[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.60,0:00:08.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, Hamlet Hamlet Hamlet Hamlet Hamlet!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.42,0:00:10.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The vampire army has taken the city!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.78,0:00:17.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We must check the castle tower and make sure no vampires made it into our home base
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.40,0:00:19.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You wait here, I`ll go check the castle
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.36,0:00:22.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, you do that.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.20,0:00:25.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OH MY GOD HAMLET! I JUST SAW A FUCKING VAMPIRE!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.59,0:00:28.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,IT BIT ME RIGHT IN THE NECK!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.47,0:00:35.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Save yourself Hamlet, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.41,0:00:38.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My fellow I will avenge you
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.17,0:00:44.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And rid this castle of the vampire scurge that has taken this fair city
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.17,0:00:50.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I shall hunt each and everyone down in this town and drive a wooden stake through their heart
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.33,0:00:54.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all this for my friend the fellow
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.22,0:01:01.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Abe Lincoln: OH NO! HAMLET TURN AROUND HE TURNED INTO A VAMPIRE, HE`S GONNA BITE YOU!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.09,0:01:06.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OH SHIT! HAMLET! I can`t watch this! Hey everybody, I can`t watch this!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.44,0:01:08.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,John: Well some of us are trying to!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.66,0:01:10.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lady: John! Please!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.15,0:01:15.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Abe: WHO SAID THAT?! WHICH ONE OF Y'ALL DEAD MOTHERFUCKERS JUST SAID THAT SHIT!?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.23,0:01:19.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Was it you, stringbean? You skinny-ass looking motherfucker!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.38,0:01:25.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,TURN AROUND AND SAY IT AGAIN! (x3)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.27,0:01:27.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Will you please be QUIET?!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.20,0:01:29.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lady: John! That is the president of the United States!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.23,0:01:31.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't care who it is, he's ruining Hamlet
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.25,0:01:50.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Abe: Now you fucked up (x10)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.22,0:01:53.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,John: MISTER PRESIDENT will you please be quiet?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.46,0:01:56.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suck my presidential cock, BITCH
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.15,0:02:00.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You fat-ass piece of shit, you tub-o-lard looking motherfucker
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.15,0:02:06.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! HEY!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.14,0:02:06.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,John: What.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.79,0:02:09.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Abe: WHAT!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.04,0:02:15.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know why you're looking at me bitch, the plays on state, I ain't puttin' on a play up here I'm trying to be entertained right now
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.60,0:02:18.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,MR PRESIDENT, BE QUIIET
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.55,0:02:20.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lady: John! Calm down!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.32,0:02:26.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Abe: Listen to the woman John! Calm down, just calm down.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.62,0:02:32.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hey! Acty, stop the play, ACTY! HEY! HO!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.28,0:02:35.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I gotta go to the bathroom I drank too much liquid now I gotta piss
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.94,0:02:46.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, I got a bottle, its aiight, rewind the play 5 minutes though 'cuz that piece of shit was talking and I couldn't pay attention, so rewind the play 5 minutes
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.56,0:02:47.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you shut the fuck up!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.90,0:02:51.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,John: That's it, I'm gonna do what I should have done a long time ago..
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.24,0:02:52.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lady: John, what are you going to do?!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.72,0:02:54.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm gonna be him to death with this hammer
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.41,0:02:56.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What? John!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.04,0:03:02.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Abe: Whoa, what are you doing skinny? What are you doing you fat piece of shit? Where's he going? What's that fat piece of shit doing now?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.69,0:03:03.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OH SHIT!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.71,0:03:13.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's hittin' me in the butt, he's hitting my butt, don't break my butt, don't break my butt! He's breaking my butt!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.85,0:03:18.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ladies and Gentlemen, that is what actually happened that night all those years ago
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.44,0:03:25.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,American Historians and Documentarians believe that the actual events were far to embarrassing for a growing nation to endure
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.32,0:03:32.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But Abraham Lincoln actually got hammered in the ass so much that he died of being hammered in the ass, thank you, goodnight