 00:03:19,094 (Gilbert Godfreid) I will be of assistance! 38 00:03:35,894 --> 00:03:41,509 I will happy to sign for the great Marlee Matlin! 39 00:03:41,509 --> 00:03:45,185 Ah the Hammerstein Ballroom! 40 00:03:45,185 --> 00:03:51,394 Speaking of 'ballroom' Mr Trump, how are those spanks holding up? 41 00:03:53,979 --> 00:03:59,412 And the developer, Donald Trump, has done so much damage to 42 00:03:59,412 --> 00:04:04,158 the New York skyline, instead of calling him the Donald, 43 00:04:04,158 --> 00:04:07,790 they should call him the 20th hijacker! 44 00:04:11,174 --> 00:04:13,836 (Jeff Ross) Too soon!! 45 00:04:14,467 --> 00:04:19,458 Donald always says money can't buy happiness 46 00:04:19,458 --> 00:04:29,221 but it can buy the best Eastern European whores New York City has to offer! 47 00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:40,352 Donald has told many-a-tale of vivacious walkers of the night 48 00:04:40,352 --> 00:04:44,470 and their mystical extra hole. 49 00:04:45,101 --> 00:04:53,570 They come from a far away land to shuck the blood and ill-gotten bank accounts 50 00:04:53,570 --> 00:04:58,209 from wealthy but stupid billionaires! 51 00:04:59,194 --> 00:05:05,497 Tell us, o-great Trump, where are these women of who you speak 52 00:05:05,497 --> 00:05:09,731 who posses the coveted fourth hole? 53 00:05:09,731 --> 00:05:18,171 For we shall not rest until we have all experienced the pleasure 54 00:05:18,171 --> 00:05:24,850 of the four hole Eastern European whores that are currently 55 00:05:24,850 --> 00:05:29,277 doing blow in your dressing room! 56 00:05:35,954 --> 00:05:38,334 Did I get that right? 57 00:05:44,349 --> 00:05:48,574 (Marlee's voice) Sounds good to me. 58 00:05:48,574 --> 00:05:52,542 (Gilbert) Thank you Mr. Trump, you're the best 59 00:05:52,542 --> 00:05:56,141 this has been a real thrill for me 60 00:05:56,141 --> 00:06:01,113 It's not often you get a boss that can laugh at himself. 61 00:06:02,667 --> 00:06:07,360 (Marlee's voice) Now please stop staring at my tits.