[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.28,0:00:02.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Achmed the Dead Terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.10,0:00:07.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[cheers and applause]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.100,0:00:20.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.33,0:00:27.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Good evening, Achmed.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.67,0:00:32.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Good evening... infedel.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.28,0:00:34.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So you're a terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.77,0:00:37.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes, I am a terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.50,0:00:39.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What kind of terrorist?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.40,0:00:43.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-A terrifying... terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.43,0:00:45.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.70,0:00:47.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you scared?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.20,0:00:49.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Not really, no.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.30,0:00:50.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-[growls]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.90,0:00:53.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.17,0:00:54.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.52,0:00:56.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Not really, no.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.17,0:00:58.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Ah-ha!!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.84,0:01:01.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How 'bout now?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.50,0:01:03.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.07,0:01:04.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-God damn it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.53,0:01:07.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, oh...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.03,0:01:11.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean... Allah damn it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.33,0:01:13.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.40,0:01:15.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Silence!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.78,0:01:17.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I kill you!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.20,0:01:20.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.56,0:01:29.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So, Achmed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.07,0:01:30.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No no, it's Accchmed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.83,0:01:32.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-That's what I said.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.50,0:01:33.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No, you said Achmed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.73,0:01:35.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's Accchmed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.05,0:01:36.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.67,0:01:38.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Silence!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.68,0:01:40.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I kill you!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.80,0:01:44.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.70,0:01:50.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How do you spell it?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.77,0:01:51.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.83,0:01:54.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.34,0:01:55.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How do you spell your name?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.60,0:01:56.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh let's see now,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.40,0:02:00.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A, C...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.43,0:02:02.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,phlegm...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.17,0:02:04.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.61,0:02:06.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Silence!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.83,0:02:08.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I kill you!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.80,0:02:12.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.99,0:02:21.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So Achmed, if you're a terrorist, I suppose you have some sort of specialty.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.60,0:02:23.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes, I am a suicide bomber.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.96,0:02:25.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Ah, so you're finished.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.60,0:02:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.00,0:02:29.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You've done your job.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.90,0:02:31.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No I haven't.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.26,0:02:32.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-But you're dead.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.73,0:02:34.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No I'm not.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.43,0:02:36.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel fine.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.13,0:02:37.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.63,0:02:38.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-But you're all bone.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.97,0:02:40.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-It's a flesh wound.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.23,0:02:42.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.53,0:02:43.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Silence!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.93,0:02:45.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I kill you!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.33,0:02:46.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.86,0:02:51.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What the hell happened to my feet?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.51,0:02:55.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Son of bitch, what the hell?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.90,0:02:57.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh wait a minute, what the hell--
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.90,0:02:59.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what the-- stop it- what are you doing to me?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.80,0:03:03.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stop touching me!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.10,0:03:06.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.23,0:03:13.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I kill you!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.03,0:03:14.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Just hold on, we'll fix this.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.33,0:03:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What are you doing? Holy crap, I'm in the air.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.00,0:03:19.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wait, something is tangled.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.23,0:03:22.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need some ligaments.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.97,0:03:24.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.40,0:03:25.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Just sit still.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.33,0:03:26.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.80,0:03:28.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will not move my ass.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.13,0:03:32.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You idiot, you don't have an ass.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.33,0:03:36.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.98,0:03:43.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Is that Walter?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.83,0:03:46.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He scares the crap out of me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.37,0:03:48.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.33,0:03:51.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Please do not put me back in the same suitcase.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.73,0:03:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.00,0:03:54.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-He has gas.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.40,0:03:56.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.33,0:04:00.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Saddam's mustard gas was nothing compared to a Walter fort.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.37,0:04:02.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.57,0:04:05.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Walter laughs]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.03,0:04:08.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter and applause]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.22,0:04:14.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not funny!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.17,0:04:16.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He will kill us.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.63,0:04:19.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Listen, Achmed, I have something to tell you.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.68,0:04:20.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.70,0:04:22.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You really are dead.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.02,0:04:23.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Are you sure?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.40,0:04:24.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.33,0:04:26.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I just got my flu shot.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.19,0:04:29.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You really are dead.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.30,0:04:30.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Wait, if i'm dead,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.87,0:04:33.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[gasps] that means I get my 72 virgins!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.70,0:04:37.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.53,0:04:39.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you my virgins?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.99,0:04:41.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope not.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.90,0:04:43.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.23,0:04:45.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-There's a bunch of ugly-ass guys out there.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.47,0:04:48.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.00,0:04:52.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If this is paradise, I've been screwed.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.43,0:04:56.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Well, did they say it would be only female virgins?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.33,0:04:57.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Holy crap!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.63,0:05:01.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.42,0:05:09.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wait, I could have Clay Aiken.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.10,0:05:14.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter and shocked reactions]
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.14,0:05:18.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I told a joke.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.79,0:05:21.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So listen Achmed, where did you come from?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.50,0:05:23.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Your freakin' suitcase.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.37,0:05:24.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[mimicks laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.57,0:05:28.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I told another one.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.47,0:05:30.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Look, if you've been in my suitcase all this time,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.47,0:05:32.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how did you get through security in the airports?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.63,0:05:33.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh that's easy,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.60,0:05:36.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they open the case and I go, "Hello!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.53,0:05:38.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am Lindsay Lohan!"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.97,0:05:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.08,0:05:47.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I told another joke.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.15,0:05:49.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can do this crap too.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.37,0:05:51.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, here's another one.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.17,0:05:52.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two jews walk into bar.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.83,0:05:53.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.87,0:05:57.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What? You don't let jews in your bar?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.13,0:05:59.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You racist bastard.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.40,0:06:05.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What I mean is I don't want racist jokes in my act.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.48,0:06:07.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Okay, what if I kill the Jews?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.53,0:06:09.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.20,0:06:12.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I'm kidding, I would not kill the Jews, no.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.20,0:06:15.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.79,0:06:19.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.65,0:06:21.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[mimics laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.83,0:06:25.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes yes, I did the same thing with two Catholic priests,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.03,0:06:27.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I tossed in a small boy.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.31,0:06:30.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.23,0:06:37.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, yes, and the winner had to fight Michael Jackson.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.80,0:06:41.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.70,0:06:42.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Achmed.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.57,0:06:43.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.27,0:06:45.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Stop doing this, you can't tell jokes like that.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.14,0:06:47.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why not? I'm killing, so to speak.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.92,0:06:49.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No, you can't tell jokes like that.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.80,0:06:50.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.30,0:06:51.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-It offends people.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.10,0:06:53.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh, I'm dead, what do I care?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.88,0:06:56.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do you want me to do, knock-knock jokes?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.67,0:06:58.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-That'd probably be better.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.50,0:06:59.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Okay, knock-knock.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.43,0:07:00.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Who's there?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.33,0:07:01.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Me. I kill you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.37,0:07:04.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.20,0:07:06.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So look, as a suicide bomber, have you had training?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.37,0:07:09.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Of course, we had the suicide bomber training camp.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.20,0:07:11.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Ah, is that a nice facility?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.03,0:07:12.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-It used to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.23,0:07:14.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.31,0:07:15.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What happened?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.20,0:07:16.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-New guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.16,0:07:18.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.49,0:07:19.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The idiot tried to practice.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.90,0:07:22.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-And what did you guys learn from that?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.53,0:07:24.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Location, location, location.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.82,0:07:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So you guys have any kind of motto?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.00,0:07:30.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Like what?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.77,0:07:32.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Like, "We're looking for a few good men."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.65,0:07:35.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-"We're looking for some idiots with no future."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.16,0:07:36.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.64,0:07:37.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So where do you get your recruits?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.87,0:07:39.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-The suicide hotline.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.84,0:07:43.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[mimics laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.68,0:07:48.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was dark, was it not?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.20,0:07:50.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So what exactly happened to you?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.97,0:07:51.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Huh?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.82,0:07:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What happened?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.00,0:07:55.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh, if you must know,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.43,0:07:57.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am a horrible suicide bomber.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.50,0:07:58.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What happened?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.93,0:08:01.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I had a premature detonation.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.53,0:08:03.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.20,0:08:08.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I set the timer for 30 minutes, but it went off in four seconds.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.29,0:08:10.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know what that's like, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.56,0:08:13.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[shocked laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.13,0:08:20.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mr. Hurricane.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.79,0:08:25.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Walter laughs]
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.55,0:08:31.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So Achmed, what exactly happened to you?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.81,0:08:34.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I was getting gasoline and I answered my cell phone.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.97,0:08:37.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you hear me now--
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.83,0:08:42.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At first I thought it was because I went over my minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.10,0:08:43.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-That's too bad.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.90,0:08:46.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-It's okay, I took that Verizon bastard with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.70,0:08:49.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.85,0:08:58.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So what's it like to die?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.10,0:08:59.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you see a white light?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.23,0:09:01.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-If you're dumb enough to watch the explosion, yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.83,0:09:05.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No, some people say when they die, they see a white light.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.30,0:09:06.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What did you see?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.27,0:09:08.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I saw flying car parts.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.64,0:09:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What the last thing that went through your mind?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.00,0:09:12.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-My ass.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.12,0:09:13.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.87,0:09:16.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[mimics laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.03,0:09:18.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Walter told me to tell that joke.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.97,0:09:21.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So you never saw a white light.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.53,0:09:24.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No, but I saw a blue Prius.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.52,0:09:30.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you really have one of those vehicles?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.10,0:09:32.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughs]
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.20,0:09:35.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is not a car, that's a lunchbox.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.33,0:09:39.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you know when you're going down a highway in a Prius,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.63,0:09:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you put your hand out the window, the vehicle would turn?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.31,0:09:47.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You did all this for a bunch of virgins?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.87,0:09:50.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Are you kidding me, I'd kill you for a Klondike bar.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.77,0:09:53.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.62,0:09:55.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So I guess you're Muslim.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.13,0:09:55.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I don't think so.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.80,0:09:56.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You're not Muslim?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.67,0:09:57.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.40,0:09:57.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.93,0:09:59.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Look on my ass, it says "Made in China."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.63,0:10:02.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.17,0:10:05.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Walter says I'm just a stinking Halloween decoration.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.47,0:10:10.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.07,0:10:11.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So do you like being in DC?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.63,0:10:13.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I think some idiots must live here.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.83,0:10:14.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.93,0:10:17.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-For example, the Washington Monument.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.07,0:10:17.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.77,0:10:19.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-It looks nothing like the guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.37,0:10:21.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.02,0:10:25.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It looks more like a tribute to Bill Clinton.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.57,0:10:32.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[wild laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.50,0:10:34.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What do you think of Bush?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.67,0:10:37.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh, I love-- Oh you mean the president, I'm sorry.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.83,0:10:41.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-And that's Achmed the Dead Terrorist, there you go!
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.61,0:10:44.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[cheers and applause]
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.40,0:10:47.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Captioned by SpongeSebastian