WEBVTT

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Hi, I'm Lynne Franklin.

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I have one question for you.

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How would you like to be a mind reader?

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(Audience) Yes.

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Because part of me is thinking,

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"I bet your mind's thinking,
'That's not going to happen.'"

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Here's the truth.

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People's brains process information -
they think - in three different ways.

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And their body language will tell you
all day long what their primary style is.

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You just need to know what to look for
and what to do when you see it.

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And it's not one of those
where she's leaning back,

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her arms are crossed, she's frowning,
so she must be unhappy.

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It's actually understanding
how their brains work

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and then presenting your information

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in a way that people can see it,
hear it, and feel it,

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and increase the chances
that they'll say yes

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to whatever you're proposing,

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and also decrease the chances
that you'll do something stupid

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like this.

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Back in my 20s, before I knew
any of this stuff,

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I had a client who was
a corporate controller,

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and he would sit
across from me in meetings,

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and he was always looking down,
with the occasional glance up.

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And I thought, "Okay,
well, he's a numbers guy.

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He just feels comfortable
looking at the numbers."

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And then as time went on, I thought,
"Well, you know, he's just socially inept,

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and he doesn't know
how to give me eye contact."

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And finally, because
I was young and stupid,

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I thought, "Every time he's looking up,
he's looking at my chest,

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and I'm offended!"

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And there was one point -
I, when in a meeting, went,

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"Excuse me, I'm up here."

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Ooh, yeah, talk about judgmental.

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Here's the scoop.

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This guy's brain worked in a way

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that he was never going
to give me eye contact.

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And no matter how many times
I modeled the behavior

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I wanted him to use,

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all that did was make both of us
feel uncomfortable.

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So, how can you tell?

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How can you read people's body language
to read their minds?

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We are going to show you right now.

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And that means I'm going to bring out
our first body language model, James.

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(Applause)

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Thank you, James.

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James represents 75% of the world.

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You didn't know this about James,

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but James is a looker.

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(Laughter)

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What that means is that James' brain
thinks in pictures and images,

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in pictures and images.

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And here's how we can tell
that James is a looker

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from his body language.

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First thing, he stands up tall.

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He has good posture.

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Second, he's dressed well

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because appearance
is important to lookers.

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The next thing
you'll notice about James is

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that he holds a little stress
in his shoulders -

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lift up your shoulders a bit -
he holds his stress there.

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Next thing, you'll notice
he has wrinkles in his forehead

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because James looks up
when he remembers something he has seen,

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and he looks up more often
than most of us do.

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Next thing you'll notice about James
is that he has thin lips.

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Suck them in.

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And this is a chicken-and-egg thing.

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We're not quite sure
why lookers have thin lips,

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but most of them do.

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And the other thing about lookers
is they give you lots of eye contact.

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Look at them, look at them, look at them,
all of them, look at all of them.

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Thanks, James.

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James: Thank you.

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(Applause)

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Lynn Franklin: Okay, now that you know
that James is a looker,

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here are the two things you do
to build rapport with him.

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The first is that you give
him lots of eye contact

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because he literally believes

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if you do not look at him,
you are not paying attention to him

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and you are ignoring him.

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The second thing you do with lookers is

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you give them words
that have a visual component to it:

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"I see what you mean"

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or, "Look at this"

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or, "Let's picture
working together this way."

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So, you use the type of language
that is going on in James' brain.

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Those are lookers.

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Seventy-five percent
of people in the world.

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Our next body language model is Marge,

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and Marge represents
20% of the people in the world.

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(Applause)

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Marge is a listener.

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What this means is that Marge's brain
thinks in words and sounds,

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in words and sounds.

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And this is the body language
that you will see in a listener.

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First, Marge -
not as well-dressed as James,

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because appearance
is not as important to her.

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(Laughter)

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Sorry, Marge.

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Next, Marge has a tendency
to look down and to the left

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because that's where you look

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when you're remembering
something you have heard.

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Next thing you'll notice about Marge is

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that a lot of times,
she'll put her head in her hand.

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It's called "telephone posture."

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Other thing you'll notice about Marge is

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that she has a tendency
to mumble to herself.

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Go ahead and mumble.

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Marge: (Mumbles)

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(Laughter)

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LF: And it's not that she's crazy,

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it's that she thinks in words and sounds,

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so she's literally talking to herself.

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Another thing you'll notice about Marge -


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yep, she's the "pen clicker"
and the "banger of the pen on the table."

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These are listeners,
20% of the people in the world.

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Thanks, Marge.

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Marge: Thank you.

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(Applause)

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LF: If you want to appeal to listeners,
you do two things.

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The first thing, you do not give them
lots of eye contact.

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It freaks them out.

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That's exactly what was going on
with that corporate controller.

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So, what you do is

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that when they're speaking,
you look at them and you look away.

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And when you're speaking,
you look at them and then look away.

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The second thing you do with listeners
is that you use words that are auditory:

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"That sounds good to me"

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or, "Let's talk this over."

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That's the type of language
their brain uses,

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so you're using that to appeal with them.

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Listeners, 20% of the people in the world.

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And our final body language
model is Marina.

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And Marina represents
five percent of the people in the world.

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Give her a round of applause.

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(Applause)

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Marina is a toucher.

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Not what you think.

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(Laughter)

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What that means is that Marina's brain
thinks in feelings and tactilely,

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in feelings and tactilely.

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And here's the kind of body language
you will see in a toucher.

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First thing and the biggest
tell in touchers is

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whether or not they've ever met you
before in their lives,

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they are ready to hug you.

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(Laughs)

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Second thing you'll notice
about touchers is

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that they are dressed for comfort
rather than style.

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Next thing is that they have full lips.

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Give them big lips.

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(Laughter)

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Same thing - I know,
more touchers have full lips.

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Next thing you'll notice about touchers
is that they have a tendency to lean in

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because they are trying to decrease
the amount of physical space

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between you and them,

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and build rapport that way.

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Touchers also have a tendency
to reach out and touch your arm

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when they're in conversation with you.

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And touchers also
have a tendency to look down

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because that's where you look

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when you're remembering
something you have felt.

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Thanks, Marina.

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Marina: Thank you.

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(Applause)

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LF: You want to build rapport
with touchers -

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5% of the people in the world?

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Here are the two things you do.

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If you feel comfortable,
let them touch you.

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(Laughter)

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Appropriately, please.

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But if you don't feel comfortable,
because a lot of us,

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if you've never met somebody
and they're ready to give you a bear hug,

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the last thing you want to do is go ...

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because we've all done that,
and it does not build rapport.

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So, if a toucher's coming at you
and you don't feel comfortable,

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stick your hand out.

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Give these people
a point of contact with you.

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That's what they're looking for.

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The second thing you do with touchers is

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you use language that either
has a feeling to it or is tactile.

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So, "I want to hear
how you're feeling about this."

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"Let's get in touch."

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"Reach out and tell me what you think."

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That's the kind of language
that appeals to touchers -

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people who process information
in feelings and tactilely.

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I'll read your mind again,

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and you're probably thinking,
"Which one of these three am I?"

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Let's figure that out right now.

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What I want you to do is close your eyes,

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and remember an important memory.

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Now, this could be something
from your childhood:

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maybe your 10th birthday party

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or something that happened
to you last week.

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So, an important memory.

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Now I want you to pay attention
to how you're remembering it.

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Are you remembering it like a movie
or a series of pictures and images?

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Are you remembering it
by hearing what people said

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or describing what happened?

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Or are you remembering it by how you felt
or how things felt to you?

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Okay, open up your eyes.

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How many of you
remembered it like a movie?

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Right, most of you.

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How many of you
were describing it to yourself

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or remembering what people said?

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Right, listeners.

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And finally, how many of you
remember how you felt

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or how things felt to you?

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Right, now you know who you are.

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That's the good news.

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Here's the bad news.

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You're going to treat everybody else
as though they think the same way.

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And you've already seen
how awful that can be

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when you're working
with a corporate controller

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who has a different way of thinking.

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Here's my invitation to you.

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I want you to start paying attention
to other people's body language

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to figure out how they think.

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Because here's the magic part of it.

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Once you start presenting your ideas
in a way that they get them,

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they will say yes to you more often.

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But here's the scoop too.

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I'm not asking you
to become somebody else,

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because you can't change
how your brain works.

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It's true, you think in all three ways,

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but just the way you have a dominant hand,

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you have a dominant style.

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You can't change that.

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But what you can do is accommodate
your language, both body and verbal,

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with the people you're with

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in order to build rapport,

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which allows you to reach
the full spectrum of people

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that you're hanging out with.

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And here's the other magic thing.

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You don't even have
to be in somebody's presence

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to figure out how their brains work.

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Interested?

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Right, all you need to do is listen to
or look at the words they're using.

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So, if you're in a phone conversation,
listen for the words.

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If you're reading an email,
look at the words.

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People who are lookers
will use more visual language.

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People who are listeners
will use more auditory words.

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People who are touchers
will use more feeling, kinesthetic words.

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You don't have to be in that same space
to know who they are.

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So, here's my challenge to you.

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Go back and read some of the emails
that you have sent,

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and you'll notice,
now that you know who you are,

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the kind of language that you're using,

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and it'll back that up.

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It happens with everybody.

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So, 10 minutes ago, you didn't think
you could read people's body language

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to read their minds.

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And now you know what to do.

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So, practice this stuff
on the people at home

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or the people at work,

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and when you do this,

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and when you use these tools

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to build rapport with all kinds
of different people,

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you'll become the most
persuasive person in the room.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)