[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.24,0:00:18.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[INTRODUCTION THEME MUSIC]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.97,0:00:21.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis said,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.50,0:00:23.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"If you bungle raising your children,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.41,0:00:26.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,nothing else much matters in life."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.32,0:00:27.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So much is at stake, and yet,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.80,0:00:30.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in an ABC news poll done for Primetime,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.35,0:00:32.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,54 percent of the parents polled said
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.74,0:00:35.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they feel overwhelmed by the job.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.37,0:00:37.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we decided to try something different.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.55,0:00:39.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We decided to make parents reporters
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.90,0:00:41.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reporting on themselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.75,0:00:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We gave them cameras and said,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.97,0:00:46.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Take for us the scenes that trouble you the most."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.56,0:00:48.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then Jay Schadler went in with an expert
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.50,0:00:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to give some practical clues, advice, and support
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.80,0:00:54.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the most important job in the world-
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.37,0:00:56.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,raising a child.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.23,0:01:01.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LULLABY PLAYING]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.52,0:01:04.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[INDISTINCT TALKING]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.75,0:01:06.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Karina and David Rush are wearing
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.39,0:01:08.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,great expectations these days.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.99,0:01:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do you think of this?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.00,0:01:11.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you think this will fit?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.67,0:01:13.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A baby's on the way,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.47,0:01:15.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're about to become parents.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.73,0:01:18.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thrilling, exciting, nerve-wracking,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.99,0:01:21.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot of changes probably that need to be made
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.46,0:01:24.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in our lives, but we're very happy to make them,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.55,0:01:26.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we're ready.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.62,0:01:30.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Barry and Barbara Cohen already have nine years
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.45,0:01:32.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of on-the-job experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.56,0:01:34.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's totally not what I expected.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.76,0:01:37.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's very rewarding, don't get the wrong impression,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.17,0:01:39.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's ten times more work
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.75,0:01:43.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than I ever thought it would be.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.17,0:01:44.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Parenting may be the most challenging
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.86,0:01:47.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and important job we'll ever face.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.17,0:01:49.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's certainly the most mysterious.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.59,0:01:51.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our children come with no instruction manuals,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.47,0:01:54.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no blue prints, guaranteeing success.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.14,0:01:56.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so we puzzle over the great riddle
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.46,0:01:59.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of raising our kids.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.15,0:02:00.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can definitely teach parents
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.82,0:02:03.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,specific techniques to use with their kids,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.39,0:02:06.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and specific ways to interpret
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.60,0:02:07.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what their kids are doing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.64,0:02:10.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Doctor Lawrence Kutner, a clinical psychologist,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.26,0:02:12.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,teaches at Harvard Medical School
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.13,0:02:14.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and is a columnist for Parent's Magazine.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.100,0:02:17.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What makes it difficult now is that the problems
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.93,0:02:21.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,faced by parents of this generation are quite different
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.44,0:02:23.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from the problems faced by parents
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.15,0:02:25.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of one or two generations ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.40,0:02:26.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It ain't gonna happen that you're gonna go
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.90,0:02:28.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to somebody else's house and we're not
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.61,0:02:30.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,going to know who they are.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.28,0:02:31.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To understand what those problems are
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.88,0:02:33.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and begin grappling with solutions,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.94,0:02:36.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Primetime spoke to hundreds of parents
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.45,0:02:37.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of school age children.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.88,0:02:40.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eventually we gave 12 parents video cameras
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.50,0:02:42.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to document the home front battles.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.85,0:02:46.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're 16, you have no right to do anything,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.16,0:02:47.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're just a kid!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.78,0:02:50.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Between these takes, and our conversations,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.36,0:02:53.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lies a portrait of modern parenting.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.72,0:02:55.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a teenager when I thought I knew more
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.61,0:02:57.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than my parents, but my six year old thinks
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.22,0:02:59.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he knows more than I do.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.69,0:03:01.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kids would know, "No," would mean, "No,"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.43,0:03:02.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we were growing up.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.74,0:03:04.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"No" means "why?"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.32,0:03:06.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it just goes and on and on and on.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.18,0:03:08.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only knowledge I had to raise
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.49,0:03:10.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my kids was the way that I was raised.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.86,0:03:13.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But hasn't that worked for centuries?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.25,0:03:16.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Has it? I don't know. I don't think so.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.43,0:03:18.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not working in my house.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.42,0:03:21.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We begin with Barry and Barbara Cohen,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.82,0:03:22.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who have been fighting with their two sons
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.60,0:03:24.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ages nine and seven, about everything from
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.90,0:03:26.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,homework to bedtime.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.96,0:03:28.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unsure of what to do,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.53,0:03:30.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dad does what was done to him.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.99,0:03:33.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spanked one of my children so hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.16,0:03:36.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hated myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.38,0:03:39.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I looked and I said, "What am I doing?"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.45,0:03:42.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew I couldn't continue like that.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.67,0:03:43.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is Daddy a good parent?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.97,0:03:47.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No. Turn it off!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.26,0:03:49.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And why he is not a good parent?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.19,0:03:50.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because he yells at me,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.66,0:03:52.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he hits me, he punishes me,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.49,0:03:55.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he makes me go to bed early.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.49,0:03:59.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And why does he do that?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.94,0:04:01.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because he's mean.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.74,0:04:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tell me an episode when you lost control.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.50,0:04:05.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The two of them would be fighting.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.62,0:04:08.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would tell them five minutes before,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.77,0:04:10.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Don't even look at each other,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.22,0:04:11.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't sit near each other,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.77,0:04:13.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just stay away from each other."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.80,0:04:15.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A minute later, one of them is crying
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.83,0:04:17.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or both of them are crying.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.55,0:04:20.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would be so upset myself that I would lose
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.23,0:04:21.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,control, I'd wind up spanking them,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.99,0:04:24.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and everybody would be crying.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.37,0:04:26.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And where do you think you got that idea
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.96,0:04:28.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to do that in the first place?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.94,0:04:31.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father was a screamer, my mother was
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.16,0:04:34.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a screamer, and my father used to whip
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.83,0:04:36.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the belt off in one flash and you know,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.97,0:04:38.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we'd get whipped.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.67,0:04:41.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well Dad, here we are.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.52,0:04:44.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Children not listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.37,0:04:50.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Misbehaving.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.46,0:04:52.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,DON'T DO IT AGAIN!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.31,0:04:53.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You, go to your room.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.39,0:04:59.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,David, you're in your room.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.66,0:05:01.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where are you?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.78,0:05:02.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's hiding.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.98,0:05:06.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm in my room!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.37,0:05:08.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[SCREAMING]
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.100,0:05:11.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Barry comes from a long line of screamers.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.31,0:05:12.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's what he grew up with,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.64,0:05:13.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that's what he knows,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.79,0:05:15.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that's what he's perpetuating.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.51,0:05:16.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if it doesn't work,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.89,0:05:18.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's the one technique he's comfortable with,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.97,0:05:20.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so he keeps doing it.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.63,0:05:23.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, but you can't always be explaining to kids.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.42,0:05:24.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, no, you can't always be explaining to kids,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.74,0:05:27.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you can say, "You guys are acting out
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.86,0:05:30.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,too much; you're going to have to quiet down.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.67,0:05:33.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you in your room until you can quiet down."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.92,0:05:34.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's very different from the
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.99,0:05:37.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You, in your room; you, in your room."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.33,0:05:38.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you believe in spanking?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.73,0:05:41.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By itself, it's a lousy technique.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.82,0:05:43.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't teach the child anything new
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.41,0:05:45.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,except to fear you.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.45,0:05:48.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kerry and Michael Pollack have two sons,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.53,0:05:51.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,seven year old Zachary and four year old Dillon.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.62,0:05:54.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, it's funny, because as much as every day
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.80,0:05:57.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is trying to keep your kids in control,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.97,0:06:00.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,every day is keeping yourself in control.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.40,0:06:01.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Absolutely.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.20,0:06:02.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.29,0:06:03.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most of the time I know that I feel like
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.47,0:06:06.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm in control of no one and nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.39,0:06:09.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Capturing the chaos on tape is easy
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.23,0:06:11.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,compared to calming the storm.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.50,0:06:13.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What would you do?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.34,0:06:14.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You disobeyed me!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.68,0:06:16.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Go upstairs when your shoes are tied,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.64,0:06:19.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when you can- I CAN'T TIE THEM!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.41,0:06:22.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is an absolutely classic temper tantrum.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.14,0:06:24.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The kid is unable to express in words
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.38,0:06:26.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the intensity of the emotion
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.18,0:06:28.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that he or she feels.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.38,0:06:30.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so it comes out with flailing arms
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.63,0:06:32.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and kicking legs and screaming.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.10,0:06:33.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're completely out of control.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.56,0:06:36.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, what you want to do is you stay calm,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.32,0:06:39.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the child needs to barrow your calmness.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.97,0:06:41.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I like that idea.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.22,0:06:42.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What you do is you walk over and you physically
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.91,0:06:45.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,move your child, even if it's only two or three feet.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.54,0:06:47.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.50,0:06:50.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It shows that you are in control of the situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.55,0:06:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are times, are there not, when punishment
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.40,0:06:56.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is absolutely called for?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.42,0:06:59.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, discipline is different from punishment.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.46,0:07:01.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Discipline has to do with teaching.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.42,0:07:03.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yes, there are times when a kid needs
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.64,0:07:05.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to see the consequences of behavior.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.46,0:07:09.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I like having is natural consequences of things.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.19,0:07:11.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your child loses his baseball mitt all the time,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.38,0:07:13.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well you don't go out and buy another one.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.21,0:07:14.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How about time outs? What do you think
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.35,0:07:16.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about time outs? Pretty effective?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.13,0:07:17.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are two purposes to time out.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.57,0:07:20.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One, is your child has to calm down,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.16,0:07:22.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get back in control.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.19,0:07:24.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other is the parent has time to calm down
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.42,0:07:26.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and get back into control.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.23,0:07:27.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What we found with time out is
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.70,0:07:31.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the shortest period possible is the best.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.96,0:07:34.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course, as children grow older,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.42,0:07:36.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the menu of parenting problems
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.76,0:07:38.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,becomes more complex.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.45,0:07:39.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do you give your child a taste
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.32,0:07:42.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of independence without risking their safety?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.55,0:07:44.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a balancing act Marilyn McLaughlin
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.54,0:07:46.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,struggles with every day.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.62,0:07:48.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, your lungs sound pretty good.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.28,0:07:50.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a single working mom with two girls,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.88,0:07:54.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thirteen year old Erin and eleven year old Mary.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.25,0:07:57.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's coming home from school by themselves,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.39,0:07:59.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's knowing that your neighborhood
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.52,0:08:02.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not going to look out for them.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.07,0:08:04.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is how it is, this is the world we live in,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.18,0:08:07.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's not, you know, all starry-eyed.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.10,0:08:09.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't run around, you meet men you do not
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.19,0:08:10.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,go up to them, you do not say hello,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.48,0:08:12.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we do not become friendly with them. That's it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.50,0:08:14.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So now what do you think that does to them
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.08,0:08:15.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when they look at men?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.25,0:08:16.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It puts the fear of God in them,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.67,0:08:18.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is fine by me. Okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.99,0:08:21.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think that they should be leery of anything
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.24,0:08:23.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're not sure of.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.32,0:08:25.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She has a tremendous amount of fear,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.09,0:08:27.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not all of it that well justified,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.28,0:08:30.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you look at what are the real dangers for kids.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.12,0:08:32.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But here, Marilyn is a single mother, she's working
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.33,0:08:34.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she's seen how hard it can be out there.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.60,0:08:35.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, absolutely.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.51,0:08:37.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she cares tremendously about these children.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.55,0:08:39.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But instilling that type of fear
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.46,0:08:42.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will eventually work against her.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.72,0:08:44.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's what happens when Mary,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.33,0:08:46.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,her eleven year old, asks to have
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.19,0:08:47.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thirty extra minutes after school
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.94,0:08:49.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to hang out with friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.62,0:08:51.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do not approve of you being out
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.03,0:08:53.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the street without adult supervision
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.43,0:08:56.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for that length of time by yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.23,0:08:57.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't hang out in the streets.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.84,0:08:58.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mary, where do you hang out
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.74,0:08:59.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and talk to your friends?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.80,0:09:01.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In school, in the school yard.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.63,0:09:02.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, you...
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.47,0:09:04.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, people play basketball and we sit on the side.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.99,0:09:06.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there's no adult supervision over there.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.99,0:09:09.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a guard.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.22,0:09:11.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, the guard is not looking out for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.96,0:09:13.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He doesn't care what's going on.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.31,0:09:14.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, 'cause he stands by the gate
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.75,0:09:17.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until like six o'clock at night.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.56,0:09:21.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The whole matter of fact is this,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.14,0:09:23.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I feel very uncomfortable.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.76,0:09:26.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's just in the school yard.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.76,0:09:28.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do I know she's just in the school yard?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.62,0:09:30.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm supposed to trust you to say
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.82,0:09:32.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you are just in the school yard?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.28,0:09:33.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, you are!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.58,0:09:35.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here we have the daughter who is telling her,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.60,0:09:36.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, this is what I need.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.90,0:09:38.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need more independence.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.24,0:09:38.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.82,0:09:39.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need more time.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.82,0:09:41.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The mother is saying I don't want you
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.10,0:09:43.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to spend time on the street.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.07,0:09:44.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They haven't met in the middle and say,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.55,0:09:46.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know you need more independence,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.18,0:09:48.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more autonomy; maybe we can find someplace
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.90,0:09:52.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that isn't home, but where there is adult supervision.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.70,0:09:54.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe there's an after school program,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.19,0:09:56.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I, as your mother, will feel more comfortable,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.34,0:09:58.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you'll get to be with some of your friends
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.35,0:10:00.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there are going to be adults around.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.60,0:10:04.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's natural for kids to keep pushing the boundaries,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.92,0:10:06.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,testing the limits of their freedom.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.67,0:10:08.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For Bill and Ellen Owens and their
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.02,0:10:10.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,twelve year old son, Patrick, a rock concert
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.55,0:10:13.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has drawn the border line between them.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.22,0:10:14.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's wrong with going to a concert?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.88,0:10:16.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, from what I've...
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.78,0:10:19.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've never been to one of these modern concerts.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.56,0:10:20.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, the last one I was at was
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.88,0:10:22.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,probably Peter, Paul, and Mary.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.48,0:10:24.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I understand that they're fairly dangerous.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.50,0:10:25.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That lots of things are going on
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.66,0:10:29.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,inside those closed doors.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.22,0:10:31.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The argument moves to their living room
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.11,0:10:33.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where both parents and child slip into
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.77,0:10:35.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their well-worn roles.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.77,0:10:38.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When was the last rock concert you were at, Dad?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.60,0:10:39.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thirty-five years ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.87,0:10:41.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly!
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.45,0:10:43.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look, Patrick, they weren't in the papers
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.19,0:10:44.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thirty-five years ago saying that people
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.77,0:10:47.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were seriously hurt at concerts.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.71,0:10:50.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This concert was not in the newspaper.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.32,0:10:52.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, but we're not going to know the next one
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.43,0:10:54.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's going to blow up into a riot
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.09,0:10:56.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the mosh pits, people are going
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.33,0:10:58.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get hurt and killed and call the ambulances.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:58.41,0:11:00.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is there someone that's going to bring a gun?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.20,0:11:01.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, we are scared, you're right.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.99,0:11:04.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't think that they're at all dangerous?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.84,0:11:07.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never said that! Never!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.99,0:11:10.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright, you agree that they are dangerous?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.62,0:11:13.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mom, walking across the street is dangerous.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.30,0:11:14.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're taking on risk.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.91,0:11:16.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not nervous going into a place
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.50,0:11:17.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you can be hurt?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.90,0:11:21.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No. No, I don't walk out the door and shiver.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.33,0:11:23.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a twelve year old boy.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.68,0:11:26.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is that too young to go to a concert?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.19,0:11:29.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no age cut off either way.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.18,0:11:31.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's important is that if this is such
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.97,0:11:36.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a big deal for the child, how can the parents see that
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.62,0:11:40.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their main need, the child's safety, is addressed?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.43,0:11:42.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That can be with a chaperon.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.37,0:11:44.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If they're scared that he's going to get injured
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.20,0:11:46.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in moshing, how could he avoid it?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.54,0:11:48.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If he finds himself surrounded by this,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.39,0:11:49.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if people are grabbing at him,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.54,0:11:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what does he do?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.50,0:11:54.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If they decide not to let him go to this concert,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.29,0:11:57.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,should their be other options given at this point?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.04,0:12:00.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, they should let him do something different.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.68,0:12:02.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Otherwise, he's going to keep on pushing
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.14,0:12:04.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the envelope, keep on pushing for more.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.69,0:12:06.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But they're frayed on the bottom!
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.48,0:12:08.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With adolescence, picking your battles
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.12,0:12:09.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,may be half the war.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.66,0:12:11.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That perennial skirmish over your
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.14,0:12:13.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,teenager's clothes is a perfect example.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.93,0:12:16.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't go out with pants like that!
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.16,0:12:17.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here, Patrick wants to wear
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.88,0:12:20.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pajama bottoms to school.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.46,0:12:22.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what's the message of wearing these?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.87,0:12:24.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no message, Mom.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.14,0:12:25.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the message wearing that?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.83,0:12:27.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no message.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.17,0:12:29.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But they're not real flannel outdoor pants.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.62,0:12:31.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are pajamas.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.91,0:12:33.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.39,0:12:36.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When did they stop being pajamas?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.37,0:12:39.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I put a shirt and shoes on.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.35,0:12:41.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's when they stop being pajamas.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.73,0:12:43.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if I went in heels and earrings
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.76,0:12:45.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a bathing suit, does it stop
Dialogue: 0,0:12:45.08,0:12:46.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being a bathing suit?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.99,0:12:48.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.36,0:12:49.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think the kid has a point.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.88,0:12:51.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, that there is no message in that.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.87,0:12:53.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the sort of thing where I'd be very
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.35,0:12:55.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,willing to just give in on it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.35,0:12:58.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Clothes, by and large, are a mole hill,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.08,0:12:59.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as opposed to a mountain.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.79,0:13:00.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.52,0:13:02.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the ways that teenagers can exercise
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.05,0:13:04.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,control over how they look,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.22,0:13:05.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,plus they're getting taller,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.56,0:13:06.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're getting gawkier,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.91,0:13:08.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're developing breasts,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.08,0:13:09.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're developing muscles,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.34,0:13:11.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they don't know what's going to happen next.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.18,0:13:12.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, you can control some of that
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.70,0:13:14.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by how you dress.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.84,0:13:17.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, if control is the overwhelming issue
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.78,0:13:19.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the early years of child rearing,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.90,0:13:21.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in adolescence the focus shifts
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.95,0:13:23.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to more social concerns.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.80,0:13:24.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Choosing the right friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.89,0:13:27.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,handling the pressure of sex or drugs.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.52,0:13:30.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The best advice is yet to come.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.84,0:13:34.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, as a parent, you have managed to survive
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.43,0:13:37.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sibling rivalry, temper tantrums, and the time outs.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.18,0:13:39.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, like Jay Schadler himself,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.49,0:13:41.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you wake up one day and suddenly find yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.58,0:13:44.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,living with a teenager.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.56,0:13:49.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For parents and their children,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.09,0:13:51.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no issue seems more entangled with risks
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.24,0:13:54.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and revelations than the subject of sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.19,0:13:57.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,An age old topic complicated by a modern danger.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:57.86,0:14:00.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I told them that it wasn't worth dying for.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.33,0:14:02.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That sex was not worth dying for.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:02.48,0:14:04.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've told my girls that this is a natural part
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.36,0:14:07.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of growing up- you will want to have sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.04,0:14:08.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when that boy has you in that car,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.97,0:14:11.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying to promise you every single there is
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.92,0:14:15.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in this entire world, to have sex,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:15.41,0:14:17.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and telling you he will be there tomorrow-
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.70,0:14:19.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am a single mother, I am here to tell you
Dialogue: 0,0:14:19.43,0:14:21.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he will not be there tomorrow.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.72,0:14:23.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Marilyn McLaughlin's thirteen year old
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.53,0:14:26.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,daughter, Erin, wants to begin dating.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.24,0:14:28.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The discovery that she's already begun kissing
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.14,0:14:30.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,catches Mom a little off guard.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.58,0:14:31.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you think that you should be allowed
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.80,0:14:33.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to go on dates by yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.56,0:14:34.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or do you think you want to go
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.71,0:14:36.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on chaperoned dates?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.45,0:14:37.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.76,0:14:39.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How old are the boys that you want to date?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.15,0:14:40.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My age.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:40.74,0:14:42.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay. Do you know that there's people
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.91,0:14:46.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your age who, I think, are involved in like
Dialogue: 0,0:14:46.100,0:14:50.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kissing and sex and all that stuff, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.93,0:14:53.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's wrong with kissing?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:53.52,0:14:55.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For me, like, kissing at this age
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.11,0:15:00.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is like exchanging body fluids.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.64,0:15:04.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And, like, why are you kissing?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.98,0:15:07.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.75,0:15:09.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay. So if you don't even know
Dialogue: 0,0:15:09.14,0:15:12.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why you're kissing, then how can you kiss him?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.28,0:15:13.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So everybody you like you're going to kiss?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:13.84,0:15:15.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:15.17,0:15:17.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, you just said you like people.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:17.41,0:15:21.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I've only kissed two people this year.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.96,0:15:24.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My God, that's a lot of kissing, Mary.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.28,0:15:25.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,From me not even knowing
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.94,0:15:27.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you kissed one person.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.86,0:15:29.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's been no discussion here
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.40,0:15:32.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about why this girl wants to date.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.08,0:15:35.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you think about from a child her daughter's age,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:35.28,0:15:38.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What are they interested in?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.27,0:15:40.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're starting to develop these new bodies.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:40.77,0:15:43.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They don't know if they're attractive.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.02,0:15:44.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they may want just some physical affection
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.87,0:15:47.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and some cuddling, but the only way they
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.25,0:15:49.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can get that, that they're aware of,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.15,0:15:52.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is trading it out for more active sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:52.43,0:15:54.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's something that really is important
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.26,0:15:56.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for parents to talk about.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.29,0:15:59.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sexuality, together with drugs and violence,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:59.56,0:16:02.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,define a trilogy of teenage problems,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.24,0:16:04.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that our parents say has made their jobs
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.19,0:16:05.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more difficult than ever.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:05.83,0:16:07.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Regina and Bill Pinto now admit
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.49,0:16:09.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it took them too long to deal with
Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.18,0:16:11.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,seventeen year old Billy's behavior.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:11.100,0:16:13.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He'd go to some boy's house,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:13.93,0:16:15.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we didn't where it would be,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.57,0:16:17.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we didn't know where the kid lived.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.25,0:16:19.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We would find that instead of going
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.22,0:16:21.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to movies, they'd be hanging out a mall.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:21.43,0:16:22.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead of hanging out a mall,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.53,0:16:24.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they'd be at a pool hall.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.40,0:16:26.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it just kept escalating.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:26.32,0:16:28.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We started seeing paraphernalia like clothing
Dialogue: 0,0:16:28.28,0:16:31.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with certain symbolisms on it. Right.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.25,0:16:33.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Leaf designs.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.64,0:16:35.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We found bongs made out of coke bottles.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.85,0:16:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, pretty inventive stuff, underneath his bed.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:38.98,0:16:42.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But despite all the signals, including striking changes
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.10,0:16:44.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in their son's appearance, the Pintos took refuge
Dialogue: 0,0:16:44.84,0:16:46.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in an old parental strategy.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:46.98,0:16:48.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It will pass, you know.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:48.07,0:16:49.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What he's doing now, it's just a stage
Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.51,0:16:50.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he's going through.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:50.84,0:16:53.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you see a change in the fundamentals
Dialogue: 0,0:16:53.45,0:16:55.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of your child's behavior, you should
Dialogue: 0,0:16:55.32,0:16:56.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,start asking what's going on.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:56.98,0:16:58.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, you really need to sort of always
Dialogue: 0,0:16:58.70,0:17:01.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be doing a little of interpreting?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:01.63,0:17:03.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're going to go at it obliquely,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:03.06,0:17:04.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're going to hint around a little bit.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:04.50,0:17:05.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:05.34,0:17:06.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A kid comes in and says,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.58,0:17:07.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Gee, Mom and Dad, I'm going to some parties
Dialogue: 0,0:17:07.89,0:17:09.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're serving some beer."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:09.62,0:17:10.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a marvelous opportunity
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.86,0:17:13.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to talk about what's going on.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:13.14,0:17:14.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because you're child is coming to you
Dialogue: 0,0:17:14.44,0:17:16.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and saying, "I don't know how to handle this."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:16.74,0:17:18.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You talk about something you call
Dialogue: 0,0:17:18.53,0:17:21.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,developing refusal skills.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:21.02,0:17:22.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What does that mean?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:22.50,0:17:24.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you have a child who is approached,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:24.82,0:17:26.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"G, do you want to smoke some of this stuff,"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:26.74,0:17:28.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or, "do you want to try sniffing some of this stuff?"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:28.56,0:17:30.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your child wants to maintain the relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:17:30.34,0:17:31.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with, it's probably a friend, it's not
Dialogue: 0,0:17:31.87,0:17:33.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,going to be a street dealer in the beginning.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:33.97,0:17:35.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you need to give your child
Dialogue: 0,0:17:35.19,0:17:37.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the skills to say, "No, I don't want that."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:37.01,0:17:38.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why don't we try this?"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:38.95,0:17:40.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it actually with younger kids
Dialogue: 0,0:17:40.07,0:17:41.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can be as simple as,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:41.32,0:17:43.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Let's go play some video games,"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:43.24,0:17:45.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or, "Let's go to the movies."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:45.72,0:17:47.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What happens when your teenager comes to you
Dialogue: 0,0:17:47.42,0:17:50.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and says, "Dad, did you do drugs?"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:50.24,0:17:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't have to say everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:51.50,0:17:52.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just like if your child asks you about
Dialogue: 0,0:17:52.72,0:17:55.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your sex life- you don't have to say everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:57.27,0:17:58.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who our children choose as friends
Dialogue: 0,0:17:58.87,0:18:00.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is a window on how they view themselves
Dialogue: 0,0:18:00.81,0:18:02.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and their values.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:02.74,0:18:04.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it's a good place for parents
Dialogue: 0,0:18:04.01,0:18:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to keep their eyes open.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:05.98,0:18:07.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every so often, your child will choose
Dialogue: 0,0:18:07.72,0:18:10.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a friend who is dramatically different.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:10.09,0:18:11.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's a way for your child
Dialogue: 0,0:18:11.51,0:18:14.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to live vicariously, perhaps, through that person.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:14.58,0:18:17.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a pattern of friendships that are, say,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:17.56,0:18:21.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,inappropriate then I'd get worried.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:21.24,0:18:23.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What you look for as a parent of teenagers
Dialogue: 0,0:18:23.04,0:18:24.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is a dramatic change in friends
Dialogue: 0,0:18:24.83,0:18:27.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or secrecy about friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:29.26,0:18:31.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just this summer, Karina and David Rush,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:31.42,0:18:33.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the couple we met at the beginning of our story,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:33.29,0:18:34.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,became parents.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:34.80,0:18:36.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Their great expectations now ride
Dialogue: 0,0:18:36.58,0:18:38.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,under a white blanket.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:38.41,0:18:40.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the hard work has already begun.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:40.41,0:18:43.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As diaper changes and midnight feedings
Dialogue: 0,0:18:43.40,0:18:45.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,inevitably give way to first dates
Dialogue: 0,0:18:45.93,0:18:48.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and late night parties, the best advice
Dialogue: 0,0:18:48.09,0:18:50.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,may be to remember that the ultimate goal
Dialogue: 0,0:18:50.24,0:18:54.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not about making carbon copies of ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:54.09,0:18:56.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But a healthy, happy, original.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:56.77,0:19:01.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd like my kids, our kids, to feel really good
Dialogue: 0,0:19:01.07,0:19:03.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about themselves, and I think if they can
Dialogue: 0,0:19:03.49,0:19:06.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feel that way that they can accomplish
Dialogue: 0,0:19:06.15,0:19:07.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever they want.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:07.58,0:19:09.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want them to have a spiritual life,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:09.73,0:19:13.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I really feel that because of this
Dialogue: 0,0:19:13.08,0:19:15.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lack of community that gives a sound center
Dialogue: 0,0:19:15.36,0:19:19.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that carries on into your adulthood.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:19.01,0:19:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd like my kids to grow up and move out.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:27.02,0:19:29.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The secret is out.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:29.56,0:19:31.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With so many working parents and
Dialogue: 0,0:19:31.07,0:19:34.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so few extended family members nearby these days,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:34.59,0:19:36.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,experts say that it is more important than ever
Dialogue: 0,0:19:36.56,0:19:38.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for parents to know their children's friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:38.42,0:19:40.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the friend's parents.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:40.06,0:19:42.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To develop a phone system for keeping
Dialogue: 0,0:19:42.21,0:19:44.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tabs on children while at work.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:44.40,0:19:46.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And remember, parenting classes really can
Dialogue: 0,0:19:46.78,0:19:47.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,make a difference.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:47.93,0:19:49.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are studies that show that parent training
Dialogue: 0,0:19:49.93,0:19:53.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,significantly improves child behavior.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:54.62,0:20:00.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[CLOSING THEME MUSIC]