WEBVTT

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Applauses)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So, I asked to turn up the light
so that I can see you as well.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
We are talking about 
relationships after all.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And the most important thing
in a relationship, man

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
is to see your wife.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You can see who is married
in a restaurant,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
or who is dating.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If a man is dating a woman
he's looking right at her.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He's got one goal.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laugher)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And once he's climbed
that mountain you can relax.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You see the married man 
looking around.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Quite often somebody else got 
his attention.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Haven't seen her before.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It doesn't mean 
he doesn't love her

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
his wife.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It just mean he's never
saw that before.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
We all do this as we are going
to vacations

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
to lovely spots, new places

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
getting off the plain here in Bend
it was blown away

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
by the beautifull mountain.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's exiting.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Because someone new and different

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it stimulates our brain chemical
called dopamine.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And dopamine gives us motivation,
it gives us pleasure

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it gives us focus.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And it gives us, happiness in a
relationship, passion.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
When we fall in love with somebody

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
is literally like we are high 
on drugs.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Maybe you don't remember

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
if you've been married for
28 years like I have,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
but, I remided living
with my youngest daughter

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
who is in that first 
"falling in love stage"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
with her "live in".

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
They're planning! They're planning!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But she is a modern woman,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
she wants to be completely financial
self-sufficient

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
before she gets married.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
As the new woman!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
She wants to be sufficient.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Yes! Yes! We all wanna be 
self sufficient.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
We all wanna be independent,
and then from place of wholeness

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
come together.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's a new world.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I'm gonna talk
about that new world today.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
The most important thing 
to understand is

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
this brain chemical thing
dopamine.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Cause when you haven't met someone,
before you are getting to know them

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
all the ingredients are there
to stimulate dopamine.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Newness.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And there's no history.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Where are we going with this?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
What's gonna happen?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And that stimulates this 
brain chemical

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and in man, dopamine stimulates
a hormone calls testosterone.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So, men testosterone
levels are searching.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
The average man in 50
have half testoterone levels he had

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
as a young man.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It starts to drop.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Lot of things contribute to that,
but one of the things is: marriage.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You know, I'm 62 but 
I went to the 50's with my friends

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and several of my friends got divorce

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and the came alive!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm not recomending divorce 
to come alive.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But I am recomending learning
new relationships skills

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
to come alive in 
your marriage.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But it's like, when you 
were somebody new

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
just going to somewhere new,
being with somebody new

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it stimulates dopamine,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and for men dopamine
stimulates testosterone.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And for men, testosterone
lowers stress.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I don't mean stress in your life,
life is always stressful.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Problems are everywhere.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But how do we react to life
is depending

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
on our hormone
respondes to life.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And for men, testosterone
is the hormone

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
that helps men keeps 
their stress levels down.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Most people don't know this
but, I learned this...

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
30 years ago I was reading...

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
20 years ago, maybe 30 
something in there

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I was about to see the movie
"The Grumpty Old Man"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and I was also reading 
the differences

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
between young man and old man

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
was that men testosterone level
go down.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then, I made the link.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Gumpty Old Man.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Think about men when
they haven't been laid for a while.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
They get grumpty.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And we always thought 
that testosterone caused

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
all that irrability.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But actually for men, it's estrogen.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's all those grumpty
old man

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
have super high 
estrogen levels

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and low testosterone.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Who knew?!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
One of the biggest 
risk factors for heart disease,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
prostate cancer for men
is low testosterone.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
All men, with depression
have low testosterone.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And that's why depression 
is very different

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
from man than 
from woman.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Depression for a man
is that feeling

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"nobody wants me", 
"I am not needed anymore",

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"basically, I'm out of work",

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"nobody there to respond for me"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"nobody there for me to fix,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
help, serve, support".

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So, been out of work 
is the major depression for man

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
or being in a marriage
where you feel you can't

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
do anything to make
your partner happy.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I get to see it as a marriage
counselor for over 30 years

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
people often on their last exit.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Cause I am famous people say:

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Oh, you gotta see him"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
so I get the tough cases.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But it's a challenge.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And what I hear again and again
for man.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I take the man outside,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"What is the problem here?,
what's going on here?,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If we can fix one problem,
what would that be?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"John, the only problem here is 
my wife is not happy".

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That's it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Now, I do these seminars, workshops
for like 4 days

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and we started out
men in one room, women in the other.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Without my influence, the men
write down complaints about

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
their wifes, relationships, women
in one room.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Women do it in another room.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then we spend the whole 4 days
working on that.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And men have one sheet,
and women have 5.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And men's list is one or two words.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Critical, complaints, nags, punishes,
not interested in sex"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
that's the longest one they
come out with.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
There's a list over there.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And women got all this lists,
get a big long list

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
everything is a long sentences,
and if this thing and all that stuff.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And men go
"See?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I got a few claps which 
I'm not asking for

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
but that's what excites man.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I made a difference.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So men love their dogs so much.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
When I come home, 
my dog is happy and I'm alive!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It touches something so deep
inside of every man

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That the whole evolution of men
where like out there

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
in the dangerous world.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If you came home alive, they 
celebrate it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Now it's like 
"Oh, he's back".

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"You know, you left the lights
on the living room last night

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
before you left"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That's what I get!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If she was just happy...

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
What a man thinks

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"If she was just the way she was
when I married her".

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
See, when man get married
they stay the same,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
as If you can.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And realize women would never
be the same.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
They are like the weather.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's always changing!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Sunshine, blue clouds, puffy clouds

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
blue sky, puffy clouds.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Rain storms, lightning strikes,
hurracains.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Tornadoes!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Now If you are from Mars

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you have this instincts that
you are the worst thing

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
when you were with the Venusian.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
See, in Mars when there's tornadoes,
what do we do?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
We find a ditch and lay low.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's not what women expect
you to do.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
When that tornadoe comes in 
you are supposed to stand in there.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Is something the matter?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And If you read it in my books

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
when every cell in your body says

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I can't take it anymore"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I gotta find a ditch and lay low"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Let me get my car and drive
somewhere"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Instead, you stand there,
just keep looking.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And when there's
a break you say:

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Huh. Tell me more".

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
She is like
"I am married to Superman!"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If you can do that

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and I teach people 
how to do that

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you have to, at least,
know what you are trying to do here.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Cause many have been married
that say:

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"No matter what I say or do
it makes it worst".

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I say
"that's because what you say

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and do is wrong".

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It just doesn't work!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You've just told me it 
doesn't work,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it doesn't work!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But, what does work?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Nothing.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Nothing!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You can not make 
a woman happy!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You can not change the weather.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It changes by itself.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Women are grown ups

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
they can feel better.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
They can get happier

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
they know how to do it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Just they way of doing it

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
is different from ours.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
All I have to do when I am stress
is sit down.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Man have a switch right here.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
As soon as you sit down
(laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
blood flows stops to your brain.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
They did some experiments on that.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
They put women at the end of the day
sit down

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and men on the way
sitting down.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And they measure the brain activity.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Women sit down,
their brain speed up.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
More blood flow.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And you say: "What are
you thinking?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and she says, which any woman
in this room can predict

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Well, sitting on this couch I'm
thinking of all the things

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I should be doing, that I am not doing
while I am doing this silly experiment".

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then, they do the man

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and the man sitting there

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you look at the scans
nothing is happening!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Is it broken?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
What is this?!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And she is like
"What?!"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So you ask him:
"What are you thinking?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And you now all know that
answer to that question

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
if you've been married!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He says: "Nothing!"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And now he has evidence.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"See, honey?,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm not whithholding from you!"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I don't have big secrets, 
I'm not hiding my problems from you

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm trying to forget them!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Why do we have to talk about them?!"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Cause one of the primary ways 
man cope with stress

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and remember, what the hormone
that lower stress for men?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Testosterone.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So what's the hormone 
that lowers stress for men

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
is testosterone.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If, I got all this problems in my life
and I am solving them

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I am releasing testosterone.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And it is keeping my 
stress levels down.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
At the end of the day, 
I still have all this

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
unmet problems, right?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
All this problems I haven't solved

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
so know that I'm not solving problems
my stress levels goes up!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I can't do anything about it

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm home, I can't do anything
about it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So stress goes up.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So how have men adapted
to deal with problems

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you can't do anything about
once you are sitting.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Forget it!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
We can turn our brains off!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
We have an off switch.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Women don't.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
They can not forget anything!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Here is a simple test in
"Gender intelligence"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Who has a bigger, better memory?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Women or men?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Women!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
This is proven!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
The hippocampus in a 
woman's brain

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
is twice as big as in a man's brain.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
The second store is like a library

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
recording everything on 
the first floor.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
On the second floor she records
every mistake

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you've ever made.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And something she can't do
much about it

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
is when she is stress,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
when she is stress

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
blood flow goes to
that second floor.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Elevator, she goes up

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
she forgets every good thing
you've ever done

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and remembers every mistake
you've made!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And how does she gets
off that floor?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
She's gotta lower her stress.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
She can not forget it!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So what does she do?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
What's the woman reaction?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Just measure the brain!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
There's wonderful 
brain studies now!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Under moderate stress

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
women's brains have 
8 times more blood flow

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
to the emotional part of the brain

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
which then goes to the
hippocampus.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
She's bombardment 
with memories!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
For men, he forgets everything.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So, I'm not saying that
women are more emotional

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
than man.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm saying that, 
under moderate stress

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
woman have a stronger 
emotional reaction.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Under big stress, men have
a stronger emotional reaction.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And what's big stress for man?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
A problem you can't solve
and can't forget.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And that's big stress for man.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
A problem you can't solve

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and you can't forget.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
No matter how much 
football games you are watching

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
not matter how much news 
you are watching,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
not much how many pressing
weights in the gym you are doing

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you can't forget that problems.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So now your stress levels
are shooting up.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So, for man.
That's a big problem!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So, historically,
evolutionary wise

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
lions, tigers, bears

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
lions, tigers, bears, men 
have a big reaction!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And by the way biologically
what's happening?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
When soon as the man feels 
powerless

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
his testosterone converts
the estrogen and floods

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
his brain with fear and anger.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's when go to the female hormones

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
they loose control of their
masculine hormones

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
their testosterone levels drop.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Literally, testosterone converts
intro estrogen through

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
an enzyme called aromatase.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So, If I... I'm a man!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Testosterone driven. Every man
has to have 30

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
times more testosterone
than your average woman

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
to get up on stage to
do anything!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Without that he's that guy:

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Ugh, I don't wanna work anymore

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I just wanna go play, watch TV
and do nothing".

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Every loser I have ever
counseled I say:

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Why did you do that?" 
"I felt like it"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Why don't you do this?"
"I don't feel like it"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
What we do want feelings

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it's a wonderful evolutionary 
lift.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Man have to always reason 
first and then

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
checked it out with your feelings.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Why do I say that?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Cause I counsel losers 
a lot!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And they follow their feelings
instead of things,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"But does that makes sense"?
"I don't care"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You gotta start caring if 
you are a man about

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
what makes sense and
then check it out

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
with your feelings.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And for woman, 
you gotta check out

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
what is my feeling first
which will access into your intuition

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and then what makes sense.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
We are complements 
to each other.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And we see the wiring in 
the brain is the same.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
The intuitive center over here,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
the emotional center
over here

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
called the right interior
parietal lobe in a woman

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
which has to do with 
personal relationships.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Has to do with:
"What are you eating today?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"What should we have
for food today?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"What should I wear?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Look what she is wearing"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"What do our children need?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"What do the people need?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"What does the earth need?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"What does our family need?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"How can I improve
this relationship?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That's all relational activities.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I discovered that on vacation with
my 3 daughters and

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
my wife in Hawaii.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
As we're sitting round
with nothing to do

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I listened to their conversations

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"What we are gonna eat?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Where we are gonna eat?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"What we gotta wear?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"What do you wear, can 
I wear that?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Not there when they are limited 
to that at all,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
but when they are relaxing.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
See? That's what I am
talking about!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
This is how women relax.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
They go to the right part
of the brain,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
that stimulates estrogen

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it also stimulates a magic
hormone

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
that most people are not 
aware of

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
called: oxytocin.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Oxytocin is the hormone
that lower stress in women.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
This was an amazing discovery!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
What that... 12 years ago 
they start finding this out.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Just to brag a moment
because I am from Mars.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Talking about 30 years ago.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I discovered it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
When I read an article about 
oxytocin women produce

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
when they see babys.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You now, back in the day

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
when you are learning how to 
being their bonding with

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
your children at birth.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Huge amounts of oxytocin 
comes up, and you bond.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Well, then I went in this mall
just watching women,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
watchin men, I used to sit
there and just watch.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
There was a chair.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And in those days, when women
had a lot more oxytocin

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
than they have now.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And those days a woman
carrying a baby along

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
like this, women would
gather, "Oh!"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
The same response my wife
would make

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
when I bought her a rose.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And when I put my arm around her

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and we saw something sweet
in a movie

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and I realize "Ah, this is
what makes women smile".

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Now we have the science
behind it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Oxytocin lowers stress
for women.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Then we found out
oxytocin allows women

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
to have climax in
the bedroom.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That perks up
man's ears.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
There is a pill,
oxytocin pill

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
synthetic oxytocin.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You give it to her, she'll
be really turned on

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and it's been proven,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
next stage she
shoots you.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Cause drugs takes you up
and then bring you down.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So, by understanding this 
two dynamics

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
we are living in a world today
where there's lot of stress.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And what we wanna do is

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
have equality, mutual respect
mutual appresiation

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
but we are facing a new challenge

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
as women are more in 
the workplace

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
feeling more independent
testosterone gets produce

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
there's nothing wrong with 
testosterone

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
in a woman's body.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Some women are just born with more,


99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
so they are over here saying:
"John, what are you talking about?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I don't care what I wear".

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But most women have,
90% of women have this

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
low testosterone high estrogen

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and oxytocin is the hormone
in all women

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
that lowers cortisol for them.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Cortisol, the stress hormone.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Well, If you give a man
an inyection oxytocin

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
he goes to sleep.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Because after climax, he's
wel...

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughs)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
After he has climax
has released oxytocin

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
what does he do? He goes
right to sleep.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So the bottom line is anything that
oxytocin producing

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
after you've done it 3 or 4
times, kinda puts

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
a man to sleep.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Which puts a real damper on relationships

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
unless men figures out that

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If I do oxytocin things, for my wife

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm not just doing oxytocin 
producing things for her

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I am solving a problem.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And when I solve a problem
testosterone levels go up.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So my wife is talking,
I am in the storm

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I say, "Tell me more"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
my testosterone stage is up
'cause I know how

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
to make it work.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I know what I am doing is

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
helping her create more oxytocin.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Planning dates, bringing flowers
giving cards

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
all the "samples" of valentines days

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you do regularly on a little score.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Just a little bit.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
She's always looking ahead.
So, special time.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That causes her oxytocin levels
to rise up

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
to lowe her stress.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So that, her stress levels don't 
shoot up.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Cause right now woman stress
levels by study

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
is on average as twice as high
as men's

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and for time higher at home.