WEBVTT

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When I was young,

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I wanted to be on TV:

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the lights, the cameras,

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the makeup,

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the glamorous life.

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And from my vantage point,

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just outside of a military base
in Lawton, Oklahoma,

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I didn't make the distinction
between TV reporter or actor.

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It was all the same to me.

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It was either,

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"Reporting live from Berlin"

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or "I shall attend her here and woo her
with such spirit when she comes."

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(Laughter)

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It was all special,

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it was all the spotlight,

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and I just knew that it was for me.

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But somewhere along my journey,

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life happened.

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Ah, much better.

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(Applause)

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I have a disease called vitiligo.

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It started early in my career.

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It's an autoimmune disorder.

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It's where it looks like your skin
is getting white patches,

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but it's actually void of color.

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It affects all ethnicities,

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it affects all ages,

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all genders,

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it's not contagious,

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it's not life-threatening,

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but it is mental warfare.

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It's tough.

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Now, I was diagnosed with this disease

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when I was working on
Eyewitness News in New York City.

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I was in the biggest city in the country,

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I was on their flagship station,

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and I was on their top-rated 5pm newscast,

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and the doctor looked me
right in the eye and said,

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"You have a disease called vitiligo.

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It's a skin disorder
where you lose your pigment.

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There is no cure, but there
a-la-la-la-la Charlie Brown's teacher."

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He said there is no cure.
All I heard was, "My career is over."

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But I just couldn't give up.

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I couldn't quit,

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because we put too much into this,

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and by "we" I mean Mr. Moss,

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who sent me to speech and drama club
instead of to detention,

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or my sister who paid
part of my college expenses,

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or my mom,

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who simply gave me everything.

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I would not quit.

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So I decided to just put on makeup
and keep it moving.

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I had to wear makeup anyway.
It's TV, baby, right?

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I just put on a little more makeup,
and everything's cool.

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And that actually
went very well for years.

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I went from being a reporter
in New York City

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to being a morning show anchor in Detroit,

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the Motor City,

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and as the disease got worse,

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I just put on more makeup.

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It was easy.

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Except for my hands.

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See, this disease is progressive
and ever-changing.

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That means it comes and goes.

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At one point, for about a year and a half,

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my face ewas completely white.

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Yeah, it trips me out too.

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(Laughter)

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Yeah.

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And then, with a little help,

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some of the pigment came back,

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but living through this process

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was like two sides of a coin.

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When I'm at work
and I'm wearing the makeup

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or wearing the makeup outside,
I'm the TV guy.

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"Hey, how you doing everybody? Great."

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At home without the makeup, I take it off
and it was like being a leper.

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The stares, constantly staring at me,

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the comments under their breath.

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Some people refused to shake my hand.

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Some people moved
to the other side of the sidewalk,

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moved to the other side of the elevator.

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I felt like they were moving
to the other side of life.

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It was tough,

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and those were some tough years.

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And honestly,

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sometimes I just had to shelter in place.

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You know what I mean?

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Kind of just stay at home
til I get my mind right.

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But then I'd put my blinders back on,

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I'd get back out there,

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do my thing,

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but in the process of doing that,

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I developed this angry, grumpy demeanor.

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Anger is an easy go-to,

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and people would leave me alone,

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but it just wasn't me.

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It wasn't me.

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I was allowing this disease to turn me
into this angry, grumpy, spotted guy.

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It just wasn't me.

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So I had to change.

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I knew I could not change other people.

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People are going to react
and do what they gonna do.

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But there was a cold hard reality as well.

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I was the one

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that was showing anger, sadness,

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and isolating myself.

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It was actually a choice.

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I was walking out the door every day

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expecting the world to react
with negativity,

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so I just gave them that mean face first.

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If I want to change,
the change had to start with me.

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So I came up with a plan.

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Two parter, not that deep.

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Number one, I would just let people stare,

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drink it in, stare all you want,

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and not react.

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Because the truth is
is when I got this disease,

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I was all up in the mirror
staring at every new spot

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trying to figure out what is going on.

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So I needed to let other people
have that same opportunity

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to get that visual understanding.

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Number two:

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I would react with positivity,

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and that was simply a smile,

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or, at the very least,

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a non-judgmental kind face.

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Simple plan.

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But it turned out to be
more difficult than I thought.

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But over time,

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things started to go OK.

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Like this one time, I'm at the store
and this dude is like staring at me,

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like burning a hole inside of my head.

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I was shopping, he's staring at me,

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I'm going to the checkout,
he's staring at me,

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I'm checking out, he's on the other line
checking out, he's staring at me,

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we go to the exit,
he's still staring at me,

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so I see he's staring

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and finally I turn to him
and I go, "Hey buddy, what's up!"

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And he goes, "??. Hi!"

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(Laughter)

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Awkward.

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So to relieve the tension, I say,

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"It's just a skin disorder.

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It's not contagious,
it's not life-threatening,

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it just makes me look a little different."

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I end up talking to that guy
in the grocery store

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for like five minutes.

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It was kind of cool, right?

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And at the end of
our conversation, he says,

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"You know, if you
didn't have vitilargo"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
-- it's actually vitiligo,
but he was trying, so --

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"if you didn't have vitilargo,
you'd look just like that guy on TV."

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(Laughter)

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And I was like, "Haha,
yeah I get that, I get that, yeah."

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(Laughter)

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So things were going OK.

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I was having more good exchanges than bad,

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until that day.

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I had a little time before work
so I like to stop by the park

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to watch the kids play.

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They're funny.

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So I got a little too close,
this little girl wasn't paying attention,

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she's about two or three years old,

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she's running, she runs directly
into my leg and falls down, pretty hard.

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I thought she hurt herself,

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so I reach out to try
and help the little girl

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and she looks at my vitiligo

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and she screams.

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Now kids are pure honesty.

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She's like two or three.

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This little girl, she wasn't
trying to be mean.

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She didn't have any malice in her heart.

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This little girl was afraid.

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She was just afraid.

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I didn't know what to do.

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I just took a step back
and put my hands by my side.

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I stayed in the house for two weeks
and three days on that one.

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It took me a second to get
my mind around the fact

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that I scare small children.

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And that was something
that I could not smile away.

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But I jumped back on my plan

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and just put on my blinders,

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started going back out.

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Two months later, I'm in a grocery store
reaching on the bottom shelf,

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and I hear a little voice go,
"You've got a boo-boo?"

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It's like a two-year old, three-year old,
same age, little girl,

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but she's not crying,

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sop I kneel down in front of her

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and I don't speak two-year old
so I look up at the mom,

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and I say, "What did she say?"

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And she says, "She thinks
you have a boo-boo."

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So I go, "No, I don't have
a boo-boo, no, not at all."

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And the little girl says,

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"Duh-duh-hoy?"

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And so I look to mom for the translation,

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and she says,

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"She thinks you're hurt."

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And I say, "No, sweetie,
I'm not hurt at all, I'm fine."

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And the little girl reaches out
with that little hand

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and touches my face.

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She's trying to rub the chocolate into
the vanilla or whatever she was doing.

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It was amazing! It was awesome.

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Because she thought she knew what it was,

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she was giving me everything I wanted:

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kindness, compassion,

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and with the touch of that little hand,

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she healed a grown man's pain.

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Yee-ha. Healed.

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I smiled for a long time on that one.

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Positivity is something
worth fighting for,