"Mom! Mom, come here! Mom they're going to make me into a plushine! Mom I don't wanna be a plushine! Mom I don't wanna be a plushine, please! Please! Please mom come here!"
It's the problem with plushines that nobody likes to talk about
They won't sit up straight, and tumble all over the place
They burn when you touch them
And they're just not real...
(What do you mean?) And they're just not real...
(What do you mean?) They're not human...
(OP what do you mean?) They're not human...
And for all the nonsense, you've wasted hundreds of dollars
"It's just not fair... it's just not fair..." - Very sad customer
"There are consequences to your actions" - Very upset and dissatisfied customer
"My children are dead, and My plush won't sit up straight. I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!" - Very displeased, unsettled, and quite honestly, horrified customer
Don't be like these disgraces upon God's name
instead, make the newest companion to your collection Team 666- hmmm...
Team six-ex-one-one-one-
Team six one hundred-and-eleven?
Team-
Your very own Tamari!
Tamari
THEY: SIT, BATHE, DETECT EXPLOSIVES
Tamari can do it all for the low low price of:
$27.99USD
They can detend your home with their Tamari-sized handgun!
(Clay Tamari not included) "Look how tiny it is! That sure is me!"
That sure is you!
"Oh, I just love them! What a precious little one... It's-a-me, Mario!" - Very pleased customer
"Tamari successfully electrocuted my wife! Amazing!" - Very happy and enlightened customer
Tamari loves going to Menards. Why don't we have a look?
I wish I knew my father...
I fucking love Menards!
Tamari thoughly enjoys their confields
Up, up, up they go!
Tamari comes in five unique sizes and shapes
THIS IS A LIE YOU HAVE BEEN DECEIVED
You can have hours of fun, AND play, with Tamari!
Heh, well...what can i say about the Tamari plush That hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone?
(Ibuprofen and Diet Pepsi not included) Hey there, little buddy! Do you perhaps have some ibuprofen, or a Diet Coke?
"Tamari is the perfect companion at my family's funeral! Please take them home with you, I'm begging!" - This customer gave the Tamari plush Companion a five star rating
"Always let Tamari drive the car!" - Our favorite customer
"Tamaru produced a song on my own, my very own, computer! Would you like to have a look?" - Our least favorite customer
[Janky-ass music]
Tamari has nightmares, and would love to be your newest friend
but how do I let them in my house?
On November 22, Makeship will host a purchashing page for the Tamari plush, priced at $27.99
From there, a minimum number of orders will be needed in order for Tamari to be given life
If this number is not met, buyers will receive a full refund for their purchase, an the Tamaru plush will be unable to breathe their first breath
However, if this number is met, anyone who placed and order will receive their very own Tamari plush companion
Those interested will have 21 days to decide Tamari's fate
The Tamari Plush Companion Friend is a one-tine thing
Once the campaign ends, the Tamari Plush won't be for sale again
That's right!
Remember, minimum number of orders are needed by 21 days so that Tamari can get more Mike & Ikes
So that Tamari can go to the football game, and be there too!
For just one payment of 27.99, Tamari plush can be your friend
Here, have some more gleaming reviews from our loyal customers!
"You're probably wondering, what does this have to do with my arts and my crafts?" - Gus
"Far below the waterline, the air was cold and rough. I gulped the icy wind, and then plunged beneath the dark waters." - A close friend
"My son loves his Tamari Plush. Every night, when I read bedtime stories to him, he cuddles his Tamari Plush and looks up at me with pleading eyes." - Susan
"Seriously though, can anyone make a slightly less contorted Tamaranoid than this guy?" - Color me Impressed!
"Oh man...words cannot describe what happend to me." - A customer who was rendered through VOCALOID6 AI Megpoid's Vocalo Changer feature
"Yes, I love this product! I love it so much, I give it a hug every night before I go to bed! Make sure to give the plushie lots of hugs! Every day!
And make sure to call it a good little boy who you're proud of! Please! It's a requirement! treat it kindly! I'm begging of you! (Iraqi)!" - Tamari did not submit this review
"If I am to consume the meat of creature distant and unknown...Then where should i find my family? my friends? everything?" - you
"I am glad i have the tamari plush so i can collect the little green bug next. this plush also comes with a tag. nice touch!" - littlegreenbugfan82
"where are you? where are you now? WHERE ARE YOU NOW?!" - Alex
"now you're wondering if the tamari plush is tame...um...what? is that an actual plush we're looking at?! we aren't able to open our jaws..." - A customer who has time
"wow. i love tamari plush. and the tamari plush loves me!
every night, the tamari plush and i giggle softly together like two silly girls. you should hang out with the tamari plush and i sometime.
sometimes the night just takes over and it just becomes one big string of giggles! oh man, it is so good to be alive and sometimes we all take it for granted." - Anonumous Redditor
"Finally, a plush to achive the magic feat of being human."
flashing warning incoming
(Human not included) "Finally, a plush to achive the magic feat of being human."
Subtitled by Marlin Siragi