There are billions of galaxies in the observable universe.
And each of them contains hundreds billions of stars.
In one of these gallasies,
orbiting one of these stars,
lies a little blue planet.
And this planet is run by a bunch of monkeys.
Now these monkeys don't think of themselves as monkeys.
They don't even think of themselves as animals.
In fact they love to list all the things that they think separate them from the other animals.
Opposible thumbs,
self-awareness.
They use words like 'Homo erectus' and 'Australopithecus'.
You say 'to-mae-to' I say 'to-mah-to', they are animals alright.
They are monkeys.
Monkeys with high speed digital fiber optics technology.
But monkeys never less.
I mean they're clever, you've got to give them that.
The pyramids, the skyscrapers, phantom jets, the great wall of China.
That's all pretty impressive
..for a bunch of monkeys.
Monkeys whose brain has evolved to such an unmanageable size that it is now pretty impossible for them to stay happy for any length of time ...
.. in fact, they're the only animals that think they are supposed to be happy, all of the other animals can just be.
But it's not that simple for the monkeys.
You see the monkeys are cursed with consciousness.
So the monkeys are afraid.
The monkeys worry.
The monkeys worry about everything but mostly about what all the other monkeys think.
Because the monkeys most desperately want to fit in ... with the other monkeys.
Which is pretty hard to do because a lot of the monkeys hate each other.
This is really what separates them from the other animals: these monkeys hate.
They hate monkeys that are different.
monkeys from different places.
monkeys who wore a different color,
you see, the monkeys feel alone.
all six billions of them.
Some of the monkeys pay another monkeys to listen to their problems.
The monkeys want answers, the monkeys know they are going to die so the monkeys make up gods. And then they worship them.
The the monkeys start to argue over whose made-up god is better.
Then the monkeys start to get really pissed off and this is usually when the monkeys decide that it is a good time to start killing each other.
So the monkeys wage wars.
The monkeys make hydrogen bombs.
The monkeys have got their entire planet wired up to explode.
The monkeys just can't help it.
Some of the monkeys play to a sold-out crowd
of other monkeys.
The monkeys make trophies and then they give them to each other.
like it means something.
Some of the monkeys think they've got it all figured out.
Some of the monkeys read Nietzsche.
The monkeys argue about Nietzsche without ever giving any consideration to the fact that Nietzsche
.. was just another monkey.
The monkeys make plans.
The monkeys fall in love.
The monkeys have sex ...
And then they make more monkeys.
The monkeys make music.
And then the monkeys dance.
Dance monkeys, dance.
The monkeys make a hell a lot of noise.
The monkeys have so much potentials if they would only apply themselves.
The monkeys shave their hair off of their bodies in blatant denial of their true monkey nature.
The monkeys build giant monkey hives that they call cities.
The monkeys draw a lot of imaginary lines on the dirt.
The monkeys are running out of oil which is what fuels their precarious civilization.
The monkeys are polluting and raping their planet like there is no tomorrow.
The monkeys like to pretend that everything is just fine.
Some of the monkeys actually believe that the entire universe was created just for their benefit.
As you can see, these are some messed up monkeys.
These monkeys are once the ugliest and the most beautiful creatures on the planet.
And then the monkeys don't want to be monkeys.
They want to be something else, but they are not.