9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Applauses) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, I asked to turn up the light[br]so that I can see you as well. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We are talking about [br]relationships after all. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And the most important thing[br]in a relationship, man 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is to see your wife. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You can see who is married[br]in a restaurant, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 or who is dating. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If a man is dating a woman[br]he's looking right at her. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 He's got one goal. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laugher) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And once he's climbed[br]that mountain you can relax. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You see the married man [br]looking around. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Quite often somebody else got [br]his attention. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Haven't seen her before. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It doesn't mean [br]he doesn't love her 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 his wife. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It just mean he's never[br]saw that before. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We all do this as we are going[br]to vacations 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to lovely spots, new places 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 getting off the plain here in Bend[br]it was blown away 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 by the beautifull mountain. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's exiting. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Because someone new and different 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it stimulates our brain chemical[br]called dopamine. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And dopamine gives us motivation,[br]it gives us pleasure 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it gives us focus. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And it gives us, happiness in a[br]relationship, passion. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When we fall in love with somebody 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is literally like we are high [br]on drugs. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Maybe you don't remember 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 if you've been married for[br]28 years like I have, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but, I remided living[br]with my youngest daughter 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 who is in that first [br]"falling in love stage" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 with her "live in". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They're planning! They're planning! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But she is a modern woman, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 she wants to be completely financial[br]self-sufficient 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 before she gets married. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 As the new woman! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She wants to be sufficient. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Yes! Yes! We all wanna be [br]self sufficient. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We all wanna be independent,[br]and then from place of wholeness 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 come together. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's a new world. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I'm gonna talk[br]about that new world today. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The most important thing [br]to understand is 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 this brain chemical thing[br]dopamine. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause when you haven't met someone,[br]before you are getting to know them 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 all the ingredients are there[br]to stimulate dopamine. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Newness. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And there's no history. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Where are we going with this? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What's gonna happen? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And that stimulates this [br]brain chemical 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and in man, dopamine stimulates[br]a hormone calls testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, men testosterone[br]levels are searching. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The average man in 50[br]have half testoterone levels he had 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 as a young man. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It starts to drop. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Lot of things contribute to that,[br]but one of the things is: marriage. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You know, I'm 62 but [br]I went to the 50's with my friends 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and several of my friends got divorce 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the came alive! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm not recomending divorce [br]to come alive. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But I am recomending learning[br]new relationships skills 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to come alive in [br]your marriage. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But it's like, when you [br]were somebody new 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 just going to somewhere new,[br]being with somebody new 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it stimulates dopamine, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and for men dopamine[br]stimulates testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And for men, testosterone[br]lowers stress. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I don't mean stress in your life,[br]life is always stressful. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Problems are everywhere. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But how do we react to life[br]is depending 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 on our hormone[br]respondes to life. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And for men, testosterone[br]is the hormone 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that helps men keeps [br]their stress levels down. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Most people don't know this[br]but, I learned this... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 30 years ago I was reading... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 20 years ago, maybe 30 [br]something in there 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was about to see the movie[br]"The Grumpty Old Man" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I was also reading [br]the differences 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 between young man and old man 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 was that men testosterone level[br]go down. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And then, I made the link. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Gumpty Old Man. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Think about men when[br]they haven't been laid for a while. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They get grumpty. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And we always thought [br]that testosterone caused 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 all that irrability. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But actually for men, it's estrogen. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's all those grumpty[br]old man 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 have super high [br]estrogen levels 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and low testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Who knew?! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 One of the biggest [br]risk factors for heart disease, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 prostate cancer for men[br]is low testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 All men, with depression[br]have low testosterone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And that's why depression [br]is very different 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 from man than [br]from woman. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Depression for a man[br]is that feeling 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "nobody wants me", [br]"I am not needed anymore", 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "basically, I'm out of work", 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "nobody there to respond for me" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "nobody there for me to fix, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 help, serve, support". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, been out of work [br]is the major depression for man 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 or being in a marriage[br]where you feel you can't 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 do anything to make[br]your partner happy. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I get to see it as a marriage[br]counselor for over 30 years 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 people often on their last exit. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause I am famous people say: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Oh, you gotta see him" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so I get the tough cases. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But it's a challenge. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And what I hear again and again[br]for man. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I take the man outside, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "What is the problem here?,[br]what's going on here?, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If we can fix one problem,[br]what would that be?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "John, the only problem here is [br]my wife is not happy". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That's it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now, I do these seminars, workshops[br]for like 4 days 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and we started out[br]men in one room, women in the other. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Without my influence, the men[br]write down complaints about 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 their wifes, relationships, women[br]in one room. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Women do it in another room. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And then we spend the whole 4 days[br]working on that. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And men have one sheet,[br]and women have 5. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And men's list is one or two words. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Critical, complaints, nags, punishes,[br]not interested in sex" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that's the longest one they[br]come out with. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There's a list over there. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And women got all this lists,[br]get a big long list 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 everything is a long sentences,[br]and if this thing and all that stuff. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And men go[br]"See?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I got a few claps which [br]I'm not asking for 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but that's what excites man. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I made a difference. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So men love their dogs so much. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When I come home, [br]my dog is happy and I'm alive! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It touches something so deep[br]inside of every man 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That the whole evolution of men[br]where like out there 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 in the dangerous world. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If you came home alive, they [br]celebrate it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now it's like [br]"Oh, he's back". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "You know, you left the lights[br]on the living room last night 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 before you left" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That's what I get! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If she was just happy... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What a man thinks 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "If she was just the way she was[br]when I married her". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 See, when man get married[br]they stay the same, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 as If you can. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And realize women would never[br]be the same. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They are like the weather. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's always changing! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Sunshine, blue clouds, puffy clouds 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 blue sky, puffy clouds. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Rain storms, lightning strikes,[br]hurracains. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Tornadoes! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now If you are from Mars 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you have this instincts that[br]you are the worst thing 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 when you were with the Venusian. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 See, in Mars when there's tornadoes,[br]what do we do? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We find a ditch and lay low. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's not what women expect[br]you to do. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When that tornadoe comes in [br]you are supposed to stand in there. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Is something the matter?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And If you read it in my books 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 when every cell in your body says 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "I can't take it anymore" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "I gotta find a ditch and lay low" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Let me get my car and drive[br]somewhere"