0:00:01.100,0:00:02.940
[Ridgewood--Queens]

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["New York Close Up"]

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["Jamian Juliano-Villani Kreće na posao"]

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To je jednostavna rutina:

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ulazim,

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podgrijem kavu,

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sjednem za kompjuter, pogledam stvari

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očistim svoje kistove,

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i onda krenem na posao.

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Nisam imala slobodnog vremena otkad [br]sam započela, što je ludo.

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Jednom kada imate rokove,[br]to je kao predstojeća osuda na propast

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Kao svodnik!

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Kao da stalno dugujete nekome nešto.

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Stres ubija kreativnost.

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Ako napravite lošu sliku[br]a vaš je posao umjetnik

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to je nešto najgore.

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To je sramotno.

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Kao da imaš čokoladu po cijelom licu[br]ili tako nešto--

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i ideš na neku gala večeru.

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Ti si dobar onoliko koliko[br]je tvoja zadnja slika--

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što je loše--

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ali, znate, to je neki oblik istine.

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Odrastala sam usred ničega,[br]u New Jerseyu.

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i samo sam željela otići iz New Jerseya[br]i odmah doći u New York.

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Činilo se da je New York mjesto gdje su[br]svi umjetnici odlazili postati umjetnici.

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["Painters Painting"][br]

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Gledala sam "Painters Painting"--

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Stella i Rauschenberg[br]i bla bla bla,

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i svi su oni, znate, u New Yorku--

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i sjede na ljestvama, prekriveni bojom.

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Za mene kao tinejđerku, to je bilo[br]čudesno.

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"To je..."

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"To je to!"[br]Razumijete?

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Sada to manje idealiziram

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jer dolazak u New York[br]i sam ulazak u umjetnički svijet--

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to je ludo!

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Imala sam mali milijun loših poslova.

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Konobarica u noćnoj smjeni.

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Radila sam u društvenom domu.

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Podučavala gimnastiku.

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Učiteljica u vrtiću.

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Uređivala knjige za marinca[br]koji je bio opsjednut brodovima.

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Putovala sam na posao i nazad[br]od posla u restoranu u New Jerseyu.

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pa sam mogla dobiti svoj prvi [br]stan u New Yorku.

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Zapravo sam slikala na krevetu

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i bila budna svaku noć kako bi slikala.

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Polako sam dobila malo veću sobu--

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i onda sam dobila malo veću sobu.

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Prije tri godine, dobila sam[br]moj prvi pravi studio ikada.

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To je bilo kao Božić, svaki dan.

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--Užasno.

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Slike su, mislim...

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One su nezgodne,

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Trebaš ih napraviti boljima,[br]napraviti čudnijma

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napraviti ih pametnijima,[br]napraviti ih glupljima.

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Samo naslikaš snjegovića[br]u pustinji...

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To je to? Zbilja?

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Kao da nema drugog koraka, [br]znate?

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Je li to kao kratak vic?

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Imam smisao za humor[br]i vrlo lak način pristupa nečemu.

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Upravo sam izmislila vic,

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i onda od tamo[br]kako možeš to izjednačiti,

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da bude [br]psihološko ili osobno?

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To je kao ping pong[br]naprijed i natrag, naprijed i natrag,

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dok nisu samo[br]sve te stvari koje idu ovako

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negirajući sebe.

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Donijela sam mnogo čudnih odluka[br]baš ovdje

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usred noći.

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Ali puno od toga je razgovor s [br]drugim ljudima.

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Ako imaš sve te drugačije glasove[br]koji ulaze,

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manje je od pradavanja jedne osobe.

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[Ajay Kurian, Umjetnik]

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Preko puta hodnika je Ajay,

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koji je izvanredan umjetnik

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Spasio me toliko puta

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"Uh, can you give me a minute[br]and we could like, um..."

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"You could just give me moral support please? Thanks."

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--I'm thinking like a very very, super light,[br]pale teal kind of colors.

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--Blue, or very very pale purple.

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--Purple is probably better?

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--Like cool purple.

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[KURIAN][br]--Like lavender, or?

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[JULIANO-VILLANI][br]--Cool ass purple.

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[KURIAN][br]--I could see that.

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[JULIANO-VILLANI][br]--Right.

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--Or like a...

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[KURIAN][br]--Is that a vase or a mirror?

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[JULIANO-VILLANI][br]--Who the fuck knows?

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--It will be a mirror.

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[KURIAN][br]--Okay.

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[JULIANO-VILLANI][br]--Hmm...

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--Fuck.

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One of my friends was telling me,

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"Just put some crap in there,[br]no one can tell."

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I was like, "Thanks, jerk!"

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[Inhales sharply]

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But I can definitely tell.

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Because these are supposed to be confident.

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I just turned 30.

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I mean, I chainsmoke--[br]like, you know, a pack and a half a day.

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I drink a lot.

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My sleeping habits are terrible.

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I eat garbage.

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This is just a vessel,[br]you know what I mean?

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The past couple of years, I had so much stamina

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and just kept on working and pumping.

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And now, it's like, when it actually matters,

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I got to make sure I still have it.

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I think the main pressure is[br]maintaining integrity

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and making work that you feel good about--

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even under pressure,[br]which is really difficult.

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I really want to push the paintings--

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and I don't know how yet,[br]but hopefully I'll figure it out

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and make them something[br]that they aren't yet.

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I know I'm going to make some, like,

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embarrassing, bad sculptures[br]or videos or something.

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But, like, fuck it,[br]I got to do it,

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now is the time--

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while I have the energy.