9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Applauses) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, I asked to turn up the light[br]so that I can see you as well. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We are talking about [br]relationships after all. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And the most important thing[br]in a relationship, man 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is to see your wife. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You can see who is married[br]in a restaurant, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 or who is dating. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If a man is dating a woman[br]he's looking right at her. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 He's got one goal. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laugher) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And once he's climbed[br]that mountain you can relax. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You see the married man [br]looking around. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Quite often somebody else got [br]his attention. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Haven't seen her before. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It doesn't mean [br]he doesn't love her 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 his wife. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It just mean he's never[br]saw that before. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We all do this as we are going[br]to vacations 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to lovely spots, new places 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 getting off the plain here in Bend[br]it was blown away 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 by the beautifull mountain. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's exiting. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Because someone new and different 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it stimulates our brain chemical[br]called dopamine. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And dopamine gives us motivation,[br]it gives us pleasure 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it gives us focus. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And it gives us, happiness in a[br]relationship, passion. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When we fall in love with somebody 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is literally like we are high [br]on drugs. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Maybe you don't remember 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 if you've been married for[br]28 years like I have, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but, I remided living[br]with my youngest daughter 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 who is in that first [br]"falling in love stage" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 with her "live in". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They're planning! They're planning! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But she is a modern woman, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 she wants to be completely financial[br]self-sufficient 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 before she gets married. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 As the new woman! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She wants to be sufficient. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Yes! Yes! We all wanna be [br]self sufficient. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We all wanna be independent,[br]and then from place of wholeness 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 come together. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's a new world. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I'm gonna talk[br]about that new world today. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The most important thing [br]to understand is 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 this brain chemical thing[br]dopamine. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause when you haven't met someone,[br]before you are getting to know them 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 all the ingredients are there[br]to stimulate dopamine. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Newness. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And there's no history. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Where are we going with this? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What's gonna happen? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And that stimulates this [br]brain chemical 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and in man, dopamine stimulates[br]a hormone calls testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, men testosterone[br]levels are searching. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The average man in 50[br]have half testoterone levels he had 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 as a young man. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It starts to drop. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Lot of things contribute to that,[br]but one of the things is: marriage. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You know, I'm 62 but [br]I went to the 50's with my friends 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and several of my friends got divorce 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the came alive! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm not recomending divorce [br]to come alive. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But I am recomending learning[br]new relationships skills 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to come alive in [br]your marriage. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But it's like, when you [br]were somebody new 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 just going to somewhere new,[br]being with somebody new 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it stimulates dopamine, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and for men dopamine[br]stimulates testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And for men, testosterone[br]lowers stress. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I don't mean stress in your life,[br]life is always stressful. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Problems are everywhere. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But how do we react to life[br]is depending 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 on our hormone[br]respondes to life. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And for men, testosterone[br]is the hormone 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that helps men keeps [br]their stress levels down. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Most people don't know this[br]but, I learned this... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 30 years ago I was reading... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 20 years ago, maybe 30 [br]something in there 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was about to see the movie[br]"The Grumpty Old Man" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I was also reading [br]the differences 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 between young man and old man 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 was that men testosterone level[br]go down. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And then, I made the link. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Gumpty Old Man. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Think about men when[br]they haven't been laid for a while. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They get grumpty. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And we always thought [br]that testosterone caused 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 all that irrability. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But actually for men, it's estrogen. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's all those grumpty[br]old man 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 have super high [br]estrogen levels 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and low testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Who knew?! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 One of the biggest [br]risk factors for heart disease, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 prostate cancer for men[br]is low testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 All men, with depression[br]have low testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And that's why depression [br]is very different 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 from man than [br]from woman. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Depression for a man[br]is that feeling 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "nobody wants me", [br]"I am not needed anymore", 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "basically, I'm out of work", 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "nobody there to respond for me" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "nobody there for me to fix, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 help, serve, support". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, been out of work [br]is the major depression for man 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 or being in a marriage[br]where you feel you can't 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 do anything to make[br]your partner happy. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I get to see it as a marriage[br]counselor for over 30 years 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 people often on their last exit. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause I am famous people say: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Oh, you gotta see him" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so I get the tough cases. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But it's a challenge. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And what I hear again and again[br]for man. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I take the man outside, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "What is the problem here?,[br]what's going on here?, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If we can fix one problem,[br]what would that be?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "John, the only problem here is [br]my wife is not happy". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That's it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now, I do these seminars, workshops[br]for like 4 days 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and we started out[br]men in one room, women in the other. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Without my influence, the men[br]write down complaints about 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 their wifes, relationships, women[br]in one room. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Women do it in another room. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And then we spend the whole 4 days[br]working on that. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And men have one sheet,[br]and women have 5. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And men's list is one or two words. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Critical, complaints, nags, punishes,[br]not interested in sex" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that's the longest one they[br]come out with. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There's a list over there. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And women got all this lists,[br]get a big long list 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 everything is a long sentences,[br]and if this thing and all that stuff. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And men go[br]"See?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I got a few claps which [br]I'm not asking for 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but that's what excites man. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I made a difference. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So men love their dogs so much. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When I come home, [br]my dog is happy and I'm alive! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It touches something so deep[br]inside of every man 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That the whole evolution of men[br]where like out there 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 in the dangerous world. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If you came home alive, they [br]celebrate it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now it's like [br]"Oh, he's back". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "You know, you left the lights[br]on the living room last night 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 before you left" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That's what I get! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If she was just happy... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What a man thinks 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "If she was just the way she was[br]when I married her". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 See, when man get married[br]they stay the same, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 as If you can. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And realize women would never[br]be the same. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They are like the weather. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's always changing! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Sunshine, blue clouds, puffy clouds 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 blue sky, puffy clouds. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Rain storms, lightning strikes,[br]hurracains. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Tornadoes! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now If you are from Mars 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you have this instincts that[br]you are the worst thing 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 when you were with the Venusian. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 See, in Mars when there's tornadoes,[br]what do we do? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We find a ditch and lay low. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's not what women expect[br]you to do. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When that tornadoe comes in [br]you are supposed to stand in there. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Is something the matter?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And If you read it in my books 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 when every cell in your body says 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "I can't take it anymore" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "I gotta find a ditch and lay low" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Let me get my car and drive[br]somewhere" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Instead, you stand there,[br]just keep looking. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And when there's[br]a break you say: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Huh. Tell me more". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She is like[br]"I am married to Superman!" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If you can do that 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I teach people [br]how to do that 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you have to, at least,[br]know what you are trying to do here. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause many have been married[br]that say: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "No matter what I say or do[br]it makes it worst". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I say[br]"that's because what you say 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and do is wrong". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It just doesn't work! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You've just told me it [br]doesn't work, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it doesn't work! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But, what does work? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Nothing. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Nothing! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You can not make [br]a woman happy! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You can not change the weather. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It changes by itself. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Women are grown ups 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 they can feel better. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They can get happier 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 they know how to do it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Just they way of doing it 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is different from ours. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 All I have to do when I am stress[br]is sit down. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Man have a switch right here. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 As soon as you sit down[br](laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 blood flows stops to your brain. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They did some experiments on that. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They put women at the end of the day[br]sit down 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and men on the way[br]sitting down. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And they measure the brain activity. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Women sit down,[br]their brain speed up. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 More blood flow. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And you say: "What are[br]you thinking?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and she says, which any woman[br]in this room can predict 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Well, sitting on this couch I'm[br]thinking of all the things 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I should be doing, that I am not doing[br]while I am doing this silly experiment". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And then, they do the man 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the man sitting there 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you look at the scans[br]nothing is happening! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Is it broken? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What is this?! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And she is like[br]"What?!" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So you ask him:[br]"What are you thinking?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And you now all know that[br]answer to that question 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 if you've been married! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 He says: "Nothing!" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And now he has evidence. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "See, honey?, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm not whithholding from you!" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "I don't have big secrets, [br]I'm not hiding my problems from you 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm trying to forget them! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Why do we have to talk about them?!" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause one of the primary ways [br]man cope with stress 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and remember, what the hormone[br]that lower stress for men? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So what's the hormone [br]that lowers stress for men 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If, I got all this problems in my life[br]and I am solving them 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I am releasing testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And it is keeping my [br]stress levels down. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 At the end of the day, [br]I still have all this 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 unmet problems, right? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 All this problems I haven't solved 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so know that I'm not solving problems[br]my stress levels goes up! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I can't do anything about it 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm home, I can't do anything[br]about it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So stress goes up. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So how have men adapted[br]to deal with problems 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you can't do anything about[br]once you are sitting. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Forget it! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We can turn our brains off! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We have an off switch. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Women don't. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They can not forget anything! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Here is a simple test in[br]"Gender intelligence" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Who has a bigger, better memory? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Women or men? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Women! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 This is proven! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The hippocampus in a [br]woman's brain 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is twice as big as in a man's brain. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The second store is like a library 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 recording everything on [br]the first floor. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 On the second floor she records[br]every mistake 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you've ever made. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And something she can't do[br]much about it 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is when she is stress, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 when she is stress 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 blood flow goes to[br]that second floor. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Elevator, she goes up 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 she forgets every good thing[br]you've ever done 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and remembers every mistake[br]you've made! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And how does she gets[br]off that floor? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She's gotta lower her stress. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She can not forget it! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So what does she do? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What's the woman reaction? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Just measure the brain! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There's wonderful [br]brain studies now! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Under moderate stress 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 women's brains have [br]8 times more blood flow 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to the emotional part of the brain 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 which then goes to the[br]hippocampus. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She's bombardment [br]with memories! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 For men, he forgets everything. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, I'm not saying that[br]women are more emotional 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 than man. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm saying that, [br]under moderate stress 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 woman have a stronger [br]emotional reaction. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Under big stress, men have[br]a stronger emotional reaction. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And what's big stress for man? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 A problem you can't solve[br]and can't forget. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And that's big stress for man. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 A problem you can't solve 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and you can't forget. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 No matter how much [br]football games you are watching 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 not matter how much news [br]you are watching, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 not much how many pressing[br]weights in the gym you are doing 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you can't forget that problems. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So now your stress levels[br]are shooting up. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, for man.[br]That's a big problem! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, historically,[br]evolutionary wise 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 lions, tigers, bears 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 lions, tigers, bears, men [br]have a big reaction! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And by the way biologically[br]what's happening? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When soon as the man feels [br]powerless 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 his testosterone converts[br]the estrogen and floods 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 his brain with fear and anger. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's when go to the female hormones 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 they loose control of their[br]masculine hormones 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 their testosterone levels drop. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Literally, testosterone converts[br]intro estrogen through 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 an enzyme called aromatase. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, If I... I'm a man! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Testosterone driven. Every man[br]has to have 30 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 times more testosterone[br]than your average woman 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to get up on stage to[br]do anything! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Without that he's that guy: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Ugh, I don't wanna work anymore 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I just wanna go play, watch TV[br]and do nothing". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Every loser I have ever[br]counseled I say: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Why did you do that?" [br]"I felt like it" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Why don't you do this?"[br]"I don't feel like it" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What we do want feelings 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it's a wonderful evolutionary [br]lift. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Man have to always reason [br]first and then 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 checked it out with your feelings. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Why do I say that? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause I counsel losers [br]a lot! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And they follow their feelings[br]instead of things, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "But does that makes sense"?[br]"I don't care" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You gotta start caring if [br]you are a man about 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 what makes sense and[br]then check it out 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 with your feelings. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And for woman, [br]you gotta check out 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 what is my feeling first[br]which will access into your intuition 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and then what makes sense. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We are complements [br]to each other. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And we see the wiring in [br]the brain is the same. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The intuitive center over here, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the emotional center[br]over here 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 called the right interior[br]parietal lobe in a woman 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 which has to do with [br]personal relationships. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Has to do with:[br]"What are you eating today?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "What should we have[br]for food today?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "What should I wear?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Look what she is wearing" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "What do our children need?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "What do the people need?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "What does the earth need?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "What does our family need?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "How can I improve[br]this relationship?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That's all relational activities. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I discovered that on vacation with[br]my 3 daughters and 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 my wife in Hawaii. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 As we're sitting round[br]with nothing to do 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I listened to their conversations 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "What we are gonna eat?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Where we are gonna eat?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "What we gotta wear?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "What do you wear, can [br]I wear that?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Not there when they are limited [br]to that at all, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but when they are relaxing. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 See? That's what I am[br]talking about! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 This is how women relax. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They go to the right part[br]of the brain, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that stimulates estrogen 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it also stimulates a magic[br]hormone 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that most people are not [br]aware of 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 called: oxytocin. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Oxytocin is the hormone[br]that lower stress in women. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 This was an amazing discovery! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What that... 12 years ago [br]they start finding this out. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Just to brag a moment[br]because I am from Mars. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Talking about 30 years ago. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I discovered it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When I read an article about [br]oxytocin women produce 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 when they see babys. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You now, back in the day 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 when you are learning how to [br]being their bonding with 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 your children at birth. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Huge amounts of oxytocin [br]comes up, and you bond. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Well, then I went in this mall[br]just watching women, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 watchin men, I used to sit[br]there and just watch. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There was a chair. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And in those days, when women[br]had a lot more oxytocin 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 than they have now. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And those days a woman[br]carrying a baby along 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 like this, women would[br]gather, "Oh!" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The same response my wife[br]would make 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 when I bought her a rose. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And when I put my arm around her 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and we saw something sweet[br]in a movie 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I realize "Ah, this is[br]what makes women smile". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now we have the science[br]behind it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Oxytocin lowers stress[br]for women. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Then we found out[br]oxytocin allows women 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to have climax in[br]the bedroom. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That perks up[br]man's ears. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There is a pill,[br]oxytocin pill 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 synthetic oxytocin. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You give it to her, she'll[br]be really turned on 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and it's been proven, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 next stage she[br]shoots you. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause drugs takes you up[br]and then bring you down. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, by understanding this [br]two dynamics 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 we are living in a world today[br]where there's lot of stress. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And what we wanna do is 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 have equality, mutual respect[br]mutual appresiation 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but we are facing a new challenge 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 as women are more in [br]the workplace 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 feeling more independent[br]testosterone gets produce 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 there's nothing wrong with [br]testosterone 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 in a woman's body. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Some women are just born with more,[br] 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so they are over here saying:[br]"John, what are you talking about? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I don't care what I wear". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But most women have,[br]90% of women have this 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 low testosterone high estrogen 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and oxytocin is the hormone[br]in all women 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that lowers cortisol for them. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Cortisol, the stress hormone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Well, If you give a man[br]an inyection oxytocin 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 he goes to sleep. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Because after climax, he's[br]wel... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughs) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 After he has climax[br]has released oxytocin 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 what does he do? He goes[br]right to sleep. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So the bottom line is anything that[br]oxytocin producing 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 after you've done it 3 or 4[br]times, kinda puts 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 a man to sleep. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Which puts a real damper on relationships 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 unless men figures out that 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If I do oxytocin things, for my wife 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm not just doing oxytocin [br]producing things for her 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I am solving a problem. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And when I solve a problem[br]testosterone levels go up. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So my wife is talking,[br]I am in the storm 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I say, "Tell me more" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 my testosterone stage is up[br]'cause I know how 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to make it work. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I know what I am doing is 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 helping her create more oxytocin. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Planning dates, bringing flowers[br]giving cards 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 all the "samples" of valentines days 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you do regularly on a little score. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Just a little bit. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She's always looking ahead.[br]So, special time. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That causes her oxytocin levels[br]to rise up 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to lowe her stress. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So that, her stress levels don't [br]shoot up. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause right now woman stress[br]levels by study 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is on average as twice as high[br]as men's 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and for time higher at home.