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Oh, oh, the books.
Thank you.
Well, thank you, President Hennessy,
and to the trustees and the faculty,
to all of the parents and grandparents, to you,
the Stanford graduates.
Thank you for letting me share this amazing day with you.
I need to begin by letting everyone in on a little secret.
The secret is that Kirby Bumpus--
--Stanford class of '08--
0-8!
--is my god-daughter.
So I was thrilled when President Hennessy asked
me to be your commencement speaker, because this
is the first time I've been allowed on campus since Kirby's
been here.
You see, Kirby's a very smart girl.
She wants people to get to know her on our own terms, she says,
not in terms of who she knows.
So she never wants anyone who's first
meeting her to know that I know her and she knows me.
So when she first came to Stanford
for new student orientation with her mom,
I hear that they arrived, and everybody was so welcoming,
and somebody came up to Kirby and they said, oh my god,
that's Gayle King-- because a lot of people
know Gayle King is my BFF.
So somebody comes up to Kirby and they say, oh my god,
is that Gayle King?
And Kirby's like, uh-huh.
She's my mom.
And so the person says, oh my god,
does it mean, like, you know Oprah Winfrey?
And Kirby says, sort of.
I said, sort of?
You sort of know me?
Well, I have photographic proof.
I have pictures, which I can email
to you all, of Kirby riding horsey with me on all fours.
So I more than sort of know Kirby Bumpus.
And I'm so happy to be here, just
happy that I finally, after four years, get to see her room.
There is really nowhere else I'd rather be,
because I'm so proud of Kirby, who
graduates today with two degrees, one in human bio
and the other in psychology.
Love you, Kirby Cakes.
That's how well I know her, I can call her "Cakes."
And so proud of her mother and father,
who helped her get through this time, and her brother Will.
I really had nothing to do with her graduating from Stanford,
but every time anybody's asked me
in the past couple of weeks what I was doing, I'd say,
I'm getting ready to go to Stanford.
I just love saying "Stanford."
Because the truth is, I know I would
have never gotten my degree at all, because I
didn't go to Stanford.
I went to Tennessee State University.
But I never would have gotten my diploma at all,
because I was supposed to graduate back in 1975.
But I was short one credit.
I was short one credit.
And I figured, I'm going to just forget it,
because I'm not going to march with my class.
Because by that point, I was already on television.
I'd been in television since I was 19 and a sophomore.
Granted, I was the only television anchor
person that had an 111 o'clock curfew doing the 10 o'clock
news.
Seriously, my dad was like, [OLD MAN VOICE]
well, that news is over 10:30.
Be home by 11.
But that didn't matter to me, because I was earning a living.
I was on my way.
So I thought, I'm going to let this college thing go,
and I only had one credit.
But my father, from that time on and for years after,
was always on my case, because I did not graduate.
He'd say, [OLD MAN VOICE] Oprah Gayle--
that's my middle name-- I don't know what you're going
to do without that degree.
And I'd say, but Dad, I have my own television show.
And he'd say, [OLD MAN VOICE] I still
don't know what you're going to do without that degree.
[LAUGHTER]
And I'd say, but Dad, now I'm going a talk show host.
He'd say, [OLD MAN VOICE] I don't
know you're going to get another job without that degree.
[LAUGHTER]
So in 1987, Tennessee State University
invited me back to speak at their commencement.
By then, I had my own show, was nationally syndicated.
I'd made a movie, had been nominated for an Oscar,
and founded my company, Harpo.
But I told them, I cannot come and give a speech unless I can
earn one more credit, because my dad's still saying I'm not
going to get anywhere without that degree.
So I finished my coursework, I turned in my final paper,
and I got the degree.
[CHEERING]
And my dad was very proud.
And I know that if anything happens,
that one credit will be my salvation.
But I also know why my dad was insisting on that diploma,
because as B.B. King put it, the beautiful thing about learning
is that nobody can take that away from you.
And learning is really, in the broadest sense, what I really
want to talk about today, because your education,
of course, isn't ending here.
In many ways, it's only just begun.
The world has so many lessons to teach you.
I consider the world, this earth, to be like a school,
and our life the classrooms.
And sometimes here on this Planet Earth school,
the lessons often come dressed up as detours or road blocks,
and sometimes as full-blown crises.
And the secret I've learned to getting ahead
is being open to the lessons-- lessons
from the grandest universe of all,
that is, the universe itself.
It's being able to walk through life eager and open
to self-improvement and that which
is going to best help you evolve-- because that's really
why we're here, to evolve as human beings--
so to grow into being more of ourselves,
always moving to the next level of understanding,
the next level of compassion and growth.
I think one of the greatest compliments I've ever received,
I interviewed with a reporter when I was first starting out
and Chicago, and then many years later I saw the same reporter
and she said to me, you know what?
You really haven't changed.
You've just become more of yourself.
And that is really what we're all trying to do,
become more of ourselves.
And I believe that there is a lesson in almost everything
that you do in every experience, and getting the lesson
is how you move forward.
It's how you enrich your spirit.
And trust me, I know that inner wisdom
is more precious than wealth.
The more you spend it, the more you gain.
So today, I just want to share a few lessons, meaning three,
that I've learned in my journey so far.
And aren't you glad?
Don't you hate it when somebody says, I'm going to share a few,
and it's 10 lessons later?
And you're like, listen, this is my graduation.
This is not about you.
So it's only going to be three.
The three lessons that have had the greatest impact on my life
have to do with feelings, with failure,
and with finding happiness.
A year after I left college, I was given the opportunity
to co-anchor the 6 o'clock news in Baltimore,
because the whole goal in the media
at the time I was coming up was that you
try to move to larger markets.
And Baltimore was a much larger market than Nashville,
so getting the 6 o'clock news co-anchor job at 22
was such a big deal.
It felt like the biggest deal in the world at the time.
And I was so proud, because I was finally
going to have my chance to be like Barbara Walters, which
is who I'd been trying to emulate
since the start of my TV career.
So I was 22 years old making $22,000 a year,
and it's where I met my best friend, Gayle,
who was an intern at the same TV station.
And once we became friends, we'd say, oh my god,
I can't believe it.
You're making 22.
And you're only 22.
Imagine when you're 40 and you're making 40.
When I turned 40, I was so glad that didn't happen.
So here I am, 22, making $22,000 a year.
And yet, it didn't feel right.
It didn't feel right.
The first sign, as President Hennessy was saying,
was when they tried to change my name.
The news director said to me at the time,
nobody's going to remember "Oprah,"
so we want to change your name.
We've come up with a name we think that people will remember
and people will like.
It's a friendly name, Suzy.
(PETITE VOICE) Hi, Suzy.
Very friendly.
You can't be angry with Suzy.
Remember Suzy.
But my name wasn't Suzy.
And you know, I'd grown up not really loving my name,
because when you're looking for your little name
on the lunch boxes and the license plate tags,
you're never going to find "Oprah."
So I grew up not loving the name,
but once I was asked to change it,
I thought, well, it is my name, and do I look like a Suzy
to you?
So I thought, no, it doesn't feel right.
I'm not going to change my name, and if people remember it
or not, that's OK.
And then they said they didn't like the way I looked.
This was in 1976 where your boss could call you in and say,
I don't like the way you look.
Now that would be called lawsuit.
But back then, they could just say,
I don't like the way you look.
Which, in case some of you in the back, if you can't tell,
is nothing like Barbara Walters.
So they sent me to a salon, where they gave me a perm.
And after a few days, all my hair fell out
and I had to shave my head.
And then they really didn't like the way I look.
Because now I am black and bald and sitting on TV.
Not a pretty picture.
But even worse than being bald, I really hated,
hated, hated being sent to report on other people's
tragedies as a part of my daily duty,
knowing that I was just expected to observe when
everything in my instinct told me that I
should be doing something.
I should be lending a hand.
So, as President Hennessy said, I'd cover a fire,
and then I'd go back and I'd try to give the victims blankets.
And I wouldn't be able to sleep at night
because of all the things I was covering during the day.
And meanwhile, I was trying to sit gracefully like Barbara
and make myself talk like Barbara.
And I thought, well, I could make a pretty goofy Barbara.
And if I could figure out how to be myself,
I could be a pretty good Oprah.
I was trying to sound elegant like Barbara.
And sometimes I didn't read my copy,
because something inside me said,
this should be spontaneous.
You know?
It should be spontaneous.
So I wanted to get the news as I was giving it to the people,
so sometimes I wouldn't read my copy
and it'd be like,
six people in a pileup on I-40?
Oh my goodness.
And sometimes I wouldn't read the copy,
because I wanted to be spontaneous,
and I'd come across a list of words I
didn't know, and mispronounce.
And one day I was reading copy and I called Canada Ka-na-da.
And I did just that, I cracked myself up on the air.
And I decided, this Barbara thing's not going too well.
I should try being myself.
But at the same time, my dad was saying,
Oprah Gayle, this is the opportunity of a lifetime.
You'd better keep that job.
And my boss was saying, this is the nightly news.
You're an anchor, not a social worker.
Just do your job.
So I was juggling these messages of expectation and obligation,
and feeling really miserable with myself.
I'd go home at night and fill up my journals, because I've
kept a journal since I was 15.
So I now have volumes of journals.
So I'd go home at night and fill up my journals
about how miserable I was and frustrated,
and then I'd eat my anxiety.
That's where I learned that habit.
And after eight months, I lost that job.
They said I was too emotional.
I was too much.
But since they didn't want to pay off the contract,
they put me on a talk show in Baltimore.
And the moment I sat down on that show-- the moment
I did-- I felt like I'd come home.
I realized that TV could be more than just a playground,
but a platform for service, for helping
other people lift their lives.
And the moment I sat down doing that talk show,
it felt like breathing.
It felt-- it felt right.
And that's where everything that followed for me began.
And I got that lesson.
When you're doing the work you're meant to do,
it feels right, and every day is a bonus, regardless
of what you're getting paid.
It's true.
And how do you know when you're doing something right?
How do you know that?
It feels so.
What I know now is that feelings are really
your GPS system for life.
When you're supposed to do something
or not supposed to do something, your emotional guidance system
lets you know.
The trick is to learn to check your ego at the door,
and start checking your gut instead.
Every right decision I've made-- every right decision I've ever
made-- has come from my gut.
And every wrong decision I've ever made was a result of me
not listening to the greater voice of myself.
If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
That's the lesson.
And that lesson alone will save you, my friends,
a lot of grief.
Even doubt means don't.
This is what I've learned.
There are many times when you don't know what to do.
When you don't know what to do, get still.
Get very still, until you do know what to do.
And when you do get still and let your internal motivation
be the driver, not only will your personal life improve,
but you will gain a competitive edge in the working world,
as well.
Because as Daniel Pink writes in his bestseller, A Whole New
Mind, he says we're entering a whole new age.
And he calls it the conceptual age,
where traits that set people apart today
are going to come from our hearts--
right brain-- as well as our heads.
It's no longer just the logical, linear, rules-based thinking
that matters, he says.
It's also empathy and joyfulness and purpose, inner traits
that have transcendent worth.
These qualities bloom when we're doing what we love-- so
when we're involving the wholeness of ourselves
in our work, both our expertise and our emotion.
So I say to you, forget about the fast lane.
If you really want to fly, just harness your power
to your passion.
Honor your calling.
Everybody has one.
Trust your heart, and success will come to you.
So how do I define success?
Let me tell you, money's pretty nice.
I'm not going to stand up here and tell you
that it's not about money, because money is very nice.
I like money.
It's good for buying things.
But having a lot of money does not automatically
make you a successful person.
What you want is money and meaning.
You want your work to be meaningful,
because meaning is what brings the real richness to your life.
What you really want is to be surrounded
by people you trust and treasure,
and by people who cherish you.
That's when you're really rich.
So lesson one, follow your feelings.
If it feels right, move for it.
If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
Now I want to talk a little bit about failings,
because nobody's journey is seamless or smooth.
We all stumble.
We all have setbacks.
If things go wrong, you hit a dead end-- as you will--
it's just life's way of saying, time to change course.
So ask every failure
this is what I do.
Every failure, every crisis, every difficult time,
I say, what is this here to teach me?
And as soon as you get the lesson, you get to move on.
If you really get the lesson, you pass and you don't have to repeat the class.
If you don't get the lesson, it shows up wearing another pair of pants, or skirt, to give you some remedial work.
And what I've found is that difficulties come when you don't pay attention to life's whisper,
because life always whispers to you first.
And if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you'll get a scream.
Whatever you resist persists, but if you ask the right question--
not why is this happening,
but what is here to teach me-- what is this here to teach me--
it puts you in the place and space to get the lesson you need.
My friend Eckhart Tolle, who's written this wonderful book
called A New Earth that's all about letting
the awareness of who you are stimulate everything
that you do, puts it like this.
He says, don't react against a bad situation.
Merge with that situation instead,
and the solution will arise from the challenge.
Because surrendering yourself doesn't mean giving up.
It means acting with responsibility.
OK, many of you know that, as President Hennessy said,
I started the school in Africa.
And I founded this school where I'm
trying to give South African girls a shot at a future
like yours, Stanford.
And I spent five years making sure
that school would be as beautiful as the students.
I wanted every girl to feel her worth reflected
in her surroundings, so I checked every blueprint,
I picked every pillow, I was looking at the grout
in between the bricks.
I knew every thread count of the sheets.
I chose every girl from the villages from nine provinces,
and yet, last fall, I was faced with a crises
I'd never anticipated.
I was told that one of the dorm matrons
was suspected of sexual abuse.
Well, that was, as you can imagine, devastating news.
First, I cried.
Actually, I sobbed, for about a half an hour.
And then I said, let's get to it.
That's all you get, is a half an hour.
You need to focus on the now, what you need to do now.
So I contacted a child trauma specialist.
I put together a team of investigators.
I made sure the girls had counseling and support.
And Gayle and I got on a plane and flew to South Africa.
And the whole time I kept asking that question, what
is this here to teach me?
And as difficult as that experience has been,
I got a lot of lessons.
I understand now the mistakes I made,
because I had been paying attention
to all of the wrong things.
I built that school from the outside-in,
when what really mattered was the inside-out.
So it's a lesson that applies to all of our lives as a whole.
What matters most is what's inside.
What matters most is the sense of integrity, of quality,
and beauty.
I got that lesson.
And what I know is that the girls came away with something,
too.
They've emerged from this more resilient, and knowing
that their voices have power.
And their resilience and spirit have
given me more than I could ever give to them, which leads me
to my final lesson, the one about finding happiness-- which
we could talk about all day, but I
know you have other wacky things to do.
Not a small topic this is, finding happiness.
But in some ways, I think it's the simplest of all.
Gwendolyn Brooks wrote a poem for her children.
It's called "Speech to the Young,
Speech to the Progress-Toward."
And she says at the end, live not for battles won.
Live not for the end of the song.
Live in the along.
She's saying, like Eckhart Tolle,
that you have to live for the present.
You have to be in the moment.
Whatever has happened to you in your past
has no power over this present moment, because life is now.
But I think she's also saying, be a part of something.
Don't live for yourself alone.
This is what I know for sure.
In order to be truly happy, you must live along with
and you have to stand for something larger than yourself,
because life is a reciprocal exchange.
To move forward, you have to give back.
And to me, that is the greatest lesson of life.
To be happy, you have to give something back.
I know you know that, because that's
a lesson that's woven into the very fabric of this university.
It's a lesson that Jane and Leland Stanford got
and one they've bequeathed to you, because all of you
know the story of how this great school came to be,
how the Stanfords lost their only child to typhoid
at the age of 15.
They had every right and they had every reason
to turn their backs against the world at that time.
But instead, they channeled their grief and their pain
into an act of grace.
Within a year of their son's death,
they'd made the founding grant for this great school,
pledging to do for other people's children
what they were not able to do for their own boy.
The lesson here is clear.
And that is, if you're hurting, you
need to help somebody else ease their hurt.
If you're in pain, help somebody else's pain.
And when you're in a mess, you get yourself out of the mess
helping somebody out of theirs.
And in the process, you get to become
a member of what I call the greatest fellowship of all,
the sorority of compassion and the fraternity of service.
The Stanfords had suffered the worst thing any mom and dad can
ever endure, yet they understood that helping others
is the way we help ourselves.
And this wisdom is increasingly supported
by scientific and sociological research.
It's no longer just woo-woo soft-skills talk.
There's actually a helper's high, a spiritual surge
you gain from serving others.
So if you want to feel good, you have
to go out and do some good.
But when you do good, I hope you strive for more than just
the good feeling that service provides,
because I know this for sure, that doing good actually
makes you better.
So whatever field you choose, if you
operate from the paradigm of service,
I know your life will have more value, and you will be happy.
I was always happy doing my talk show,
but that happiness reached a depth of fulfillment,
of joy, that I really can't describe to you a measure when
I stopped just being on TV and looking at TV as a job,
and decided to use television-- to use it and not
have it use me-- to use it as a platform to serve my viewers.
That alone changed the trajectory of my success.
So I know this-- that whether you're an actor,
you offer your talent in the way that most inspires art;
if you're an anatomist, you look at your gift as knowledge
and service to healing; whether you've
been called, as so many of you here today getting doctorates
and other degrees to the profession of business, law,
engineering, humanities, science, medicine--
if you choose to offer your skills and talent in service,
when you choose the paradigm of service, looking at your life
through that paradigm, it turns everything you do from a job
into a gift.
And I know you haven't spent all this time at Stanford just
to go out and get a job.
So you've been enriched in countless ways.
There's no better way to make your mark on the world
than to share that abundance with others.
My constant prayer for myself is to be used in service
for the greater good.
So let me end with one of my favorite quotes
from Martin Luther King.
Dr. King said, not everybody can be famous.
And I don't know if-- everybody today seems
to want to be famous, but fame is a trip.
People follow you to the bathroom.
[LAUGHTER]
Listen to you pee.
[LAUGHTER]
Try to pee quietly, it doesn't matter.
They come out and say, oh my god, it's you.
You peed.
[LAUGHTER]
That's the fame trip.
So I don't know if you want that.
So Dr. King said not everybody can be famous,
but everybody can be great, because greatness
is determined by service.
Yet, those of you who are history scholars
may know the rest of that passage.
He said, you don't have to have a college degree to serve.
You don't have to make your subject
and verb agree to serve.
You don't have to know about Plato or Aristotle to serve.
You don't have to know Einstein's theory of relativity
to serve.
You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics
in physics to serve.
You only need a heart full of grace
and a soul generated by love.
In a few moments, you'll all be officially Stanford grads '08
You have the heart and the smarts to go with it,
and it's up to you to decide, really, where will you
now use those gifts?
You've got the diploma, so go out and get the lessons.
Because I know, great things are sure to come.
You know, I've always believed that everything is better
when you share it.
So before I go, I wanted to share a graduation gift
with you.
Underneath your seats, you'll find two of my favorite books,
Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth, which is my current book club
selection-- our "New Earth" webcast has been downloaded
30 million times with that book-- and Daniel Pink's
A Whole New Mind-- Why Right Brainers Will Rule the Future,
has reassured me I'm moving in the right direction.
I really wanted to give you cars.
But I just couldn't pull that off.
Congratulations, [WHOOPING] '08.