WEBVTT

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The month of September 1942
is etched in my memory.

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It was a few weeks
before my twelfth birthday,

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and my father had just died.

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My mother, who had
no professional training,

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found it very hard to spend
the fees for our school fees.

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And my three brothers and me,

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she took the help of friends
and scholarships

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in order to educate us.

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She didn't make a difference 
between my brothers and me.

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All she wanted was that
all of us should excel.

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When I was 20, I had
a semi-arranged marriage,

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and my husband was posted,
in 1954, to England,

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and I went with him.

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And I took advantage of being there
for three years and studied law.

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When I returned to India,

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I was required to train with a senior 
before I could practice law.

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So I decided I should get the best lawyer,

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join the best lawyer,

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and I zeroed down on someone 
called Sachin Chaudhary.

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But it was extremely difficult
to get an appointment with him.

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After great difficulty, I did,

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and I was full of trepidation
when I went to meet him.

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But I put on a brave front, 
just as I am doing now.

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(Laughter)

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(Applause)

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He had some idea why I had come,

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but he wanted to be completely clear.

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So I told him that I wanted
to practice law

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and I wanted to join his chambers.

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He was not in favor
of women joining the law,

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so he tried to dissuade me.

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He said,

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"Young woman, instead of joining 
the legal profession,

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go and get married."

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(Laughter)

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So I said to him,

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"Sir, I am already married."

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(Laughter)

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"Then go and have a child," he advised.

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"I already have a child."

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(Laughter)

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"It's not fair to the child to be alone,

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so you should have a second child."

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(Laughter)

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I said, "Mr. Chaudhary,
I have two children."

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(Laughter)

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So, taken aback
for the third time, he said,

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"Come and join my chambers.

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You're a persistent young woman,
and you will do well at the bar."

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After about 20 years of practice,

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I was appointed a judge
at the Delhi High Court,

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and in 1991,

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I was the first woman to be chief justice
of a state high court.

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(Applause)

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As I mentioned earlier,

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I was 20 when I got married,

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and my fiancee and his family 
never demanded a dowry or anything else.

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We had a simple celebration.

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We served vanilla ice cream
and salted cashew nuts.

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But we still had fun,
and we enjoyed ourselves.

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So, you can see, that you
don't need anything extra.

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But I, now, I'm happily married
for the last 64 years.

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(Applause)

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Every woman, every mother,
wants her daughter to be married.

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And when she meets a young man,

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she tries to size him up
to find out if he's a suitable boy.

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But at the back of her mind is worry.

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Does he want a dowry?

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If so, how much?

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In fact, it's the curse of dowry

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that makes parents not want to have girls.

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In the old days, when girls and boys
didn't have equal inheritance,

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a young girl was given stridhan, 
which is bride's wealth,

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at the time of her marriage.

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It was something that was passed 
from a mother to her daughter

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and consisted of jewelry.

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It was her personal property.

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But even that was often taken away
by the bride-groom's parents

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and given to the groom's sister 
when she was getting married.

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So the bride had nothing.

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Slowly, the prevalence of dowries started.

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This meant gifts were given

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not only to the bride

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but to the bride-groom and to his family.

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And demands, dowry demands,

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were negotiated at the time
of an arranged marriage.

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Parents were worried as to how 
they would meet these demands,

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which sometimes increased
from day to day and from hour to hour

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as the wedding date approached.

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Sometimes, just as the wedding ceremony
was about to take place,

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a fresh demand would be made.

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It was a great trauma for parents,

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especially those who had
more than one daughter.

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They were bankrupt,
spent more than they had,

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and the extortion sometimes 
continued even after the wedding.

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So instead of loving their daughters
and wanting to have them,

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they considered them a curse.

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And they resorted to something
like female feticide

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or female infanticide.

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In order to prevent this evil of dowry,

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an act was passed.

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It was called the Dowry Prohibition Act,

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1961.

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Before the act,
dowries were displayed openly.

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After the act, the displays stopped.

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But the giving and taking
of dowry continued,

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and the demand for ostentatious
functions and feasts

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by the bride-groom's family,

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to be paid for by the bride's family,

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continued.

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This was really terrible.

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And very few parents

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would reject a young man

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if he or his family demanded a dowry.

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Most would not,

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even though they knew
it was illegal to give or take a dowry.

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Let me give you an example.

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The year was 1991.

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A very senior Supreme Court of India judge

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had arranged his daughter's wedding.

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I asked him,

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"Are you going to give a dowry?"

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Remember,

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this was 30 years after the passing
of the Dowry Prohibition Act.

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He was quiet.

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And then he said,

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"I'll tell you the honest truth.

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I will indeed give a dowry for my daughter

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because I cannot sacrifice
her happiness and her life.

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In my community, she cannot
get married without a dowry.

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But I promise you,
I will not take a dowry for my son."

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This is not what I wanted to hear,

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but at least it was half a step forward.

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So what do you think?

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Can the passing of laws change attitudes?

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In India, with a very patriarchal society,

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changing attitudes and changing
mindsets is extremely difficult,

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and it's a slow process,
but we need to fast-forward it.

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I had hoped

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that with the succession laws
being changed

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and daughters getting
some inheritance rights,

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the law would have had
some effect on the evil of dowry.

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In 1956,

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the Hindu Succession Act was passed,

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and in that year,

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it was provided in the act
that daughters and sons

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would get equally

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from their father's property
which was self-acquired.

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This, of course, 
should have made a difference.

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But it didn't seem to have done that.

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In fact, women
were not willing to assert.

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Let me tell you of an incident.

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I was a judge at the Delhi High Court.

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Three young men
came for me and wanted -

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their father had died,

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he hadn't left a will,

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and they wanted their property
to be divided into three parts.

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I found they had three sisters.

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So I said to them,

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"I will divide it into six parts
because that's what the law says,

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and each sibling should get one share."

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They protested.

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They said,

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"Our sisters are married,

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our sisters have got dowries,

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and they have given us 
relinquishment deeds."

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I was not happy, so I insisted
they bring the sisters to court

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because I was not sure

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whether the sisters had been coerced
into giving their relinquishment deeds

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or they didn't know the law.

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When the women came, I asked them,

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"Do you know the law?"

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And they said, "Yes."

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"So then why are you
giving up your share?"

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And this is what they said:

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"We do not want to have
any problems with our brothers

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or spoil our relationships
with our brothers

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because if in the future
we need anything of any sort,

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to whom shall we turn
except our brothers, our natal family?"

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So they knew what was happening.

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And I said to the young men,

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"If you were six brothers,

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you would have happily shared 
and got one-sixth each,

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so why are you depriving your sisters?"

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But they were adamant,

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and their sisters also were not willing
to withdraw their relinquishment deeds.

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So, though they were aware,
they were not willing to assert.

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Many people are not aware
that since 2005 -

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that's almost 10 years ago -

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the daughters' rights of inheritance
have been widened

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and now include not only
the self-acquired property of the father

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but also the ancestral property -

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unless, of course, the father
wills away the property to someone else.

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So fathers, we tell you,

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do not will the property away
to your sons or daughters.

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Make sure your daughters
get their legitimate share.

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(Applause)

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You know, it reminds me
of the story of Sudha Goel

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because daughters need
to have control of their property,

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they need to feel secure,

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and Sudha Goel had been given a dowry.

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One December night,
the neighbors heard her screaming:

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"Bachao! Bachao! Save me! Save me!"

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So they rushed and forced
their way into the flat

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and found her in flames.

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Her mother-in-law and her husband
were simply sitting there.

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She said, "These people have killed me.

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They have taken my gold and everything."

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There are hundreds of such cases
in India every year.

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How do we do it?

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How do we take steps to stop this?

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I think that I can
summarize it in four words.

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First, awareness.

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Second, assertion.

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Third, attitude change.

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And fourth, action.

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So, sisters,

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don't be blackmailed by -
emotionally blackmailed by your brothers.

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Don't take dowries;
don't take after dowries.

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Demand your inheritance.

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Brothers, husbands, and fathers,

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make sure that your daughter
gets her legitimate share.

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And make sure that she has
that confidence that is important for her.

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Do the legal thing, not the illegal.

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So when you look forward,

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make sure your daughters get
what they deserve.

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You should not let your daughters down,

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and they will not let you down.

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(Applause)

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So this is the mantra:

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Inheritance, not dowry.

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Inheritance, not dowry.

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Repeat it, act upon it,
and get others to act upon it as well.

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I'd like to end with an appeal
by a daughter to her parents.

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"Father, why do you
discriminate against me

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when I can be as good as my brother?

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Mother, nurture, nourish, and educate me,

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and you will see
that I will not be a burden

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but will control my own destiny.

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And you will have nothing to fear
when Brother is not there.

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I will look after both of you
in your old age.

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I ask only to be treated equally.

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Will you not dare?

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So that I have the freedom to choose
and the right to care

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and am no longer
the prisoner of my own gender,

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unable to resist or retaliate
against injustice.

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Oh Father, give me a chance.

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Just give me a chance.

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Oh Mother, break the bonds of tradition

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and let me into the sunlight
to dance, to dance, to dance."

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(Applause)