WEBVTT

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When your kid tells you that they are

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transgender,

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what do you do?

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Forty-one percent of transgender adults

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have attempted suicide,

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mostly as an adolescent or young adult.

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Parental support can dramatically reduce

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the risk of suicide

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by three and a half times,

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but many parents are terrified of doing

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the wrong thing.

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So what should you do when your child

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tells you that they are transgender?

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The first thing to realize is that there

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is a very good chance the child is right.

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In nearly all the studies I am aware of,

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no child regretted transitioning.

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I've spoken with two nationally recognized

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endocrinologists that work with trans kids

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and they are aware of only one case of

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regret in the thousands they have treated.

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Additionally, I have never met a single

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person who has transitioned and

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regretted it.

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I have never a parent of a trans kid

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who regretted letting their kid

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transition.

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I've only ever met parents who regretted

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not letting their kid transition sooner.

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Regardless of their identity, in the end

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you have two choices:

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reject or accept their declaration.

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If you reject them,

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no matter the end result,

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you will contribute to their harm

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and increase the risk of mental illness.

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Studies have shown that regardless of

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what happens outside the home,

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familial support can literally

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save your kid's life!

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Familial support reduces suicide

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by three and a half times

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and substance abuse

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by two and a half times.

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If you as the parent

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reject your child's identity,

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you are the largest

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and most negatively-impactful bully

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in your child's life,

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more so than any and potentially ALL of

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the bullies at school.

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That is, when your child says something

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to you about their identity,

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and you say no,

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you are telling them that

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they cannot trust how they feel,

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they cannot trust you to listen

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and hear them,

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and they cannot trust themselves.

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That creates an

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invalidating childhood environment,

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and invalidating environments are hotbeds

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for the formation of many serious

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mental illnesses that can last a lifetime.

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If you choose to affirm their identity

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no matter the end result,

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you are telling your child that

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they can trust you,

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that they can confide in you,

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that they are allowed to trust themselves

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and their own feelings,

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and that you trust them to learn

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and figure themselves out.

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This is part of how you build

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a healthy parent-child relationship.

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A reminder:

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Up to forty-one percent of trans adults

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have attempted suicide at least once,

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most as kids.

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If you reject their

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declaration of identity,

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you increase this risk of suicide.

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If you affirm them, you reduce the risks.

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And so much so that in one study,

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socially transitioned children

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with supportive families

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reported depression rates

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indistinguishable from cisgender youth.

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It is also important to keep in mind

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that by the time your kid

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brings this to you, the parent,

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they have probably spent months

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or maybe years

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crying themselves to sleep at night

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wondering if you will still love them.

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This declaration to you is not a whim.

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This is a well thought-through statement,

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and in this moment you have

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a rare opportunity to show your kid that

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they can trust you,

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that they can confide in you.

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In the end,

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you as the parent have the choice:

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you can either increase the risk for harm

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and suicide by rejecting them,

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or you can dramatically reduce that risk

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by affirming their identity.

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It is your choice.

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Don't be your child's first bully.