0:00:00.000,0:00:04.681
if you're some dumb folks[br]looking to just get murdered

0:00:09.135,0:00:12.340
New York's hottest club is[br]"Mmmhmmm"

0:00:13.700,0:00:16.533
New York's hottest club is[br]"Twice"

0:00:17.940,0:00:20.613
New York's hottest club is[br](Duck Noise)

0:00:22.164,0:00:25.880
New York's hottest club is[br]"Spicy"

0:00:27.707,0:00:31.712
New York's hottest club is [br]"Your mother and I are separating"

0:00:32.891,0:00:36.769
New York's hottest club is....[br]"Kevin?"

0:00:38.978,0:00:41.177
Opened at gunpoint...

0:00:41.767,0:00:47.240
located in a haunted synagogue,

0:00:47.240,0:00:48.240
this upper lower side hotspot[br]is the creation of italian

0:00:48.240,0:00:50.900
reggae singer Rasta Primavera

0:00:51.760,0:00:56.520
Opened in 2017 [br]on the Upper East Side of a dumpster

0:00:59.060,0:01:02.260
built on a dare by 90 year old[br]club promoter

0:01:02.300,0:01:03.760
Fuji Howser MD

0:01:04.280,0:01:07.140
based on the novel "Push"[br]by Sapphire

0:01:09.420,0:01:12.670
open at gunpoint in a Lady Footlocker

0:01:12.670,0:01:14.980
this Long Island cold spot is managed by

0:01:14.980,0:01:18.420
infamous gay running back[br]Blow-Jay Simpson

0:01:19.492,0:01:22.650
needless to say [br]this place has everything:

0:01:22.650,0:01:27.440
stick balls, pickpockets, Cookie Crisp,[br]and look who's at the bar

0:01:27.440,0:01:28.490
that Kate Moss?

0:01:28.490,0:01:33.220
No, it's a Pakistani family that[br]cuts in line at Universal Studios

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This place has everything: [br]brooms, scrunchies, screw heads

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a shaved lion that looks like Mario Batali

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and this Valentine's Day[br]you can lose yourself

0:01:47.740,0:01:48.740
on the dance floor surrounded[br]by twelve dancing Jewpids

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Jewpids?

0:01:50.000,0:01:50.960
Jewish Cupids

0:01:52.780,0:01:53.400
Cool

0:01:53.980,0:01:56.380
they just want you to meet[br]someone nice and settle down

0:01:58.640,0:02:01.480
this place has everything:[br]shoots, ladders

0:02:01.560,0:02:05.223
the outdoor concert [br]from a Zoloft commercial

0:02:08.190,0:02:12.802
a doorman who always [br]high-fives children of divorce

0:02:15.473,0:02:21.800
this place is going to have everything[br]ghosts, ghouls, goblins, my son

0:02:22.252,0:02:28.420
and that TV channel at the hotel[br]that's like about the hotel

0:02:30.713,0:02:32.580
well they have [br]a Jewish Dracula

0:02:32.580,0:02:34.400
Oh what's his name?

0:02:34.400,0:02:36.284
Sidney Applebaum

0:02:38.671,0:02:46.370
this place has everything: asbestos,[br]lupus, the magazines at Supercuts

0:02:46.370,0:02:48.365
Dan Cortez

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Kiss me I'm Irish

0:02:50.650,0:02:51.580
If you insist

0:02:51.580,0:02:52.480
Oh