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Stand up when the teacher talks to you!

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Tell us the factor for the female of the species

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wu... 'y'... 'y'!

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You see how simple it is?!

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Fuck it! Do it LIVE!!!

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Rise and shine mothafuckers, here's the fuckin' news!

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You are fake news!

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I am your host the Stimulator and in the United Snakes, public debates around gun control are once again heating up.

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Yerr not getting our firearms! Do you understand?!

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As the nation reels from the emotional and psychological fallout of yet another mass shooting...

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This time, the tragic Valentine's Day attack on Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, in Parkland Florida.

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The shooter this time around was 19 year old 
white nationalist fuck-puppet, Nikolas Cruz,

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who walked into his former high-school...

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...and began indiscriminately firing on students 
and staff with a swastika-engraved AR-15,

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killing 17 people and injuring at least 14.

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Before the smoke had even cleared, the sickeningly familiar and macabre ritual...

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...of somber, post-massacre punditry and shameless poli-tricking was off to the fucking races.

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You either chicken out, or you charge in and you're a hero

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It's a cultural issue

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Moral blackmail

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Military-grade weapons

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The shooter did go in the building! And you know what? The teacher was already there!

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Ah! Sit down

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Upon being informed by his handlers that the gunman wasn’t a Muslim, Black man, or a MS-13 member,

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but just another run-of-the-mill white psycho out to get revenge on the world

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because he sucked at Call of Duty, hated immigrants, and had hairy palms,

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the Orange One promptly took to his pulpit, 
first to hopelessly try to pretend

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he gives a shit about peeps’ mental health,

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and then to try and soothe the frayed nerves 
of America’s traumatized school children.

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You come into our schools....

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you're gonna be dead....

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and it's gonna be fast.

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Yup. In a hilariously tone-deaf move 
that at this point should have shocked nobody,

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but still somehow did… because let’s be real here…. 
who actually fucking says this shit?!

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I could stand in the middle of fifth avenue, 
and shoot somebody,

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and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK?

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Oh yeah, almost fucking forgot. Anyway, 
Trump suggested arming

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a fifth of all American teachers with guns,

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so that they’ll be locked, loaded and ready to 
mow down any would-be school shooter

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next time someone surely tries to shoot up their geography class.

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I mean… what could go wrong?

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Chaos broke out at Dalton High School in Dalton, Georgia on Wednesday

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when police say a teacher barricaded himself 
inside an empty classroom and fired a gun shot.

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Meanwhile, despite their time-honored 
and remarkably straight-faced

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regurgitation of NRA talking points,

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the shit-peddling suits in DC weren’t 
able to brush this latest

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act of wanton fucking attrition under the proverbial rug,

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as they soon found themselves confronted 
by a crew of righteously pissed off teens

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who had not only survived this latest shooting,

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but had also summoned up the youthful gumption 
to point out just how fucked up it is

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that this shit keeps fucking happening to them!

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When adults tell me I have 
the right to own a gun, all I can hear is

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"my right to own a gun out-weighs your students' right to live"

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As a kid, nothing ever that horrible should ever have to happen to you.

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I wanna feel safe at school.

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Seizing on the sympathy evoked in pretty much 
all rational and decent people by these

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children’s innocent fuckin pleas for safety,

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Democrats and so-called “progressives” 
in the US have seized

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on this latest tragedy to try and once again push for

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a variety of gun control measures, 
including stricter background checks,

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and a complete ban on the sale of assault rifles.

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Buuuuuuuuuuut while that may seem like a pretty reasonable 
proposition to most peeps around the world,

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There's just a couple of fucking problems. First of all, in case you haven’t heard…

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Americans kinda like their guns.

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Get some!

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Second, the idea of creating a 
situation where ONLY the pigs have guns

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is not exactly a solution for making peeps safer

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Last year, those trigger-happy pieces 
of shit shot and killed 987 people

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far more than all those killed in mass shootings 
and terrorist acts combined.

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Can you count suckas?

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Don’t forget that California’s relatively strict gun control measures,

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passed in 1967, 
were a plot by Ronnie Reagan

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to criminalize the Black Panthers’ 
armed community defense patrols,

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which had been holding 
shit down in their hood

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to help keep the racist Oakland 5-0 in check.

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This action fit within a long history of the United Snakes government

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limiting Black peeps’ access to arms,

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in order to ensure the dominance of the nation’s

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white supremacist power structure.

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So while it makes sense that white liberals

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who expect the cops to have their back

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might be down with gun control,

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Black and Brown peeps....

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and revolutionaries of all mothafuckin stripes

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should think twice about how 
this shit would actually play out in practice.

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As arch-globalist, and three-time 
“Battle of the Bone” Prussian chicken

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wing-eating champion, Karl Marx, famously stated:

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The arming of the whole proletariat with rifles,

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guns, and ammunition

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should be carried out at once.

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And should the bourgeois state come

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for the proletariat's gats...

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the proles’ response shall be

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BLAT BLAT BLAT.

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Several anarchist and other 
anti-capitalist revolutionary crews

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in the United Snakes are once again 
beginning to get more familiar with using guns.

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This is a necessary and long-overdue development

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that opens the doors for meaningful projects

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of revolutionary autonomy and community defense.

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As for the problem of these horrific mass shootings…

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I don’t have any quick solutions,

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and I don’t think there fucking are any.

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At the end of the day, the United Snakes

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s a complete fucking dumpster fire of a society,

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with tens of thousands of people

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just one rough-day away from

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opening fire on their co-workers.

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I don't want lunch

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I want breakfast

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Well hey, I'm really sorry

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Yeah? Well hey, I'm really sorry too

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He's got a gun!

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I mean shit… your former Vice President

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shot his friend in the fucking face 
and nobody said shit.

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Y’all are just fucked.. sorry.

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Keep safe, and best of luck.

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Well…. that's all the fuckin news for this week.

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Until next time,

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don't forget to throw me some taco money 
at sub.media/donate

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and be sure to follow me on all your favourite

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corporate brainwashing and mass surveillance platforms.

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Just search for "Stimulator"

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Hasta La Pasta companerxs!