if you're some dumb folks
looking to just get murdered
New York's hottest club is
"Mmmhmmm"
New York's hottest club is
"Twice"
New York's hottest club is
(Duck Noise)
New York's hottest club is
"Spicy"
New York's hottest club is
"Your mother and I are separating"
New York's hottest club is....
"Kevin?"
Opened at gunpoint...
located in a haunted synagogue,
this upper lower side hotspot
is the creation of italian
reggae singer Rasta Primavera
Opened in 2017
on the Upper East Side of a dumpster
built on a dare by 90 year old
club promoter
Fuji Howser MD
based on the novel "Push"
by Sapphire
open at gunpoint in a Lady Footlocker
this Long Island cold spot is managed by
infamous gay running back
Blow-Jay Simpson
needless to say
this place has everything:
stick balls, pickpockets, Cookie Crisp,
and look who's at the bar
that Kate Moss?
No, it's a Pakistani family that
cuts in line at Universal Studios
This place has everything:
brooms, scrunchies, screw heads
a shaved lion that looks like Mario Batali
and this Valentine's Day
you can lose yourself
on the dance floor surrounded
by twelve dancing Jewpids
Jewpids?
Jewish Cupids
Cool
they just want you to meet
someone nice and settle down
this place has everything:
shoots, ladders
the outdoor concert
from a Zoloft commercial
a doorman who always
high-fives children of divorce
this place is going to have everything
ghosts, ghouls, goblins, my son
and that TV channel at the hotel
that's like about the hotel
well they have
a Jewish Dracula
Oh what's his name?
Sidney Applebaum
this place has everything: asbestos,
lupus, the magazines at Supercuts
Dan Cortez
Kiss me I'm Irish
If you insist
Oh