Please do not edit these "English" subtitles, and do not translate them into other languages. Due to a glitch explained in the comments to the main page, the complete English subs are in the "English, British" subtitle track: please use that for translations.
The American dream
There's a reason that they called it a dream
Ah!
Who's there?
Cock-a-doddle-do pal
knocking
No no no no no
I don't have any more money.
My job sucks right now, please!
I'll have more money next month.
You can't take my house!
Is that your signature?
Oookay well just help me work something out, okay?
I mean you said I'm a good credit guy right?
I mean...hey, wait!
My dog is in there!
Nooo, don't take my dream!
sobbing
Oh, how did this happen?
BOOM
Huh?
Hardman? Is that you?
Been a long time since the fourth grade.
Is that a time machine?
There's no need to concern yourself
with my stand accomplishments.
Best get in.
There's not much time.
crying I gotta go down to the bank
to get my life back.
They took everything!
Ooh! Bank ain't gonna help you now.
Towel in the trunk.
Extra set of balls.
Put 'em on, you're gonna need 'em.
crying you're gonna get my dream back?
No, pal. You are. I'm here to show you how.
ZOOM
"The Twilight Zone" theme music
Submitted for your approval,
one First National Bank.
What is a bank, you ask?
A curious place
where both space, time, and irony exist.
And yet...
don't.
Uh, are you gonna be doin' that the
whole time?
Pay attention, pal.
Exhibit A:
Those who have come to deposit and safely
store their earned monies.
Exhibit B:
Those who need to borrow said money
for purposes...unknown.
Hey!
That's me!
Ergo, exhibit C.
The bank only has so much money
in the vault to lend out.
To people
such as you.
Hey!
Hey that's the guy!
He took my house!
Really screwin' my vibe here, pal.
Space-time continuum, he can't hear you.
Just let me narrate.
Now, where was I? clears throat
So you see,
by the time he got to you, pal,
His bank was out of money
But
he gave me lots of money
and charged me a lot of interest.
Yes.
That's the only way banks make money.
By making debt loans.
gun cocks Debt equals money, pal.
Remember that.
Debt equals money.
The more loans they make, the more money they make.
But if they don't have any money,
then where did my money come from?
beeping You're gonna wanna take a step back, pal.
Woah!
No way!
Yes way.
And that's nothing.
Hey buddy, need some money?
They didn't do that!
Aw, they did exactly that, pal.
Remember, banks make money by making loans,
by selling debt, even to
...bad credit risks.
hip hop music
Yo, have some money, dude.
Just sign here.
Oh my gosh!
Mm-hm, they called it "free money".
Yeah, that's exactly what my loan guy told me,
free money!
But it ain't free,
The worst part was offering money
to people who don't even need it.
People, pal, like you.
horn honking
You were right,
I didn't need him
I was happy here,
I didn't need it!
Why's he sad? He's makin' all that money.
Shhhhh...he's thinkin'.
Now wait fo it...
Now wait for it...
Bingo.
See the bank has loaned to everyone in town,
but to make more money they have
to loan even more.
More?
How much money do they need?
More.
ominous music Waah? What's that?
Oh ho, a black horse ridin'...
credit cards.
Wow! Look,
I mean it's gonna be okay.
Everything's gonna be okay.
What now?
Now?