0:00:18.680,0:00:19.850
Hi, I'm Lynne Franklin.

0:00:19.850,0:00:21.810
I have one question for you.

0:00:21.810,0:00:24.347
How would you like to be a mind reader?

0:00:24.347,0:00:25.500
(Audience) Yes.

0:00:25.500,0:00:27.412
Because part of me is thinking,

0:00:27.412,0:00:31.490
"I bet your mind's thinking,[br]'That's not going to happen.'"

0:00:31.490,0:00:33.290
Here's the truth.

0:00:33.550,0:00:39.741
People's brains process information -[br]they think - in three different ways.

0:00:40.000,0:00:44.120
And their body language will tell you[br]all day long what their primary style is.

0:00:44.160,0:00:48.773
You just need to know what to look for[br]and what to do when you see it.

0:00:48.800,0:00:51.440
And it's not one of those[br]where she's leaning back,

0:00:51.440,0:00:54.950
her arms are crossed, she's frowning,[br]so she must be unhappy.

0:00:54.950,0:00:59.230
It's actually understanding[br]how their brains work

0:00:59.230,0:01:01.411
and then presenting your information

0:01:01.411,0:01:06.610
in a way that people can see it,[br]hear it, and feel it,

0:01:06.610,0:01:08.760
and increase the chances[br]that they'll say yes

0:01:08.760,0:01:10.410
to whatever you're proposing,

0:01:10.410,0:01:14.020
and also decrease the chances[br]that you'll do something stupid

0:01:14.220,0:01:15.910
like this.

0:01:15.910,0:01:18.870
Back in my 20s, before I knew[br]any of this stuff,

0:01:18.870,0:01:21.470
I had a client who was[br]a corporate controller,

0:01:21.470,0:01:23.530
and he would sit[br]across from me in meetings,

0:01:23.530,0:01:26.650
and he was always looking down,[br]with the occasional glance up.

0:01:26.660,0:01:29.467
And I thought, "Okay,[br]well, he's a numbers guy.

0:01:29.467,0:01:32.280
He just feels comfortable[br]looking at the numbers."

0:01:32.280,0:01:36.147
And then as time went on, I thought,[br]"Well, you know, he's just socially inept,

0:01:36.147,0:01:38.399
and he doesn't know[br]how to give me eye contact."

0:01:38.399,0:01:40.750
And finally, because[br]I was young and stupid,

0:01:40.750,0:01:43.797
I thought, "Every time he's looking up,[br]he's looking at my chest,

0:01:43.797,0:01:45.060
and I'm offended!"

0:01:45.060,0:01:47.547
And there was one point -[br]I, when in a meeting, went,

0:01:47.547,0:01:49.798
"Excuse me, I'm up here."

0:01:49.798,0:01:52.487
Ooh, yeah, talk about judgmental.

0:01:52.857,0:01:54.590
Here's the scoop.

0:01:54.590,0:01:56.340
This guy's brain worked in a way

0:01:56.340,0:01:58.860
that he was never going[br]to give me eye contact.

0:01:58.860,0:02:01.240
And no matter how many times[br]I modeled the behavior

0:02:01.240,0:02:02.940
I wanted him to use,

0:02:02.940,0:02:06.326
all that did was make both of us[br]feel uncomfortable.

0:02:06.866,0:02:08.590
So, how can you tell?

0:02:09.120,0:02:12.660
How can you read people's body language[br]to read their minds?

0:02:12.660,0:02:14.480
We are going to show you right now.

0:02:14.480,0:02:19.040
And that means I'm going to bring out[br]our first body language model, James.

0:02:19.054,0:02:21.360
(Applause)

0:02:21.360,0:02:22.587
Thank you, James.

0:02:24.120,0:02:27.840
James represents 75% of the world.

0:02:28.250,0:02:29.842
You didn't know this about James,

0:02:29.842,0:02:32.413
but James is a looker.

0:02:32.413,0:02:35.280
(Laughter)

0:02:36.010,0:02:41.730
What that means is that James' brain[br]thinks in pictures and images,

0:02:41.730,0:02:42.880
in pictures and images.

0:02:42.880,0:02:45.790
And here's how we can tell[br]that James is a looker

0:02:45.790,0:02:47.010
from his body language.

0:02:47.010,0:02:49.230
First thing, he stands up tall.

0:02:49.230,0:02:51.160
He has good posture.

0:02:51.160,0:02:52.770
Second, he's dressed well

0:02:52.770,0:02:55.629
because appearance[br]is important to lookers.

0:02:56.149,0:02:58.180
The next thing[br]you'll notice about James is

0:02:58.180,0:03:00.433
that he holds a little stress[br]in his shoulders -

0:03:00.433,0:03:03.326
lift up your shoulders a bit -[br]he holds his stress there.

0:03:03.870,0:03:07.930
Next thing, you'll notice[br]he has wrinkles in his forehead

0:03:07.930,0:03:11.990
because James looks up[br]when he remembers something he has seen,

0:03:12.000,0:03:14.620
and he looks up more often[br]than most of us do.

0:03:15.050,0:03:17.980
Next thing you'll notice about James[br]is that he has thin lips.

0:03:17.980,0:03:19.283
Suck them in.

0:03:20.418,0:03:22.160
And this is a chicken-and-egg thing.

0:03:22.160,0:03:24.660
We're not quite sure[br]why lookers have thin lips,

0:03:24.660,0:03:26.050
but most of them do.

0:03:26.050,0:03:29.430
And the other thing about lookers[br]is they give you lots of eye contact.

0:03:29.430,0:03:33.380
Look at them, look at them, look at them,[br]all of them, look at all of them.

0:03:33.380,0:03:34.376
Thanks, James.

0:03:34.376,0:03:35.376
James: Thank you.

0:03:35.376,0:03:38.600
(Applause)

0:03:38.600,0:03:42.210
Lynn Franklin: Okay, now that you know[br]that James is a looker,

0:03:42.210,0:03:46.180
here are the two things you do[br]to build rapport with him.

0:03:46.180,0:03:49.100
The first is that you give[br]him lots of eye contact

0:03:49.100,0:03:50.490
because he literally believes

0:03:50.490,0:03:53.950
if you do not look at him,[br]you are not paying attention to him

0:03:53.950,0:03:56.100
and you are ignoring him.

0:03:56.100,0:03:58.220
The second thing you do with lookers is

0:03:58.220,0:04:02.530
you give them words[br]that have a visual component to it:

0:04:02.530,0:04:04.190
"I see what you mean"

0:04:04.190,0:04:05.800
or, "Look at this"

0:04:05.800,0:04:08.870
or, "Let's picture[br]working together this way."

0:04:08.870,0:04:13.560
So, you use the type of language[br]that is going on in James' brain.

0:04:13.590,0:04:14.780
Those are lookers.

0:04:14.780,0:04:17.300
Seventy-five percent[br]of people in the world.

0:04:18.000,0:04:21.324
Our next body language model is Marge,

0:04:21.644,0:04:26.305
and Marge represents[br]20% of the people in the world.

0:04:26.305,0:04:28.925
(Applause)

0:04:30.800,0:04:32.963
Marge is a listener.

0:04:33.810,0:04:39.280
What this means is that Marge's brain[br]thinks in words and sounds,

0:04:39.280,0:04:40.730
in words and sounds.

0:04:40.730,0:04:44.443
And this is the body language[br]that you will see in a listener.

0:04:44.910,0:04:48.070
First, Marge -[br]not as well-dressed as James,

0:04:48.070,0:04:50.517
because appearance[br]is not as important to her.

0:04:50.517,0:04:51.530
(Laughter)

0:04:51.530,0:04:52.792
Sorry, Marge.

0:04:54.570,0:04:58.220
Next, Marge has a tendency[br]to look down and to the left

0:04:58.220,0:04:59.600
because that's where you look

0:04:59.600,0:05:02.337
when you're remembering[br]something you have heard.

0:05:03.097,0:05:04.970
Next thing you'll notice about Marge is

0:05:04.970,0:05:07.803
that a lot of times,[br]she'll put her head in her hand.

0:05:09.312,0:05:11.040
It's called "telephone posture."

0:05:11.040,0:05:12.960
Other thing you'll notice about Marge is

0:05:12.960,0:05:16.480
that she has a tendency[br]to mumble to herself.

0:05:16.480,0:05:17.675
Go ahead and mumble.

0:05:17.675,0:05:19.257
Marge: (Mumbles)

0:05:19.257,0:05:20.870
(Laughter)

0:05:20.870,0:05:23.440
LF: And it's not that she's crazy,

0:05:23.740,0:05:25.890
it's that she thinks in words and sounds,

0:05:25.890,0:05:28.840
so she's literally talking to herself.

0:05:28.840,0:05:30.800
Another thing you'll notice about Marge -[br]

0:05:30.800,0:05:34.529
yep, she's the "pen clicker"[br]and the "banger of the pen on the table."

0:05:35.820,0:05:39.000
These are listeners,[br]20% of the people in the world.

0:05:39.000,0:05:40.022
Thanks, Marge.

0:05:40.022,0:05:41.015
Marge: Thank you.

0:05:41.015,0:05:43.600
(Applause)

0:05:44.000,0:05:46.730
LF: If you want to appeal to listeners,[br]you do two things.

0:05:46.730,0:05:49.700
The first thing, you do not give them[br]lots of eye contact.

0:05:49.700,0:05:51.360
It freaks them out.

0:05:51.360,0:05:54.740
That's exactly what was going on[br]with that corporate controller.

0:05:55.070,0:05:56.200
So, what you do is

0:05:56.200,0:05:59.160
that when they're speaking,[br]you look at them and you look away.

0:05:59.160,0:06:02.240
And when you're speaking,[br]you look at them and then look away.

0:06:02.260,0:06:07.950
The second thing you do with listeners[br]is that you use words that are auditory:

0:06:07.960,0:06:09.400
"That sounds good to me"

0:06:09.400,0:06:11.620
or, "Let's talk this over."

0:06:11.620,0:06:13.960
That's the type of language[br]their brain uses,

0:06:13.960,0:06:15.956
so you're using that to appeal with them.

0:06:15.956,0:06:18.800
Listeners, 20% of the people in the world.

0:06:18.800,0:06:22.033
And our final body language[br]model is Marina.

0:06:23.220,0:06:26.340
And Marina represents[br]five percent of the people in the world.

0:06:26.340,0:06:27.848
Give her a round of applause.

0:06:27.848,0:06:30.378
(Applause)

0:06:31.990,0:06:34.298
Marina is a toucher.

0:06:34.578,0:06:35.780
Not what you think.

0:06:35.780,0:06:37.080
(Laughter)

0:06:37.520,0:06:43.480
What that means is that Marina's brain[br]thinks in feelings and tactilely,

0:06:43.480,0:06:45.070
in feelings and tactilely.

0:06:45.520,0:06:49.140
And here's the kind of body language[br]you will see in a toucher.

0:06:49.380,0:06:51.570
First thing and the biggest[br]tell in touchers is

0:06:51.570,0:06:54.280
whether or not they've ever met you[br]before in their lives,

0:06:54.280,0:06:55.721
they are ready to hug you.

0:06:55.721,0:06:57.347
(Laughs)

0:06:58.027,0:07:00.740
Second thing you'll notice[br]about touchers is

0:07:00.740,0:07:04.010
that they are dressed for comfort[br]rather than style.

0:07:05.560,0:07:08.820
Next thing is that they have full lips.

0:07:08.820,0:07:10.316
Give them big lips.

0:07:10.316,0:07:11.730
(Laughter)

0:07:11.730,0:07:15.560
Same thing - I know,[br]more touchers have full lips.

0:07:15.560,0:07:19.663
Next thing you'll notice about touchers[br]is that they have a tendency to lean in

0:07:20.792,0:07:23.800
because they are trying to decrease[br]the amount of physical space

0:07:23.800,0:07:24.850
between you and them,

0:07:24.850,0:07:26.460
and build rapport that way.

0:07:26.460,0:07:29.610
Touchers also have a tendency[br]to reach out and touch your arm

0:07:30.210,0:07:32.490
when they're in conversation with you.

0:07:32.490,0:07:35.440
And touchers also[br]have a tendency to look down

0:07:35.440,0:07:36.820
because that's where you look

0:07:36.820,0:07:39.590
when you're remembering[br]something you have felt.

0:07:39.810,0:07:40.812
Thanks, Marina.

0:07:40.812,0:07:41.814
Marina: Thank you.

0:07:41.814,0:07:44.684
(Applause)

0:07:45.590,0:07:47.700
LF: You want to build rapport[br]with touchers -

0:07:47.700,0:07:49.130
5% of the people in the world?

0:07:49.130,0:07:50.620
Here are the two things you do.

0:07:50.620,0:07:53.517
If you feel comfortable,[br]let them touch you.

0:07:53.517,0:07:55.200
(Laughter)

0:07:55.200,0:07:56.913
Appropriately, please.

0:07:58.662,0:08:01.240
But if you don't feel comfortable,[br]because a lot of us,

0:08:01.240,0:08:04.530
if you've never met somebody[br]and they're ready to give you a bear hug,

0:08:04.530,0:08:07.113
the last thing you want to do is go ...

0:08:07.113,0:08:10.371
because we've all done that,[br]and it does not build rapport.

0:08:11.131,0:08:14.130
So, if a toucher's coming at you[br]and you don't feel comfortable,

0:08:14.130,0:08:15.140
stick your hand out.

0:08:15.140,0:08:17.380
Give these people[br]a point of contact with you.

0:08:17.380,0:08:19.220
That's what they're looking for.

0:08:19.450,0:08:21.440
The second thing you do with touchers is

0:08:21.440,0:08:27.070
you use language that either[br]has a feeling to it or is tactile.

0:08:27.070,0:08:29.830
So, "I want to hear[br]how you're feeling about this."

0:08:29.830,0:08:31.130
"Let's get in touch."

0:08:31.130,0:08:33.419
"Reach out and tell me what you think."

0:08:33.419,0:08:36.460
That's the kind of language[br]that appeals to touchers -

0:08:36.460,0:08:40.733
people who process information[br]in feelings and tactilely.

0:08:41.289,0:08:42.530
I'll read your mind again,

0:08:42.530,0:08:45.430
and you're probably thinking,[br]"Which one of these three am I?"

0:08:45.430,0:08:47.110
Let's figure that out right now.

0:08:47.110,0:08:49.343
What I want you to do is close your eyes,

0:08:50.530,0:08:53.190
and remember an important memory.

0:08:53.190,0:08:55.490
Now, this could be something[br]from your childhood:

0:08:55.490,0:08:56.940
maybe your 10th birthday party

0:08:56.940,0:08:59.030
or something that happened[br]to you last week.

0:08:59.030,0:09:00.723
So, an important memory.

0:09:01.652,0:09:05.220
Now I want you to pay attention[br]to how you're remembering it.

0:09:05.350,0:09:09.800
Are you remembering it like a movie[br]or a series of pictures and images?

0:09:11.040,0:09:14.020
Are you remembering it[br]by hearing what people said

0:09:14.020,0:09:15.943
or describing what happened?

0:09:16.800,0:09:21.061
Or are you remembering it by how you felt[br]or how things felt to you?

0:09:22.720,0:09:23.890
Okay, open up your eyes.

0:09:23.890,0:09:25.920
How many of you[br]remembered it like a movie?

0:09:26.820,0:09:27.980
Right, most of you.

0:09:27.980,0:09:30.180
How many of you[br]were describing it to yourself

0:09:30.180,0:09:31.967
or remembering what people said?

0:09:32.520,0:09:33.520
Right, listeners.

0:09:33.520,0:09:36.170
And finally, how many of you[br]remember how you felt

0:09:36.170,0:09:37.840
or how things felt to you?

0:09:38.690,0:09:40.520
Right, now you know who you are.

0:09:40.520,0:09:41.570
That's the good news.

0:09:41.570,0:09:43.010
Here's the bad news.

0:09:43.010,0:09:46.810
You're going to treat everybody else[br]as though they think the same way.

0:09:47.430,0:09:50.230
And you've already seen[br]how awful that can be

0:09:50.230,0:09:52.420
when you're working[br]with a corporate controller

0:09:52.420,0:09:54.423
who has a different way of thinking.

0:09:55.200,0:09:57.390
Here's my invitation to you.

0:09:57.910,0:10:02.210
I want you to start paying attention[br]to other people's body language

0:10:02.406,0:10:05.143
to figure out how they think.

0:10:06.360,0:10:08.850
Because here's the magic part of it.

0:10:08.850,0:10:13.475
Once you start presenting your ideas[br]in a way that they get them,

0:10:13.500,0:10:15.503
they will say yes to you more often.

0:10:16.739,0:10:18.600
But here's the scoop too.

0:10:18.600,0:10:22.520
I'm not asking you[br]to become somebody else,

0:10:22.520,0:10:25.340
because you can't change[br]how your brain works.

0:10:25.340,0:10:27.941
It's true, you think in all three ways,

0:10:27.941,0:10:30.220
but just the way you have a dominant hand,

0:10:30.220,0:10:32.240
you have a dominant style.

0:10:32.240,0:10:33.710
You can't change that.

0:10:33.710,0:10:39.800
But what you can do is accommodate[br]your language, both body and verbal,

0:10:39.800,0:10:41.090
with the people you're with

0:10:41.090,0:10:42.850
in order to build rapport,

0:10:42.850,0:10:45.340
which allows you to reach[br]the full spectrum of people

0:10:45.340,0:10:47.020
that you're hanging out with.

0:10:47.180,0:10:49.200
And here's the other magic thing.

0:10:49.200,0:10:51.460
You don't even have[br]to be in somebody's presence

0:10:51.460,0:10:53.200
to figure out how their brains work.

0:10:53.200,0:10:54.400
Interested?

0:10:54.830,0:11:00.700
Right, all you need to do is listen to[br]or look at the words they're using.

0:11:00.710,0:11:03.530
So, if you're in a phone conversation,[br]listen for the words.

0:11:03.530,0:11:05.870
If you're reading an email,[br]look at the words.

0:11:05.870,0:11:08.650
People who are lookers[br]will use more visual language.

0:11:08.650,0:11:11.170
People who are listeners[br]will use more auditory words.

0:11:11.170,0:11:14.220
People who are touchers[br]will use more feeling, kinesthetic words.

0:11:14.220,0:11:17.080
You don't have to be in that same space[br]to know who they are.

0:11:17.080,0:11:18.560
So, here's my challenge to you.

0:11:18.560,0:11:21.860
Go back and read some of the emails[br]that you have sent,

0:11:22.350,0:11:25.630
and you'll notice,[br]now that you know who you are,

0:11:25.630,0:11:27.490
the kind of language that you're using,

0:11:27.490,0:11:28.590
and it'll back that up.

0:11:28.590,0:11:30.000
It happens with everybody.

0:11:30.490,0:11:34.290
So, 10 minutes ago, you didn't think[br]you could read people's body language

0:11:34.300,0:11:35.293
to read their minds.

0:11:35.293,0:11:37.416
And now you know what to do.

0:11:37.766,0:11:40.470
So, practice this stuff[br]on the people at home

0:11:40.470,0:11:41.990
or the people at work,

0:11:41.990,0:11:43.290
and when you do this,

0:11:43.290,0:11:44.820
and when you use these tools

0:11:44.820,0:11:47.370
to build rapport with all kinds[br]of different people,

0:11:47.370,0:11:50.714
you'll become the most[br]persuasive person in the room.

0:11:50.714,0:11:51.723
Thank you.

0:11:51.723,0:11:53.023
(Applause)