Oh, Hamlet Hamlet Hamlet Hamlet Hamlet!
The vampire army has taken the city!
We must check the castle tower and make sure no vampires made it into our home base
You wait here, I`ll go check the castle
Yes, you do that.
OH MY GOD HAMLET! I JUST SAW A FUCKING VAMPIRE!
IT BIT ME RIGHT IN THE NECK!
Save yourself Hamlet, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
My fellow I will avenge you
And rid this castle of the vampire scurge that has taken this fair city
I shall hunt each and everyone down in this town and drive a wooden stake through their heart
all this for my friend the fellow
Abe Lincoln: OH NO! HAMLET TURN AROUND HE TURNED INTO A VAMPIRE, HE`S GONNA BITE YOU!
OH SHIT! HAMLET! I can`t watch this! Hey everybody, I can`t watch this!
John: Well some of us are trying to!
Lady: John! Please!
Abe: WHO SAID THAT?! WHICH ONE OF Y'ALL DEAD MOTHERFUCKERS JUST SAID THAT SHIT!?
Was it you, stringbean? You skinny-ass looking motherfucker!
TURN AROUND AND SAY IT AGAIN! (x3)
Will you please be QUIET?!
Lady: John! That is the president of the United States!
I don't care who it is, he's ruining Hamlet
Abe: Now you fucked up (x10)
John: MISTER PRESIDENT will you please be quiet?
Suck my presidential cock, BITCH
You fat-ass piece of shit, you tub-o-lard looking motherfucker
WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! HEY!
John: What.
Abe: WHAT!
I don't know why you're looking at me bitch, the plays on state, I ain't puttin' on a play up here I'm trying to be entertained right now
MR PRESIDENT, BE QUIIET
Lady: John! Calm down!
Abe: Listen to the woman John! Calm down, just calm down.
Hey! Acty, stop the play, ACTY! HEY! HO!
I gotta go to the bathroom I drank too much liquid now I gotta piss
Oh, I got a bottle, its aiight, rewind the play 5 minutes though 'cuz that piece of shit was talking and I couldn't pay attention, so rewind the play 5 minutes
and you shut the fuck up!
John: That's it, I'm gonna do what I should have done a long time ago..
Lady: John, what are you going to do?!
I'm gonna be him to death with this hammer
What? John!
Abe: Whoa, what are you doing skinny? What are you doing you fat piece of shit? Where's he going? What's that fat piece of shit doing now?
OH SHIT!
He's hittin' me in the butt, he's hitting my butt, don't break my butt, don't break my butt! He's breaking my butt!
Ladies and Gentlemen, that is what actually happened that night all those years ago
American Historians and Documentarians believe that the actual events were far to embarrassing for a growing nation to endure
But Abraham Lincoln actually got hammered in the ass so much that he died of being hammered in the ass, thank you, goodnight