1 00:00:06,991 --> 00:00:10,051 你可知道,問問小孩未來是怎樣的 2 00:00:10,051 --> 00:00:14,361 答案是她想要超能力,或只想長大 3 00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:18,831 若問兒時的我 16 歲時生命會如何 4 00:00:18,831 --> 00:00:21,841 我大抵會答,我會長得比爸爸高 5 00:00:21,841 --> 00:00:24,061 好友簇擁、能獨自逛街 6 00:00:24,061 --> 00:00:28,221 能獨立生活,兼有把長長秀髮 7 00:00:28,721 --> 00:00:32,762 我一向富有想像,亦喜愛閱讀 8 00:00:32,762 --> 00:00:35,382 將文字化作影,化作聲 9 00:00:35,382 --> 00:00:37,752 儘管安靜得虔誠 10 00:00:37,752 --> 00:00:42,812 一個小孩、凡人、麻瓜卻變身非凡 11 00:00:43,542 --> 00:00:45,467 每個故事讓我確信 12 00:00:45,467 --> 00:00:50,007 物質的塵世以外,還存在著魔法 13 00:00:50,277 --> 00:00:54,477 到某個年紀,我開始看見漆黑 14 00:00:54,477 --> 00:00:57,227 我的視野開始在周邊變暗 15 00:00:57,227 --> 00:01:00,667 直到一切變黑暗,亦覺有點頭暈 16 00:01:00,667 --> 00:01:02,287 但我饒富想像力 17 00:01:02,287 --> 00:01:05,287 讓我以為發生的是一種魔法 18 00:01:05,287 --> 00:01:08,337 或是從宇宙接收到絕密情報 19 00:01:09,387 --> 00:01:11,107 我一直想變得非凡 20 00:01:11,107 --> 00:01:14,317 但成長的過程中,我必須面對 21 00:01:14,317 --> 00:01:17,447 那魔法世界一天一天離我遠去 22 00:01:17,447 --> 00:01:19,397 我曾走進家中的衣櫃 23 00:01:19,397 --> 00:01:22,557 想著,只要一心忘掉背後的櫃門 24 00:01:22,557 --> 00:01:25,867 衣櫃就會解體,帶我走進納尼亞 25 00:01:25,867 --> 00:01:29,767 然而,8 歲的我沒找到魔衣櫥 26 00:01:29,767 --> 00:01:32,677 11 歲時沒收到霍格華茲的入學信 27 00:01:32,677 --> 00:01:35,757 12 歲時羊男沒告知我混血人的身世 28 00:01:35,757 --> 00:01:42,717 惟有寄望 50 歲與甘道夫攜手歷險 29 00:01:42,717 --> 00:01:48,217 然而,與此同時,到了 13 歳 30 00:01:48,217 --> 00:01:50,697 我突然變得與別不同 31 00:01:50,697 --> 00:01:54,637 儘管不是我想要的非凡 32 00:01:54,637 --> 00:01:57,902 宇宙不是為我捎來絕密情報 33 00:01:57,902 --> 00:02:00,952 而是把我拖進無底黑洞 34 00:02:01,182 --> 00:02:06,532 2015 年 9 月 23 日早上 7 時 35 分 35 00:02:06,532 --> 00:02:09,481 猶記得,我上課遲到如常 36 00:02:09,481 --> 00:02:14,261 因為公車如常,遲來到家門前 37 00:02:14,261 --> 00:02:16,851 我步進教室,然後摔倒了 38 00:02:16,851 --> 00:02:20,091 在課堂中途,在人人面前 39 00:02:20,091 --> 00:02:23,101 猛不防地上有個背包 40 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:27,861 回到座位,發覺黑板的字看不見了 41 00:02:27,861 --> 00:02:30,136 書也閱讀不了 42 00:02:30,136 --> 00:02:34,426 於是打給媽媽,同日稍後進了醫院 43 00:02:34,426 --> 00:02:38,095 心想配一副新眼鏡多麼爽 44 00:02:38,095 --> 00:02:42,945 眼鏡沒配到,當天著實也出不了院 45 00:02:44,895 --> 00:02:47,868 我被診斷為腦積水 46 00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:51,818 這艱澀的字表示腦內的液體太多 47 00:02:51,818 --> 00:02:53,478 長話短說 48 00:02:53,478 --> 00:02:57,130 我的情況是在第一與第三腦室之間 49 00:02:57,130 --> 00:02:59,470 室管內形成了一個 50 00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:01,260 腦神經膠質瘤 51 00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:03,610 腦脊液不能正常循環 52 00:03:03,610 --> 00:03:06,170 流入腦室後不能流出 53 00:03:06,170 --> 00:03:08,280 導致頭顱內產生高壓 54 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,350 損傷視覺神經 55 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,660 可惜當時醫生並沒覺察 56 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:19,330 手術動了一個又一個、接二連三 57 00:03:19,330 --> 00:03:23,584 如墮漩渦中,每當我和父母爬起來 58 00:03:23,584 --> 00:03:26,064 命運總要把我們擊倒,又掉下去 59 00:03:26,064 --> 00:03:27,634 週而復始 60 00:03:27,634 --> 00:03:32,184 我的世界翻轉了,我們只能無奈 61 00:03:32,184 --> 00:03:36,254 腦海中魔幻的想法驟變成各路神明 62 00:03:36,254 --> 00:03:39,324 一如寄望甘道夫般縹緲的期盼 63 00:03:39,324 --> 00:03:43,534 問題是醫生自信找到我病情的癥結 64 00:03:43,534 --> 00:03:46,884 而我的問題根本是兩碼子事兒 65 00:03:46,884 --> 00:03:48,364 致使太多液體流失了 66 00:03:48,364 --> 00:03:51,624 他們將顱內壓太高的問題 67 00:03:51,624 --> 00:03:53,554 釀成顱內壓過低 68 00:03:53,554 --> 00:03:58,104 8 個月內,我為此動了 4 次手術 69 00:03:58,104 --> 00:04:02,704 另加 3 次為此醫生的後遺補救 70 00:04:02,704 --> 00:04:05,114 傷害終歸無法挽回 71 00:04:05,674 --> 00:04:08,494 然後,我終於能重返校園 72 00:04:08,494 --> 00:04:10,484 不過已不再一樣 73 00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:15,344 對普通人而言生活如常 而我錯過許多教人回味的青春 74 00:04:15,344 --> 00:04:19,404 和青少年反叛期,儘管我無從錯過 75 00:04:21,545 --> 00:04:23,335 一年的時間我基本都在睡覺 76 00:04:23,335 --> 00:04:26,295 自文學從我身邊帶走,惟此才能 77 00:04:26,295 --> 00:04:30,155 讓我在最需要時沉溺於另一個現實 78 00:04:30,605 --> 00:04:34,278 話雖如此,我不是屹立在這兒麼 79 00:04:34,278 --> 00:04:39,048 有云:人掉進洞裡,走出來是巨人 80 00:04:39,048 --> 00:04:40,545 正是我的感受 81 00:04:40,545 --> 00:04:44,875 每當苦難降臨,總有股力量 82 00:04:44,875 --> 00:04:47,621 儘管無從察覺 83 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,821 卻會扶你再站起來 84 00:04:49,821 --> 00:04:52,944 經此一役得到智慧 85 00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:56,694 現在我更能專心一意投入一樣事情 86 00:04:56,694 --> 00:05:00,694 吃東西是另一種截然不同的經歷 87 00:05:00,694 --> 00:05:02,864 每當我吃 bolinho de chuva (巴西炸麪球) 88 00:05:02,864 --> 00:05:04,934 意思是「雨滴小蛋糕」 89 00:05:04,934 --> 00:05:07,934 我頃刻如置身美妙安全之境 90 00:05:07,934 --> 00:05:10,794 伴隨糖和肉桂的雲彩 91 00:05:10,794 --> 00:05:13,504 而每當我沉醉音樂 92 00:05:13,504 --> 00:05:17,504 總讓我從生命中的艱苦聊以解困 93 00:05:17,504 --> 00:05:20,114 現在卜·戴倫所作的歌詞我都記住了 94 00:05:20,114 --> 00:05:22,674 真的有點瘋狂 95 00:05:22,944 --> 00:05:26,084 我的想像力較以前更強烈了 96 00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:29,514 現更成為我至為重要的感官之一 97 00:05:29,514 --> 00:05:32,651 因它讓我從中構建一個嶄新世界 98 00:05:32,651 --> 00:05:36,290 將其他感官所得及先前閱歷再昇華 99 00:05:36,290 --> 00:05:39,684 憑想像力這邏輯與創造並兼的工具 100 00:05:39,684 --> 00:05:44,614 我才能存活這視覺先行的花花世界 101 00:05:44,894 --> 00:05:50,074 因為視有別於見 102 00:05:50,074 --> 00:05:53,244 便如聽有別於聞 103 00:05:53,244 --> 00:05:58,694 所見所聞不限於官能的敏鈍 104 00:05:58,694 --> 00:06:00,366 而是在於心中感知 105 00:06:00,366 --> 00:06:03,416 明白事情的本質,感受別人的處境 106 00:06:03,416 --> 00:06:07,176 據此,我想我比以前看得更清了 107 00:06:07,176 --> 00:06:11,686 例如,我看到您們很留心聽著 108 00:06:13,256 --> 00:06:19,276 希臘神話中,最著名的先知 特伊西亞斯是雙目失明的 109 00:06:19,276 --> 00:06:23,741 因為他不受外表迷惑 不墮進金玉其外的陷阱 110 00:06:23,741 --> 00:06:25,626 看到麼? 111 00:06:25,626 --> 00:06:28,946 我絕非如我所想般的 16 歲女生 112 00:06:28,946 --> 00:06:31,126 人生亦非如我所想般發生 113 00:06:31,126 --> 00:06:32,436 但若您問我 114 00:06:32,436 --> 00:06:35,886 我可想時光倒流,力挽發生的這一切 115 00:06:35,886 --> 00:06:38,431 我想一路走來我學會了許多 我並不想錯過眼前的我 116 00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:39,616 所以:不用了 117 00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:41,196 謝謝您們