0:00:04.745,0:00:08.003 Alright what can be said about our next roaster Marlee Matlin? 0:00:08.126,0:00:11.985 Virtually anything cuz she can't hear shit. 0:00:12.616,0:00:16.033 She appeared on 'The L Word' where she protrayed a deaf lesbian, 0:00:16.140,0:00:20.702 uh, in fact, Marlee has become a hero among deaf lesbians or as they prefer to be called: 0:00:20.702,0:00:23.008 Ear Muffs 0:00:26.777,0:00:29.859 Please welcome my good pal, Marlee Matlin 0:00:43.013,0:00:47.322 (Interpreter's Voice) Well Thank you, as you can see I'll be speaking 0:00:47.322,0:00:49.578 with the help of my signer this evening, 0:00:49.578,0:00:52.864 and to be honest I'm a little self conscious about my voice. 0:00:52.864,0:00:55.844 Because I have been told by thousands of people that when I speak 0:00:55.844,0:00:58.909 it sounds like Whitney Cummings with a dick in her mouth. 0:01:11.786,0:01:15.065 I guess I'm the perfect choice for this roast because 0:01:15.065,0:01:19.259 like The Situtation, I too have never heard the sound of laughter. 0:01:30.213,0:01:36.257 In fact, the Deaf Community has a special sign for everyone up here tonight 0:01:36.257,0:01:41.149 Snoop Dogg 0:01:41.149,0:01:45.862 The Situation 0:01:45.862,0:01:50.842 Anthony Jessolik --whatever, I don't even know who he is. 0:01:50.842,0:01:56.680 Larry King 0:01:56.680,0:02:03.450 Seth McFarlane 0:02:03.450,0:02:08.870 Whitney Cummings 0:02:08.870,0:02:16.083 Lisa Lampinelli 0:02:17.944,0:02:22.083 And of course, over there, is the legedary Roast Master General 0:02:22.083,0:02:23.300 Jeff Ross 0:02:23.300,0:02:26.309 Can you believe he actually asked me out? I said Jeff, 0:02:26.309,0:02:29.422 I'm deaf, not blind! 0:02:32.437,0:02:34.453 I have to say, it's such a thrill to be up here 0:02:34.453,0:02:38.302 with such an esteemed peer like Lisa Lampinelli. 0:02:38.302,0:02:40.864 I won the Oscar for best actress 0:02:40.864,0:02:44.700 and Lisa won best in breed at the county fair. 0:02:48.962,0:02:54.393 Not many people know this, but I replaced her on The L Word 0:02:54.393,0:02:59.897 Apparently the only way she would eat p*y is if it had french fries in it. 0:03:01.066,0:03:02.813 (Interpreter) Marlee I can't do this anymore! 0:03:02.813,0:03:04.893 She's an Oscar winning actress and I can't do this, 0:03:04.893,0:03:06.559 I'm out of here, see you later. 0:03:09.143,0:03:12.862 (Marlee's voice) Well, uh, can anyone else speak for me? 0:03:12.862,0:03:15.144 Can you talk for me? Hello? 0:03:15.144,0:03:19.094 (Gilbert Godfreid) I will be of assistance! 0:03:35.894,0:03:41.509 I will happy to sign for the great Marlee Matlin! 0:03:41.509,0:03:45.185 Ah the Hammerstein Ballroom! 0:03:45.185,0:03:51.394 Speaking of 'ballroom' Mr Trump, how are those spanks holding up? 0:03:53.979,0:03:59.412 And the developer, Donald Trump, has done so much damage to 0:03:59.412,0:04:04.158 the New York skyline, instead of calling him the Donald, 0:04:04.158,0:04:07.790 they should call him the 20th hijacker! 0:04:11.174,0:04:13.836 (Jeff Ross) Too soon!! 0:04:14.467,0:04:19.458 Donald always says money can't buy happiness 0:04:19.458,0:04:29.221 but it can buy the best Eastern European whores New York City has to offer! 0:04:33.483,0:04:40.352 Donald has told many-a-tale of vivacious walkers of the night 0:04:40.352,0:04:44.470 and their mystical extra hole. 0:04:45.101,0:04:53.570 They come from a far away land to shuck the blood and ill-gotten bank accounts 0:04:53.570,0:04:58.209 from wealthy but stupid billionaires! 0:04:59.194,0:05:05.497 Tell us, o-great Trump, where are these women of who you speak 0:05:05.497,0:05:09.731 who posses the coveted fourth hole? 0:05:09.731,0:05:18.171 For we shall not rest until we have all experienced the pleasure 0:05:18.171,0:05:24.850 of the four hole Eastern European whores that are currently 0:05:24.850,0:05:29.277 doing blow in your dressing room! 0:05:35.954,0:05:38.334 Did I get that right? 0:05:44.349,0:05:48.574 (Marlee's voice) Sounds good to me. 0:05:48.574,0:05:52.542 (Gilbert) Thank you Mr. Trump, you're the best 0:05:52.542,0:05:56.141 this has been a real thrill for me 0:05:56.141,0:06:01.113 It's not often you get a boss that can laugh at himself. 0:06:02.667,0:06:07.360 (Marlee's voice) Now please stop staring at my tits.