0:00:12.854,0:00:14.319 Wow. 0:00:15.210,0:00:17.211 So what I want to do here, if I could, 0:00:17.211,0:00:22.346 is share with you a very simple,[br]yet powerful method, 0:00:22.346,0:00:24.001 grounded in neuroscience, 0:00:24.001,0:00:29.491 for turning passing experiences[br]into lasting structure, useful structure, 0:00:29.491,0:00:30.569 inside our brain. 0:00:30.569,0:00:34.858 In other words, turning experiences[br]into the happiness, or the resilience, 0:00:34.858,0:00:38.710 or the other inner strengths[br]that we really want inside ourselves. 0:00:38.710,0:00:42.459 I sort of stumbled on this method[br]when I was in college, 0:00:42.459,0:00:45.856 but to explain the context,[br]I have to take you back a little before, 0:00:45.856,0:00:48.390 into my own up-and-down childhood. 0:00:48.390,0:00:53.749 So, I grew up in a loving home -[br]good parents, intact family - 0:00:53.749,0:00:56.351 but I was very, very young[br]going through school - 0:00:56.351,0:00:58.470 I have a late birthday[br]and I skipped a grade. 0:00:58.470,0:01:04.110 And that combined with my kind of shy[br]and seriously dorky temperament - 0:01:04.110,0:01:08.119 you know, skinny, glasses,[br]picked last for baseball, the whole thing. 0:01:08.119,0:01:10.271 Well, what it lead to 0:01:10.271,0:01:15.879 were lots of experiences of being left out[br]or put down by the other kids in school. 0:01:15.879,0:01:18.413 Now, what happened to me was very small 0:01:18.413,0:01:21.781 compared to, unfortunately,[br]what happens to many, many other people, 0:01:21.781,0:01:25.980 but we all have normal needs[br]to feel cared for, to feel cared about. 0:01:25.980,0:01:28.632 We're the most profoundly[br]social species on the planet. 0:01:28.632,0:01:32.661 You know, as we evolved in the Serengeti,[br]exile was a death sentence. 0:01:32.661,0:01:34.122 Causes have effects. 0:01:34.122,0:01:38.402 And if we don't get the supplies[br]that we need, bit by bit, 0:01:38.402,0:01:40.982 it's kind of like[br]we're living on a thin soup. 0:01:40.982,0:01:42.793 You can survive, you can make it, 0:01:42.793,0:01:46.182 but there's a hollowness,[br]an emptiness inside. 0:01:46.182,0:01:49.302 In my own case - hopefully[br]this will work; yes - 0:01:49.302,0:01:54.672 I ended up with lots of bad thoughts[br]and feelings inside of me as a result. 0:01:54.672,0:01:56.257 Then I went off to college, 0:01:56.257,0:02:01.381 and I began to notice something[br]really powerful and interesting. 0:02:01.381,0:02:04.279 You know, some small,[br]good thing would happen. 0:02:04.279,0:02:06.694 You know, a girl would[br]smile at me in the elevator, 0:02:06.694,0:02:09.943 some guy would throw me the football[br]at intramural football and say, 0:02:09.943,0:02:12.203 "Good catch, Hanson,"[br]that was really good. 0:02:12.203,0:02:14.360 Or guys would invite me[br]to go our for pizza - 0:02:14.360,0:02:16.723 you know, basic stuff of everyday life. 0:02:16.723,0:02:18.763 And then I would[br]have an experience, right? 0:02:18.763,0:02:22.933 I would feel a little included,[br]or a little wanted, a little appreciated. 0:02:22.933,0:02:25.820 Then the question is,[br]what would I do with that experience. 0:02:25.820,0:02:29.244 If I dealt with it like I usually did,[br]which was to kind of ignore it, 0:02:29.244,0:02:34.074 you know, let it pass along,[br]I kept feeling lonely and inadequate. 0:02:34.074,0:02:38.559 But I began to notice[br]that if I did something different, 0:02:38.559,0:02:42.676 if I stayed with it[br]a dozen or so seconds in a row, 0:02:42.676,0:02:46.243 it felt like something[br]was gradually coming into me 0:02:46.243,0:02:47.722 that was actually good. 0:02:47.722,0:02:51.205 And I began feeling better[br]and better and better, 0:02:51.205,0:02:52.684 and more confident. 0:02:52.684,0:02:56.686 Any single time I did this[br]wasn't a mind-blowing moment - 0:02:56.686,0:02:59.701 I had a few of those[br]through other means - but ... 0:02:59.701,0:03:00.964 (Laughter) 0:03:00.964,0:03:04.095 the good things really did add up[br]over time for me, definitely. 0:03:04.095,0:03:08.343 And now, years later, many years later,[br]as a neuropsychologist, 0:03:08.343,0:03:11.615 I began to understand[br]what I was actually doing. 0:03:11.615,0:03:15.675 I wasn't just changing my mind,[br]I was actually changing my brain. 0:03:15.675,0:03:17.913 That's because,[br]as the neuroscientists say, 0:03:17.913,0:03:21.015 "Neurons that fire together,[br]wire together." 0:03:21.015,0:03:24.936 Passing mental states[br]become lasting neural traits. 0:03:24.936,0:03:28.545 Bit by bit, I was actually[br]weaving these resources 0:03:28.545,0:03:32.205 into the fabric of my brain[br]and therefore my life. 0:03:32.865,0:03:34.566 There are many examples of the ways 0:03:34.566,0:03:38.095 in which mental activity[br]can change brain structure. 0:03:38.485,0:03:41.873 For example, taxicab drivers in London[br]at the end of their training 0:03:41.873,0:03:45.597 have a thicker brain[br]in a key part called the hippocampus 0:03:45.597,0:03:47.727 that does visual-spatial memory. 0:03:47.727,0:03:49.448 In a different kind of example, 0:03:49.448,0:03:53.203 I don't know if anybody in here[br]experiences stress, right? Occasionally. 0:03:53.203,0:03:55.866 Well, if we have the experience of stress, 0:03:55.866,0:03:59.435 that releases cortisol in the body,[br]it goes up into the brain. 0:03:59.435,0:04:03.234 Cortisol gradually stimulates[br]the alarm bell of the brain, the amygdala, 0:04:03.234,0:04:05.924 so it rings more loudly and more quickly, 0:04:05.924,0:04:10.299 and cortisol weakens, it actually[br]kills neurons in the hippocampus, 0:04:10.299,0:04:12.675 which besides doing visual-spatial memory, 0:04:12.675,0:04:15.904 calms down the amygdala[br]and calms down stress altogether. 0:04:15.904,0:04:18.145 So this mental experience of stress, 0:04:18.145,0:04:21.146 especially if it's chronic[br]and moderate to severe, 0:04:21.146,0:04:23.314 gradually changes[br]the structure of the brain, 0:04:23.314,0:04:27.085 so we become progressively[br]more sensitive to stress. 0:04:27.747,0:04:30.397 The mind can change the brain[br]to change the mind. 0:04:30.397,0:04:34.677 Knowing this is really valuable[br]because the inner strengths - 0:04:34.677,0:04:36.818 to go back to the beginning[br]of my story here - 0:04:36.818,0:04:39.919 the inner strengths that we all want:[br]happiness, positive emotion, 0:04:39.919,0:04:44.707 determination, feeling love, confidence,[br]the virtues, the executive functions, 0:04:44.707,0:04:46.999 those are all built out of the brain. 0:04:46.999,0:04:51.827 The question is how to actually[br]get them into the brain. 0:04:51.827,0:04:52.997 The interesting thing 0:04:52.997,0:04:56.844 is that most of the wholesome[br]qualities of mind and heart 0:04:56.844,0:05:00.287 that help us cope with life,[br]including coping with hard things, 0:05:00.287,0:05:04.657 and have a lot inside ourselves[br]to give to other people, 0:05:04.657,0:05:06.899 most of those inner strengths 0:05:06.899,0:05:11.318 are built from positive experiences[br]of those strengths. 0:05:11.318,0:05:14.049 If you want to feel[br]more confident, for example, 0:05:14.049,0:05:16.930 have more experiences[br]of accomplishment or coping. 0:05:16.930,0:05:19.078 If you want to have a more loving heart, 0:05:19.078,0:05:22.800 practice more moments[br]of compassion or kindness for others. 0:05:23.858,0:05:29.631 The problem is that to get[br]these experiences into our brain, 0:05:29.631,0:05:34.839 we have to overcome[br]the brain's hard-wired negativity bias. 0:05:35.238,0:05:37.356 This negativity bias means 0:05:37.356,0:05:41.318 that the brain is very good[br]at learning from bad experiences 0:05:41.318,0:05:43.708 but bad at learning from good ones. 0:05:43.708,0:05:47.378 In other words, good experiences[br]kind of bounce off the brain 0:05:47.378,0:05:48.900 unless we do a little thing 0:05:48.900,0:05:51.000 that I'm going to[br]tell you about in a moment; 0:05:51.000,0:05:54.311 meanwhile, bad experiences sink right in. 0:05:54.311,0:05:56.251 The reason for the negativity bias 0:05:56.251,0:06:00.001 is that our ancestors had to pay[br]a lot of attention to bad news. 0:06:00.001,0:06:04.102 Because if they survived it,[br]they had to remember it forever, right? 0:06:04.102,0:06:06.251 Once burned, twice shy. 0:06:06.251,0:06:08.840 These days we have[br]ordinary experiences of this - 0:06:08.840,0:06:12.690 think about a relationship you're in[br]with someone you live with, work with, 0:06:12.690,0:06:14.000 sleep with, whatever. 0:06:14.000,0:06:17.021 You know, let's say ten things[br]happen in a day with that person. 0:06:17.021,0:06:20.952 Five of them are positive,[br]four are neutral, one is negative. 0:06:20.952,0:06:23.881 Which is the one we tend[br]to think about as we go to sleep? 0:06:24.161,0:06:27.311 That's why a lot of studies show[br]that a good long-term relationship 0:06:27.311,0:06:29.362 typically needs[br]at least a five-to-one ratio 0:06:29.362,0:06:31.521 of positive to negative interactions. 0:06:31.521,0:06:33.643 That's a cautionary tale, right? 0:06:33.643,0:06:35.182 (Laughter) 0:06:35.182,0:06:38.511 Alright, so that's the negativity bias. 0:06:38.511,0:06:41.106 It creates a fundamental[br]bottleneck in the brain 0:06:41.106,0:06:44.162 that creates a weakness[br]in both informal efforts 0:06:44.162,0:06:48.532 and formal efforts to grow, to heal,[br]to train ourselves in different ways. 0:06:48.532,0:06:51.952 Whether you're a psychologist like me[br]or a meditation teacher like me, 0:06:51.952,0:06:54.853 or a corporate trainer,[br]or a coach, a parent - 0:06:54.853,0:06:57.301 I'm also a parent, with my wife - 0:06:57.301,0:07:00.010 or you're trying to help people[br]in one way or another, 0:07:00.010,0:07:03.493 we tend to be very good[br]at "activating" positive mental states, 0:07:03.493,0:07:06.573 but are we very good at helping people[br]install them in the brain? 0:07:06.573,0:07:07.570 I don't think so. 0:07:07.570,0:07:09.521 There's been this longstanding assumption 0:07:09.521,0:07:12.522 that if we just get a good thing going,[br]somehow it will sink in. 0:07:12.522,0:07:13.860 What can we do? 0:07:13.860,0:07:16.552 We can learn to take in the good, 0:07:16.552,0:07:19.042 to pop open this bottleneck in the brain, 0:07:19.042,0:07:23.880 and gradually weave good experiences[br]into the fabric of our brain and our life. 0:07:23.880,0:07:26.352 So I thought we could actually[br]do it here right now - 0:07:26.352,0:07:27.811 something experiential. 0:07:27.811,0:07:29.419 It is Marin county, 0:07:29.419,0:07:30.372 (Laughter) 0:07:30.372,0:07:31.400 we could go for it. 0:07:31.400,0:07:32.742 We'll just try it right now. 0:07:32.742,0:07:35.161 It's a little weird,[br]a little artificial - why not? 0:07:35.161,0:07:36.162 Just go for it. 0:07:36.162,0:07:38.812 So I'll take you through this[br]kind of informally, 0:07:38.812,0:07:40.522 then I'll explain what we just did. 0:07:40.522,0:07:45.672 So if you could, bring to mind someone[br]that you know cares about you. 0:07:45.672,0:07:48.330 It could be a pet,[br]it could be a group of people, 0:07:48.330,0:07:52.163 it could be a person in your life,[br]in your past, doesn't really matter. 0:07:52.163,0:07:55.111 What you're trying to do[br]is have a good experience, 0:07:55.111,0:07:58.504 a simple good experience[br]of feeling cared about. 0:07:59.191,0:08:03.431 You're trying to help the idea[br]of this person, or the image, or a memory 0:08:03.431,0:08:05.091 become a feeling. 0:08:05.665,0:08:07.572 Okay, want to try it? 0:08:07.572,0:08:09.822 And then once you get it going - 0:08:09.822,0:08:13.432 you're moving out of[br]concept to experience - 0:08:13.432,0:08:15.082 stay with it. 0:08:15.431,0:08:18.984 It's kind of a critical[br]mass of time, a threshold. 0:08:20.304,0:08:23.233 Things have to last[br]long enough in our experience 0:08:23.233,0:08:26.941 to transfer from short-term memory buffers[br]to long-term storage, 0:08:26.941,0:08:29.053 including emotional learning. 0:08:29.694,0:08:33.092 And meanwhile, you could sense[br]that this experience is going into you, 0:08:33.092,0:08:34.874 you're absorbing it. 0:08:35.523,0:08:38.403 It's sinking into you, feeling loved, 0:08:38.813,0:08:40.943 as you sink into it. 0:08:50.103,0:08:51.932 A simple moment - 0:08:53.014,0:08:56.733 10, 20 seconds usually[br]won't change our life. 0:08:56.733,0:09:00.743 But bit by bit, it can really make[br]an enormous difference. 0:09:01.053,0:09:03.873 I'd like to tell you the little steps[br]of taking in the good, 0:09:03.873,0:09:08.505 they're very simple - I even have a clever[br]acronym that you can use to remember them. 0:09:08.505,0:09:11.074 Our daughter thought[br]of the last word in the acronym - 0:09:11.074,0:09:13.184 very important,[br]so I want to give her credit. 0:09:13.184,0:09:16.384 So, in the first step,[br]have a good experience. 0:09:16.384,0:09:19.795 We've got to activate it,[br]we've got to get it going. 0:09:19.795,0:09:22.625 The brain is like an old-school[br]cassette recorder. 0:09:22.625,0:09:27.795 It records the music by playing it -[br]we have to have an experience. 0:09:28.065,0:09:31.548 In the second step, enrich the experience. 0:09:31.548,0:09:37.974 Help install this activated mental state[br]into your brain as a neural trait. 0:09:37.974,0:09:40.675 You know, let it last,[br]help it grow in your body, 0:09:40.675,0:09:42.804 help it become increasingly intense, 0:09:42.804,0:09:44.485 give yourself over to it. 0:09:44.485,0:09:47.125 And in the third step[br]of taking in the good, 0:09:47.125,0:09:48.654 absorb it. 0:09:48.654,0:09:51.334 Sense an intent[br]that it's sinking into you. 0:09:51.334,0:09:52.874 This will prime memory systems. 0:09:52.874,0:09:56.265 This will sensitize them[br]so they'll be more efficient 0:09:56.265,0:09:59.995 at encoding the experience[br]into neural structure. 0:09:59.995,0:10:03.614 And then, if you want to,[br]the optional step, 0:10:03.614,0:10:07.704 is to link the positive experience[br]with something negative. 0:10:07.704,0:10:09.755 You've got to be[br]a little careful about this 0:10:09.755,0:10:12.282 because you don't want[br]to be hijacked by the negative, 0:10:12.282,0:10:14.374 but if you can stay strong[br]with the positive, 0:10:14.374,0:10:16.572 it will gradually[br]associate with the negative - 0:10:16.572,0:10:18.935 "neurons that fire together,[br]wire together" - 0:10:18.935,0:10:22.344 and it will go into the negative[br]to soothe it, ease it, 0:10:22.344,0:10:24.064 even gradually replace it. 0:10:24.064,0:10:26.324 And you can use this step[br]of taking in the good, 0:10:26.324,0:10:28.375 where you're linking[br]positive and negative, 0:10:28.375,0:10:32.135 for yourselves, or for children,[br]or for clients, students 0:10:32.135,0:10:33.645 or others you care about, 0:10:33.645,0:10:37.844 you can use this method[br]to heal old pain or neglect, 0:10:37.844,0:10:39.754 whether in adulthood or childhood, 0:10:39.754,0:10:42.620 even reaching down[br]into young parts of yourself. 0:10:42.926,0:10:44.355 To kind of sum it up here, 0:10:44.355,0:10:48.176 we have four steps[br]that become an acronym: HEAL. 0:10:48.176,0:10:49.833 It's an easy way to remember it. 0:10:49.833,0:10:51.105 Have it. 0:10:51.584,0:10:54.445 Enrich the experience[br]to begin installing it in your brain 0:10:54.445,0:10:56.745 once it's activated in your mind. 0:10:56.745,0:10:57.754 Absorb it, 0:10:57.754,0:11:02.392 and, if you like, link it[br]so it really becomes a part of you. 0:11:02.672,0:11:04.603 Now, this may seem a little complicated, 0:11:04.603,0:11:06.585 we all know how to take in the good, 0:11:06.585,0:11:09.815 we all know how to help[br]some good life lesson land, 0:11:09.815,0:11:11.723 some good experience with other people. 0:11:11.723,0:11:14.064 We know how to let these things land. 0:11:14.064,0:11:18.274 In a nutshell, this whole thing[br]boils down to - all my verbiage here - 0:11:18.274,0:11:19.556 to four words: 0:11:19.556,0:11:22.294 Have it and enjoy it. 0:11:22.294,0:11:26.045 Alright? Especially enjoy it[br]so it becomes a part of you. 0:11:26.045,0:11:30.625 This is not about covering over[br]negative truths, right? 0:11:30.625,0:11:33.274 Paradoxically, the more[br]we take in the good, 0:11:33.274,0:11:36.911 we're more able to see the bad[br]and do something about it. 0:11:36.911,0:11:41.091 In fact, this is about taking control[br]of the brain's stone age bias 0:11:41.091,0:11:46.984 in the 21st century to excessively focus[br]on the bad and over-worry about it. 0:11:47.494,0:11:50.545 Any single time we do it[br]isn't going to change our life. 0:11:50.545,0:11:52.435 But the gradual accumulation, 0:11:52.435,0:11:56.605 both in the flow of our day[br]and at special times if we want to, 0:11:56.605,0:12:01.513 like at meals, or at nighttime before bed,[br]or after meditating or a workout, 0:12:01.513,0:12:04.520 we can gradually[br]build this up inside ourselves. 0:12:04.520,0:12:07.307 You know, I think of it[br]as the law of little things, right? 0:12:07.307,0:12:10.904 It's usually lots of little bad things[br]that take us to a bad place. 0:12:10.904,0:12:15.255 And it's lots of little good things[br]that take us to a better one. 0:12:15.255,0:12:18.257 There's this saying they have in Tibet -[br]I think about it often. 0:12:18.257,0:12:20.985 They say, "If you take care[br]of the minutes, 0:12:20.985,0:12:23.466 the years will take care of themselves." 0:12:23.466,0:12:26.425 I find that so helpful, isn't it? 0:12:26.425,0:12:29.665 What's the most important[br]minute in your life? 0:12:29.975,0:12:31.856 It's the next one. 0:12:31.856,0:12:33.471 Can't do anything about the past. 0:12:33.471,0:12:36.588 A few minutes in the future,[br]we start losing a lot of influence. 0:12:36.588,0:12:40.290 But the next minute[br]is a phenomenal opportunity for us. 0:12:40.290,0:12:43.356 Like me back in college,[br]or any one of us today, 0:12:43.356,0:12:45.106 or over the course of this evening, 0:12:45.106,0:12:48.418 what will we do with the most[br]important minute in our life? 0:12:48.732,0:12:50.873 And especially,[br]what will we do with the good 0:12:50.873,0:12:53.629 that's authentically[br]available to us in it? 0:12:53.629,0:12:54.837 Will we waste it? 0:12:54.837,0:12:58.008 Or will we, a few times[br]a day, or even more, 0:12:58.008,0:13:00.408 actually take it into ourselves? 0:13:00.408,0:13:02.007 For me, there's a Buddhist saying 0:13:02.007,0:13:04.868 that really speaks[br]to the heart of the opportunity 0:13:04.868,0:13:07.378 in the most important minute of our life. 0:13:07.378,0:13:08.879 It goes like this: 0:13:08.879,0:13:13.259 Do not think lightly of good,[br]saying, it will not come to me. 0:13:13.259,0:13:16.409 Drop by drop is the water pot filled. 0:13:16.409,0:13:20.469 Likewise, the wise one,[br]gathering it little by little, 0:13:20.469,0:13:22.169 fills oneself with good. 0:13:23.359,0:13:27.219 So, may you, and I,[br]and all beings everywhere, 0:13:27.219,0:13:29.688 little by little,[br]fill ourselves with good. 0:13:29.688,0:13:31.260 So, thank you. 0:13:31.260,0:13:33.589 (Applause)