Stand up when the teacher talks to you!
Tell us the factor for the female of the species
wu... 'y'... 'y'!
You see how simple it is?!
Fuck it! Do it LIVE!!!
Rise and shine mothafuckers, here's the fuckin' news!
You are fake news!
I am your host the Stimulator and in the United Snakes, public debates around gun control are once again heating up.
Yerr not getting our firearms! Do you understand?!
As the nation reels from the emotional and psychological fallout of yet another mass shooting...
This time, the tragic Valentine's Day attack on Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, in Parkland Florida.
The shooter this time around was 19 year old white nationalist fuck-puppet, Nikolas Cruz,
who walked into his former high-school...
...and began indiscriminately firing on students and staff with a swastika-engraved AR-15,
killing 17 people and injuring at least 14.
Before the smoke had even cleared, the sickeningly familiar and macabre ritual...
...of somber, post-massacre punditry and shameless poli-tricking was off to the fucking races.
You either chicken out, or you charge in and you're a hero
It's a cultural issue
Moral blackmail
Military-grade weapons
The shooter did go in the building! And you know what? The teacher was already there!
Ah! Sit down
Upon being informed by his handlers that the gunman wasn’t a Muslim, Black man, or a MS-13 member,
but just another run-of-the-mill white psycho out to get revenge on the world
because he sucked at Call of Duty, hated immigrants, and had hairy palms,
the Orange One promptly took to his pulpit, first to hopelessly try to pretend
he gives a shit about peeps’ mental health,
and then to try and soothe the frayed nerves of America’s traumatized school children.
You come into our schools....
you're gonna be dead....
and it's gonna be fast.
Yup. In a hilariously tone-deaf move that at this point should have shocked nobody,
but still somehow did… because let’s be real here…. who actually fucking says this shit?!
I could stand in the middle of fifth avenue, and shoot somebody,
and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK?
Oh yeah, almost fucking forgot. Anyway, Trump suggested arming
a fifth of all American teachers with guns,
so that they’ll be locked, loaded and ready to mow down any would-be school shooter
next time someone surely tries to shoot up their geography class.
I mean… what could go wrong?
Chaos broke out at Dalton High School in Dalton, Georgia on Wednesday
when police say a teacher barricaded himself inside an empty classroom and fired a gun shot.
Meanwhile, despite their time-honored and remarkably straight-faced
regurgitation of NRA talking points,
the shit-peddling suits in DC weren’t able to brush this latest
act of wanton fucking attrition under the proverbial rug,
as they soon found themselves confronted by a crew of righteously pissed off teens
who had not only survived this latest shooting,
but had also summoned up the youthful gumption to point out just how fucked up it is
that this shit keeps fucking happening to them!
When adults tell me I have the right to own a gun, all I can hear is
"my right to own a gun out-weighs your students' right to live"
As a kid, nothing ever that horrible should ever have to happen to you.
I wanna feel safe at school.
Seizing on the sympathy evoked in pretty much all rational and decent people by these
children’s innocent fuckin pleas for safety,
Democrats and so-called “progressives” in the US have seized
on this latest tragedy to try and once again push for
a variety of gun control measures, including stricter background checks,
and a complete ban on the sale of assault rifles.
Buuuuuuuuuuut while that may seem like a pretty reasonable proposition to most peeps around the world,
There's just a couple of fucking problems. First of all, in case you haven’t heard…
Americans kinda like their guns.
Get some!
Second, the idea of creating a situation where ONLY the pigs have guns
is not exactly a solution for making peeps safer
Last year, those trigger-happy pieces of shit shot and killed 987 people
far more than all those killed in mass shootings and terrorist acts combined.
Can you count suckas?
Don’t forget that California’s relatively strict gun control measures,
passed in 1967, were a plot by Ronnie Reagan
to criminalize the Black Panthers’ armed community defense patrols,
which had been holding shit down in their hood
to help keep the racist Oakland 5-0 in check.
This action fit within a long history of the United Snakes government
limiting Black peeps’ access to arms,
in order to ensure the dominance of the nation’s
white supremacist power structure.
So while it makes sense that white liberals
who expect the cops to have their back
might be down with gun control,
Black and Brown peeps....
and revolutionaries of all mothafuckin stripes
should think twice about how this shit would actually play out in practice.
As arch-globalist, and three-time “Battle of the Bone” Prussian chicken
wing-eating champion, Karl Marx, famously stated:
The arming of the whole proletariat with rifles,
guns, and ammunition
should be carried out at once.
And should the bourgeois state come
for the proletariat's gats...
the proles’ response shall be
BLAT BLAT BLAT.
Several anarchist and other anti-capitalist revolutionary crews
in the United Snakes are once again beginning to get more familiar with using guns.
This is a necessary and long-overdue development
that opens the doors for meaningful projects
of revolutionary autonomy and community defense.
As for the problem of these horrific mass shootings…
I don’t have any quick solutions,
and I don’t think there fucking are any.
At the end of the day, the United Snakes
s a complete fucking dumpster fire of a society,
with tens of thousands of people
just one rough-day away from
opening fire on their co-workers.
I don't want lunch
I want breakfast
Well hey, I'm really sorry
Yeah? Well hey, I'm really sorry too
He's got a gun!
I mean shit… your former Vice President
shot his friend in the fucking face and nobody said shit.
Y’all are just fucked.. sorry.
Keep safe, and best of luck.
Well…. that's all the fuckin news for this week.
Until next time,
don't forget to throw me some taco money at sub.media/donate
and be sure to follow me on all your favourite
corporate brainwashing and mass surveillance platforms.
Just search for "Stimulator"
Hasta La Pasta companerxs!