0:00:00.611,0:00:02.984 For me they normally happen,[br]these career crises, 0:00:03.008,0:00:05.555 often, actually, on a Sunday evening, 0:00:05.579,0:00:07.452 just as the sun is starting to set, 0:00:07.476,0:00:12.134 and the gap between my hopes for myself[br]and the reality of my life 0:00:12.158,0:00:13.976 starts to diverge so painfully 0:00:14.000,0:00:16.976 that I normally end up[br]weeping into a pillow. 0:00:17.000,0:00:18.505 I'm mentioning all this -- 0:00:18.529,0:00:22.212 I'm mentioning all this because I think[br]this is not merely a personal problem; 0:00:22.236,0:00:23.772 you may think I'm wrong in this, 0:00:23.796,0:00:27.379 but I think we live in an age[br]when our lives are regularly punctuated 0:00:27.403,0:00:30.545 by career crises, by moments[br]when what we thought we knew -- 0:00:30.569,0:00:32.379 about our lives, about our careers -- 0:00:32.403,0:00:35.832 comes into contact[br]with a threatening sort of reality. 0:00:35.856,0:00:39.609 It's perhaps easier now than ever before[br]to make a good living. 0:00:39.633,0:00:41.976 It's perhaps harder than ever before 0:00:42.000,0:00:44.976 to stay calm, to be free[br]of career anxiety. 0:00:45.000,0:00:48.389 I want to look now, if I may,[br]at some of the reasons 0:00:48.413,0:00:51.976 why we might be feeling[br]anxiety about our careers. 0:00:52.000,0:00:54.239 Why we might be victims[br]of these career crises, 0:00:54.263,0:00:58.209 as we're weeping softly into our pillows. 0:00:58.233,0:01:00.976 One of the reasons[br]why we might be suffering 0:01:01.000,0:01:03.558 is that we are surrounded by snobs. 0:01:03.582,0:01:05.976 In a way, I've got some bad news, 0:01:06.000,0:01:08.762 particularly to anybody[br]who's come to Oxford from abroad. 0:01:08.786,0:01:10.564 There's a real problem with snobbery, 0:01:10.588,0:01:12.754 because sometimes people[br]from outside the U.K. 0:01:12.778,0:01:15.485 imagine that snobbery[br]is a distinctively U.K. phenomenon, 0:01:15.509,0:01:17.976 fixated on country houses and titles. 0:01:18.000,0:01:19.664 The bad news is that's not true. 0:01:19.688,0:01:22.664 Snobbery is a global phenomenon;[br]we are a global organization, 0:01:22.688,0:01:24.045 this is a global phenomenon. 0:01:24.069,0:01:25.704 What is a snob? 0:01:25.728,0:01:29.037 A snob is anybody who takes[br]a small part of you, 0:01:29.061,0:01:32.426 and uses that to come[br]to a complete vision of who you are. 0:01:32.450,0:01:33.976 That is snobbery. 0:01:34.000,0:01:38.325 The dominant kind of snobbery[br]that exists nowadays is job snobbery. 0:01:38.349,0:01:41.596 You encounter it within minutes[br]at a party, when you get asked 0:01:41.620,0:01:44.787 that famous iconic question[br]of the early 21st century, 0:01:44.811,0:01:45.984 "What do you do?" 0:01:46.008,0:01:48.009 According to how you answer that question, 0:01:48.033,0:01:50.367 people are either incredibly[br]delighted to see you, 0:01:50.391,0:01:52.573 or look at their watch[br]and make their excuses. 0:01:52.597,0:01:53.613 (Laughter) 0:01:53.637,0:01:55.976 Now, the opposite of a snob[br]is your mother. 0:01:56.000,0:01:57.976 (Laughter) 0:01:58.000,0:02:00.977 Not necessarily your mother,[br]or indeed mine, 0:02:01.001,0:02:02.636 but, as it were, the ideal mother, 0:02:02.660,0:02:05.008 somebody who doesn't care[br]about your achievements. 0:02:05.032,0:02:07.230 Unfortunately, most people[br]are not our mothers. 0:02:07.254,0:02:10.072 Most people make a strict correlation[br]between how much time, 0:02:10.096,0:02:11.489 and if you like, love -- 0:02:11.513,0:02:13.976 not romantic love,[br]though that may be something -- 0:02:14.000,0:02:17.295 but love in general, respect --[br]they are willing to accord us, 0:02:17.319,0:02:20.976 that will be strictly defined[br]by our position in the social hierarchy. 0:02:21.000,0:02:24.239 And that's a lot of the reason[br]why we care so much about our careers 0:02:24.263,0:02:27.976 and indeed start caring[br]so much about material goods. 0:02:28.000,0:02:31.239 You know, we're often told[br]that we live in very materialistic times, 0:02:31.263,0:02:32.976 that we're all greedy people. 0:02:33.000,0:02:35.286 I don't think we are[br]particularly materialistic. 0:02:35.310,0:02:39.738 I think we live in a society which has[br]simply pegged certain emotional rewards 0:02:39.762,0:02:41.974 to the acquisition of material goods. 0:02:41.998,0:02:44.928 It's not the material goods we want;[br]it's the rewards we want. 0:02:44.952,0:02:46.960 It's a new way of looking at luxury goods. 0:02:46.984,0:02:49.945 The next time you see somebody[br]driving a Ferrari, don't think, 0:02:49.969,0:02:51.793 "This is somebody who's greedy." 0:02:51.817,0:02:55.535 Think, "This is somebody who is incredibly[br]vulnerable and in need of love." 0:02:55.559,0:02:58.976 (Laughter) 0:02:59.000,0:03:01.403 Feel sympathy, rather than contempt. 0:03:01.427,0:03:02.935 There are other reasons -- 0:03:02.959,0:03:03.976 (Laughter) 0:03:04.000,0:03:07.922 There are other reasons why it's perhaps[br]harder now to feel calm than ever before. 0:03:07.946,0:03:09.622 One of these, and it's paradoxical, 0:03:09.646,0:03:12.156 because it's linked to something[br]that's rather nice, 0:03:12.180,0:03:14.226 is the hope we all have for our careers. 0:03:14.250,0:03:16.348 Never before have[br]expectations been so high 0:03:16.372,0:03:19.095 about what human beings can[br]achieve with their lifespan. 0:03:19.119,0:03:22.148 We're told, from many sources,[br]that anyone can achieve anything. 0:03:22.172,0:03:24.055 We've done away with the caste system, 0:03:24.079,0:03:27.770 we are now in a system where anyone[br]can rise to any position they please. 0:03:27.794,0:03:29.976 And it's a beautiful idea. 0:03:30.000,0:03:32.453 Along with that is a kind[br]of spirit of equality; 0:03:32.477,0:03:33.834 we're all basically equal. 0:03:33.858,0:03:37.976 There are no strictly-defined hierarchies. 0:03:38.000,0:03:40.462 There is one really big problem with this, 0:03:40.486,0:03:41.994 and that problem is envy. 0:03:42.519,0:03:44.782 Envy, it's a real taboo to mention envy, 0:03:44.806,0:03:48.286 but if there's one dominant emotion[br]in modern society, that is envy. 0:03:48.310,0:03:50.977 And it's linked to the spirit of equality. 0:03:51.001,0:03:52.152 Let me explain. 0:03:52.176,0:03:55.437 I think it would be very unusual[br]for anyone here, or anyone watching, 0:03:55.461,0:03:57.333 to be envious of the Queen of England. 0:03:57.357,0:04:00.594 Even though she is much richer[br]than any of you are, 0:04:00.618,0:04:02.880 and she's got a very large house, 0:04:02.904,0:04:06.562 the reason why we don't envy her[br]is because she's too weird. 0:04:06.586,0:04:07.594 (Laughter) 0:04:07.618,0:04:08.975 She's simply too strange. 0:04:08.999,0:04:11.380 We can't relate to her,[br]she speaks in a funny way, 0:04:11.404,0:04:12.777 she comes from an odd place. 0:04:12.801,0:04:14.174 So we can't relate to her, 0:04:14.198,0:04:17.096 and when you can't relate[br]to somebody, you don't envy them. 0:04:17.120,0:04:19.976 The closer two people are --[br]in age, in background, 0:04:20.000,0:04:23.318 in the process of identification --[br]the more there's a danger of envy, 0:04:23.342,0:04:26.817 which is incidentally why none of you[br]should ever go to a school reunion, 0:04:26.841,0:04:30.940 because there is no stronger reference[br]point than people one was at school with. 0:04:30.964,0:04:34.502 The problem of modern society is[br]it turns the whole world into a school. 0:04:34.526,0:04:36.796 Everybody's wearing jeans,[br]everybody's the same. 0:04:36.820,0:04:37.975 And yet, they're not. 0:04:37.999,0:04:40.976 So there's a spirit of equality[br]combined with deep inequality, 0:04:41.000,0:04:43.691 which can make for[br]a very stressful situation. 0:04:43.715,0:04:46.040 It's probably as unlikely[br]that you would nowadays 0:04:46.064,0:04:47.976 become as rich and famous as Bill Gates, 0:04:48.000,0:04:49.976 as it was unlikely in the 17th century 0:04:50.000,0:04:53.242 that you would accede to the ranks[br]of the French aristocracy. 0:04:53.266,0:04:55.314 But the point is,[br]it doesn't feel that way. 0:04:55.338,0:04:58.404 It's made to feel, by magazines[br]and other media outlets, 0:04:58.428,0:05:02.284 that if you've got energy, a few bright[br]ideas about technology, a garage -- 0:05:02.308,0:05:04.739 you, too, could start a major thing. 0:05:04.763,0:05:06.118 (Laughter) 0:05:06.142,0:05:09.381 The consequences of this problem[br]make themselves felt in bookshops. 0:05:09.405,0:05:12.596 When you go to a large bookshop[br]and look at the self-help sections, 0:05:12.620,0:05:13.800 as I sometimes do -- 0:05:13.824,0:05:16.910 if you analyze self-help books[br]produced in the world today, 0:05:16.934,0:05:18.381 there are basically two kinds. 0:05:18.405,0:05:22.191 The first kind tells you, "You can do it![br]You can make it! Anything's possible!" 0:05:22.215,0:05:26.811 The other kind tells you how to cope with[br]what we politely call "low self-esteem," 0:05:26.835,0:05:29.462 or impolitely call,[br]"feeling very bad about yourself." 0:05:29.486,0:05:30.976 There's a real correlation 0:05:31.000,0:05:34.976 between a society that tells people[br]that they can do anything, 0:05:35.000,0:05:36.976 and the existence of low self-esteem. 0:05:37.000,0:05:40.976 So that's another way in which something[br]quite positive can have a nasty kickback. 0:05:41.000,0:05:44.325 There is another reason why[br]we might be feeling more anxious -- 0:05:44.349,0:05:47.976 about our careers, about our status[br]in the world today, than ever before. 0:05:48.000,0:05:50.048 And it's, again, linked to something nice. 0:05:50.072,0:05:52.770 And that nice thing is called meritocracy. 0:05:52.794,0:05:55.096 Everybody, all politicians[br]on Left and Right, 0:05:55.120,0:05:57.337 agree that meritocracy is a great thing, 0:05:57.361,0:06:01.507 and we should all be trying to make[br]our societies really, really meritocratic. 0:06:01.531,0:06:04.850 In other words --[br]what is a meritocratic society? 0:06:04.874,0:06:09.000 A meritocratic society is one in which,[br]if you've got talent and energy and skill, 0:06:09.024,0:06:11.596 you will get to the top,[br]nothing should hold you back. 0:06:11.620,0:06:12.782 It's a beautiful idea. 0:06:12.806,0:06:16.130 The problem is, if you[br]really believe in a society 0:06:16.154,0:06:18.822 where those who merit to get[br]to the top, get to the top, 0:06:18.846,0:06:21.851 you'll also, by implication,[br]and in a far more nasty way, 0:06:21.875,0:06:25.572 believe in a society where those[br]who deserve to get to the bottom 0:06:25.596,0:06:27.819 also get to the bottom and stay there. 0:06:27.843,0:06:31.191 In other words, your position in life[br]comes to seem not accidental, 0:06:31.215,0:06:32.976 but merited and deserved. 0:06:33.000,0:06:35.976 And that makes failure[br]seem much more crushing. 0:06:36.000,0:06:38.378 You know, in the Middle Ages, in England, 0:06:38.402,0:06:40.274 when you met a very poor person, 0:06:40.298,0:06:43.162 that person would be described[br]as an "unfortunate" -- 0:06:43.186,0:06:46.976 literally, somebody who had not[br]been blessed by fortune, an unfortunate. 0:06:47.000,0:06:49.096 Nowadays, particularly[br]in the United States, 0:06:49.120,0:06:51.263 if you meet someone[br]at the bottom of society, 0:06:51.287,0:06:53.976 they may unkindly be[br]described as a "loser." 0:06:54.000,0:06:56.976 There's a real difference[br]between an unfortunate and a loser, 0:06:57.000,0:06:59.976 and that shows 400 years[br]of evolution in society 0:07:00.000,0:07:03.097 and our belief in who[br]is responsible for our lives. 0:07:03.121,0:07:05.976 It's no longer the gods, it's us.[br]We're in the driving seat. 0:07:06.000,0:07:07.976 That's exhilarating if you're doing well, 0:07:08.000,0:07:09.852 and very crushing if you're not. 0:07:09.876,0:07:11.418 It leads, in the worst cases -- 0:07:11.442,0:07:14.409 in the analysis of a sociologist[br]like Emil Durkheim -- 0:07:14.433,0:07:16.740 it leads to increased rates of suicide. 0:07:16.764,0:07:19.976 There are more suicides[br]in developed, individualistic countries 0:07:20.000,0:07:21.741 than in any other part of the world. 0:07:21.765,0:07:23.339 And some of the reason for that 0:07:23.363,0:07:26.432 is that people take what happens to them[br]extremely personally -- 0:07:26.456,0:07:29.975 they own their success,[br]but they also own their failure. 0:07:29.999,0:07:32.286 Is there any relief[br]from some of these pressures 0:07:32.310,0:07:33.647 that I've been outlining? 0:07:33.671,0:07:34.830 I think there is. 0:07:34.854,0:07:36.620 I just want to turn to a few of them. 0:07:36.644,0:07:37.976 Let's take meritocracy. 0:07:38.000,0:07:40.976 This idea that everybody deserves[br]to get where they get to, 0:07:41.000,0:07:43.808 I think it's a crazy idea,[br]completely crazy. 0:07:43.832,0:07:46.084 I will support any politician[br]of Left and Right, 0:07:46.108,0:07:48.402 with any halfway-decent meritocratic idea; 0:07:48.426,0:07:49.976 I am a meritocrat in that sense. 0:07:50.000,0:07:51.672 But I think it's insane to believe 0:07:51.696,0:07:55.153 that we will ever make a society[br]that is genuinely meritocratic; 0:07:55.177,0:07:56.411 it's an impossible dream. 0:07:56.435,0:07:59.896 The idea that we will make a society[br]where literally everybody is graded, 0:07:59.920,0:08:01.816 the good at the top, bad at the bottom, 0:08:01.840,0:08:03.976 exactly done as it[br]should be, is impossible. 0:08:04.000,0:08:05.976 There are simply too many random factors: 0:08:06.000,0:08:07.976 accidents, accidents of birth, 0:08:08.000,0:08:11.000 accidents of things dropping[br]on people's heads, illnesses, etc. 0:08:11.024,0:08:12.976 We will never get to grade them, 0:08:13.000,0:08:14.976 never get to grade people as they should. 0:08:15.000,0:08:18.143 I'm drawn to a lovely quote[br]by St. Augustine in "The City of God," 0:08:18.167,0:08:22.580 where he says, "It's a sin[br]to judge any man by his post." 0:08:22.604,0:08:24.246 In modern English that would mean 0:08:24.270,0:08:26.994 it's a sin to come to any view[br]of who you should talk to, 0:08:27.018,0:08:28.601 dependent on their business card. 0:08:28.625,0:08:30.376 It's not the post that should count. 0:08:30.400,0:08:34.180 According to St. Augustine, only God[br]can really put everybody in their place; 0:08:34.204,0:08:36.339 he's going to do that[br]on the Day of Judgment, 0:08:36.363,0:08:38.745 with angels and trumpets,[br]and the skies will open. 0:08:38.769,0:08:41.276 Insane idea, if you're[br]a secularist person, like me. 0:08:41.300,0:08:43.920 But something very valuable[br]in that idea, nevertheless. 0:08:43.944,0:08:47.276 In other words, hold your horses[br]when you're coming to judge people. 0:08:47.300,0:08:49.976 You don't necessarily know[br]what someone's true value is. 0:08:50.000,0:08:51.976 That is an unknown part of them, 0:08:52.000,0:08:55.195 and we shouldn't behave[br]as though it is known. 0:08:55.219,0:08:58.020 There is another source of solace[br]and comfort for all this. 0:08:58.044,0:09:01.169 When we think about failing in life,[br]when we think about failure, 0:09:01.193,0:09:03.035 one of the reasons why we fear failing 0:09:03.059,0:09:05.334 is not just a loss of income,[br]a loss of status. 0:09:05.358,0:09:08.101 What we fear is the judgment[br]and ridicule of others. 0:09:08.125,0:09:09.278 And it exists. 0:09:09.302,0:09:12.858 The number one organ of ridicule,[br]nowadays, is the newspaper. 0:09:12.882,0:09:15.071 If you open the newspaper[br]any day of the week, 0:09:15.095,0:09:17.411 it's full of people[br]who've messed up their lives. 0:09:17.435,0:09:20.428 They've slept with the wrong person,[br]taken the wrong substance, 0:09:20.452,0:09:22.474 passed the wrong piece of legislation -- 0:09:22.498,0:09:24.666 whatever it is, and then[br]are fit for ridicule. 0:09:24.690,0:09:27.975 In other words, they have failed.[br]And they are described as "losers." 0:09:27.999,0:09:29.827 Now, is there any alternative to this? 0:09:29.851,0:09:34.447 I think the Western tradition shows us one[br]glorious alternative, which is tragedy. 0:09:34.471,0:09:37.693 Tragic art, as it developed[br]in the theaters of ancient Greece, 0:09:37.717,0:09:40.487 in the fifth century B.C.,[br]was essentially an art form 0:09:40.511,0:09:42.976 devoted to tracing how people fail, 0:09:43.000,0:09:47.383 and also according them[br]a level of sympathy, 0:09:47.407,0:09:50.683 which ordinary life would not[br]necessarily accord them. 0:09:50.707,0:09:52.747 A few years ago,[br]I was thinking about this, 0:09:52.771,0:09:54.366 and I went to "The Sunday Sport," 0:09:54.390,0:09:57.000 a tabloid newspaper I don't[br]recommend you start reading 0:09:57.024,0:09:58.921 if you're not familiar with it already. 0:09:58.945,0:09:59.953 (Laughter) 0:09:59.977,0:10:01.219 And I went to talk to them 0:10:01.243,0:10:03.984 about certain of the great[br]tragedies of Western art. 0:10:04.008,0:10:07.593 I wanted to see how they would seize[br]the bare bones of certain stories, 0:10:07.617,0:10:11.577 if they came in as a news item[br]at the news desk on a Saturday afternoon. 0:10:11.601,0:10:14.725 I mentioned Othello; they'd not[br]heard of it but were fascinated. 0:10:14.749,0:10:15.757 (Laughter) 0:10:15.781,0:10:18.083 I asked them to write[br]a headline for the story. 0:10:18.107,0:10:21.546 They came up with "Love-Crazed[br]Immigrant Kills Senator's Daughter." 0:10:21.570,0:10:22.976 Splashed across the headline. 0:10:23.000,0:10:25.000 I gave them the plotline of Madame Bovary. 0:10:25.024,0:10:27.215 Again, a book they were[br]enchanted to discover. 0:10:27.239,0:10:31.976 And they wrote "Shopaholic Adulteress[br]Swallows Arsenic After Credit Fraud." 0:10:32.000,0:10:33.016 (Laughter) 0:10:33.040,0:10:34.223 And then my favorite -- 0:10:34.247,0:10:37.326 they really do have a kind of genius[br]of their own, these guys -- 0:10:37.350,0:10:39.444 my favorite is Sophocles'[br]Oedipus the King: 0:10:39.468,0:10:41.976 "Sex With Mum Was Blinding." 0:10:42.000,0:10:44.976 (Laughter) 0:10:45.000,0:10:46.976 (Applause) 0:10:47.000,0:10:49.976 In a way, if you like, at one end[br]of the spectrum of sympathy, 0:10:50.000,0:10:51.793 you've got the tabloid newspaper. 0:10:51.817,0:10:55.008 At the other end of the spectrum,[br]you've got tragedy and tragic art. 0:10:55.032,0:10:57.806 And I suppose I'm arguing[br]that we should learn a little bit 0:10:57.830,0:10:59.616 about what's happening in tragic art. 0:10:59.640,0:11:02.338 It would be insane to call Hamlet a loser. 0:11:02.362,0:11:04.673 He is not a loser, though he has lost. 0:11:04.697,0:11:07.334 And I think that is the message[br]of tragedy to us, 0:11:07.358,0:11:09.976 and why it's so very,[br]very important, I think. 0:11:10.000,0:11:13.976 The other thing about modern society[br]and why it causes this anxiety, 0:11:14.000,0:11:16.976 is that we have nothing at its center[br]that is non-human. 0:11:17.000,0:11:19.588 We are the first society[br]to be living in a world 0:11:19.612,0:11:22.104 where we don't worship[br]anything other than ourselves. 0:11:22.128,0:11:24.573 We think very highly of ourselves,[br]and so we should; 0:11:24.597,0:11:27.890 we've put people on the Moon,[br]done all sorts of extraordinary things. 0:11:27.914,0:11:31.207 And so we tend to worship ourselves.[br]Our heroes are human heroes. 0:11:31.231,0:11:32.794 That's a very new situation. 0:11:32.818,0:11:35.325 Most other societies have had,[br]right at their center, 0:11:35.349,0:11:38.770 the worship of something transcendent:[br]a god, a spirit, a natural force, 0:11:38.794,0:11:42.144 the universe, whatever it is --[br]something else that is being worshiped. 0:11:42.168,0:11:44.240 We've slightly lost[br]the habit of doing that, 0:11:44.264,0:11:47.032 which is, I think, why we're[br]particularly drawn to nature. 0:11:47.056,0:11:50.312 Not for the sake of our health,[br]though it's often presented that way, 0:11:50.336,0:11:52.976 but because it's an escape[br]from the human anthill. 0:11:53.000,0:11:54.976 It's an escape from our own competition, 0:11:55.000,0:11:56.976 and our own dramas. 0:11:57.000,0:11:59.620 And that's why we enjoy looking[br]at glaciers and oceans, 0:11:59.644,0:12:03.595 and contemplating the Earth[br]from outside its perimeters, etc. 0:12:03.619,0:12:07.198 We like to feel in contact[br]with something that is non-human, 0:12:07.222,0:12:10.976 and that is so deeply important to us. 0:12:11.000,0:12:14.191 What I think I've been talking[br]about really is success and failure. 0:12:14.215,0:12:16.644 And one of the interesting[br]things about success 0:12:16.668,0:12:18.652 is that we think we know what it means. 0:12:18.676,0:12:22.073 If I said that there's somebody[br]behind the screen who's very successful, 0:12:22.097,0:12:24.474 certain ideas would[br]immediately come to mind. 0:12:24.498,0:12:27.148 You'd think that person[br]might have made a lot of money, 0:12:27.172,0:12:29.080 achieved renown in some field. 0:12:29.104,0:12:30.433 My own theory of success -- 0:12:30.457,0:12:32.616 I'm somebody who's[br]very interested in success, 0:12:32.640,0:12:34.121 I really want to be successful, 0:12:34.145,0:12:36.327 always thinking,[br]how can I be more successful? 0:12:36.351,0:12:40.332 But as I get older, I'm also very nuanced[br]about what that word "success" might mean. 0:12:40.705,0:12:42.919 Here's an insight[br]that I've had about success: 0:12:42.943,0:12:44.824 You can't be successful at everything. 0:12:44.848,0:12:47.111 We hear a lot of talk[br]about work-life balance. 0:12:47.135,0:12:48.286 Nonsense. 0:12:48.310,0:12:49.976 You can't have it all. You can't. 0:12:50.000,0:12:54.475 So any vision of success[br]has to admit what it's losing out on, 0:12:54.499,0:12:56.176 where the element of loss is. 0:12:56.200,0:12:58.724 And I think any wise life will accept, 0:12:58.748,0:13:02.524 as I say, that there is going to be[br]an element where we're not succeeding. 0:13:02.548,0:13:05.556 And the thing about a successful life[br]is that a lot of the time, 0:13:05.580,0:13:09.470 our ideas of what it would mean[br]to live successfully are not our own. 0:13:09.494,0:13:11.209 They're sucked in from other people; 0:13:11.233,0:13:14.837 chiefly, if you're a man, your father,[br]and if you're a woman, your mother. 0:13:14.861,0:13:18.226 Psychoanalysis has been drumming home[br]this message for about 80 years. 0:13:18.250,0:13:21.757 No one's quite listening hard enough,[br]but I very much believe it's true. 0:13:21.781,0:13:24.899 And we also suck in messages[br]from everything from the television, 0:13:24.923,0:13:26.709 to advertising, to marketing, etc. 0:13:26.733,0:13:28.976 These are hugely powerful forces 0:13:29.000,0:13:32.976 that define what we want[br]and how we view ourselves. 0:13:33.000,0:13:35.976 When we're told that banking[br]is a very respectable profession, 0:13:36.000,0:13:37.976 a lot of us want to go into banking. 0:13:38.000,0:13:41.334 When banking is no longer so respectable,[br]we lose interest in banking. 0:13:41.358,0:13:44.416 We are highly open to suggestion. 0:13:44.440,0:13:47.337 So what I want to argue for[br]is not that we should give up 0:13:47.361,0:13:48.976 on our ideas of success, 0:13:49.000,0:13:51.191 but we should make sure[br]that they are our own. 0:13:51.215,0:13:52.976 We should focus in on our ideas, 0:13:53.000,0:13:55.731 and make sure that we own them; 0:13:55.755,0:13:58.176 that we are truly the authors[br]of our own ambitions. 0:13:58.200,0:14:01.001 Because it's bad enough[br]not getting what you want, 0:14:01.025,0:14:04.112 but it's even worse to have[br]an idea of what it is you want, 0:14:04.136,0:14:06.176 and find out, at the end of the journey, 0:14:06.200,0:14:09.364 that it isn't, in fact,[br]what you wanted all along. 0:14:09.388,0:14:10.976 So, I'm going to end it there. 0:14:11.000,0:14:15.976 But what I really want to stress is:[br]by all means, success, yes. 0:14:16.000,0:14:18.572 But let's accept the strangeness[br]of some of our ideas. 0:14:18.596,0:14:21.341 Let's probe away[br]at our notions of success. 0:14:21.365,0:14:24.976 Let's make sure our ideas of success[br]are truly our own. 0:14:25.000,0:14:26.976 Thank you very much. 0:14:27.000,0:14:33.284 (Applause) 0:14:42.698,0:14:44.515 Chris Anderson: That was fascinating. 0:14:44.539,0:14:49.976 But how do you reconcile this idea 0:14:50.000,0:14:52.770 of it being bad to think[br]of someone as a "loser," 0:14:52.794,0:14:57.632 with the idea that a lot of people like,[br]of seizing control of your life, 0:14:57.656,0:15:00.561 and that a society that encourages that, 0:15:00.585,0:15:02.976 perhaps has to have[br]some winners and losers? 0:15:03.000,0:15:05.651 Alain De Botton: Yes, I think[br]it's merely the randomness 0:15:05.675,0:15:08.341 of the winning and losing process[br]that I want to stress, 0:15:08.365,0:15:11.976 because the emphasis nowadays is so much[br]on the justice of everything, 0:15:12.000,0:15:14.001 and politicians always talk about justice. 0:15:14.025,0:15:17.433 Now I'm a firm believer in justice,[br]I just think that it's impossible. 0:15:17.457,0:15:21.060 So we should do everything[br]we can to pursue it, 0:15:21.084,0:15:24.520 but we should always remember[br]that whoever is facing us, 0:15:24.544,0:15:26.687 whatever has happened in their lives, 0:15:26.711,0:15:28.976 there will be a strong[br]element of the haphazard. 0:15:29.000,0:15:31.216 That's what I'm trying to leave room for; 0:15:31.240,0:15:33.306 otherwise, it can get[br]quite claustrophobic. 0:15:33.330,0:15:35.555 CA: I mean, do you believe[br]that you can combine 0:15:35.579,0:15:37.864 your kind of kinder,[br]gentler philosophy of work 0:15:37.888,0:15:40.976 with a successful economy? 0:15:41.000,0:15:42.782 Or do you think that you can't, 0:15:42.806,0:15:46.480 but it doesn't matter that much that we're[br]putting too much emphasis on that? 0:15:46.504,0:15:47.976 AB: The nightmare thought 0:15:48.000,0:15:51.976 is that frightening people[br]is the best way to get work out of them, 0:15:52.000,0:15:55.412 and that somehow[br]the crueler the environment, 0:15:55.436,0:15:57.801 the more people will rise[br]to the challenge. 0:15:57.825,0:16:00.770 You want to think, who would you like[br]as your ideal dad? 0:16:00.794,0:16:03.976 And your ideal dad is somebody[br]who is tough but gentle. 0:16:04.000,0:16:06.213 And it's a very hard line to make. 0:16:06.237,0:16:09.976 We need fathers, as it were,[br]the exemplary father figures in society, 0:16:10.000,0:16:12.423 avoiding the two extremes, 0:16:12.447,0:16:15.976 which is the authoritarian[br]disciplinarian on the one hand, 0:16:16.000,0:16:20.801 and on the other,[br]the lax, no-rules option. 0:16:20.825,0:16:22.198 CA: Alain De Botton. 0:16:22.222,0:16:23.977 AB: Thank you very much. 0:16:24.001,0:16:29.888 (Applause)