Arin: (nerdy voice) Mickey Mouse?
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Arin: (nerdy voice) First of all…
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Arin: ♪ Hey, I'm grump! ♪
Danny: ♪ I'm not so grump! ♪
Both: ♪ And we're the Game Grumps! ♪
Arin: (nerdy voice) What the heck is up with this game?
(Danny laughs)
Arin: Are those paintings or windows?
Danny: (laughing) Oh my god!
Arin: (nerdy voice) Jeez, game designers. Make up your minds.
Danny: OK, so this is Mickey Mousecapade…
Danny: (laughing) …and right before we started, Arin and I were watching a walkthrough…
Danny: …where one of those guys was doing one of those fake-ass Angry Video Game Nerd voices…
Danny: …and now Arin can't stop doing it, and it's cracking my shit up.
Arin: (nerdy voice) What is this bullshit?
(Danny laughs)
Arin: (nerdy voice) Two cats? Why not three? Jeez. What were they thinking?
(Danny laughs)
Arin: (nerdy voice) This game's a bunch of poopy ass-dicks covered in chocolate feces.
(Danny laughs)
Arin: (nerdy voice) What is this? Some kind of angel? I don't want religion in my game.
Danny: (laughing) Oh my god!
Arin: (nerdy voice) Jeez! Walking chairs? What's he in a hurry for? To get sit on?
Danny: (laughing) Stop! I can't handle it!
Arin: (nerdy voice) What's this flashing bird flashing for? Is he the police?
(Arin and Danny laugh)
Danny: Holy shit!
Arin: (nerdy voice) Jeez. You open up a locked treasure chest to get a key.
Arin: (nerdy voice) Isn't that ass-backwards?
(Arin and Danny laugh)
Danny: (laughing) Oh my god!
Arin: (nerdy voice) What's the deal with these wall grenades?
(Danny laughs)
Arin: (nerdy voice) You'd think they'd explode a little bit bigger.
Arin: (nerdy voice) Come on, game designers. Get with it!
(Danny laughs)
Arin: (nerdy voice) This game's a bunch of poopy ass-drippings covered in semen!
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Danny: (laughing until he coughs) Oh god, the Skittles! I'm going to throw up Skittles!
Arin: (nerdy voice) Are you OK, Dan, or do you need a lobotomy?
Danny: (laughing) Shut up! Jeez, it's so stupid! Oh my god!
Arin: (nerdy voice) In this game, you play as a retarded mouse named Mickey.
Arin: (nerdy voice) He's got his girlfriend with him, but she should be too busy… in the kitchen!
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Danny: My god… Oh no! Minnie!
Arin: (nerdy voice) Sometimes, your girlfriend gets kidnapped by a bird.
Arin: (nerdy voice) Just like her. …Bitch. (laughs)
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Danny: Oh god! I can't deal with this!
Arin: (nerdy voice) This game has nothing to do with Disney… except that it sucks!
Danny: (laughing) So stupid.
Arin: (nerdy voice) What a bunch of poopy anus farts covered in dick waffles…
(Arin and Danny laugh)
Arin: (nerdy voice) …being poured all over a fat girl's titties!
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Danny: Oh, my lungs are going to collapse!
Danny: Minnie, you fucking bitch, where are you?
Arin: (nerdy voice) I've never experienced such ass-etry in my life!
Arin: (nerdy voice) Well, except maybe after I took that long diarrhea dump when I ate IHOP.
Danny: (laughing) Oh my god. How many fucking— OK, so Minnie's in one of these statues.
Danny: I gotta find her. Oh, damn it.
Arin: (nerdy voice) This is the dumbest game mechanic ever.
Arin: (nerdy voice) You have to keep going through a window, and if it's not the right Minnie…
Arin: (nerdy voice) …you have to come out again. Jeez! What were they thinking?
Arin: (nerdy voice) This game's a bunch of poopy—
(Danny interrupts with loud laughter and Arin joins him)
Arin: (nerdy voice) …that's been dipped in… vomit… from a cow's butthole!
Danny: Yay, Minnie! Ohhh, my god.
Arin: (nerdy voice) So, you get your girlfriend back, but she doesn't even do anything!
Arin: (nerdy voice) Why would you even want to get her back? …Bitch.
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Arin: (nerdy voice) And then you get to the first boss. She's a fat-ass witch and she shoots cotton balls.
Arin: (nerdy voice) Who gets hurt by cotton balls? Apparently, Mickey and his… bitch.
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Arin: (nerdy voice) Gosh. This game sucks so much. Who designed it? Satan?
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Danny: Oh my god. Would you say it reminds you of anything, Arin?
Danny: Like, maybe a certain type of feces of some kind?
Arin: (nerdy voice) Yeah. It reminds me of a pile of diarrhea dick farts…
Arin: (nerdy voice) …covered in cheesy vomit with a side of gorilla poop.
Danny: This may be the most mature episode of Game Grumps that's ever happened.
Danny: Oh, come on, Minnie. I need you.
Arin: (nerdy voice) I've never played such a bad game in my life.
Arin: (nerdy voice) Well, maybe I have. It's called Mickey Mousecapade 2.
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Danny: Oh, I can't deal with this anymore.
Arin: (nerdy voice) How are these spiders coming down? They don't even have web.
Arin: (nerdy voice) What the heck, game designers? Get it together!
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Danny: Oh my god, I'm going to fucking barf.
Arin: (nerdy voice) You're gonna barf? This game makes me barf… out diarrhea dicks!
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Arin: (nerdy voice) I pissed a cactus out my dick!
Danny: (laughing) What?! What does that even mean?
Arin: (nerdy voice) I farted on my mother's face, and she liked it better than this game.
Danny: (laughing) Oh, Jesus Christ.
Danny: This is gonna be the…
Danny: I don't know if I've shown my mom Game Grumps yet…
Danny: …but this is definitely going to be the first episode she sees, just by fate…
Danny: …and she'll be like, "Cool living you're making, Dan."
Arin: (laughing) "I'm glad you get to giggle at fart jokes all day."
Danny: "Really proud I sent you through college."
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Arin: She just, like, sheds a tear. Like, tear of joy or tear of something else?
Danny: Are you sensing that this door is requiring something? Yeah!
Danny: Oh, we can do it! Let's get out of here.
Arin: (nerdy voice) Wow! Glad I escaped that game! Wait. There's more? Ohhh nooo!
Arin: (nerdy voice) This game sucks better than a dick… farting on a… bagina…
(Danny laughs)
Arin: (nerdy voice) …covered in poop!
Danny: (laughing) Oh my god. Did you say "bagina"?
Arin: Yeah.
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Danny: Actually, I remember this board as being super hard, 'cause like…
Danny: …rogue waves just come that you can't fuckin', like…
Danny: Wait, is that a fuckin'… fox?
Danny: Aah! Arin: Whoa!
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Danny: I feel like, now, everything we're doing is, like, in that voice…
Danny: …whether we want it to be or not. Like… (nerdy voice) "Oh no!"
Arin: (nerdy voice) Whoa! Waves? Like that? That's not according to plate tectonics!
Danny: Dude, is that a fox-bird?
Arin: (nerdy voice) And then you have to avoid these birds that are constantly taking a shit.
Arin: (nerdy voice) What did they eat? Taco Bell?
(Danny laughs)
Danny: This episode of Game Grumps sponsored by Taco Bell.
(Arin laughs)
Arin: (nerdy voice) And then, when you get to the end of the screen, there's a bouncing alligator…
Arin: (nerdy voice) …and he's got no hands! Wait, maybe he does.
Arin: (nerdy voice) Come on, game designers! Make up your minds!
Danny: (nerdy voice) Oh my god, dude. I can't handle it.
Arin: (nerdy voice) This game's a bunch of diarrhea in the ass.
Danny: (laughing) Dude, it's when you compound the types of shit that the game is that I really can't deal.
Arin: (nerdy voice) The only thing this game reminds me of is the massive shit I took earlier.
(Arin and Danny laugh)
Arin: (nerdy voice) I've never been happier to play a game… except every other game I've ever played!
Danny: (laughing) Oh god. Are there really a ton of guys like that?
Arin: Oh, totally, dude! Danny: Oh, Jesus.
Arin: I mean, once AVGN hit the scene and made everybody laugh, everyone was like…
Arin: (nerdy voice) "I can do that! Let me put up my own videos!"
Arin: And yet they all forget that you need to be talented, charming, and funny to pull it off.
Danny: (laughing) Oh my god. Oh no! Oh…
Arin: So, if Minnie dies, you die?
Danny: Yeah, you just fuckin', like… die from grief, I guess.
Danny: "AAAHH! NOOO!"
Arin: (nerdy voice) If useless-ass Minnie dies, you die. What is this? A marriage?
(Danny laughs)
Danny: Wow, there is a fuckin' massive jump in difficulty from level 1 to level 2. Wow.
Danny: I was dealing with, like, chairs, and now it's every creature in the ocean and fox-birds.
Arin: (laughs) Fox-birds… and jellyfish and waves and then Crocodile Man…
Arin: …who, by the way… they don't swim in the ocean. They swim in lakes and ponds.
Danny: A lot of people don't know that. GOD DAMN IT!
Arin: Jeez, man. Danny: Right?
Danny: All right. I might not be able to make this happen.
Arin: I think you can make it happen.
Danny: Can you give me strength by perhaps…
Danny: …listing a bunch of different types of things that can come out of an anus?
Arin: (nerdy voice) This game reminds me of a piece of dooky butt…
Danny: (laughing) "Dooky Boy"?
Arin: (nerdy voice) …that smells like I put my hand in my mother's butthole!
(Danny laughs)
Arin: (nerdy voice) I ate chili today just so I could take a shit that's better than this game.
(Danny and Arin laugh)
Danny: (laughing) Oh my god. Oh my god!
Arin: (nerdy voice) I dug up a grave because I hear that you take a shit when you die…
Arin: (nerdy voice) …and it's probably better than this game!
Arin: (nerdy voice) What a bunch of ass drippings! What a bunch of kooky docky poo-poo!
Arin: (nerdy voice) What a bunch of brown and red feces! Yeah, that's bloody feces.
Danny: (laughing) Stop! Oh god!
Danny: Dude, we're gonna have amazing abs from laughing like goofballs for fuckin' 40 minutes straight.
Arin: (nerdy voice) When you have better abs, it makes you poop better…
Arin: (nerdy voice) …which means you'll poop out a better game than this.
Danny: (laughing) Oh my god, dude. I can't deal.
Danny: Ah! Oh no! Ah, I'm dead. I think that's the game. I think I lost. Oh, man.
Danny: (laughing) Well, this has been a super fun fuckin' episode.
Arin: (bumps the mic, nerdy voice) What a piece of bullshit!
Arin: (nerdy voice) You play the game and die and you get a game over?
Arin: What, do I just bring the game back? Come on! Let me try again! (bumps the mic)
Danny: Was this game sent to us by anybody? Arin: NO!
Danny: OK. (laughing) In that case… Arin: BYE!!!
(Danny laughs)