0:00:00.028,0:00:01.210
When your kid tells you that they are

0:00:01.210,0:00:01.947
transgender,

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what do you do?

0:00:03.713,0:00:05.746
Forty-one percent of transgender adults

0:00:05.746,0:00:07.167
have attempted suicide,

0:00:07.167,0:00:09.500
mostly as an adolescent or young adult.

0:00:09.581,0:00:11.687
Parental support can dramatically reduce

0:00:11.697,0:00:12.687
the risk of suicide

0:00:12.800,0:00:14.061
by three and a half times,

0:00:14.596,0:00:16.169
but many parents are terrified of doing

0:00:16.169,0:00:16.948
the wrong thing.

0:00:17.569,0:00:18.824
So what should you do when your child

0:00:18.863,0:00:20.667
tells you that they are transgender?

0:00:21.235,0:00:22.626
The first thing to realize is that there

0:00:22.626,0:00:24.533
is a very good chance the child is right.

0:00:24.696,0:00:26.852
In nearly all the studies I am aware of,

0:00:26.852,0:00:28.753
no child regretted transitioning.

0:00:29.149,0:00:31.318
I've spoken with two nationally recognized

0:00:31.318,0:00:33.502
endocrinologists that work with trans kids

0:00:33.502,0:00:35.325
and they are aware of only one case of

0:00:35.325,0:00:36.995
regret in the thousands they have treated.

0:00:36.995,0:00:39.328
Additionally, I have never met a single

0:00:39.328,0:00:40.926
person who has transitioned and

0:00:40.926,0:00:41.663
regretted it.

0:00:41.663,0:00:43.189
I have never a parent of a trans kid

0:00:43.189,0:00:44.488
who regretted letting their kid

0:00:44.488,0:00:45.499
transition.

0:00:45.499,0:00:46.961
I've only ever met parents who regretted

0:00:46.961,0:00:48.985
not letting their kid transition sooner.

0:00:48.985,0:00:51.647
Regardless of their identity, in the end

0:00:51.647,0:00:52.833
you have two choices:

0:00:52.833,0:00:55.146
reject or accept their declaration.

0:00:55.146,0:00:56.318
If you reject them,

0:00:56.318,0:00:57.653
no matter the end result,

0:00:57.653,0:00:59.583
you will contribute to their harm

0:00:59.583,0:01:01.617
and increase the risk of mental illness.

0:01:01.617,0:01:03.328
Studies have shown that regardless of

0:01:03.328,0:01:04.606
what happens outside the home,

0:01:04.606,0:01:06.379
familial support can literally

0:01:06.379,0:01:07.653
save your kid's life!

0:01:07.653,0:01:09.536
Familial support reduces suicide

0:01:09.536,0:01:10.912
by three and a half times

0:01:10.912,0:01:11.657
and substance abuse

0:01:11.657,0:01:12.967
by two and a half times.

0:01:13.637,0:01:14.653
If you as the parent

0:01:14.666,0:01:16.206
reject your child's identity,

0:01:16.254,0:01:17.241
you are the largest

0:01:17.241,0:01:19.355
and most negatively-impactful bully

0:01:19.355,0:01:20.521
in your child's life,

0:01:20.921,0:01:23.141
more so than any and potentially ALL of

0:01:23.141,0:01:24.316
the bullies at school.

0:01:24.316,0:01:26.238
That is, when your child says something

0:01:26.238,0:01:27.918
to you about their identity,

0:01:27.918,0:01:29.005
and you say no,

0:01:29.005,0:01:30.645
you are telling them that

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they cannot trust how they feel,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they cannot trust you to listen

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and hear them,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and they cannot trust themselves.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That creates an

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
invalidating childhood environment,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and invalidating environments are hotbeds

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
for the formation of many serious

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
mental illnesses that can last a lifetime.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you choose to affirm their identity

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
no matter the end result,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you are telling your child that

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they can trust you,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that they can confide in you,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that they are allowed to trust themselves

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and their own feelings,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and that you trust them to learn

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and figure themselves out.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This is part of how you build

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
a healthy parent-child relationship.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
A reminder:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Up to forty-one percent of trans adults

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
have attempted suicide at least once,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
most as kids.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you reject their

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
declaration of identity,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you increase this risk of suicide.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you affirm them, you reduce the risks.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And so much so that in one study,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
socially transitioned children

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
with supportive families

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
reported depression rates

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
indistinguishable from cisgender youth.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It is also important to keep in mind

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that by the time your kid

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
brings this to you, the parent,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they have probably spent months

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or maybe years

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
crying themselves to sleep at night

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
wondering if you will still love them.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This declaration to you is not a whim.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This is a well thought-through statement,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and in this moment you have

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
a rare opportunity to show your kid that

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they can trust you,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that they can confide in you.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
In the end,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you as the parent have the choice:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you can either increase the risk for harm

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and suicide by rejecting them,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or you can dramatically reduce that risk

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
by affirming their identity.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It is your choice.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Don't be your child's first bully.