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Please do not edit these "English" subtitles, and do not translate them into other languages.
Due to a glitch explained in the comments to the main page, the complete English subs are in the "English, British" subtitle track: please use that for translations.
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The American dream
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There's a reason that they called it a dream
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Ah!
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Who's there?
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Cock-a-doddle-do pal
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knocking
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No no no no no
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I don't have any more money.
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My job sucks right now, please!
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I'll have more money next month.
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You can't take my house!
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Is that your signature?
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Oookay well just help me work something out, okay?
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I mean you said I'm a good credit guy right?
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I mean...hey, wait!
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My dog is in there!
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Nooo, don't take my dream!
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sobbing
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Oh, how did this happen?
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BOOM
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Huh?
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Hardman? Is that you?
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Been a long time since the fourth grade.
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Is that a time machine?
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There's no need to concern yourself
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with my stand accomplishments.
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Best get in.
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There's not much time.
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crying I gotta go down to the bank
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to get my life back.
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They took everything!
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Ooh! Bank ain't gonna help you now.
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Towel in the trunk.
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Extra set of balls.
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Put 'em on, you're gonna need 'em.
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crying you're gonna get my dream back?
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No, pal. You are. I'm here to show you how.
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ZOOM
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"The Twilight Zone" theme music
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Submitted for your approval,
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one First National Bank.
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What is a bank, you ask?
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A curious place
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where both space, time, and irony exist.
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And yet...
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don't.
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Uh, are you gonna be doin' that the
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whole time?
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Pay attention, pal.
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Exhibit A:
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Those who have come to deposit and safely
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store their earned monies.
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Exhibit B:
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Those who need to borrow said money
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for purposes...unknown.
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Hey!
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That's me!
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Ergo, exhibit C.
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The bank only has so much money
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in the vault to lend out.
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To people
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such as you.
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Hey!
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Hey that's the guy!
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He took my house!
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Really screwin' my vibe here, pal.
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Space-time continuum, he can't hear you.
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Just let me narrate.
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Now, where was I? clears throat
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So you see,
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by the time he got to you, pal,
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His bank was out of money
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But
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he gave me lots of money
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and charged me a lot of interest.
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Yes.
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That's the only way banks make money.
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By making debt loans.
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gun cocks Debt equals money, pal.
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Remember that.
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Debt equals money.
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The more loans they make, the more money they make.
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But if they don't have any money,
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then where did my money come from?
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beeping You're gonna wanna take a step back, pal.
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Woah!
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No way!
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Yes way.
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And that's nothing.
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Hey buddy, need some money?
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They didn't do that!
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Aw, they did exactly that, pal.
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Remember, banks make money by making loans,
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by selling debt, even to
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...bad credit risks.
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hip hop music
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Yo, have some money, dude.
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Just sign here.
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Oh my gosh!
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Mm-hm, they called it "free money".
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Yeah, that's exactly what my loan guy told me,
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free money!
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But it ain't free,
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The worst part was offering money
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to people who don't even need it.
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People, pal, like you.
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horn honking
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You were right,
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I didn't need him
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I was happy here,
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I didn't need it!
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Why's he sad? He's makin' all that money.
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Shhhhh...he's thinkin'.
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Now wait fo it...
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Now wait for it...
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Bingo.
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See the bank has loaned to everyone in town,
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but to make more money they have
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to loan even more.
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More?
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How much money do they need?
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More.
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ominous music Waah? What's that?
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Oh ho, a black horse ridin'...
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credit cards.
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Wow! Look,
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I mean it's gonna be okay.
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Everything's gonna be okay.
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What now?
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Now?