[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.17,0:00:01.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Great to be here.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.61,0:00:02.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Love being here.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.75,0:00:04.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thanks, everybody.\NThank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.83,0:00:06.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Love being here.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.44,0:00:09.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need more Asian people\Nin this country.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.11,0:00:11.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.20,0:00:15.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right now we're like 5.6%\Nof the population.\NGet that number right up.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.56,0:00:18.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need more Asian people\Nin this country.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.28,0:00:19.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll tell you why.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.68,0:00:23.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because we are the only\Nobjective referees...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.22,0:00:25.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Laughter ]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.99,0:00:29.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,...in your ongoing race war
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.70,0:00:32.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,between white and black people.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.73,0:00:36.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because you don't care about us\Nand we don't care\Nabout any of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.57,0:00:38.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Laughter ]\NNo, no.\NSo you can trust us.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.24,0:00:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We tell you things.\NThere's no agenda.\NThere's no reason to lie\Nbecause we don't care.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.28,0:00:50.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like, lately there's been\Na lot of skirmishes
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.22,0:00:51.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,between white\Nand black people.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.95,0:00:54.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,White people calling the police\Non black people
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.55,0:00:57.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for very innocuous activities,\Nlike barbecuing in the park
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.82,0:00:59.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or entering your own homes,\Nright?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.92,0:01:02.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next time you feel aggrieved,\Ndon't call the police.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.63,0:01:05.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Call the Asians.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.06,0:01:08.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We will come in and arbitrate\Nany situation for you
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.70,0:01:14.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,impartially and without bias\Nbecause we don't care.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.04,0:01:15.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like if you called us into\NStarbucks that day,\Nwe'd be like,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.41,0:01:19.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yo, these two black guys are\Nsitting down drinking coffee.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.88,0:01:21.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why don't you drink your latte\Nand shut the hell up..."\N[ Laughter and applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.15,0:01:25.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,...because we don't care.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.52,0:01:28.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.09,0:01:30.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.42,0:01:32.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because our skin is not\Nin the game.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.89,0:01:34.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Literally.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.59,0:01:37.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,NFL, NBA, our skin is\Nin none of those games.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.16,0:01:38.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Laughter ]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.46,0:01:41.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we don't give a damn\Nwho is kneeling at what.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.23,0:01:42.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.60,0:01:45.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't care about your fantasy\Nfootball draft analysis.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.84,0:01:47.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We just want things to work.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.74,0:01:50.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Asian people just want\Nthings to work.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.44,0:01:54.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're not distracted by the\Nspectacle of show business.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.28,0:01:55.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We just want things to work.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.51,0:01:56.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we give it to you straight.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.82,0:01:59.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can trust us\Nto tell the truth.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.35,0:02:02.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ugly truth,\Nbut truth nonetheless.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.92,0:02:05.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright?\NLike, yo, white people.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.22,0:02:06.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yo.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.93,0:02:09.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Bohemian Rhapsody" sucks.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.26,0:02:10.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Laughter ]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.86,0:02:13.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's an undanceable song.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.53,0:02:16.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kindly stop chanting it\Nat parties.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.84,0:02:19.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you must,\Nkeep it to your shower, okay?\NNo hatred.\NThere's no hatred here.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.47,0:02:24.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's just information.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.31,0:02:26.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not saying this\Nto make you feel bad.\NI'm just letting you know.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.78,0:02:29.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.12,0:02:31.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, we give it both ways.\NWe give it both ways.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.75,0:02:33.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay? Yo, black people,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.18,0:02:35.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yo, a little noisy\Nin the movie theater.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.25,0:02:38.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay? Again, no hatred.\NThere's no hatred here.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.76,0:02:41.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's just solutions.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.79,0:02:43.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's all we offer\Nboth your people.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.43,0:02:46.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Solutions.\NNothing more, nothing less.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.73,0:02:49.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need an Asian president, man.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.24,0:02:51.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what we need.\NYeah.\NMan or woman.\NMan or woman.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.57,0:02:56.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Get that Asian President\Nin the White House.\NWe will fix this place\Nin a week.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.34,0:02:59.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Laughter ]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.88,0:03:00.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I promise you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.91,0:03:02.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Give us a solid eight days,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.62,0:03:05.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will see results\Nbecause we don't care.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.58,0:03:07.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We just want things to work.\NImagine, all the Asian people\Nin government
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.92,0:03:12.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just going down the list\Nof broken things in America.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.62,0:03:15.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fixing it one by one\Nwith no agenda.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.03,0:03:16.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just pure logic.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.43,0:03:18.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just going down the list.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.43,0:03:20.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, that's fine.\NThat's fine.\NThat works.\NThat's okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.80,0:03:23.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's kind of okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.04,0:03:25.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's broken, that's broken.\NEPA is broken.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.14,0:03:26.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Medicare is broken.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.41,0:03:27.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do your job!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.44,0:03:30.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just slapping people\Nin the face.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.01,0:03:32.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Laughter ]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.11,0:03:33.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.\NGovernment shutdown?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.68,0:03:35.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yo, there's no\Ngovernment shutdown
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.58,0:03:37.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with Asian people in charge.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.05,0:03:40.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't shut down for anything.\NWe don't shut down\Nfor Christmas.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.96,0:03:45.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Loud cheers and applause ]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.26,0:03:47.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.\NDo you understand?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.30,0:03:52.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We work through public holidays.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.90,0:03:55.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Any city in America when it's\N3:00 a.m. and you're hungry,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.60,0:03:56.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where do you go?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.77,0:03:58.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go to Chinatown.\NThat's where you go.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.40,0:03:59.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's right.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.67,0:04:01.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause things are delicious,\Naffordable and open.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.98,0:04:04.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't shut down for anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.48,0:04:08.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thanksgiving means\Nnothing to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.85,0:04:11.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you understand\Nhow meaningless
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.32,0:04:13.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the concept of Thanksgiving\Nis to me?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.55,0:04:16.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Screw turkey.\NIt's dry.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.56,0:04:18.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd rather fix healthcare\Nthan eat turkey. How about that?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.99,0:04:20.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is that someone you want\Nin charge?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.53,0:04:24.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Please, vote for the Asians\Nwhen you get a chance.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.63,0:04:28.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Think how inspirational\Nthat would be
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.63,0:04:30.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we have the first\NAsian president.\NWhat an inspirational message\Nthat would send
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.87,0:04:34.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to Asian children\Neverywhere in America.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.84,0:04:37.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we have the first Asian\NPresident, you could finally go
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.51,0:04:40.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,up to Asian children anywhere\Nin America and you can say,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.48,0:04:43.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hey, listen, buddy,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.05,0:04:48.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you don't have to be\Njust a neurosurgeon."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.35,0:04:51.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[ Laughter ]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.82,0:04:53.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.99,0:05:02.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,♪♪
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.40,0:05:04.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Ronny Chieng!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.10,0:05:10.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See him on tour soon in Austin,\NSan Francisco, and Australia.