WEBVTT

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Marble columns...

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Elegant, sturdy, 
and bursting with class.

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Nothing says
I've got money and power...

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like 
marble columns.

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How do I know?

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Because I've been selling 
marble columns to rich people

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for over 
10 years.

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I'm talking
millionaires.

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You put marble columns 
in your house,

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that place is gonna
look like a mansion.

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Transform your living room!

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The bathroom!

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Even your driveway!

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How much you wanna bet the car
pulling up to that driveway is a Rolls-Royce?

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You gotta get yourself 
some marble columns.

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You like eating 
breakfast?

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How about eating breakfast 
in a kitchen with marble columns?

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Ooh lala!

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Now,
that's a fancy meal!

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You need a little help
in the bedroom department?

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Try some
marble columns.

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You could go in at it
like the king and queen of France.

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You gotta get yourself 
some marble columns.

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You don't believe me? 
Just ask my daughter, Lexi.

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Look at these columns.

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Look at this one! 
Look at that one!

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Can you believe it? 
You could stick these things everywhere.

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They'll make your house 
look like a palace, like a castle.

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People are gonna 
look at your house and go:

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Who lives there? 
The pope?

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What is that? 
The Playboy mansion?

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It's ridiculous!

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Imagine pulling up to your house
and seeing these and going:

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Oh my God! 
I live here!

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How nuts would it be
to own this one,

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or that one,

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or this one, 
or that one?

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You gotta get yourself 
some marble columns.

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The Romans had them 
and they didn't do too bad, right?

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Hey, you know what?
Take a good look at the White House.

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Notice anything classy
on the porch?

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Columns!

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So, come on down 
to Mike's Marbleopolis

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and get yourself 
some columns.

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Mike's Marbleopolis 
2941 Central Avenue in LUNBROOK

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You gotta get yourself 
some marble columns.