WEBVTT
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Please do not edit these "English" subtitles, and do not translate them into other languages.
Due to a glitch explained in the comments to the main page, the complete English subs are in the "English, British" subtitle track: please use that for translations.
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The American dream
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There's a reason that they called it a dream
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Ah!
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Who's there?
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Cock-a-doddle-do Pile.
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knocking
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No no no no no
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I don't have any more money.
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My job sucks right now, please!
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I'll have more money next month.
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You can't take my house!
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Is that your signature?
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Oookay well just help me work something out, okay?
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I mean you said I'm a good credit guy right?
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I mean...hey, wait!
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My dog is in there!
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Nooo, don't take my Dream!
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sobbing
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Oh, how did this happen?
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BOOM
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Huh?
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Hartman? Is that you?
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Been a long time since the fourth grade.
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Is that a time machine?
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There's no need to concern yourself
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with my stand accomplishments.
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Best get in.
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There's not much time.
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crying I gotta go down to the bank
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to get my life back.
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They took everything!
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Ooh! Bank ain't gonna help you now.
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Towel in the trunk.
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Extra set of balls.
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Put 'em on, you're gonna need 'em.
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crying you're gonna get my Dream back?
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No, Pile. You are. I'm here to show you how.
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ZOOM
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"The Twilight Zone" theme music
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Submitted for your approval,
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one First National Bank.
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What is a bank, you ask?
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A curious place
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where both space, time, and irony exist.
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And yet...
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don't.
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Uh, are you gonna be doin' that the
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whole time?
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Pay attention, Pile.
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Exhibit A:
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Those who have come to deposit and safely
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store their earned monies.
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Exhibit B:
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Those who need to borrow said money
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for purposes...unknown.
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Hey!
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That's me!
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Ergo, exhibit C.
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The bank only has so much money
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in the vault to lend out.
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To people
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such as you.
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Hey!
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Hey that's the guy!
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He took my house!
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Really screwin' my vibe here, Pile.
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Space-time continuum, he can't hear you.
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Just let me narrate.
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Now, where was I? clears throat
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So you see,
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by the time he got to you, Pile,
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His bank was out of money
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But
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he gave me lots of money
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and charged me a lot of interest.
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Yes.
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That's the only way banks make money.
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By making debt loans.
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Debt equals money, pal.
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Remember that.
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Debt equals money.
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The more loans they make, the more money they make.
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But if they don't have any money,
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then where did my money come from?
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beeping You're gonna wanna take a step back, Pile.
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Woah!
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No way!
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Yes way.
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And that's nothing.
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Hey buddy, need some money?
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They didn't do that!
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Aw, they did exactly that, Pile.
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Remember, banks make money by making loans,
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by selling debt, even to
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...bad credit risks.
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hip hop music
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Yo, have some money, dude.
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Just sign here.
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Oh my gosh!
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Mm-hm, they called it "free money".
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Yeah, that's exactly what my loan guy told me,
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free money!
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But it ain't free,
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The worst part was offering money
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to people who don't even need it.
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People, Pile, like you.
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horn honking
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You were right,
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I didn't need him
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I was happy here,
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I didn't need it!
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Why's he sad? He's makin' all that money.
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Shhhhh...he's thinkin'.
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Now wait fo it...
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Now wait for it...
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Bingo.
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See the bank has loaned to everyone in town,
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but to make more money they have
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to loan even more.
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More?
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How much money do they need?
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More.
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ominous music Waah? What's that?
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Oh ho, a black horse ridin'...
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credit cards.
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Wow! Look,
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I mean it's gonna be okay.
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Everything's gonna be okay.
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What now?
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Now?
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We're powered with all this money,
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we might as well...party.
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Oh ho, this is awesome.
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I needed to get my head clear
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When I get back, I'm gonna straighten
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all this out
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I just hope Dream is doin' okay.
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wolves howling
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Dog barking
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I'm going to get you, my pretty
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Yup,
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he is,
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I'm sure he is.
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belches
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Thank you, you can put it on his tab.
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Little somethin' for yourself. Mhm.
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Sweet.
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You know...
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Wait a second, Hartman,
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I just thought of something.
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If I got this money from the bank...
NOTE Paragraph
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and the bank got it from the federal reserve
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dump trucks....
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Go on...
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Then...where does the federal reserve
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get their money?
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Real nice time, ladies.
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Real nice.
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Excuse me while I borrow these.
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women scream
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Say, Hartman...
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why am I wearing a burglar bikini top?
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because no one is allowed
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inside the Fed.
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Not you, not me
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no American citizen
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no duly elected member
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of our Congress.
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Not the Supreme Court.
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Not the Supreme Court?
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Not the Supreme Court.
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Not the Justice Department, not the CIA
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DIA, FBI, ATF, ATE, NBC
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Not even G-O-D
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knocks
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Well. how come the government isn't
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allowed inside its own building?
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Government?
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Pile, the Fed is a private bank,
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owned by private stockholders.
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Do not let the name "Federal" fool you,
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this place about as federal as
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"Federal Express"
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A-a private bank?
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But...private?!
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Ssh!
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Best to keep your voice down, Pile.
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phone rings
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This is Ethan Federal Reserve
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Hey Ethan! Bill here, First National.
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Hi there Bill, how are ya?
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Good, good. We're running a little low on money.
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No problem, how much you need?
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Oh, how does 20 million sound?
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What?
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slaps
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Excellent, we'll ship it over first thing
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tomorrow
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We-he can just call up the Fed
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and ask for more money
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and they give them whatever they want?
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No, Pile.
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The Fed don't give the banks money
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the Fed loans the banks money.
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The banks have to pay it back
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with interest. Now come on,
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time to go.
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Wait, wait, wait, I still don't understand
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Where does the Fed get their money?
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I mean, if they're a private bank.
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You said they're a private bank, right?
00:07:48.747 --> 00:07:50.797
Okay, so who puts money into the Fed bank?
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phone rings
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This is Mal, United States Mint.
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Hiya Mal, First National needs
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another 20 millies.
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We're already running the presses full
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steam here, Ethan.
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Gotta keep makin' loans
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gotta keep the money flowin'.
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Ahhh, alright, you're the Fed.
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Whatever you guys say.
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20 million more, by mornin'.
00:08:09.398 --> 00:08:10.998
fog horn blows
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But I don't get it...
00:08:12.518 --> 00:08:14.146
...what's so wrong about the Fed
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printing money?
00:08:15.413 --> 00:08:17.833
Because it's unconstitutional, Pile.
00:08:18.286 --> 00:08:20.696
Our treasury is supposed to create
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our money
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But now the Fed controls the printing
00:08:23.106 --> 00:08:23.915
of America's money.
00:08:24.121 --> 00:08:26.371
Nobody gets a friggin' dollar
00:08:26.371 --> 00:08:28.451
that the Fed didn't print.
00:08:28.598 --> 00:08:29.458
So?
00:08:29.543 --> 00:08:30.533
They print the money,
00:08:30.533 --> 00:08:31.983
then they loan it to the government,
00:08:31.983 --> 00:08:33.943
then they charge the government interest
00:08:33.943 --> 00:08:36.093
then the government taxes you to pay for it.
00:08:36.183 --> 00:08:37.323
Wake up, Pile!
00:08:37.436 --> 00:08:39.956
Gah, I don't see what the big deal is.
00:08:40.346 --> 00:08:41.866
You know, you're right, Pile.
00:08:41.866 --> 00:08:43.360
Wait, wait...I am?
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Yeah.
00:08:44.060 --> 00:08:46.060
I forget how effective they are at keeping
00:08:46.060 --> 00:08:47.094
you ignorant.
00:08:47.094 --> 00:08:48.694
Well, that's okay...hey!
00:08:48.694 --> 00:08:49.804
I'm not ignorant!
00:08:49.804 --> 00:08:51.864
Do you even know what money is, Pile?
00:08:51.864 --> 00:08:52.604
claps
00:08:57.420 --> 00:09:00.240
In the long, long ago, when people bartered
00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:01.801
they traded things they had
00:09:01.801 --> 00:09:02.951
for things they wanted
00:09:02.951 --> 00:09:04.781
I'll trade you my raspberries
00:09:04.781 --> 00:09:06.374
for that there pot pie
00:09:06.512 --> 00:09:07.902
I-I don't want your berries.
00:09:08.090 --> 00:09:09.240
Come on, Pile
00:09:09.633 --> 00:09:10.743
They're sweet berries.
00:09:10.743 --> 00:09:12.263
They're not sweet, they're old,
00:09:12.263 --> 00:09:13.399
and I don't like berries.
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Gimme that pot pie!
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No!
00:09:15.152 --> 00:09:17.574
As you can see, this bartering situation
00:09:17.574 --> 00:09:19.114
created some problems.
00:09:19.114 --> 00:09:21.597
Then one day, a goldsmith walked up and said
00:09:22.427 --> 00:09:24.611
Now, everybody thinks gold is valuable
00:09:24.611 --> 00:09:26.299
so why doesn't everybody trade gold
00:09:26.299 --> 00:09:27.591
for things they need.
00:09:27.591 --> 00:09:29.341
cheering
00:09:29.341 --> 00:09:30.913
The price was set for gold
00:09:30.913 --> 00:09:33.253
and now it was very easy to conduct commerce
00:09:33.253 --> 00:09:35.149
because people could trade gold for all
00:09:35.149 --> 00:09:37.216
the things they needed.
00:09:38.495 --> 00:09:41.625
Hartman, wow, look at all my gold!
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chuckling
00:09:42.495 --> 00:09:45.335
Hey, stop them! That's my gold!
00:09:45.335 --> 00:09:46.588
Damn thieves.
00:09:47.076 --> 00:09:47.896
Say there, Pile.
00:09:47.896 --> 00:09:49.847
Look, I've got a vault and some guards.
00:09:49.847 --> 00:09:51.751
I can keep your gold safe for you.
00:09:51.751 --> 00:09:53.264
For a small fee.
00:09:53.526 --> 00:09:55.106
Yeah, sure, that'd be awesome!
00:09:55.106 --> 00:09:56.009
You see, Pile.
00:09:56.009 --> 00:09:58.799
This is how the first bank made money.
00:09:59.157 --> 00:10:00.207
There you go, Pile.
00:10:00.207 --> 00:10:02.429
I.O.U 100 gold coins.
00:10:02.893 --> 00:10:04.343
Okay, great!
00:10:04.488 --> 00:10:06.508
Come back any time and redeem your gold
00:10:06.508 --> 00:10:07.418
when you want it.
00:10:07.418 --> 00:10:08.610
It'll be right here.
00:10:08.961 --> 00:10:10.171
In my vault.
00:10:11.400 --> 00:10:13.350
Now you're holding the very first paper
00:10:13.350 --> 00:10:14.050
money, Pile.
00:10:14.705 --> 00:10:15.955
Wow, this is
00:10:15.955 --> 00:10:17.859
great, it all makes sense.
00:10:17.859 --> 00:10:19.789
Oh, that's right, it was good.
00:10:19.789 --> 00:10:22.249
And everybody started using I.O.Us
00:10:22.249 --> 00:10:24.639
because everybody knew the I.O.U was
00:10:24.639 --> 00:10:26.954
as good as gold.
00:10:27.504 --> 00:10:28.214
Wow,
00:10:28.214 --> 00:10:31.304
this candy is really a good price, one I.O.U
00:10:31.304 --> 00:10:33.346
I'm getting some more for later.
00:10:33.650 --> 00:10:34.410
Hey!
00:10:34.410 --> 00:10:36.540
Wait a minute, it was just one I.O.U
00:10:36.540 --> 00:10:38.699
10 I.O.Us for chocolate?!
00:10:38.699 --> 00:10:41.109
He can't just raise prices like that.
00:10:41.109 --> 00:10:43.165
Oh, the candy man can!
00:10:43.165 --> 00:10:47.015
sings Oh the candy man can!
00:10:47.015 --> 00:10:49.527
Wait, that is just freakin' wrong!
00:10:49.598 --> 00:10:51.378
It's called inflation, Pile.
00:10:51.378 --> 00:10:54.147
It makes your I.O.Us worth less and less
00:10:54.147 --> 00:10:56.050
until they are worth nothin'.
00:10:56.050 --> 00:10:57.780
Less bang for the buck,
00:10:57.780 --> 00:10:59.770
dollar ain't what it used to be.
00:11:00.488 --> 00:11:01.948
But I worked hard and I baked
00:11:01.948 --> 00:11:02.888
all those pot pies.
00:11:03.133 --> 00:11:05.063
Now I have to work harder to make less?
00:11:05.063 --> 00:11:06.013
That's not fair.
00:11:06.319 --> 00:11:08.049
Oh, if you think that's not fair...
00:11:08.049 --> 00:11:09.886
you're gonna love the next part.
00:11:11.773 --> 00:11:13.203
W-what's he doin'?
00:11:13.555 --> 00:11:15.355
How do banks make money, Pile?
00:11:15.533 --> 00:11:17.863
Uh, by making more loans?
00:11:17.897 --> 00:11:19.757
Oh, that's right. He's good.
00:11:19.952 --> 00:11:21.912
See, he prints more I.O.U.s without
00:11:21.912 --> 00:11:24.052
any more gold, loans 'em out for interest
00:11:24.052 --> 00:11:26.394
makes a pretty penny and nobody is the wiser
00:11:26.716 --> 00:11:27.566
Unless...
00:11:27.958 --> 00:11:30.648
Everybody wanted their gold back at the same time.
00:11:30.920 --> 00:11:32.610
N-n-n-no, that's my gold.
00:11:33.400 --> 00:11:35.000
Not anymore.
00:11:35.443 --> 00:11:37.743
What are you talking about?
00:11:37.808 --> 00:11:39.878
I'd like to redeem my I.O.U.s please.
00:11:40.588 --> 00:11:41.778
Thank ya very much.
00:11:42.235 --> 00:11:43.025
Hey!
00:11:43.025 --> 00:11:45.931
crowd yelling
00:11:45.931 --> 00:11:47.944
I want my gold back now!
00:11:48.370 --> 00:11:50.130
Thief! Thief!
00:11:50.238 --> 00:11:51.698
Gotta love the bank run
00:11:51.698 --> 00:11:53.208
Bringin' people together
00:11:53.208 --> 00:11:54.840
See they all found out he was stealin'
00:11:55.067 --> 00:11:57.977
made a run of the bank and as you can see
00:11:59.976 --> 00:12:01.446
There ain't no gold to get.
00:12:01.778 --> 00:12:02.688
Hartman!
00:12:02.766 --> 00:12:04.866
Don't worry, Pile. Back in these times
00:12:04.866 --> 00:12:06.995
vengeance will be yours.
00:12:07.136 --> 00:12:09.419
Three things in this world you don't do:
00:12:09.504 --> 00:12:11.524
Never mess with another man's woman,
00:12:11.524 --> 00:12:13.657
never mess with another man's ego, and
00:12:13.657 --> 00:12:15.079
most importantly,
00:12:15.079 --> 00:12:19.079
you never mess with another man's money.
00:12:21.402 --> 00:12:24.010
Else, the man will mess with you.
00:12:24.302 --> 00:12:25.472
My god!
00:12:25.472 --> 00:12:26.427
You hung him?
00:12:26.663 --> 00:12:27.793
Yes, Pile!
00:12:27.846 --> 00:12:30.556
Oh, we hung him. We hung him high.
00:12:30.630 --> 00:12:32.490
And do you know why?