[Monks chanting "Dies Irae"]
Pie Jesu Domine
Dona eis requiem
Pie Jesu Domine
Dona eis requiem
Pie Jesu Domine
Dona eis requiem
-A witch!
-We found a witch.
-We got a witch.
-We found a witch.
-We've got a witch.
-We've got a witch.
-Burn her! Burn her!
-We have found a witch. May we burn her?
-Burn her!
-How do you know she is a witch?
-She looks like one.
Bring her forward.
-I am not a witch. I am not a witch.
-But you are dressed as one.
-They dressed me up like this.
-We didn't!
And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
-Well?
-Well, we did do the nose.
-The nose?
-And the hat. But she is a witch.
-Yeah!
-Burn her!
-Did you dress her up like this?
-No. No. No.
-Yes.
-Yes. Yes.
Yes, a bit. She has got a wart.
-What makes you think she is a witch?
-Well, she turned me into a newt.
A newt?
I got better.
-Burn her anyway!
-Burn her!
Quiet! There are ways of telling
whether she is a witch.
-Are there? What are they? Tell us.
-Do they hurt?
Tell me, what do you do with witches?
[all]
Burn them!
-What do you burn apart from witches?
-More witches!
-Wood.
-So, why do witches burn?
[silence]
-'Cause they're made of wood?
-Good.
So, how do we tell
whether she is made of wood?
-Build a bridge out of her.
-Can you not also make bridges of stone?
Oh, yeah.
Does wood sink in water?
-No.
-It floats.
[all]
Throw her into the pond!
-What also floats in water?
-Bread.
-Apples.
-Very small rocks.
-Cider. Cherries.
-Gravy. Mud.
-Churches.
-Lead.
A duck!
Exactly.
So, logically...
If she...
weighs the same as a duck...
She's made of wood.
And, therefore...
-A witch!
-A witch!
We shall use my largest scales.
[all cheering]
-Burn her!
-Burn the witch!
Right. Remove the supports!
-A witch!
-A witch!
-It's a fair cop.
-Burn her!
Who are you,
who are so wise in the ways of science?
-I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
-My liege.
Good Sir Knight, will you come to Camelot,
and join us at the Round Table?
My liege, I would be honored.
-What is your name?
-Bedevere, my liege.
Then I dub you Sir Bedevere,
knight of the Round Table.