[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.85,0:00:07.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if i have any success in creating the kind of conditions that I described initially
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.66,0:00:13.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then we may be able to see some of these changes in this client
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.44,0:00:17.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though I know in advance that our contact is going to be very brief
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.47,0:00:23.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(client walks in)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.33,0:00:26.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,good morning- I'm Dr. Rogers you must be Gloria
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.34,0:00:28.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes I am. You can sit right in this chair.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.74,0:00:34.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, we have half an hour
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.37,0:00:38.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,together and I really don't know what we'll be able to make of it
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.90,0:00:41.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I hope we can make something of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.52,0:00:46.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd be glad to know whatever concerns you
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.49,0:00:50.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well right now I'm nervous, but
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.09,0:00:54.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel more comfortable the way you're talking in a low voice, I don't feel like you'll be so harsh on me.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.48,0:00:56.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, ah
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.25,0:00:58.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hear the tremor in your voice
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.58,0:01:08.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, the main thing I want to talk to you about is ah, I'm just newly divorced
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.77,0:01:13.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and uh, I had gone in therapy before and I felt comfortable when I left
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.70,0:01:18.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all of a sudden now and the biggest change is adjusting to my single life
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.38,0:01:26.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and uh, one of the thing that worries me most is especially men and having men to the house and how it affects the children and ah,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.17,0:01:35.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The biggest thing that keeps coming to my mind that I want to tell you about is I have a daughter who is 9, who at one time I felt had a lot of
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.50,0:01:39.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,emotional problems and I wish I could stop shaking
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.35,0:01:41.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Laughs quietly and warmly
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.66,0:01:44.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel very self-conscious of things affecting her. I don't want her to become upset...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.95,0:01:48.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't want to shock her. I want her so bad to accept me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.34,0:01:51.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we're real open with each other, especially about sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.66,0:01:56.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the other day she saw a girl who was single but pregnant and she asked me
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.30,0:01:58.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all about can girls get pregnant if they're single
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.94,0:02:02.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the conversation was fine and I wasn't un-at ease at all with her until
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.82,0:02:06.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she asked me if I'd ever made love to a man since I left her daddy
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.74,0:02:07.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I lied to her
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.43,0:02:11.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And ever since that it keeps coming back to my mind because I feel so guilty lying to her
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.52,0:02:13.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never lie and I want her to trust me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.09,0:02:14.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mm Hmm
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.15,0:02:16.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I almost want an answer from you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.21,0:02:19.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you to tell me if that will affect her wrong if I told her the truth or what.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.70,0:02:26.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's this concern about her and the fact that you feel that this open relationship that has
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.18,0:02:28.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,existed between now you kind of feel is
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.15,0:02:30.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gloria (interrupts Rogers): Yes I feel like I have to be on guard about things
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.77,0:02:35.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I remember when I was a little girl when I first found out that my mommy and daddy made love
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.06,0:02:36.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought it was dirty and terrible
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.19,0:02:38.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and wrong and I didn't like her anymore for a while.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.99,0:02:42.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I don't want to lie to Pammy either.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.54,0:02:45.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well I sure wish I could give you an answer as to what you should tell her.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.60,0:02:49.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was afraid you were going to say that
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.03,0:02:52.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mm hmm, because what you really want is an answer
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.10,0:02:57.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to especially know if it would affect her if I was completely open and honest with her
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.10,0:03:01.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if it would affect her because I lied. I feel like it's bound to make a strain because I lied to her.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.11,0:03:06.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mmm hmm. You kind of feel like she'll suspect that or she'll know something is not quite right.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.86,0:03:08.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel that she will distrust me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.21,0:03:13.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And also I feel like what about when she is a little older and finds herself in touchy situations.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.88,0:03:16.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She probably wouldn't want to admit it to me because she would think I'm so good and so sweet
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.76,0:03:22.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet I'm afraid she could think I'm really a devil and I want so bad for her to accept me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.74,0:03:24.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I don't really know how much her mind kind take.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.60,0:03:30.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And really both alternatives concern you. She might think that you're too good or
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.54,0:03:34.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,better than you really are or she might think that you are worse than you really are.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.78,0:03:38.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not worse than I really am. I don't know if she can accept me how I really am.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.02,0:03:41.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think I paint a picture that I'm all sweet and motherly.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.32,0:03:44.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm a little ashamed of my shady side.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.14,0:03:46.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mm hm, Mm hmm, I see.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.91,0:03:55.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That really, cuts a little deeper. If she really knew you, would she, could she accept you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.02,0:03:59.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what I don't know, yes, I don't want her to turn away from me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.41,0:04:06.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I don't even know how I feel about it, because there are times when I feel so guilty
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.27,0:04:11.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like when I have a man over, I even try to make a special set up so that if I were ever alone
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.06,0:04:13.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with him she would never catch me and that sort of thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.44,0:04:17.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I'm real worried about it, and yet I know that I still have these desires.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.37,0:04:25.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it is not only her problem or the relationship with her, but it is in you as well
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.77,0:04:27.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is my guilt, yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.62,0:04:28.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel guilty.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.74,0:04:39.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What can I accept myself as doing and you realize that [unintelligible] that you're not caught or something
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.83,0:04:42.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you realize you are acting from guilt. Is that it?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.78,0:04:43.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.18,0:04:50.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would like to feel comfortable with whatever I do. If I choose not to tell Pammy the truth to
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.54,0:04:52.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feel comfortable that she can't handle it and I don't.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.50,0:04:56.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to be honest and yet I feel that there are some areas that I don't even accept!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.94,0:05:03.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mmm hmm, and if you can't accept them in yourself how could you possibly be comfortable in telling that to her.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.03,0:05:03.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gloria: Right
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.49,0:05:12.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet as you say, you do have these desires and you do have these feelings, but you don't feel good about them
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.68,0:05:12.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.97,0:05:17.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Silence
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.25,0:05:20.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I have a feeling you're just going to let me sit her and stew in it
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.16,0:05:27.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I just want more ... ah... I want you to help me get rid of my guilt feeling
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.30,0:05:33.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I can get rid of my guilt feeling about lying or going to bed with a single man... any of that just so I can feel more comfortable.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.14,0:05:34.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mm hmm
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.18,0:05:40.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I guess I'd like to say no, I don't want to let you just stew in your feelings, but on the other hand I also feel
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.46,0:05:49.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That this is the kind of the very private thing that I couldn't possibly answer for you, but I sure as anything will help you work towards your own answer
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.24,0:05:54.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know if that makes any sense to you but I mean it
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.21,0:05:58.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, I appreciate you saying that you sound like you mean it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.68,0:06:02.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I don't know where to go.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.04,0:06:03.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't begin to know where to go.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.46,0:06:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought that I pretty well worked over most of my guilt.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.96,0:06:08.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now that this is coming up, I'm disappointed in myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.02,0:06:10.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really am.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.88,0:06:13.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want-- I like it when I feel-- no matter what I do,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.08,0:06:16.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if it's against my own morals or my upbringing
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.90,0:06:18.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That I can still feel good about me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.25,0:06:20.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now I don't like
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.72,0:06:22.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's a girl at work who sort of mothers me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.61,0:06:29.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I think she thinks I'm all sweet and I sure don't want to show my more angry devilish side with her.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.63,0:06:31.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to be sweet, and it's so hard for me
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.26,0:06:33.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this all seems so new again.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.06,0:06:34.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's so disappointing.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.12,0:06:36.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah I get the disappointment,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.38,0:06:44.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot of these things you thought you worked through and now the guilt and the feelings that only a part of you is acceptable to anybody else.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.29,0:06:44.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.85,0:06:46.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That keeps coming out.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.46,0:06:53.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Silence
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.70,0:06:55.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I guess I did catch the real
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.54,0:07:01.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,deep puzzlement that you feel is to what the hell shall I do? What can I do?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.96,0:07:06.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes and you know what I can find doctor is that everything that I start to do
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.72,0:07:11.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or impulse, that seems natural to tell Pammy or to go out on a date or something
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.93,0:07:15.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm comfortable until I think I must have affected as a child
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.41,0:07:17.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the minute that comes up I'm all hay wire
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.37,0:07:22.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like I want to be a good mother so bad, and I feel like I am a good mother
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.57,0:07:24.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but then there's those little exceptions.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.72,0:07:26.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like my guilt's with working,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.41,0:07:29.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to work and it's so fun having extra money and I like to work nights
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.17,0:07:31.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the minute I think I'm not being real good to the children,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.57,0:07:33.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or giving them enough time then I start feeling guilty again.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.49,0:07:37.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then that's when-- what do they call it-- a double bind
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.30,0:07:38.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's just what it feels like.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.60,0:07:42.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to do this and it feels right but after all I'm not being a good mother and I want to be both.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.84,0:07:45.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm becoming more and more aware of the perfectionist I am,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.90,0:07:47.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's what it seems I can want to be so perfect.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.08,0:07:51.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or I want to become perfect in my standards or not have that need anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.63,0:07:57.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or I guess I hear it a little differently that what you want to be is to seem perfect,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.44,0:08:06.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it means a great matter of importance to be a good mother and you want to seem to be a good mother
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.96,0:08:11.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even if some of your actual feelings differ from them, does that catching?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.76,0:08:13.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah I don't feel like I'm saying that,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.03,0:08:14.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that isn't what I feel really.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.68,0:08:19.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to approve of me always, but my actions won't let me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.15,0:08:20.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to approve of me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.61,0:08:27.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I realize that-- I like to understand that.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.53,0:08:31.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It seems like your actions are outside of you,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.04,0:08:33.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you want to approve of you,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.91,0:08:38.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but what you do somehow won't let you approve of yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.42,0:08:38.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.25,0:08:44.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like I feel like I can approve of myself regarding
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.75,0:08:48.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for example, my sex life, this is the big thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.43,0:08:51.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I really fell in love with a man, and I respected him and i adored him
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.96,0:08:54.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think I'd feel so guilty, going to bed with him
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.92,0:08:59.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I don't think I'd have to make any excuses to the children because they could see my natural caring for him.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.21,0:09:02.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But when I have the physical desire and I'll say oh well why not,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.96,0:09:07.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I want to anyway, then I feel guilty afterwards I hate facing the kids,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.44,0:09:10.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't like looking at myself and I rarely enjoy it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.04,0:09:14.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is what I mean, if the circumstances were different I don't think I'd feel so guilty
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.42,0:09:15.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I'd feel right about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.50,0:09:18.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah I guess I hear you saying,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.32,0:09:22.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if what I was doing when I went to bed with a man was really genuine and full of love,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.97,0:09:26.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and respect I wouldn't feel guilty in relation to Pam,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.80,0:09:29.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really would be comfortable about the situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.82,0:09:30.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's how I feel. Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.09,0:09:34.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I know that sounds like I want a perfect situation, but that is how I feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.77,0:09:37.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in the mean time I can't stop these desires,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.84,0:09:41.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've tried that also, I've tried [unintelligible]. I don't like myself when I do that.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.89,0:09:43.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I don't do it anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.11,0:09:45.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I resent the children,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.28,0:09:48.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think why should they stop me from doing what I want and it's really not that bad.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.28,0:09:57.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then I guess I heard you saying too, that it's only the children.