0:00:00.611,0:00:02.984
For me they normally happen,[br]these career crises,

0:00:03.008,0:00:05.555
often, actually, on a Sunday evening,

0:00:05.579,0:00:07.452
just as the sun is starting to set,

0:00:07.476,0:00:12.134
and the gap between my hopes for myself[br]and the reality of my life

0:00:12.158,0:00:13.976
starts to diverge so painfully

0:00:14.000,0:00:16.976
that I normally end up[br]weeping into a pillow.

0:00:17.000,0:00:18.505
I'm mentioning all this --

0:00:18.529,0:00:22.212
I'm mentioning all this because I think[br]this is not merely a personal problem;

0:00:22.236,0:00:23.772
you may think I'm wrong in this,

0:00:23.796,0:00:27.379
but I think we live in an age[br]when our lives are regularly punctuated

0:00:27.403,0:00:30.545
by career crises, by moments[br]when what we thought we knew --

0:00:30.569,0:00:32.379
about our lives, about our careers --

0:00:32.403,0:00:35.832
comes into contact[br]with a threatening sort of reality.

0:00:35.856,0:00:39.609
It's perhaps easier now than ever before[br]to make a good living.

0:00:39.633,0:00:41.976
It's perhaps harder than ever before

0:00:42.000,0:00:44.976
to stay calm, to be free[br]of career anxiety.

0:00:45.000,0:00:48.389
I want to look now, if I may,[br]at some of the reasons

0:00:48.413,0:00:51.976
why we might be feeling[br]anxiety about our careers.

0:00:52.000,0:00:54.239
Why we might be victims[br]of these career crises,

0:00:54.263,0:00:58.209
as we're weeping softly into our pillows.

0:00:58.233,0:01:00.976
One of the reasons[br]why we might be suffering

0:01:01.000,0:01:03.558
is that we are surrounded by snobs.

0:01:03.582,0:01:05.976
In a way, I've got some bad news,

0:01:06.000,0:01:08.762
particularly to anybody[br]who's come to Oxford from abroad.

0:01:08.786,0:01:10.564
There's a real problem with snobbery,

0:01:10.588,0:01:12.754
because sometimes people[br]from outside the U.K.

0:01:12.778,0:01:15.485
imagine that snobbery[br]is a distinctively U.K. phenomenon,

0:01:15.509,0:01:17.976
fixated on country houses and titles.

0:01:18.000,0:01:19.664
The bad news is that's not true.

0:01:19.688,0:01:22.664
Snobbery is a global phenomenon;[br]we are a global organization,

0:01:22.688,0:01:24.045
this is a global phenomenon.

0:01:24.069,0:01:25.704
What is a snob?

0:01:25.728,0:01:29.037
A snob is anybody who takes[br]a small part of you,

0:01:29.061,0:01:32.426
and uses that to come[br]to a complete vision of who you are.

0:01:32.450,0:01:33.976
That is snobbery.

0:01:34.000,0:01:38.325
The dominant kind of snobbery[br]that exists nowadays is job snobbery.

0:01:38.349,0:01:41.596
You encounter it within minutes[br]at a party, when you get asked

0:01:41.620,0:01:44.787
that famous iconic question[br]of the early 21st century,

0:01:44.811,0:01:45.984
"What do you do?"

0:01:46.008,0:01:48.009
According to how you answer that question,

0:01:48.033,0:01:50.367
people are either incredibly[br]delighted to see you,

0:01:50.391,0:01:52.573
or look at their watch[br]and make their excuses.

0:01:52.597,0:01:53.613
(Laughter)

0:01:53.637,0:01:55.976
Now, the opposite of a snob[br]is your mother.

0:01:56.000,0:01:57.976
(Laughter)

0:01:58.000,0:02:00.977
Not necessarily your mother,[br]or indeed mine,

0:02:01.001,0:02:02.636
but, as it were, the ideal mother,

0:02:02.660,0:02:05.008
somebody who doesn't care[br]about your achievements.

0:02:05.032,0:02:07.230
Unfortunately, most people[br]are not our mothers.

0:02:07.254,0:02:10.072
Most people make a strict correlation[br]between how much time,

0:02:10.096,0:02:11.489
and if you like, love --

0:02:11.513,0:02:13.976
not romantic love,[br]though that may be something --

0:02:14.000,0:02:17.295
but love in general, respect --[br]they are willing to accord us,

0:02:17.319,0:02:20.976
that will be strictly defined[br]by our position in the social hierarchy.

0:02:21.000,0:02:24.239
And that's a lot of the reason[br]why we care so much about our careers

0:02:24.263,0:02:27.976
and indeed start caring[br]so much about material goods.

0:02:28.000,0:02:31.239
You know, we're often told[br]that we live in very materialistic times,

0:02:31.263,0:02:32.976
that we're all greedy people.

0:02:33.000,0:02:35.286
I don't think we are[br]particularly materialistic.

0:02:35.310,0:02:39.738
I think we live in a society which has[br]simply pegged certain emotional rewards

0:02:39.762,0:02:41.974
to the acquisition of material goods.

0:02:41.998,0:02:44.928
It's not the material goods we want;[br]it's the rewards we want.

0:02:44.952,0:02:46.960
It's a new way of looking at luxury goods.

0:02:46.984,0:02:49.945
The next time you see somebody[br]driving a Ferrari, don't think,

0:02:49.969,0:02:51.793
"This is somebody who's greedy."

0:02:51.817,0:02:55.535
Think, "This is somebody who is incredibly[br]vulnerable and in need of love."

0:02:55.559,0:02:58.976
(Laughter)

0:02:59.000,0:03:01.403
Feel sympathy, rather than contempt.

0:03:01.427,0:03:02.935
There are other reasons --

0:03:02.959,0:03:03.976
(Laughter)

0:03:04.000,0:03:07.922
There are other reasons why it's perhaps[br]harder now to feel calm than ever before.

0:03:07.946,0:03:09.622
One of these, and it's paradoxical,

0:03:09.646,0:03:12.156
because it's linked to something[br]that's rather nice,

0:03:12.180,0:03:14.226
is the hope we all have for our careers.

0:03:14.250,0:03:16.348
Never before have[br]expectations been so high

0:03:16.372,0:03:19.095
about what human beings can[br]achieve with their lifespan.

0:03:19.119,0:03:22.148
We're told, from many sources,[br]that anyone can achieve anything.

0:03:22.172,0:03:24.055
We've done away with the caste system,

0:03:24.079,0:03:27.770
we are now in a system where anyone[br]can rise to any position they please.

0:03:27.794,0:03:29.976
And it's a beautiful idea.

0:03:30.000,0:03:32.453
Along with that is a kind[br]of spirit of equality;

0:03:32.477,0:03:33.834
we're all basically equal.

0:03:33.858,0:03:37.976
There are no strictly-defined hierarchies.

0:03:38.000,0:03:40.462
There is one really big problem with this,

0:03:40.486,0:03:41.994
and that problem is envy.

0:03:42.519,0:03:44.782
Envy, it's a real taboo to mention envy,

0:03:44.806,0:03:48.286
but if there's one dominant emotion[br]in modern society, that is envy.

0:03:48.310,0:03:50.977
And it's linked to the spirit of equality.

0:03:51.001,0:03:52.152
Let me explain.

0:03:52.176,0:03:55.437
I think it would be very unusual[br]for anyone here, or anyone watching,

0:03:55.461,0:03:57.333
to be envious of the Queen of England.

0:03:57.357,0:04:00.594
Even though she is much richer[br]than any of you are,

0:04:00.618,0:04:02.880
and she's got a very large house,

0:04:02.904,0:04:06.562
the reason why we don't envy her[br]is because she's too weird.

0:04:06.586,0:04:07.594
(Laughter)

0:04:07.618,0:04:08.975
She's simply too strange.

0:04:08.999,0:04:11.380
We can't relate to her,[br]she speaks in a funny way,

0:04:11.404,0:04:12.777
she comes from an odd place.

0:04:12.801,0:04:14.174
So we can't relate to her,

0:04:14.198,0:04:17.096
and when you can't relate[br]to somebody, you don't envy them.

0:04:17.120,0:04:19.976
The closer two people are --[br]in age, in background,

0:04:20.000,0:04:23.318
in the process of identification --[br]the more there's a danger of envy,

0:04:23.342,0:04:26.817
which is incidentally why none of you[br]should ever go to a school reunion,

0:04:26.841,0:04:30.940
because there is no stronger reference[br]point than people one was at school with.

0:04:30.964,0:04:34.502
The problem of modern society is[br]it turns the whole world into a school.

0:04:34.526,0:04:36.796
Everybody's wearing jeans,[br]everybody's the same.

0:04:36.820,0:04:37.975
And yet, they're not.

0:04:37.999,0:04:40.976
So there's a spirit of equality[br]combined with deep inequality,

0:04:41.000,0:04:43.691
which can make for[br]a very stressful situation.

0:04:43.715,0:04:46.040
It's probably as unlikely[br]that you would nowadays

0:04:46.064,0:04:47.976
become as rich and famous as Bill Gates,

0:04:48.000,0:04:49.976
as it was unlikely in the 17th century

0:04:50.000,0:04:53.242
that you would accede to the ranks[br]of the French aristocracy.

0:04:53.266,0:04:55.314
But the point is,[br]it doesn't feel that way.

0:04:55.338,0:04:58.404
It's made to feel, by magazines[br]and other media outlets,

0:04:58.428,0:05:02.284
that if you've got energy, a few bright[br]ideas about technology, a garage --

0:05:02.308,0:05:04.739
you, too, could start a major thing.

0:05:04.763,0:05:06.118
(Laughter)

0:05:06.142,0:05:09.381
The consequences of this problem[br]make themselves felt in bookshops.

0:05:09.405,0:05:12.596
When you go to a large bookshop[br]and look at the self-help sections,

0:05:12.620,0:05:13.800
as I sometimes do --

0:05:13.824,0:05:16.910
if you analyze self-help books[br]produced in the world today,

0:05:16.934,0:05:18.381
there are basically two kinds.

0:05:18.405,0:05:22.191
The first kind tells you, "You can do it![br]You can make it! Anything's possible!"

0:05:22.215,0:05:26.811
The other kind tells you how to cope with[br]what we politely call "low self-esteem,"

0:05:26.835,0:05:29.462
or impolitely call,[br]"feeling very bad about yourself."

0:05:29.486,0:05:30.976
There's a real correlation

0:05:31.000,0:05:34.976
between a society that tells people[br]that they can do anything,

0:05:35.000,0:05:36.976
and the existence of low self-esteem.

0:05:37.000,0:05:40.976
So that's another way in which something[br]quite positive can have a nasty kickback.

0:05:41.000,0:05:44.325
There is another reason why[br]we might be feeling more anxious --

0:05:44.349,0:05:47.976
about our careers, about our status[br]in the world today, than ever before.

0:05:48.000,0:05:50.048
And it's, again, linked to something nice.

0:05:50.072,0:05:52.770
And that nice thing is called meritocracy.

0:05:52.794,0:05:55.096
Everybody, all politicians[br]on Left and Right,

0:05:55.120,0:05:57.337
agree that meritocracy is a great thing,

0:05:57.361,0:06:01.507
and we should all be trying to make[br]our societies really, really meritocratic.

0:06:01.531,0:06:04.850
In other words --[br]what is a meritocratic society?

0:06:04.874,0:06:09.000
A meritocratic society is one in which,[br]if you've got talent and energy and skill,

0:06:09.024,0:06:11.596
you will get to the top,[br]nothing should hold you back.

0:06:11.620,0:06:12.782
It's a beautiful idea.

0:06:12.806,0:06:16.130
The problem is, if you[br]really believe in a society

0:06:16.154,0:06:18.822
where those who merit to get[br]to the top, get to the top,

0:06:18.846,0:06:21.851
you'll also, by implication,[br]and in a far more nasty way,

0:06:21.875,0:06:25.572
believe in a society where those[br]who deserve to get to the bottom

0:06:25.596,0:06:27.819
also get to the bottom and stay there.

0:06:27.843,0:06:31.191
In other words, your position in life[br]comes to seem not accidental,

0:06:31.215,0:06:32.976
but merited and deserved.

0:06:33.000,0:06:35.976
And that makes failure[br]seem much more crushing.

0:06:36.000,0:06:38.378
You know, in the Middle Ages, in England,

0:06:38.402,0:06:40.274
when you met a very poor person,

0:06:40.298,0:06:43.162
that person would be described[br]as an "unfortunate" --

0:06:43.186,0:06:46.976
literally, somebody who had not[br]been blessed by fortune, an unfortunate.

0:06:47.000,0:06:49.096
Nowadays, particularly[br]in the United States,

0:06:49.120,0:06:51.263
if you meet someone[br]at the bottom of society,

0:06:51.287,0:06:53.976
they may unkindly be[br]described as a "loser."

0:06:54.000,0:06:56.976
There's a real difference[br]between an unfortunate and a loser,

0:06:57.000,0:06:59.976
and that shows 400 years[br]of evolution in society

0:07:00.000,0:07:03.097
and our belief in who[br]is responsible for our lives.

0:07:03.121,0:07:05.976
It's no longer the gods, it's us.[br]We're in the driving seat.

0:07:06.000,0:07:07.976
That's exhilarating if you're doing well,

0:07:08.000,0:07:09.852
and very crushing if you're not.

0:07:09.876,0:07:11.418
It leads, in the worst cases --

0:07:11.442,0:07:14.409
in the analysis of a sociologist[br]like Emil Durkheim --

0:07:14.433,0:07:16.740
it leads to increased rates of suicide.

0:07:16.764,0:07:19.976
There are more suicides[br]in developed, individualistic countries

0:07:20.000,0:07:21.741
than in any other part of the world.

0:07:21.765,0:07:23.339
And some of the reason for that

0:07:23.363,0:07:26.432
is that people take what happens to them[br]extremely personally --

0:07:26.456,0:07:29.975
they own their success,[br]but they also own their failure.

0:07:29.999,0:07:32.286
Is there any relief[br]from some of these pressures

0:07:32.310,0:07:33.647
that I've been outlining?

0:07:33.671,0:07:34.830
I think there is.

0:07:34.854,0:07:36.620
I just want to turn to a few of them.

0:07:36.644,0:07:37.976
Let's take meritocracy.

0:07:38.000,0:07:40.976
This idea that everybody deserves[br]to get where they get to,

0:07:41.000,0:07:43.808
I think it's a crazy idea,[br]completely crazy.

0:07:43.832,0:07:46.084
I will support any politician[br]of Left and Right,

0:07:46.108,0:07:48.402
with any halfway-decent meritocratic idea;

0:07:48.426,0:07:49.976
I am a meritocrat in that sense.

0:07:50.000,0:07:51.672
But I think it's insane to believe

0:07:51.696,0:07:55.153
that we will ever make a society[br]that is genuinely meritocratic;

0:07:55.177,0:07:56.411
it's an impossible dream.

0:07:56.435,0:07:59.896
The idea that we will make a society[br]where literally everybody is graded,

0:07:59.920,0:08:01.816
the good at the top, bad at the bottom,

0:08:01.840,0:08:03.976
exactly done as it[br]should be, is impossible.

0:08:04.000,0:08:05.976
There are simply too many random factors:

0:08:06.000,0:08:07.976
accidents, accidents of birth,

0:08:08.000,0:08:11.000
accidents of things dropping[br]on people's heads, illnesses, etc.

0:08:11.024,0:08:12.976
We will never get to grade them,

0:08:13.000,0:08:14.976
never get to grade people as they should.

0:08:15.000,0:08:18.143
I'm drawn to a lovely quote[br]by St. Augustine in "The City of God,"

0:08:18.167,0:08:22.580
where he says, "It's a sin[br]to judge any man by his post."

0:08:22.604,0:08:24.246
In modern English that would mean

0:08:24.270,0:08:26.994
it's a sin to come to any view[br]of who you should talk to,

0:08:27.018,0:08:28.601
dependent on their business card.

0:08:28.625,0:08:30.376
It's not the post that should count.

0:08:30.400,0:08:34.180
According to St. Augustine, only God[br]can really put everybody in their place;

0:08:34.204,0:08:36.339
he's going to do that[br]on the Day of Judgment,

0:08:36.363,0:08:38.745
with angels and trumpets,[br]and the skies will open.

0:08:38.769,0:08:41.276
Insane idea, if you're[br]a secularist person, like me.

0:08:41.300,0:08:43.920
But something very valuable[br]in that idea, nevertheless.

0:08:43.944,0:08:47.276
In other words, hold your horses[br]when you're coming to judge people.

0:08:47.300,0:08:49.976
You don't necessarily know[br]what someone's true value is.

0:08:50.000,0:08:51.976
That is an unknown part of them,

0:08:52.000,0:08:55.195
and we shouldn't behave[br]as though it is known.

0:08:55.219,0:08:58.020
There is another source of solace[br]and comfort for all this.

0:08:58.044,0:09:01.169
When we think about failing in life,[br]when we think about failure,

0:09:01.193,0:09:03.035
one of the reasons why we fear failing

0:09:03.059,0:09:05.334
is not just a loss of income,[br]a loss of status.

0:09:05.358,0:09:08.101
What we fear is the judgment[br]and ridicule of others.

0:09:08.125,0:09:09.278
And it exists.

0:09:09.302,0:09:12.858
The number one organ of ridicule,[br]nowadays, is the newspaper.

0:09:12.882,0:09:15.071
If you open the newspaper[br]any day of the week,

0:09:15.095,0:09:17.411
it's full of people[br]who've messed up their lives.

0:09:17.435,0:09:20.428
They've slept with the wrong person,[br]taken the wrong substance,

0:09:20.452,0:09:22.474
passed the wrong piece of legislation --

0:09:22.498,0:09:24.666
whatever it is, and then[br]are fit for ridicule.

0:09:24.690,0:09:27.975
In other words, they have failed.[br]And they are described as "losers."

0:09:27.999,0:09:29.827
Now, is there any alternative to this?

0:09:29.851,0:09:34.447
I think the Western tradition shows us one[br]glorious alternative, which is tragedy.

0:09:34.471,0:09:37.693
Tragic art, as it developed[br]in the theaters of ancient Greece,

0:09:37.717,0:09:40.487
in the fifth century B.C.,[br]was essentially an art form

0:09:40.511,0:09:42.976
devoted to tracing how people fail,

0:09:43.000,0:09:47.383
and also according them[br]a level of sympathy,

0:09:47.407,0:09:50.683
which ordinary life would not[br]necessarily accord them.

0:09:50.707,0:09:52.747
A few years ago,[br]I was thinking about this,

0:09:52.771,0:09:54.366
and I went to "The Sunday Sport,"

0:09:54.390,0:09:57.000
a tabloid newspaper I don't[br]recommend you start reading

0:09:57.024,0:09:58.921
if you're not familiar with it already.

0:09:58.945,0:09:59.953
(Laughter)

0:09:59.977,0:10:01.219
And I went to talk to them

0:10:01.243,0:10:03.984
about certain of the great[br]tragedies of Western art.

0:10:04.008,0:10:07.593
I wanted to see how they would seize[br]the bare bones of certain stories,

0:10:07.617,0:10:11.577
if they came in as a news item[br]at the news desk on a Saturday afternoon.

0:10:11.601,0:10:14.725
I mentioned Othello; they'd not[br]heard of it but were fascinated.

0:10:14.749,0:10:15.757
(Laughter)

0:10:15.781,0:10:18.083
I asked them to write[br]a headline for the story.

0:10:18.107,0:10:21.546
They came up with "Love-Crazed[br]Immigrant Kills Senator's Daughter."

0:10:21.570,0:10:22.976
Splashed across the headline.

0:10:23.000,0:10:25.000
I gave them the plotline of Madame Bovary.

0:10:25.024,0:10:27.215
Again, a book they were[br]enchanted to discover.

0:10:27.239,0:10:31.976
And they wrote "Shopaholic Adulteress[br]Swallows Arsenic After Credit Fraud."

0:10:32.000,0:10:33.016
(Laughter)

0:10:33.040,0:10:34.223
And then my favorite --

0:10:34.247,0:10:37.326
they really do have a kind of genius[br]of their own, these guys --

0:10:37.350,0:10:39.444
my favorite is Sophocles'[br]Oedipus the King:

0:10:39.468,0:10:41.976
"Sex With Mum Was Blinding."

0:10:42.000,0:10:44.976
(Laughter)

0:10:45.000,0:10:46.976
(Applause)

0:10:47.000,0:10:49.976
In a way, if you like, at one end[br]of the spectrum of sympathy,

0:10:50.000,0:10:51.793
you've got the tabloid newspaper.

0:10:51.817,0:10:55.008
At the other end of the spectrum,[br]you've got tragedy and tragic art.

0:10:55.032,0:10:57.806
And I suppose I'm arguing[br]that we should learn a little bit

0:10:57.830,0:10:59.616
about what's happening in tragic art.

0:10:59.640,0:11:02.338
It would be insane to call Hamlet a loser.

0:11:02.362,0:11:04.673
He is not a loser, though he has lost.

0:11:04.697,0:11:07.334
And I think that is the message[br]of tragedy to us,

0:11:07.358,0:11:09.976
and why it's so very,[br]very important, I think.

0:11:10.000,0:11:13.976
The other thing about modern society[br]and why it causes this anxiety,

0:11:14.000,0:11:16.976
is that we have nothing at its center[br]that is non-human.

0:11:17.000,0:11:19.588
We are the first society[br]to be living in a world

0:11:19.612,0:11:22.104
where we don't worship[br]anything other than ourselves.

0:11:22.128,0:11:24.573
We think very highly of ourselves,[br]and so we should;

0:11:24.597,0:11:27.890
we've put people on the Moon,[br]done all sorts of extraordinary things.

0:11:27.914,0:11:31.207
And so we tend to worship ourselves.[br]Our heroes are human heroes.

0:11:31.231,0:11:32.794
That's a very new situation.

0:11:32.818,0:11:35.325
Most other societies have had,[br]right at their center,

0:11:35.349,0:11:38.770
the worship of something transcendent:[br]a god, a spirit, a natural force,

0:11:38.794,0:11:42.144
the universe, whatever it is --[br]something else that is being worshiped.

0:11:42.168,0:11:44.240
We've slightly lost[br]the habit of doing that,

0:11:44.264,0:11:47.032
which is, I think, why we're[br]particularly drawn to nature.

0:11:47.056,0:11:50.312
Not for the sake of our health,[br]though it's often presented that way,

0:11:50.336,0:11:52.976
but because it's an escape[br]from the human anthill.

0:11:53.000,0:11:54.976
It's an escape from our own competition,

0:11:55.000,0:11:56.976
and our own dramas.

0:11:57.000,0:11:59.620
And that's why we enjoy looking[br]at glaciers and oceans,

0:11:59.644,0:12:03.595
and contemplating the Earth[br]from outside its perimeters, etc.

0:12:03.619,0:12:07.198
We like to feel in contact[br]with something that is non-human,

0:12:07.222,0:12:10.976
and that is so deeply important to us.

0:12:11.000,0:12:14.191
What I think I've been talking[br]about really is success and failure.

0:12:14.215,0:12:16.644
And one of the interesting[br]things about success

0:12:16.668,0:12:18.652
is that we think we know what it means.

0:12:18.676,0:12:22.073
If I said that there's somebody[br]behind the screen who's very successful,

0:12:22.097,0:12:24.474
certain ideas would[br]immediately come to mind.

0:12:24.498,0:12:27.148
You'd think that person[br]might have made a lot of money,

0:12:27.172,0:12:29.080
achieved renown in some field.

0:12:29.104,0:12:30.433
My own theory of success --

0:12:30.457,0:12:32.616
I'm somebody who's[br]very interested in success,

0:12:32.640,0:12:34.121
I really want to be successful,

0:12:34.145,0:12:36.327
always thinking,[br]how can I be more successful?

0:12:36.351,0:12:40.332
But as I get older, I'm also very nuanced[br]about what that word "success" might mean.

0:12:40.705,0:12:42.919
Here's an insight[br]that I've had about success:

0:12:42.943,0:12:44.824
You can't be successful at everything.

0:12:44.848,0:12:47.111
We hear a lot of talk[br]about work-life balance.

0:12:47.135,0:12:48.286
Nonsense.

0:12:48.310,0:12:49.976
You can't have it all. You can't.

0:12:50.000,0:12:54.475
So any vision of success[br]has to admit what it's losing out on,

0:12:54.499,0:12:56.176
where the element of loss is.

0:12:56.200,0:12:58.724
And I think any wise life will accept,

0:12:58.748,0:13:02.524
as I say, that there is going to be[br]an element where we're not succeeding.

0:13:02.548,0:13:05.556
And the thing about a successful life[br]is that a lot of the time,

0:13:05.580,0:13:09.470
our ideas of what it would mean[br]to live successfully are not our own.

0:13:09.494,0:13:11.209
They're sucked in from other people;

0:13:11.233,0:13:14.837
chiefly, if you're a man, your father,[br]and if you're a woman, your mother.

0:13:14.861,0:13:18.226
Psychoanalysis has been drumming home[br]this message for about 80 years.

0:13:18.250,0:13:21.757
No one's quite listening hard enough,[br]but I very much believe it's true.

0:13:21.781,0:13:24.899
And we also suck in messages[br]from everything from the television,

0:13:24.923,0:13:26.709
to advertising, to marketing, etc.

0:13:26.733,0:13:28.976
These are hugely powerful forces

0:13:29.000,0:13:32.976
that define what we want[br]and how we view ourselves.

0:13:33.000,0:13:35.976
When we're told that banking[br]is a very respectable profession,

0:13:36.000,0:13:37.976
a lot of us want to go into banking.

0:13:38.000,0:13:41.334
When banking is no longer so respectable,[br]we lose interest in banking.

0:13:41.358,0:13:44.416
We are highly open to suggestion.

0:13:44.440,0:13:47.337
So what I want to argue for[br]is not that we should give up

0:13:47.361,0:13:48.976
on our ideas of success,

0:13:49.000,0:13:51.191
but we should make sure[br]that they are our own.

0:13:51.215,0:13:52.976
We should focus in on our ideas,

0:13:53.000,0:13:55.731
and make sure that we own them;

0:13:55.755,0:13:58.176
that we are truly the authors[br]of our own ambitions.

0:13:58.200,0:14:01.001
Because it's bad enough[br]not getting what you want,

0:14:01.025,0:14:04.112
but it's even worse to have[br]an idea of what it is you want,

0:14:04.136,0:14:06.176
and find out, at the end of the journey,

0:14:06.200,0:14:09.364
that it isn't, in fact,[br]what you wanted all along.

0:14:09.388,0:14:10.976
So, I'm going to end it there.

0:14:11.000,0:14:15.976
But what I really want to stress is:[br]by all means, success, yes.

0:14:16.000,0:14:18.572
But let's accept the strangeness[br]of some of our ideas.

0:14:18.596,0:14:21.341
Let's probe away[br]at our notions of success.

0:14:21.365,0:14:24.976
Let's make sure our ideas of success[br]are truly our own.

0:14:25.000,0:14:26.976
Thank you very much.

0:14:27.000,0:14:33.284
(Applause)

0:14:42.698,0:14:44.515
Chris Anderson: That was fascinating.

0:14:44.539,0:14:49.976
But how do you reconcile this idea

0:14:50.000,0:14:52.770
of it being bad to think[br]of someone as a "loser,"

0:14:52.794,0:14:57.632
with the idea that a lot of people like,[br]of seizing control of your life,

0:14:57.656,0:15:00.561
and that a society that encourages that,

0:15:00.585,0:15:02.976
perhaps has to have[br]some winners and losers?

0:15:03.000,0:15:05.651
Alain De Botton: Yes, I think[br]it's merely the randomness

0:15:05.675,0:15:08.341
of the winning and losing process[br]that I want to stress,

0:15:08.365,0:15:11.976
because the emphasis nowadays is so much[br]on the justice of everything,

0:15:12.000,0:15:14.001
and politicians always talk about justice.

0:15:14.025,0:15:17.433
Now I'm a firm believer in justice,[br]I just think that it's impossible.

0:15:17.457,0:15:21.060
So we should do everything[br]we can to pursue it,

0:15:21.084,0:15:24.520
but we should always remember[br]that whoever is facing us,

0:15:24.544,0:15:26.687
whatever has happened in their lives,

0:15:26.711,0:15:28.976
there will be a strong[br]element of the haphazard.

0:15:29.000,0:15:31.216
That's what I'm trying to leave room for;

0:15:31.240,0:15:33.306
otherwise, it can get[br]quite claustrophobic.

0:15:33.330,0:15:35.555
CA: I mean, do you believe[br]that you can combine

0:15:35.579,0:15:37.864
your kind of kinder,[br]gentler philosophy of work

0:15:37.888,0:15:40.976
with a successful economy?

0:15:41.000,0:15:42.782
Or do you think that you can't,

0:15:42.806,0:15:46.480
but it doesn't matter that much that we're[br]putting too much emphasis on that?

0:15:46.504,0:15:47.976
AB: The nightmare thought

0:15:48.000,0:15:51.976
is that frightening people[br]is the best way to get work out of them,

0:15:52.000,0:15:55.412
and that somehow[br]the crueler the environment,

0:15:55.436,0:15:57.801
the more people will rise[br]to the challenge.

0:15:57.825,0:16:00.770
You want to think, who would you like[br]as your ideal dad?

0:16:00.794,0:16:03.976
And your ideal dad is somebody[br]who is tough but gentle.

0:16:04.000,0:16:06.213
And it's a very hard line to make.

0:16:06.237,0:16:09.976
We need fathers, as it were,[br]the exemplary father figures in society,

0:16:10.000,0:16:12.423
avoiding the two extremes,

0:16:12.447,0:16:15.976
which is the authoritarian[br]disciplinarian on the one hand,

0:16:16.000,0:16:20.801
and on the other,[br]the lax, no-rules option.

0:16:20.825,0:16:22.198
CA: Alain De Botton.

0:16:22.222,0:16:23.977
AB: Thank you very much.

0:16:24.001,0:16:29.888
(Applause)