WEBVTT 00:00:07.137 --> 00:00:10.342 There are billions of galaxies in the observable universe. 00:00:10.342 --> 00:00:13.656 And each of them contains hundreds billions of stars. 00:00:13.656 --> 00:00:15.298 In one of these gallasies, 00:00:15.298 --> 00:00:17.260 orbiting one of these stars, 00:00:17.260 --> 00:00:19.698 lies a little blue planet. 00:00:19.698 --> 00:00:22.426 And this planet is run by a bunch of monkeys. 00:00:22.426 --> 00:00:25.618 Now these monkeys don't think of themselves as monkeys. 00:00:25.618 --> 00:00:28.221 They don't even think of themselves as animals. 00:00:28.221 --> 00:00:33.057 In fact they love to list all the things that they think separate them from the other animals. 00:00:33.057 --> 00:00:34.538 Opposible thumbs, 00:00:34.538 --> 00:00:36.141 self-awareness. 00:00:36.141 --> 00:00:39.926 They use words like 'Homo erectus' and 'Australopithecus'. 00:00:39.926 --> 00:00:43.219 You say 'to-mae-to' I say 'to-mah-to', they are animals alright. 00:00:43.219 --> 00:00:44.657 They are monkeys. 00:00:44.657 --> 00:00:48.093 Monkeys with high speed digital fiber optics technology. 00:00:48.093 --> 00:00:50.176 But monkeys never less. 00:00:50.176 --> 00:00:52.699 I mean they're clever, you've got to give them that. 00:00:52.699 --> 00:00:56.416 The pyramids, the skyscrapers, phantom jets, the great wall of China. 00:00:56.447 --> 00:00:57.795 That's all pretty impressive 00:00:57.795 --> 00:01:00.343 ..for a bunch of monkeys. 00:01:00.343 --> 00:01:07.426 Monkeys whose brain has evolved to such an unmanageable size that it is now pretty impossible for them to stay happy for any length of time ... 00:01:07.426 --> 00:01:12.676 .. in fact, they're the only animals that think they are supposed to be happy, all of the other animals can just be. 00:01:12.676 --> 00:01:15.426 But it's not that simple for the monkeys. 00:01:15.426 --> 00:01:18.458 You see the monkeys are cursed with consciousness. 00:01:18.458 --> 00:01:20.175 So the monkeys are afraid. 00:01:20.175 --> 00:01:21.899 The monkeys worry. 00:01:21.899 --> 00:01:26.926 The monkeys worry about everything but mostly about what all the other monkeys think. 00:01:26.926 --> 00:01:30.737 Because the monkeys most desperately want to fit in ... with the other monkeys. 00:01:30.737 --> 00:01:34.259 Which is pretty hard to do because a lot of the monkeys hate each other. 00:01:34.259 --> 00:01:38.760 This is really what separates them from the other animals: these monkeys hate. 00:01:38.760 --> 00:01:40.593 They hate monkeys that are different. 00:01:40.593 --> 00:01:42.343 monkeys from different places. 00:01:42.343 --> 00:01:44.297 monkeys who wore a different color, 00:01:44.297 --> 00:01:46.977 you see, the monkeys feel alone. 00:01:46.977 --> 00:01:49.457 all six billions of them. 00:01:49.457 --> 00:01:53.338 Some of the monkeys pay another monkeys to listen to their problems. 00:01:53.338 --> 00:02:00.010 The monkeys want answers, the monkeys know they are going to die so the monkeys make up gods. And then they worship them. 00:02:00.010 --> 00:02:03.343 The the monkeys start to argue over whose made-up god is better. 00:02:03.343 --> 00:02:09.510 Then the monkeys start to get really pissed off and this is usually when the monkeys decide that it is a good time to start killing each other. 00:02:09.510 --> 00:02:11.658 So the monkeys wage wars. 00:02:11.658 --> 00:02:13.843 The monkeys make hydrogen bombs. 00:02:13.843 --> 00:02:17.457 The monkeys have got their entire planet wired up to explode. 00:02:17.457 --> 00:02:18.926 The monkeys just can't help it. 00:02:18.926 --> 00:02:22.595 Some of the monkeys play to a sold-out crowd 00:02:22.611 --> 00:02:23.590 of other monkeys. 00:02:23.606 --> 00:02:27.259 The monkeys make trophies and then they give them to each other. 00:02:27.259 --> 00:02:29.059 like it means something. 00:02:29.059 --> 00:02:31.378 Some of the monkeys think they've got it all figured out. 00:02:31.378 --> 00:02:33.218 Some of the monkeys read Nietzsche. 00:02:33.218 --> 00:02:38.697 The monkeys argue about Nietzsche without ever giving any consideration to the fact that Nietzsche 00:02:38.697 --> 00:02:40.675 .. was just another monkey. 00:02:40.675 --> 00:02:41.817 The monkeys make plans. 00:02:41.817 --> 00:02:43.457 The monkeys fall in love. 00:02:43.457 --> 00:02:45.010 The monkeys have sex ... 00:02:45.010 --> 00:02:47.698 And then they make more monkeys. 00:02:47.698 --> 00:02:49.177 The monkeys make music. 00:02:49.177 --> 00:02:51.139 And then the monkeys dance. 00:02:51.139 --> 00:02:53.617 Dance monkeys, dance. 00:02:53.617 --> 00:02:56.010 The monkeys make a hell a lot of noise. 00:02:56.010 --> 00:03:00.342 The monkeys have so much potentials if they would only apply themselves. 00:03:00.342 --> 00:03:05.498 The monkeys shave their hair off of their bodies in blatant denial of their true monkey nature. 00:03:05.498 --> 00:03:09.593 The monkeys build giant monkey hives that they call cities. 00:03:09.593 --> 00:03:12.843 The monkeys draw a lot of imaginary lines on the dirt. 00:03:12.843 --> 00:03:17.898 The monkeys are running out of oil which is what fuels their precarious civilization. 00:03:17.898 --> 00:03:21.417 The monkeys are polluting and raping their planet like there is no tomorrow. 00:03:21.417 --> 00:03:24.509 The monkeys like to pretend that everything is just fine. 00:03:24.509 --> 00:03:29.010 Some of the monkeys actually believe that the entire universe was created just for their benefit. 00:03:29.010 --> 00:03:32.816 As you can see, these are some messed up monkeys. 00:03:32.816 --> 00:03:37.343 These monkeys are once the ugliest and the most beautiful creatures on the planet. 00:03:37.343 --> 00:03:39.926 And then the monkeys don't want to be monkeys. 00:03:39.926 --> 00:03:43.926 They want to be something else, but they are not.