1
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Applauses)

2
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So, I asked to turn up the light
so that I can see you as well.

3
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We are talking about 
relationships after all.

4
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And the most important thing
in a relationship, man

5
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is to see your wife.

6
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You can see who is married
in a restaurant,

7
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or who is dating.

8
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If a man is dating a woman
he's looking right at her.

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He's got one goal.

10
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(Laugher)

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And once he's climbed
that mountain you can relax.

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You see the married man 
looking around.

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Quite often somebody else got 
his attention.

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Haven't seen her before.

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It doesn't mean 
he doesn't love her

16
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his wife.

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It just mean he's never
saw that before.

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We all do this as we are going
to vacations

19
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to lovely spots, new places

20
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getting off the plain here in Bend
it was blown away

21
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by the beautifull mountain.

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It's exiting.

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Because someone new and different

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it stimulates our brain chemical
called dopamine.

25
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And dopamine gives us motivation,
it gives us pleasure

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it gives us focus.

27
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And it gives us, happiness in a
relationship, passion.

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When we fall in love with somebody

29
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is literally like we are high 
on drugs.

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Maybe you don't remember

31
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if you've been married for
28 years like I have,

32
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but, I remided living
with my youngest daughter

33
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who is in that first 
"falling in love stage"

34
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with her "live in".

35
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(Laughter)

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They're planning! They're planning!

37
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But she is a modern woman,

38
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she wants to be completely financial
self-sufficient

39
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before she gets married.

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As the new woman!

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She wants to be sufficient.

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Yes! Yes! We all wanna be 
self sufficient.

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We all wanna be independent,
and then from place of wholeness

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come together.

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It's a new world.

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And I'm gonna talk
about that new world today.

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The most important thing 
to understand is

48
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this brain chemical thing
dopamine.

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'Cause when you haven't met someone,
before you are getting to know them

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all the ingredients are there
to stimulate dopamine.

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Newness.

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And there's no history.

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Where are we going with this?

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What's gonna happen?

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And that stimulates this 
brain chemical

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and in man, dopamine stimulates
a hormone calls testosterone.

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So, men testosterone
levels are searching.

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The average man in 50
have half testoterone levels he had

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as a young man.

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It starts to drop.

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Lot of things contribute to that,
but one of the things is: marriage.

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(Laughter)

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You know, I'm 62 but 
I went to the 50's with my friends

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and several of my friends got divorce

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and the came alive!

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I'm not recomending divorce 
to come alive.

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(Laughter)

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But I am recomending learning
new relationships skills

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to come alive in 
your marriage.

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But it's like, when you 
were somebody new

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just going to somewhere new,
being with somebody new

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it stimulates dopamine,

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and for men dopamine
stimulates testosterone.

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And for men, testosterone
lowers stress.

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I don't mean stress in your life,
life is always stressful.

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Problems are everywhere.

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But how do we react to life
is depending

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on our hormone
respondes to life.

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And for men, testosterone
is the hormone

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that helps men keeps 
their stress levels down.

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Most people don't know this
but, I learned this...

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30 years ago I was reading...

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20 years ago, maybe 30 
something in there

84
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I was about to see the movie
"The Grumpty Old Man"

85
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and I was also reading 
the differences

86
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between young man and old man

87
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was that men testosterone level
go down.

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And then, I made the link.

89
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Gumpty Old Man.

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Think about men when
they haven't been laid for a while.

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They get grumpty.

92
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And we always thought 
that testosterone caused

93
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all that irrability.

94
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But actually for men, it's estrogen.

95
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(Laughter)

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It's all those grumpty
old man

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have super high 
estrogen levels

98
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and low testosterone.

99
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Who knew?!

100
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One of the biggest 
risk factors for heart disease,

101
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prostate cancer for men
is low testosterone.

102
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All men, with depression
have low testosterone.

103
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And that's why depression 
is very different

104
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from man than 
from woman.

105
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Depression for a man
is that feeling

106
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"nobody wants me", 
"I am not needed anymore",

107
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"basically, I'm out of work",

108
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"nobody there to respond for me"

109
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"nobody there for me to fix,

110
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help, serve, support".

111
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So, been out of work 
is the major depression for man

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or being in a marriage
where you feel you can't

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do anything to make
your partner happy.

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I get to see it as a marriage
counselor for over 30 years

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people often on their last exit.

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'Cause I am famous people say:

117
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"Oh, you gotta see him"

118
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so I get the tough cases.

119
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(Laughter)

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But it's a challenge.

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And what I hear again and again
for man.

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I take the man outside,

123
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"What is the problem here?,
what's going on here?,

124
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If we can fix one problem,
what would that be?"

125
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"John, the only problem here is 
my wife is not happy".

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That's it.

127
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Now, I do these seminars, workshops
for like 4 days

128
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and we started out
men in one room, women in the other.

129
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Without my influence, the men
write down complaints about

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their wifes, relationships, women
in one room.

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Women do it in another room.

132
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And then we spend the whole 4 days
working on that.

133
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And men have one sheet,
and women have 5.

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(Laughter)

135
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And men's list is one or two words.

136
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"Critical, complaints, nags, punishes,
not interested in sex"

137
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that's the longest one they
come out with.

138
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(Laughter)

139
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There's a list over there.

140
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And women got all this lists,
get a big long list

141
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everything is a long sentences,
and if this thing and all that stuff.

142
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(Laughter)

143
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And men go
"See?"

144
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(Laughter)

145
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I got a few claps which 
I'm not asking for

146
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but that's what excites man.

147
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I made a difference.

148
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So men love their dogs so much.

149
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(Laughter)

150
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When I come home, 
my dog is happy and I'm alive!

151
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(Laughter)

152
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It touches something so deep
inside of every man

153
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That the whole evolution of men
where like out there

154
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in the dangerous world.

155
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If you came home alive, they 
celebrate it.

156
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(Laughter)

157
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Now it's like 
"Oh, he's back".

158
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(Laughter)

159
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"You know, you left the lights
on the living room last night

160
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before you left"

161
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(Laughter)

162
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That's what I get!

163
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If she was just happy...

164
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What a man thinks

165
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"If she was just the way she was
when I married her".

166
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See, when man get married
they stay the same,

167
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as If you can.

168
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And realize women would never
be the same.

169
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They are like the weather.

170
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughter)

171
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It's always changing!

172
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Sunshine, blue clouds, puffy clouds

173
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blue sky, puffy clouds.

174
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Rain storms, lightning strikes,
hurracains.

175
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Tornadoes!

176
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Now If you are from Mars

177
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you have this instincts that
you are the worst thing

178
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when you were with the Venusian.

179
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See, in Mars when there's tornadoes,
what do we do?

180
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We find a ditch and lay low.

181
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It's not what women expect
you to do.

182
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When that tornadoe comes in 
you are supposed to stand in there.

183
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughter)

184
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Is something the matter?"

185
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughter)

186
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And If you read it in my books

187
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when every cell in your body says

188
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"I can't take it anymore"

189
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"I gotta find a ditch and lay low"

190
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Let me get my car and drive
somewhere"

191
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Instead, you stand there,
just keep looking.

192
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And when there's
a break you say:

193
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Huh. Tell me more".

194
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

195
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
She is like
"I am married to Superman!"

196
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If you can do that

197
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and I teach people 
how to do that

198
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you have to, at least,
know what you are trying to do here.

199
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'Cause many have been married
that say:

200
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"No matter what I say or do
it makes it worst".

201
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I say
"that's because what you say

202
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and do is wrong".

203
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

204
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It just doesn't work!

205
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You've just told me it 
doesn't work,

206
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it doesn't work!

207
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But, what does work?

208
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Nothing.

209
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

210
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Nothing!

211
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You can not make 
a woman happy!

212
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

213
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You can not change the weather.

214
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It changes by itself.

215
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Women are grown ups

216
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
they can feel better.

217
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
They can get happier

218
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
they know how to do it.

219
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Just they way of doing it

220
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
is different from ours.

221
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
All I have to do when I am stress
is sit down.

222
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

223
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Man have a switch right here.

224
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
As soon as you sit down
(laughs)

225
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
blood flows stops to your brain.

226
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(laughs)

227
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
They did some experiments on that.

228
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
They put women at the end of the day
sit down

229
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and men on the way
sitting down.

230
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And they measure the brain activity.

231
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Women sit down,
their brain speed up.

232
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
More blood flow.

233
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And you say: "What are
you thinking?"

234
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and she says, which any woman
in this room can predict

235
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Well, sitting on this couch I'm
thinking of all the things

236
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I should be doing, that I am not doing
while I am doing this silly experiment".

237
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And then, they do the man

238
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and the man sitting there

239
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you look at the scans
nothing is happening!

240
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

241
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Is it broken?

242
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

243
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
What is this?!

244
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And she is like
"What?!"

245
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So you ask him:
"What are you thinking?"

246
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And you now all know that
answer to that question

247
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
if you've been married!

248
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
He says: "Nothing!"

249
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

250
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And now he has evidence.

251
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"See, honey?,

252
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm not whithholding from you!"

253
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

254
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"I don't have big secrets, 
I'm not hiding my problems from you

255
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm trying to forget them!

256
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Why do we have to talk about them?!"

257
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'Cause one of the primary ways 
man cope with stress

258
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and remember, what the hormone
that lower stress for men?

259
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Testosterone.

260
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So what's the hormone 
that lowers stress for men

261
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
is testosterone.

262
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If, I got all this problems in my life
and I am solving them

263
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I am releasing testosterone.

264
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And it is keeping my 
stress levels down.

265
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
At the end of the day, 
I still have all this

266
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
unmet problems, right?

267
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
All this problems I haven't solved

268
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
so know that I'm not solving problems
my stress levels goes up!

269
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I can't do anything about it

270
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm home, I can't do anything
about it.

271
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So stress goes up.

272
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So how have men adapted
to deal with problems

273
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you can't do anything about
once you are sitting.

274
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Forget it!

275
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

276
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
We can turn our brains off!

277
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
We have an off switch.

278
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Women don't.

279
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
They can not forget anything!

280
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

281
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Here is a simple test in
"Gender intelligence"

282
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Who has a bigger, better memory?

283
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Women or men?

284
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Women!

285
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This is proven!

286
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
The hippocampus in a 
woman's brain

287
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
is twice as big as in a man's brain.

288
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
The second store is like a library

289
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
recording everything on 
the first floor.

290
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
On the second floor she records
every mistake

291
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you've ever made.

292
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

293
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And something she can't do
much about it

294
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
is when she is stress,

295
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
when she is stress

296
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
blood flow goes to
that second floor.

297
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Elevator, she goes up

298
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
she forgets every good thing
you've ever done

299
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and remembers every mistake
you've made!

300
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And how does she gets
off that floor?

301
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
She's gotta lower her stress.

302
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
She can not forget it!

303
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So what does she do?

304
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
What's the woman reaction?

305
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Just measure the brain!

306
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
There's wonderful 
brain studies now!

307
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Under moderate stress

308
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
women's brains have 
8 times more blood flow

309
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
to the emotional part of the brain

310
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
which then goes to the
hippocampus.

311
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
She's bombardment 
with memories!

312
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
For men, he forgets everything.

313
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So, I'm not saying that
women are more emotional

314
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
than man.

315
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm saying that, 
under moderate stress

316
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
woman have a stronger 
emotional reaction.

317
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Under big stress, men have
a stronger emotional reaction.

318
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And what's big stress for man?

319
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
A problem you can't solve
and can't forget.

320
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And that's big stress for man.

321
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
A problem you can't solve

322
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and you can't forget.

323
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
No matter how much 
football games you are watching

324
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
not matter how much news 
you are watching,

325
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
not much how many pressing
weights in the gym you are doing

326
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you can't forget that problems.

327
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So now your stress levels
are shooting up.

328
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So, for man.
That's a big problem!

329
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So, historically,
evolutionary wise

330
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
lions, tigers, bears

331
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
lions, tigers, bears, men 
have a big reaction!

332
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And by the way biologically
what's happening?

333
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
When soon as the man feels 
powerless

334
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
his testosterone converts
the estrogen and floods

335
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
his brain with fear and anger.

336
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It's when go to the female hormones

337
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
they loose control of their
masculine hormones

338
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
their testosterone levels drop.

339
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Literally, testosterone converts
intro estrogen through

340
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
an enzyme called aromatase.

341
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So, If I... I'm a man!

342
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Testosterone driven. Every man
has to have 30

343
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
times more testosterone
than your average woman

344
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
to get up on stage to
do anything!

345
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Without that he's that guy:

346
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Ugh, I don't wanna work anymore

347
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I just wanna go play, watch TV
and do nothing".

348
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Every loser I have ever
counseled I say:

349
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Why did you do that?" 
"I felt like it"

350
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Why don't you do this?"
"I don't feel like it"

351
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
What we do want feelings

352
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it's a wonderful evolutionary 
lift.

353
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Man have to always reason 
first and then

354
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
checked it out with your feelings.

355
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Why do I say that?

356
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'Cause I counsel losers 
a lot!

357
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And they follow their feelings
instead of things,

358
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"But does that makes sense"?
"I don't care"

359
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You gotta start caring if 
you are a man about

360
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
what makes sense and
then check it out

361
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
with your feelings.

362
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And for woman, 
you gotta check out

363
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
what is my feeling first
which will access into your intuition

364
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and then what makes sense.

365
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
We are complements 
to each other.

366
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And we see the wiring in 
the brain is the same.

367
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
The intuitive center over here,

368
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
the emotional center
over here

369
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
called the right interior
parietal lobe in a woman

370
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
which has to do with 
personal relationships.

371
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Has to do with:
"What are you eating today?"

372
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"What should we have
for food today?"

373
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"What should I wear?"

374
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Look what she is wearing"

375
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"What do our children need?"

376
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"What do the people need?"

377
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"What does the earth need?"

378
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"What does our family need?"

379
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"How can I improve
this relationship?"

380
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That's all relational activities.

381
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I discovered that on vacation with
my 3 daughters and

382
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
my wife in Hawaii.

383
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
As we're sitting round
with nothing to do

384
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I listened to their conversations

385
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

386
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"What we are gonna eat?"

387
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Where we are gonna eat?"

388
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"What we gotta wear?"

389
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"What do you wear, can 
I wear that?"

390
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Not there when they are limited 
to that at all,

391
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
but when they are relaxing.

392
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
See? That's what I am
talking about!

393
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This is how women relax.

394
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
They go to the right part
of the brain,

395
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that stimulates estrogen

396
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it also stimulates a magic
hormone

397
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that most people are not 
aware of

398
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
called: oxytocin.

399
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Oxytocin is the hormone
that lower stress in women.

400
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This was an amazing discovery!

401
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
What that... 12 years ago 
they start finding this out.

402
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Just to brag a moment
because I am from Mars.

403
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Talking about 30 years ago.

404
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I discovered it.

405
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
When I read an article about 
oxytocin women produce

406
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
when they see babys.

407
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You now, back in the day

408
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
when you are learning how to 
being their bonding with

409
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
your children at birth.

410
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Huge amounts of oxytocin 
comes up, and you bond.

411
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Well, then I went in this mall
just watching women,

412
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
watchin men, I used to sit
there and just watch.

413
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
There was a chair.

414
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And in those days, when women
had a lot more oxytocin

415
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
than they have now.

416
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And those days a woman
carrying a baby along

417
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
like this, women would
gather, "Oh!"

418
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
The same response my wife
would make

419
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
when I bought her a rose.

420
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And when I put my arm around her

421
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and we saw something sweet
in a movie

422
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and I realize "Ah, this is
what makes women smile".

423
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Now we have the science
behind it.

424
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Oxytocin lowers stress
for women.

425
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Then we found out
oxytocin allows women

426
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
to have climax in
the bedroom.

427
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That perks up
man's ears.

428
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

429
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
There is a pill,
oxytocin pill

430
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
synthetic oxytocin.

431
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You give it to her, she'll
be really turned on

432
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and it's been proven,

433
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
next stage she
shoots you.

434
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

435
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'Cause drugs takes you up
and then bring you down.

436
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

437
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So, by understanding this 
two dynamics

438
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
we are living in a world today
where there's lot of stress.

439
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And what we wanna do is

440
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
have equality, mutual respect
mutual appresiation

441
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
but we are facing a new challenge

442
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
as women are more in 
the workplace

443
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
feeling more independent
testosterone gets produce

444
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
there's nothing wrong with 
testosterone

445
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
in a woman's body.

446
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Some women are just born with more,


447
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
so they are over here saying:
"John, what are you talking about?

448
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I don't care what I wear".

449
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But most women have,
90% of women have this

450
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
low testosterone high estrogen

451
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and oxytocin is the hormone
in all women

452
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that lowers cortisol for them.

453
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Cortisol, the stress hormone.

454
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Well, If you give a man
an inyection oxytocin

455
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
he goes to sleep.

456
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Because after climax, he's
wel...

457
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Laughs)

458
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
After he has climax
has released oxytocin

459
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
what does he do? He goes
right to sleep.

460
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So the bottom line is anything that
oxytocin producing

461
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
after you've done it 3 or 4
times, kinda puts

462
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
a man to sleep.

463
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Which puts a real damper on relationships

464
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
unless men figures out that

465
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If I do oxytocin things, for my wife

466
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm not just doing oxytocin 
producing things for her

467
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I am solving a problem.

468
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And when I solve a problem
testosterone levels go up.

469
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So my wife is talking,
I am in the storm

470
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I say, "Tell me more"

471
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
my testosterone stage is up
'cause I know how

472
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
to make it work.

473
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I know what I am doing is

474
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
helping her create more oxytocin.

475
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Planning dates, bringing flowers
giving cards

476
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
all the "samples" of valentines days

477
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you do regularly on a little score.

478
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Just a little bit.

479
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
She's always looking ahead.
So, special time.

480
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That causes her oxytocin levels
to rise up

481
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
to lowe her stress.

482
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So that, her stress levels don't 
shoot up.

483
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'Cause right now woman stress
levels by study

484
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
is on average as twice as high
as men's

485
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and for time higher at home.