[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.77,0:00:20.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I asked them to turn up the lights,\Nso that I could see you as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.18,0:00:22.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are talking\Nabout relationships, after all.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.78,0:00:26.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The most important thing\Nin a relationship, men,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.02,0:00:27.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to see your wife.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.15,0:00:33.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can see who is married,\Nat a restaurant, or who is dating.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.35,0:00:35.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.19,0:00:37.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If a man is dating a woman,\Nhe's looking right at her.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.60,0:00:39.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's got one goal.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.98,0:00:41.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.32,0:00:46.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once he's climbed\Nthat mountain, you can relax.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.07,0:00:47.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.16,0:00:49.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, the married men,\Nthey're looking around.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.92,0:00:52.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Quite often, somebody else\Ncatches their attention:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.68,0:00:54.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I haven't seen her before."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.20,0:00:57.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't mean he doesn't love her,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.34,0:00:58.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his wife.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.38,0:01:00.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It just means he never saw that before.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.32,0:01:03.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all do this,\Nthat's why we go on vacations,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.48,0:01:06.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to lovely spots, new places,\Ngetting off the plane here in Bend,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.92,0:01:09.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was blown away\Nby the beautiful mountain.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.47,0:01:10.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's exciting.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.76,0:01:12.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go somewhere new and different,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.90,0:01:15.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it stimulates a brain chemical\Ncalled dopamine,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.11,0:01:18.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and dopamine gives us motivation;
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.11,0:01:20.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it gives us pleasure;
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.06,0:01:22.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it gives us focus;
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.38,0:01:29.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it gives us happiness\Nin our relationships, passion.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.98,0:01:36.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we fall in love with somebody,\Nit's literally like we are high on drugs.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.47,0:01:38.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe you don't remember,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.66,0:01:40.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you've been married\Nfor 28 years like I have,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.55,0:01:43.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I'm reminded of it\Nwith my youngest daughter,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.85,0:01:47.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who is in that first\Nfalling in love stage with her live-in.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.45,0:01:50.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.05,0:01:51.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're planning!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.32,0:01:52.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But she is a modern woman,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.87,0:01:56.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she wants to be completely financially\Nself-sufficient before she gets married.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.06,0:02:00.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the new woman;\Nshe wants to be sufficient.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.32,0:02:01.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.54,0:02:05.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, we all want to be self-sufficient,\Nwe all want to be independent,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.17,0:02:07.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then from a place\Nof wholeness come together;
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.47,0:02:08.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a new world.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.48,0:02:10.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to talk\Nabout that new world today,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.89,0:02:12.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but one of the most important things
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.61,0:02:15.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to understand\Nthis brain chemical, dopamine.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.45,0:02:17.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when you haven't\Nmet someone before,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.51,0:02:19.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you're getting to know them,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.05,0:02:22.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all the ingredients are there\Nto stimulate dopamine.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.01,0:02:24.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Newness.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.42,0:02:26.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there's no history,\Nyou're completely -
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.51,0:02:27.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where are we going with this?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.90,0:02:29.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's going to happen?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.36,0:02:31.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that stimulates this brain chemical,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.27,0:02:35.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in men, dopamine stimulates\Na hormone called testosterone.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.41,0:02:39.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So suddenly, men's\Ntestosterone levels are surging.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.80,0:02:41.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The average man at 50
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.38,0:02:45.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has half the testosterone levels\Nhe had as a young man.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.04,0:02:47.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It starts to drop.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.69,0:02:51.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of things contribute to that,\Nbut one of the things is marriage.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.85,0:02:53.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.34,0:02:59.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, I'm 62, but I went\Nthrough the 50s with my friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.87,0:03:02.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and several of my friends\Ngot divorced, and they came alive!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.86,0:03:05.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not recommending\Ndivorce to come alive,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.53,0:03:06.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.97,0:03:10.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I am recommending learning\Nnew relationships skills to come alive
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.26,0:03:11.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in your marriage.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.09,0:03:14.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's like, suddenly,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.32,0:03:17.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you're with somebody new,\Njust going somewhere new,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.13,0:03:18.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it stimulates dopamine,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.44,0:03:21.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and for men, dopamine\Nstimulates testosterone,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.44,0:03:24.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and for men, testosterone lowers stress.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.93,0:03:27.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stress - and I don't mean\Nstress in your life,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.10,0:03:29.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,life is always stressful,\Nproblems everywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.38,0:03:30.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But how do we react to life
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.69,0:03:33.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is dependent on our\Nhormone response to life.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.26,0:03:36.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And for men, testosterone is the hormone
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.55,0:03:39.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that helps men keep\Ntheir stress levels down.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.24,0:03:43.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most people don't know this,\Nbut I learned this when I started -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.46,0:03:45.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was like 30 years ago, I was reading -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.42,0:03:48.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,20 years ago, maybe 30,\Nsomewhere in there.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.36,0:03:54.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was about to go see the movie\NGrumpy Old Men,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.31,0:03:56.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was also reading
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.38,0:03:59.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that one of the differences\Nbetween young men and old men
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.44,0:04:01.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was men's testosterone levels go down.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.47,0:04:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I made the link: Grumpy Old Men.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.42,0:04:07.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Think about men when they\Nhaven't been laid for a while.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.04,0:04:08.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.04,0:04:10.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They get grumpy, they're irritable,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.91,0:04:12.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yet we always thought
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.27,0:04:15.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that testosterone\Ncaused all that irritability.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.57,0:04:18.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But actually, for men, it's estrogen.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.81,0:04:21.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.85,0:04:24.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's all those grumpy old men
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.23,0:04:26.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,having super high estrogen levels\Nand low testosterone.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.81,0:04:28.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who knew?!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.01,0:04:32.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the biggest risk factors\Nfor heart disease, prostate cancer,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.53,0:04:34.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for men is low testosterone.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.11,0:04:38.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All men with depression\Nhave low testosterone.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.75,0:04:43.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why depression is very different\Nfor a man than for a woman.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.87,0:04:46.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Depression for a man is that feeling:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.01,0:04:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Nobody wants me;\NI am not needed anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.70,0:04:51.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Basically, I'm out of work."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.05,0:04:53.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Nobody there to respond to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.53,0:04:57.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nobody there for me\Nto fix, help, serve, support."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.70,0:05:00.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, being out of work \Nis the major depression for men,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.46,0:05:01.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or being in a marriage\N
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.52,0:05:04.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you feel you can't do anything\Nto make your partner happy.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.31,0:05:09.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I get to see, as a marriage counselor\Nfor over 30 years,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.62,0:05:11.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people often on their last exit,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.86,0:05:14.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I'm famous, people say,\N"Oh yeah, you go see him,"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.62,0:05:15.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I get the tough cases.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.88,0:05:17.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.77,0:05:19.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's a challenge.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.25,0:05:24.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what I hear again and again,\Nfrom men, I take the men aside,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.21,0:05:28.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What is the problem here?\NWhat's going on here?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.08,0:05:30.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we can fix one problem\Nwhat would that be?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.75,0:05:34.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"John, the only problem here\Nis my wife's not happy."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.59,0:05:36.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's it.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.52,0:05:42.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do these seminars, workshops,\Nat my ranch, for four days,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.64,0:05:45.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we start out with men in one room,\Nwomen in the other.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.76,0:05:48.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Without my influence, I have the men\Nwrite down their complaints
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.80,0:05:52.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about their wives, relationships, \Nwomen, in one room.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.32,0:05:53.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Women do it in another room,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.66,0:05:56.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then we spend the whole\Nfour days working on that.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.72,0:06:00.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And men have one sheet,\Nand women have five.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.52,0:06:03.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.10,0:06:10.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And men's list is one or two words:\Ncritical, complaints, nags, punishes,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.100,0:06:14.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not interested in sex -\Nthat's the longest one they come up with.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.10,0:06:16.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.100,0:06:18.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's that list over there.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.38,0:06:21.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And women got all these lists,\Nso it gets a big long list:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.08,0:06:24.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everything is a long sentence,\Nand if this, then that, all that stuff.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.46,0:06:26.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.08,0:06:28.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And men go, "See?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.88,0:06:31.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.29,0:06:36.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got a few claps for that,\Nwhich I'm not asking for,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.77,0:06:38.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that's what excites men.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.02,0:06:40.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I made a difference.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.01,0:06:43.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why men love their dogs so much.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.36,0:06:44.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.78,0:06:47.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I come home,\Nmy dog is happy I'm alive!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.95,0:06:49.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.29,0:06:54.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It touches something\Nso deep inside of every man.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.47,0:06:56.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Through the whole evolution of man,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.14,0:06:58.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,men were out there in the dangerous world,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.16,0:07:00.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you came home alive, they celebrated.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.38,0:07:02.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.25,0:07:05.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now it's, "Oh, he's back."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.24,0:07:07.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.81,0:07:11.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You left the lights on the living room\Nlast night before you left.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.24,0:07:12.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.47,0:07:14.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what I get!
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.05,0:07:18.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So men go, "She was just happy -"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.32,0:07:19.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What is a man thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.45,0:07:22.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"If she was just the way she was\Nwhen I married her."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.54,0:07:26.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When men get married, they want you\Nto stay the same - as if you can.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.100,0:07:30.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I realize that women\Nwill never be the same,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.05,0:07:31.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're like the weather.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.83,0:07:33.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.40,0:07:35.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's always changing:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.57,0:07:39.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's sunshine, blue sky, puffy clouds,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.25,0:07:41.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rain storms,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.51,0:07:43.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lightning strikes,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.76,0:07:46.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hurricanes,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.46,0:07:47.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.46,0:07:48.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tornadoes.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.31,0:07:51.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're from Mars,\Nyou have these instincts
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.60,0:07:54.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that do the worst thing\Nwhen you're with a Venusian.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.96,0:07:57.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On Mars, when there are\Ntornadoes, what do we do?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.87,0:07:59.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We find a ditch and lie low.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.87,0:08:01.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.15,0:08:03.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not what women expect you to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.78,0:08:08.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When that tornado comes in,\Nyou're supposed to, like, stand there.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.25,0:08:10.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.05,0:08:12.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Is something the matter?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.96,0:08:15.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.66,0:08:21.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you read any of my books,\Nyou know what you have to say
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.38,0:08:24.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when every cell in your body says,\N"I can't take it anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.19,0:08:27.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got to find a ditch and lie low.\NLet me get my car and drive somewhere."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.89,0:08:30.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead, you stand there\Nand just keep looking.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.31,0:08:33.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when there's a break you say, "Huh.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.95,0:08:36.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.23,0:08:37.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tell me more."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.40,0:08:40.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.44,0:08:44.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She feels like: I'm married to Superman.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.83,0:08:45.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.83,0:08:49.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Afterwards that you could do that,\Nand I teach people how to do that -
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.13,0:08:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to at least know\Nwhat you're trying to do, here.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.80,0:08:52.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because married men say,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.97,0:08:56.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"No matter what I say or do,\Nit makes it worse."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.52,0:08:59.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I say, "That's because\Nwhat you say and do is wrong.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.56,0:09:01.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.22,0:09:03.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It just doesn't work!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.80,0:09:06.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You've just told me\Nit doesn't work. It doesn't work."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.48,0:09:08.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what does work?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.70,0:09:13.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.13,0:09:15.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.68,0:09:17.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nothing!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.80,0:09:20.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You cannot make a woman happy!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.44,0:09:22.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.44,0:09:24.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You cannot change the weather.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.60,0:09:26.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It changes by itself.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.78,0:09:28.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Women are grown ups,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.80,0:09:30.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they can feel better,\Nthey can get happier,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.80,0:09:32.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they know how to do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.20,0:09:35.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just their way of doing it\Nis different from ours.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.16,0:09:39.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All I have to do when\NI'm stressed out is sit down.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.67,0:09:42.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.83,0:09:45.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Men have a switch back here,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.52,0:09:47.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as soon as you sit down,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.33,0:09:50.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.75,0:09:53.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,blood flow stops to your brain.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.13,0:09:55.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.28,0:09:58.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They did some experiments on that.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.90,0:10:02.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have women at the end of the day\Nsit down, have men sit down,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.62,0:10:05.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they measure the brain activity.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.38,0:10:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Women sit down, their brains speed up,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.20,0:10:08.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.89,0:10:10.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more blood flow.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.56,0:10:12.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you say, "What are you thinking?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.32,0:10:15.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she says - which any woman\Nin this room can predict -
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.48,0:10:17.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well, while sitting on this couch,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.16,0:10:20.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm thinking of all the things\NI should be doing that I'm not doing
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.40,0:10:22.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while I'm doing this silly experiment."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.29,0:10:24.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.79,0:10:28.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then they do the man,\Nand the man is sitting there,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.18,0:10:31.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you look at the scans:\Nnothing's happening!
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.15,0:10:32.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.54,0:10:33.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it broken?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.79,0:10:34.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.81,0:10:36.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What is this?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.28,0:10:41.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she is like,"Whoa!"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.33,0:10:43.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you ask him, "What are you thinking?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.30,0:10:46.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you all know the answer\Nto that question if you've been married.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.44,0:10:49.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He says, "Nothing!"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.52,0:10:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.50,0:10:55.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now he's got evidence, "See, honey.\NI'm not withholding from you."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.19,0:10:57.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.06,0:11:02.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I don't have big secrets.\NI'm not hiding my problems from you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.61,0:11:04.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm trying to forget them.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.60,0:11:05.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.88,0:11:08.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why do we have to talk about them?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.25,0:11:12.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because one of the primary ways\Nthat men cope with stress -
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.51,0:11:15.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and remember, what's the hormone\Nthat lower stress for men?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.27,0:11:16.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Testosterone.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.53,0:11:20.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the hormone that lowers stress\Nfor men is testosterone.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.88,0:11:24.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I've got all these problems in my life,\Nand I'm solving them,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.34,0:11:25.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm releasing testosterone,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.78,0:11:27.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's keeping my stress levels down.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.77,0:11:30.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At the end of the day,\NI still have all these unmet problems,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.74,0:11:33.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all these problems I haven't solved.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.18,0:11:36.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So now, I'm not solving problems,\Nmy stress level goes up!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.26,0:11:39.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't do anything about it, I'm home,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.22,0:11:41.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't do anything about it,\Nso stress goes up.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.46,0:11:43.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So how have men adapted\Nto deal with problems
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.66,0:11:45.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can't do anything about\Nonce you're sitting?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.75,0:11:48.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Forget it!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.85,0:11:49.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.88,0:11:51.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can turn our brains off.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.47,0:11:55.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have an off switch. Women don't.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.75,0:11:57.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They cannot forget anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.77,0:12:00.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.38,0:12:03.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here is a simple test\Nin gender intelligence:
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.88,0:12:07.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who has a better, bigger memory?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.38,0:12:09.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Women or men?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.86,0:12:10.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Women.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.95,0:12:12.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is proven!
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.73,0:12:17.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The hippocampus in a woman's brain\Nis twice as big as in a man's brain.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.74,0:12:23.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second story is like a library\Nrecording everything on the first floor.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.20,0:12:24.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the second floor,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.30,0:12:26.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she records every mistake\Nyou've ever made.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.55,0:12:28.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.75,0:12:33.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And something she can't do\Nmuch about is when she is stressed,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.40,0:12:37.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when she is stressed,\Nblood flow goes to that second floor.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.29,0:12:38.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.58,0:12:40.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's an elevator, she goes up,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.16,0:12:42.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she forgets every good thing\Nyou've ever done
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.32,0:12:44.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and remembers\Nevery mistake you made.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.100,0:12:46.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How does she get off that floor?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.82,0:12:50.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's got to lower her stress;\Nshe cannot forget it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.47,0:12:53.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what does she do?\NWhat's a woman's reaction?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.21,0:12:54.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just measure the brain.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.46,0:12:56.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There're wonderful brain studies now.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.94,0:12:59.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Under moderate stress, women's brains
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.56,0:13:03.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have eight times more blood flow\Nto the emotional part of the brain,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.64,0:13:05.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which then goes to the hippocampus.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.67,0:13:07.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's bombarded with memories!
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.53,0:13:10.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For a man, he forgets everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.64,0:13:15.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not saying that women\Nare more emotional than men,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.77,0:13:22.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm saying that under moderate stress,\Nwomen have a stronger emotional reaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.94,0:13:27.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Under big stress, men have\Na stronger emotional reaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.99,0:13:30.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's big stress for men?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.80,0:13:33.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A problem you\Ncan't solve and can't forget.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.54,0:13:35.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the big stress for men:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.99,0:13:38.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a problem you can't solve,\Nand you can't forget.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.17,0:13:41.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No matter how many\Nfootball games you're watching
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.48,0:13:43.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no matter how much\Nnews you're watching,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.36,0:13:45.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how much pressing weights\Nin the gym you are doing,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.75,0:13:47.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can't forget that problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.18,0:13:49.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So now your stress levels are shooting up.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.03,0:13:52.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, for men, that's a big problem!
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.49,0:13:55.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, historically, evolutionary wise,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.49,0:13:58.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's lions, tigers, bears.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.04,0:14:01.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, my!
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.97,0:14:05.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lions, tigers, bears -\Nmen have a big reaction!
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.19,0:14:08.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And by the way, biologically,\Nwhat's happening?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.41,0:14:10.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As soon as a man feels powerless,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.01,0:14:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his testosterone converts to estrogen\Nand floods his brain with fear and anger.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:15.66,0:14:18.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's when men go to their female hormones,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.02,0:14:20.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they lose control\Nof their masculine hormones,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:20.47,0:14:22.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their testosterone levels drop.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.15,0:14:24.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Literally, testosterone\Nconverts into estrogen
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.58,0:14:26.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,through an enzyme called aromatase.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:27.87,0:14:30.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a man, testosterone driven.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.32,0:14:32.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every man has to have
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.36,0:14:35.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,30 times more testosterone\Nthan your average woman
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.19,0:14:37.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get up on stage to do anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.20,0:14:40.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Without that, he's like:
Dialogue: 0,0:14:40.59,0:14:42.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ugh, I don't want to work anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.26,0:14:45.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just want to go play,\Nwatch TV, and do nothing."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.81,0:14:47.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every loser I have ever counseled,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.46,0:14:50.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "Why did you do that?" \N"I felt like it."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.98,0:14:54.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why don't you get up and do this?"\N"I don't feel like it."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.83,0:14:59.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What we do want - feelings,\Nit's a wonderful evolutionary lift.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.40,0:15:04.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Men have to always reason first\Nand then check it out with their feelings.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.72,0:15:05.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why do I say that?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.74,0:15:08.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I counsel losers a lot.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:09.11,0:15:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They follow their feelings\Ninstead of saying, "Does that make sense?"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.60,0:15:13.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I don't care."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.41,0:15:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A man has to start with caring,\Nabout what makes sense,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:17.00,0:15:18.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then check it out with your feelings.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.97,0:15:21.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Women have to check out\Nwhat is my feeling first,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.28,0:15:23.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which will access your intuition,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:23.72,0:15:25.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then what makes sense.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.55,0:15:27.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're complements to each other,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.09,0:15:29.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we see the wiring\Nin the brain is the same.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.30,0:15:32.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The intuitive center over here,\Nthe emotional center over here,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.27,0:15:35.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,called the right anterior\Nparietal lobe in a woman,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:35.43,0:15:38.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which has to do with\Npersonal relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.02,0:15:41.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has to do with:\N"What are you eating today?"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:42.20,0:15:44.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What should we have for food today?"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.81,0:15:46.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What should I wear?"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:46.43,0:15:48.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Look, what she's wearing."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:48.64,0:15:50.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What do our children need?"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.40,0:15:51.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What do the people need?"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:51.79,0:15:53.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What does the earth need?"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.96,0:15:56.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What does our family need?"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.50,0:15:59.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"How can I improve this relationship?"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:59.52,0:16:01.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's all relational activities.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.09,0:16:04.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I discovered that on vacation
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.54,0:16:07.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with my three daughters\Nand my wife in Hawaii.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.02,0:16:10.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As we're sitting around\Nwith nothing to do,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.03,0:16:11.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I listened to their conversations.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:11.66,0:16:13.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.45,0:16:15.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What we are going to eat?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.88,0:16:17.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What we going to wear?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.07,0:16:18.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What did you wear, can I wear that?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:18.84,0:16:20.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nothing there limited that at all,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:20.84,0:16:22.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but when they are relaxing -
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.18,0:16:25.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See? That's what I'm talking about:\Nthis is how women relax.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:25.01,0:16:29.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They go to the right part of the brain,\Nthat stimulates estrogen;
Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.66,0:16:34.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it also stimulates a magic hormone\Nthat most people are not aware of
Dialogue: 0,0:16:34.09,0:16:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,called oxytocin.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:37.31,0:16:41.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oxytocin is the hormone\Nthat lowers stress in women.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.16,0:16:44.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was an amazing discovery!
Dialogue: 0,0:16:44.35,0:16:48.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Was it 12 years ago,\Nthey start finding this out?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:48.84,0:16:51.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just to brag a moment,\Nbecause I am from Mars,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:51.46,0:16:53.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was talking about 30 years ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:53.60,0:16:55.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I discovered it when I read an article
Dialogue: 0,0:16:55.63,0:16:58.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about oxytocin that women\Nproduce when they see babies.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:58.59,0:17:01.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Back in the day, we were\Nlearning about being there,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:01.11,0:17:02.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bonding with your children at birth,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:02.86,0:17:05.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,huge amount of oxytocin \Ncomes out, and you bond.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.56,0:17:10.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, then I went to this mall,\Njust watching women, watching men,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.38,0:17:12.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I used to sit there and just watch:\Nthere was a chair.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:12.96,0:17:14.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:17:14.85,0:17:16.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in those days,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:16.30,0:17:19.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when women had a lot more oxytocin\Nthan they have now,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:20.54,0:17:25.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in those days, a woman\Ncarrying a baby along like this,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:25.32,0:17:28.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,women would gather, "Oh!"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:28.76,0:17:32.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The same response that my wife would make\Nwhen I brought her a rose,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:33.23,0:17:34.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when I put my arm around her,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:34.82,0:17:36.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when we saw\Nsomething sweet in a movie,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:36.84,0:17:39.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I realized, "Ah, this is\Nwhat makes women smile."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:39.58,0:17:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now we have the science behind it:\Noxytocin lowers stress for women.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:44.00,0:17:47.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then we found out oxytocin allows women\Nto have climax in the bedroom.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:48.81,0:17:50.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That perks up men's ears.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:50.27,0:17:51.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:17:51.34,0:17:54.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is an oxytocin pill,\Nsynthetic oxytocin.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:54.85,0:17:57.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can give it to her,\Nshe'll be really turned on,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:57.24,0:17:59.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's been proven,\Nnext day she shoots you.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:59.82,0:18:02.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:18:05.07,0:18:08.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the drugs take you up,\Nbut then bring you down.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:08.30,0:18:10.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:18:15.69,0:18:17.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, by understanding\Nthese two dynamics,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:17.54,0:18:20.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're living in a world today\Nwhere there's lots of stress.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:20.87,0:18:22.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What we want to do is
Dialogue: 0,0:18:22.02,0:18:24.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have equality, mutual respect,\Nmutual appreciation,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:24.73,0:18:26.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we are facing a new challenge.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:26.42,0:18:29.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As women are more in the workplace,\Nfeeling more independent,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:29.72,0:18:31.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,testosterone gets produced.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:31.12,0:18:33.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's nothing wrong\Nwith testosterone in a woman's body,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:33.84,0:18:35.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some are just born with more,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.22,0:18:38.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they'll say, "What're you talking about?\NI don't care what I wear."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:38.36,0:18:43.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But most women, 90% of women,\Nhave this low testosterone, high estrogen,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:43.79,0:18:48.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and oxytocin is the hormone in all women\Nthat lowers cortisol for them -
Dialogue: 0,0:18:49.12,0:18:50.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cortisol, the stress hormone.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:51.15,0:18:54.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, if you give a man\Nan injection oxytocin, he goes to sleep.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:54.38,0:18:55.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:18:55.72,0:18:57.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because after climax as well ...
Dialogue: 0,0:18:57.43,0:18:58.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:18:58.69,0:19:01.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After he has climaxed,\Nthat's a release of oxytocin,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:01.43,0:19:02.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what does he do?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:02.55,0:19:04.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He goes right to sleep.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:04.40,0:19:07.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the bottom line is\Nanything that's oxytocin producing,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:07.44,0:19:11.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after you've done it three or four times,\Nkind of puts a man to sleep.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:11.04,0:19:13.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which puts a real damper on relationships
Dialogue: 0,0:19:13.01,0:19:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unless men figure out that if I do\Noxytocin things for my wife,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:17.00,0:19:20.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not just doing\Noxytocin producing things for her,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:20.52,0:19:22.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm solving a problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:22.92,0:19:26.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I solve a problem,\Ntestosterone levels go up.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:26.85,0:19:28.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when my wife is talking,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:28.68,0:19:31.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm in the storm, I say, "Tell me more,"
Dialogue: 0,0:19:31.01,0:19:34.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my testosterone stays up\Nbecause I know how to make it work,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:34.88,0:19:38.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I know what I am doing\Nis helping her create more oxytocin.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:38.47,0:19:41.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Planning dates, \Nbringing flowers, giving cards,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:41.18,0:19:42.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all the symbols of Valentine's Day,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:19:42.86,0:19:45.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you do regularly,\Non a little score, just a little bit.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:45.43,0:19:48.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's always looking ahead\Nto a special time
Dialogue: 0,0:19:48.32,0:19:53.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that causes her oxytocin levels\Nto rise up to lower her stress,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:53.25,0:19:55.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that her stress levels don't shoot up.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:55.90,0:19:58.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because right now,\Nwomen's stress levels, by studies,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:58.38,0:20:03.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are on average twice as high as men's\Nand four times higher at home.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:03.89,0:20:05.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's shocking.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:05.02,0:20:06.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what we can do\N
Dialogue: 0,0:20:06.02,0:20:10.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is realize our relationships can help us\Nto lower the stress level in women
Dialogue: 0,0:20:10.43,0:20:16.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by learning new skills\Nto create oxytocin in her,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:16.34,0:20:19.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,better communication does it,\Nsee her, hear her,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:20.59,0:20:23.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,notice when she gets her hair cut -\Nthose little things.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:24.55,0:20:25.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to finish here.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:25.75,0:20:29.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The little things are so important.\NMen's testosterone is so important.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:30.39,0:20:32.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've never given\Nsuch a short talk in my life.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:32.54,0:20:33.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:20:33.56,0:20:36.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'll finish with three\Nsimple easy takeaways -
Dialogue: 0,0:20:36.22,0:20:38.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't do my slideshow -
Dialogue: 0,0:20:38.12,0:20:40.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:20:42.29,0:20:46.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was going to be:\N"Staying focused in a hyper world,"
Dialogue: 0,0:20:46.06,0:20:47.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but -
Dialogue: 0,0:20:47.09,0:20:49.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:20:49.22,0:20:52.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause) (Cheers)
Dialogue: 0,0:20:56.22,0:20:59.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But as soon as somebody laughed\Nit brought out the best of me,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:59.13,0:21:01.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you got the best of me,\Nand you've been the best,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:01.59,0:21:04.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I want you to give you\Nthree thoughts to go with - wait.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:04.47,0:21:07.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For men, there's something:\Nman need formulas, we need systems.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:07.42,0:21:09.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The left brain, by the way, for men,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:09.13,0:21:11.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,left anterior parietal lobe\Nis twice as big for women.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:11.67,0:21:13.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's solving problems,\Nfixing the toaster,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:13.100,0:21:15.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,arranging the computer, technical things;
Dialogue: 0,0:21:15.97,0:21:18.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you're fixing things,\Nthat stimulates testosterone,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:18.93,0:21:20.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,solving problems, nurturing things.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:20.95,0:21:24.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have a combination\Nof men and female in all of us,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:24.38,0:21:27.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but here is how you nurture\Nthe female hormones, the male hormones.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:27.56,0:21:29.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A secret most men don't know.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:30.44,0:21:32.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can bring her two dozen roses,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:32.09,0:21:34.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a man's brain,\Nhe calculates in the left brain:
Dialogue: 0,0:21:34.48,0:21:37.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"That's 24 roses,\Nthat should be 24 points."
Dialogue: 0,0:21:37.04,0:21:39.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:21:39.65,0:21:42.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If roses cause oxytocin\Nthat should be a huge surge.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:43.36,0:21:45.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's one point of oxytocin.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:46.11,0:21:47.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you have to know.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:47.28,0:21:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you bring one rose, guess what happens?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:50.00,0:21:52.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One point of oxytocin.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:52.04,0:21:54.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Six roses, guess what you get?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:54.07,0:21:56.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One point of oxytocin.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:56.15,0:21:58.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hundred roses?\NMaybe two points of oxytocin.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:58.82,0:22:00.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:22:00.00,0:22:02.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Little things make\Na big difference for women.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:02.53,0:22:04.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it's not the big stuff;\Nthe big stuff's fine.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:05.22,0:22:07.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go to work,\Nyou do better and better work,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:07.39,0:22:09.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you think, "Okay, I never\Nhave to bring roses again!"
Dialogue: 0,0:22:09.89,0:22:13.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go to work, you get one point;\Nyou come home, you get one point.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:13.12,0:22:16.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're married, one point for that.\NThat's it, three points a day.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:16.22,0:22:18.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:22:18.30,0:22:21.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she is doing the same thing,\Nso the score is even when you get home.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:21.86,0:22:24.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's made you dinner\Nand there's candle light burning,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:24.43,0:22:26.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"My God, you are in a big trouble!"
Dialogue: 0,0:22:26.10,0:22:29.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because she gets herself a point\Nfor matching napkins with plates.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:29.19,0:22:31.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:22:31.81,0:22:36.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If she says, "I made your favorite meal,"\Nyou are in a big trouble!
Dialogue: 0,0:22:36.02,0:22:39.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because she gets herself all these points\Nfor knowing what you like,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:39.25,0:22:42.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,going to the store\Nand buying what you like,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:42.04,0:22:44.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all of those selfless sacrifices.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:44.07,0:22:47.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's given herself points,\Nand she looks at you - 33 to three.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:47.73,0:22:50.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:22:50.88,0:22:53.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's going, "Who is this guy?!"
Dialogue: 0,0:22:53.26,0:22:54.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"He's a zero!"
Dialogue: 0,0:22:54.37,0:22:57.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,33 minus three is 30 to zero. So -
Dialogue: 0,0:22:57.36,0:22:59.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:22:59.64,0:23:02.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So do lots of little things:\Nhugs four times a day,
Dialogue: 0,0:23:02.62,0:23:05.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,affection, compliments,\Ntry to notice things, plan dates -
Dialogue: 0,0:23:05.86,0:23:07.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these are all big oxytocin producers.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:07.80,0:23:09.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've written 17 books on this subject.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:09.77,0:23:11.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, for men,
Dialogue: 0,0:23:11.54,0:23:14.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what can you do to keep\Nhis testosterone levels up, women?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:14.27,0:23:17.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You want that man alive, dynamic!
Dialogue: 0,0:23:17.17,0:23:18.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here're three little things,
Dialogue: 0,0:23:18.53,0:23:22.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,remember the little things, but they\Nsometimes have a big effect on men, too.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:22.46,0:23:26.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When he is talking, he pauses -\Nfind authenticity inside -
Dialogue: 0,0:23:26.71,0:23:29.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,here're three phrases to use every day,
Dialogue: 0,0:23:29.10,0:23:32.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you'll watch him,\Nhis chest pop up, like "Yes."
Dialogue: 0,0:23:32.19,0:23:34.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:23:34.04,0:23:37.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You say to him as he pauses,\N"That makes sense."
Dialogue: 0,0:23:37.03,0:23:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:23:38.98,0:23:40.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:40.26,0:23:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's walking around like ...
Dialogue: 0,0:23:42.97,0:23:44.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:23:44.31,0:23:47.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in his mind,\Nhe is thinking, "Why did I say?"
Dialogue: 0,0:23:47.02,0:23:49.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:23:49.87,0:23:52.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next phrase: "Good idea!"
Dialogue: 0,0:23:52.55,0:23:54.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:23:54.31,0:23:56.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think I'm ready for my next TED Talk!
Dialogue: 0,0:23:56.18,0:24:00.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's going, "Good idea,\Nworth sharing it with others, right?"
Dialogue: 0,0:24:00.26,0:24:03.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then the magic phrase that every man\Ncraves to hear, once he gets married.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:03.94,0:24:06.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh my gosh, it's such a deficit for us.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:06.17,0:24:09.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whenever you can say it, say it, women,\Nyou don't realize how important it is.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:09.95,0:24:13.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just with a big smile on your face,\Nsay, "You are right!"
Dialogue: 0,0:24:13.19,0:24:14.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:24:14.73,0:24:16.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you all so very much.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:16.23,0:24:18.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope this is an idea worth sharing.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:18.51,0:24:19.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:19.63,0:24:21.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:21.01,0:24:25.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheers) (Applause)