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Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of

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praise, admiration and thank you,

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and having it be specific and genuine.

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And the way I got interested in this was,

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I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,

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and until about a few years ago,

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that I would want to say thank you to someone,

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I would want to praise them,

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I would want to take in their praise of me

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and I'd just stop it.

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And I asked myself, why?

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I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.

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And then my question became,

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am I the only one who does this?

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So, I decided to investigate.

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I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,

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so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.

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And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,

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their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.

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But then, they hear from all the family and friends

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that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,

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but he never told the son.

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It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.

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So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?

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I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,

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who's longing to hear his wife say,

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"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"

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but won't ask.

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I know a woman who's good at this.

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She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,

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"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."

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And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."

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And praise really does have to be genuine,

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but she takes responsibility for that.

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And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,

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she thanks her children for doing their chores.

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And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"

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So, the question is, why was I blocking it?

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Why were other people blocking it?

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Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,

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I need size six shoes," but I won't say,

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"Would you praise me this way?"

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And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.

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I'm telling you where I'm insecure.

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I'm telling you where I need your help.

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And I'm treating you, my inner circle,

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like you're the enemy.

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Because what can you do with that data?

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You could neglect me.

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You could abuse it.

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Or you could actually meet my need.

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And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --

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same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.

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The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,

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it's going to make the bike so much better."

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I get the same bike back,

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and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels

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I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.

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So, I'm going to challenge all of you.

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I want you to true your wheels:

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be honest about the praise that you need to hear.

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What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --

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go ask her, what does she need?

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Go home to your husband -- what does he need?

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Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.

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And it's simple.

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And why should we care about this?

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We talk about world peace.

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How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?

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I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.

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So, let's make it right in our own backyard.

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And I want to thank all of you in the audience

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for being great husbands, great mothers,

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friends, daughters, sons.

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And maybe somebody's never said that to you,

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but you've done a really, really good job.

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And thank you for being here, just showing up

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and changing the world with your ideas.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)