1
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:21,000
[ Woman Moaning ]
2
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:27,000
Ahh ! Ohh !
3
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:29,000
- Ohh.
- [ Man Moaning ] Oh, yeah.
4
00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:31,000
Ohh,
you're so good.
5
00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:35,000
Ohh, yes.
I am the best, baby.
6
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:37,000
- [ Woman On TV ] Oh, yeah !
- Oh. Oh, that was a tit.
7
00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:39,000
- That is a tit ! Yes !
- [ Moaning Continues ]
8
00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:41,000
[ Woman ] Oh, you're so big !
9
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,000
Oh, yeah. Yeah,
that's right, baby.
10
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:47,000
- [ Man On TV ] Oh, doggie
wants to hide his bone. - [ Woman ] Yes !
11
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:49,000
Oh, yeah !
I'm bone smugglin', baby.
12
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,000
- Man, would you shut up !
- [ Moaning Continues ]
13
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,000
Hey, Jimmy.
Just wanted to say sweet dreams.
14
00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:55,000
Yeah, yeah.
Sweet dreams. Good night, Mom.
15
00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:59,000
- Kiss good night.
- [ Moaning Continues ]
16
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:02,000
- [ Mom ] Something wrong
with the reception ? - Uh, yeah. Yeah.
17
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:05,000
- There's-- There's this nature
show that I'm trying to watch. - [ Man On TV ] Take it off.
18
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:09,000
- And the birds are
all scrambled and I can't even-- - [ Woman On TV ] Do me ! Yes !
19
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:12,000
- [ Jimmy Groans ]
- Baby ! Ride me like a pony !
20
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:15,000
- The thing must be broken or I
sat on the remote or something. - [ Moans Continue ]
21
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:18,000
- Getting ready for bed, son ?
- Yup, I'm all set, Dad. I'm all set.
22
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:21,000
- Yeah ?
- No ! No, I think he's tried to watch some illegal channels.
23
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:24,000
- Illegal-- Illegal channels ?
- This is just bad reception, honey.
24
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:26,000
-[ Man On TV ] Oh, spank my hairy ass !
-What's that ?
25
00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:30,000
- Ooh, baby !
- You know what ? Here. Just give me this, please--
26
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:33,000
- Oh, my God !
- And let's get this-- Ohh !
27
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:37,000
Okay, okay. Let's, uh-- What the hell's
the matter with this thing ?
28
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:38,000
[ Woman On TV ] Yes !
29
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,000
[ Boy ] Illegal channels ?
Shit !
30
00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:54,000
If there's any channel that
should be illegal, it's that "all-woman's" channel.
31
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:58,000
- Lifetime supply
of pantyhose or some shit. - Yeah.
32
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:01,000
Hey, uh, did you see The Little Mermaid
on TV the other night ?
33
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:04,000
- No.
- Ariel, man. She's so hot !
34
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:08,000
- Yeah, Oz. But not when she's on land.
- She's a mermaid, dude.
35
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:12,000
[ Boy ] Come on, Vicky, it's Stifler's
party. We got to go. It'll be great.
36
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:16,000
[ Vicky ] Why ? All that
happens at Stifler's parties is people get drunk and do it.
37
00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:18,000
Yeah.
38
00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:20,000
[ Vicky ] Now, come on, Kevin.
Open it.
39
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:23,000
It's a big, thick envelope, Vicky.
You got in.
40
00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:25,000
If you think so,
just open it.
41
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,000
- Fine.
- ** [ Rock ]
42
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,000
Hmm.
43
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:38,000
"Dear Miss Latham: We're sorry but
after keeping you on the waiting list...
44
00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:42,000
for the past couple of months, we've
decided that you are now rejected."
45
00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:44,000
- Shut up !
- [ Both Giggling ]
46
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:49,000
- You got in.
- [ Squeals ] Yes ! I love you !
47
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,000
- -- [ Continuing ]
- [ Chuckling ] Okay.
48
00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:00,000
Hey, you think I should wear
this shirt to Stifler's party ?
49
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,000
[ Scoffs ] You've worn that shirt for,
like, three days in a row, man !
50
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,000
Guys.
She said it.
51
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:07,000
- Said what ? [ Chuckles ]
- She said she loves me.
52
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:10,000
- Holy shit, dude ! The "L" word ?
- Oh, man !
53
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,000
Cornell's not
that far from "U" of "M."
54
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,000
Yeah, it's only,
like, seven hours.
55
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:16,000
Oh, and you get
to drive across Canada.
56
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:21,000
- Beautiful country.
- Whatever. It's doable.
57
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:24,000
Wh-What we should
do today, in band.
58
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:28,000
Instead of playing
our instruments regularly, we should play them backwards.
59
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,000
- That'll be so funny !
- Yeah.
60
00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:32,000
-- [ Noodling ]
61
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:39,000
No offense, but you're talking
about a post-high school, long-distance relationship.
62
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:41,000
And you and Kevin
haven't even done it yet.
63
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:43,000
That's not why
we're going out.
64
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:46,000
What do you expect him to drive
to Cornell for ? Milk and cookies ?
65
00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:49,000
We're gonna have sex
when he's ready and I'm ready.
66
00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,000
It's got to be
completely perfect.
67
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:54,000
I want the right time, the right moment,
the right place--
68
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:57,000
Vicky, it's not
a space shuttle launch. It's sex.
69
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,000
- Finch.
- Here's the man we are looking for.
70
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,000
- Gentlemen.
- What's goin' on, buddy ?
71
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:09,000
- Same ol'--
- [ Sighs ] Finch. You got the Latin homework ?
72
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:15,000
Oh.
[ Speaks Latin, Chuckles ]
73
00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:17,000
It means, "My dog ate it."
It's Latin. It's a joke.
74
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:22,000
- It's a Latin joke.
- Yeah, Latin. Just drink your coffee.
75
00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:24,000
- No, Jim, it's mochaccino.
- What ?
76
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,000
What I'm drinking, it's mochaccino.
It's not coffee.
77
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,000
[ Boy ] 'Nova !
78
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,000
- [ Both Grunting ]
- What's up, dude ?
79
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,000
You comin' to the party
tonight, Ozzie, you fuckface ?
80
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,000
Uh, depends if my date
wants to stop by.
81
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:39,000
- I'm workin' on somethin' new.
- I got an idea about something new.
82
00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,000
How about you guys
actually locate your dicks,
83
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,000
remove the shrink-wrap
and fucking use them !
84
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:48,000
Dude, it's gonna happen.
She's a college chick.
85
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,000
[ Scoffs ] Oh, right.
I'll see you guys tonight.
86
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:54,000
I'll look for you in the no-fucking
section. [ Mocking Laugh ]
87
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:56,000
[ Self-Deprecating Chuckle ]
88
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:57,000
[ Self-Deprecating Chuckle ]
89
00:04:57,500 --> 00:05:01,000
All right. I'm shooting for a
9:00 E.T.A. Beer in hand by five after.
90
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:04,000
Breath check.
91
00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:09,000
- Thank you.
- [ Gargling ]
92
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:13,000
[ Hacks ]
93
00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:18,000
- I wish you wouldn't do that.
- So, you got something up your sleeve for tonight ?
94
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:21,000
This is a foolproof plan,
my friend.
95
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:23,000
I have a serious question
to ask you guys. Okay.
96
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:27,000
You know Nadia the Czechoslovakian
chick ? She might be there tonight.
97
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,000
Now, do you think she would prefer...
[ Clears Throat ]
98
00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,000
Iaid-back Jim...
99
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,000
or...
100
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:38,000
[ Clears Throat ]
cool, hip Jim ?
101
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,000
I don't think it really matters
with that shirt you're wearing.
102
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:44,000
What ? Correct me if I'm wrong but
you're the one with the girlfriend...
103
00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:46,000
and you're still
stranded on third base.
104
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:49,000
Hey, at least I know what
third base feels like, okay ?
105
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,000
- You're still just a batboy.
- Batboy. Batboy.
106
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,000
- [ Laughs ]
- What are you talking about ?
107
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,000
Guys, uh--
108
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:59,000
What exactly does
third base feel like ?
109
00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:01,000
You wanna
take this one ?
110
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:07,000
- Like warm apple pie.
- Yeah ? - Yeah.
111
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:10,000
- Apple pie, huh ?
- Uh-huh.
112
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:13,000
- McDonald's or homemade ?
- [ Scooter Engine Starts ]
113
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:17,000
Gentlemen,
destiny awaits.
114
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,000
- [ Engine Stalls ]
- [ Boys Chuckle ]
115
00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:20,000
- [ Engine Stalls ]
- [ Boys Chuckle ]
116
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,000
- -- [ Rock ]
- - It's been one week since you looked at me -
117
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,000
- Cocked your head to the side
and said, I'm angry -
118
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,000
That's number five and six
for the Stif-meister !
119
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,000
- -- [ Continues ]
- Yeah.
120
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,000
- [ Gasps ]
- Oops !
121
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:34,000
- Holy !
- H-Hey !
122
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:38,000
Nadia ! Buenos dias.
Glad you could make it.
123
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:41,000
- I'll be back for you later.
- [ Door Bell Chimes ]
124
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:44,000
- -- [ Snapping Fingers ]
- -- [ Continues ]
125
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,000
- Another party sultan !
- How ya doin' ?
126
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,000
Welcome to Stifler's
Palace of Love, fellas.
127
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:55,000
- The keg's back there ! Enjoy !
- Yeah.
128
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:58,000
Vicky, Jessica ! Great to see you.
Glad you could make it.
129
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,000
Haha, bitches !
130
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,000
- Sherman !
- Hey !
131
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,000
What the fuck
are you doin' here ?
132
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:10,000
Fellas !
What's goin' on ?
133
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:11,000
Fellas !
What's goin' on ?
134
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:15,000
Sherman. Not much. Just, uh,
scopin' the babes.
135
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:18,000
- Indeed ! Some fine ladies here, boys.
- Uh-huh.
136
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:22,000
Confidence is high.
Repeat. Confidence is high.
137
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:24,000
Sherman is movin'
to DEFCON 2.
138
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:28,000
- Full strategic arsenal
ready for deployment. - Hey !
139
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:30,000
You have somethin'
goin' tonight, Sherman ?
140
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:32,000
You see that
Central chick, Bernette ?
141
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:34,000
- Um, no.
- No.
142
00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:37,000
She's around.
Seems she's taken a liking to me.
143
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:42,000
Fellas, it's time
she experienced... the Shermanator.
144
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:45,000
Yeah, okay,
Sherman. Whatever.
145
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:49,000
I'm a sophisticated sex robot
sent back through time...
146
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:52,000
to change the future
for one lucky lady.
147
00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:56,000
- Go get 'em, tiger.
- [ Imitates Schwarzenegger ] I'll be back !
148
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:00,000
- Hopeless.
- Completely.
149
00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:02,000
- Hi.
- Hey, Vic.
150
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:05,000
Oh, shit.
Guys-- Guys--
151
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:09,000
There's Nadia and
she just looked at me.
152
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,000
- She just looked at me.
- Well, why don't you go talk to her ?
153
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:15,000
Yeah.
154
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:18,000
Yeah, you're right, Kev.
I should just go talk to her.
155
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:20,000
- [ Laughing ]
- [ Indistinct ]
156
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,000
Yeah,
I could do that. Sure.
157
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:26,000
Sure.
[ Clears Throat ]
158
00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:30,000
Kev ? Kev ? Ke--
159
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:38,000
- [ Clattering ]
- [ Groan ]
160
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:41,000
Yeah. Yeah.
[ Indistinct ]
161
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:48,000
- At last -
162
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:53,000
- My love -
163
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:56,000
- Has come along -
164
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:02,000
- My lonely days -
165
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:07,000
- - Are over -
- [ Laughs ] That's great !
166
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:11,000
- And life
is like a song -
167
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:17,000
- Oh, yeah, yeah -
168
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:19,000
- At last -
169
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,000
See ya later.
170
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:25,000
- The stars above --**
171
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,000
- -- [ Rock ]
- [ Doorbell Chimes ]
172
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:34,000
- -- [ Blaring ]
- We're here for the party.
173
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:37,000
What party ?
There's no party. [ Chuckles ]
174
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:40,000
[ Slurred, lndistinct ]
175
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:46,000
Weird.
Try the house down the street.
176
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,000
[ Oz ] So, what's your major ?
177
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,000
[ Girl ] Post-modern feminist thought.
178
00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:58,000
Oh, cool.
Great night, isn't it ?
179
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:01,000
Sure.
180
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:07,000
Yeah, it's just somethin' about the
springtime that's just cool, you know ?
181
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:11,000
- Like the smell
of fresh rain or somethin'. - Mmm.
182
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:14,000
Suck me, beautiful.
183
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:16,000
What did you just say ?
184
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:20,000
- Suck me, beautiful.
- [ Laughs ]
185
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:25,000
My friends call me "'Nova,"
as in Casanova.
186
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:28,000
That's pathetic.
[ Laughs ]
187
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,000
Jeez, you don't
have to laugh at me.
188
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,000
Well, there's just some things
you need to learn, that's all.
189
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:36,000
- Like what ?
- Well, you've got to tone it down.
190
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,000
You don't need to come
to a place like Lookout Point...
191
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:41,000
and spout off
cheeseball lines to be romantic.
192
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:44,000
- Okay.
- You have to pay attention to a girl.
193
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:49,000
Be sensitive to her feelings.
Relationships are reciprocal.
194
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:53,000
Come on, Casanova.
I'll take you back to your friends.
195
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:55,000
[ Power Windows Hum ]
196
00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:02,000
Vicky, think it's time to take
the next step in our relationship ?
197
00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:06,000
- Tonight ?
- Yeah, it's such a perfect evening.
198
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:09,000
I mean, it's how you've
always pictured it, isn't it ?
199
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:11,000
[ Boy ] Damn, my parts fuckin' stink !
200
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:15,000
[ Boy #2 ] Dude, you gotta take
a shit ! You smell like a Yeti !
201
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:18,000
Or not.
202
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:21,000
Just relax.
203
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,000
[ Zipper Unzips ]
204
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:27,000
You actually
said that ?
205
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:30,000
- [ Laughs Hysterically ]
- Shut up !
206
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,000
You did a hell of a lot better
than I did with Nadia.
207
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:35,000
Oh, thanks, Jim, that's great.
That's really reassuring.
208
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:38,000
Hey, no problem,
'Nova.
209
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:42,000
Hey, don't call me 'Nova anymore.
I'm a-- I'm a fraud.
210
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,000
You guys
are pathetic.
211
00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:47,000
I'm gonna find myself
a little hottie.
212
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:51,000
"Suck me, beautiful" !
[ Mocking Laugh ]
213
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:56,000
- -- [ Continues ]
- [ Heavy Breathing ]
214
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:58,000
- Let me know.
- Okay.
215
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,000
Keep going.
216
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:03,000
I should be able
to talk to girls.
217
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:06,000
I'm articulate.
218
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:08,000
You know, I got a 720
on my S.A.T. verbal.
219
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:11,000
Bullshit.
There's no way.
220
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:15,000
I kid you not, man.
Look. Listen.
221
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:19,000
- Copious. Verisimilitude.
- Mmm.
222
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:22,000
[ Moaning ]
Oh, ohh. Now.
223
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:26,000
Ohh.
224
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:29,000
[ Moaning, Grunting ]
225
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:32,000
[ Fizzing ]
226
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,000
Suck me,
beautiful !
227
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:37,000
- Damn it, Stifler.
- Checkout time !
228
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:43,000
- Please, vacate the room.
- You are such a jerk.
229
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,000
God, I can't believe how many
cool people are at this party.
230
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:54,000
Yup.
[ Chuckles, Snaps Fingers ]
231
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:56,000
And you got
a keg too !
232
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:59,000
- Wow !
- Indeed.
233
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:07,000
Oh, wait.
I left my beer downstairs.
234
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:10,000
No. No.
Here, babe !
235
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:13,000
[ Giggles ]
Thanks.
236
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:16,000
You're really
beautiful. Oh--
237
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:19,000
- Really ?
- [ Sighs ] Oh, yeah.
238
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:22,000
[ Both Giggle ]
239
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:34,000
[ Muffled Chuckle ]
240
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:37,000
You know what ? I don't know
if I want to be doing this.
241
00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:42,000
- Doing what ?
- You know, like, if we hook up tonight,
242
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,000
tomorrow I'll just be some girl
you go telling all your friends about.
243
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:48,000
[ Incredulous Chuckle ]
No way !
244
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:51,000
Steve, you could at least look at me
when you say that !
245
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:56,000
[ Sighs ]
Look. Sarah,
246
00:13:56,500 --> 00:14:00,000
I-- I wouldn't go telling
stories or anything about you.
247
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:05,000
I promise.
So, just... relax,
248
00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:09,000
take it slow... and
let the good times roll.
249
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:15,000
- Okay.
- All right.
250
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:19,000
[ Gulps, Exhales ]
251
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:23,000
What's wrong ?
252
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:28,000
What's wrong ?
What is it ?
253
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:35,000
- Xenophobic.
- [ Scream ]
254
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:39,000
[ Whimpering ]
Oh !
255
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:42,000
- Regurgitation.
- I know that one.
256
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:47,000
- Kevin likes it.
- He likes getting head.
257
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:49,000
Gee, what a total shocker.
What about you, Vicky ?
258
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:52,000
I mean, h-have you just
never had one with Kevin...
259
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,000
or have you never
had one, period ?
260
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,000
I've had one.
261
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,000
- I think.
- Okay.
262
00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:02,000
That's a no. No wonder
you're not psyched about sex.
263
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:04,000
You tell me you never
even had one manually ?
264
00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:08,000
- I've never tried it.
- You've never double-clicked your mouse ?
265
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:11,000
- [ Coughing, Vomiting ]
- Ha-ha, nice !
266
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,000
- [ Laughing ]
- Jesus ! Stifler, how much did you drink, man ?
267
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:18,000
Hey, Stifler ?
How's the pale ale ?
268
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,000
- Fuck you ! [ Vomits ]
- Ooh, whoo !
269
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:26,000
- [ Kevin ] That's Stifler's mom ?
- [ Jim ] Yup.
270
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:31,000
Shit. I cannot believe a fine woman
like this produced a guy like Stifler.
271
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:35,000
- Dude, that chick's a "MILF."
- What the hell is that ?
272
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:39,000
- M-l-L-F-- Mom I'd like to fuck.
- Yeah, dude !
273
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:41,000
Oh-ho, yeah !
274
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:44,000
- [ Together ] Yeah ! MILF ! MILF !
- Hey, guys-- Guys. Guys.
275
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:48,000
- Come here.
- Sherman, what's goin' on ?
276
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:52,000
Yeah, uh-- Don't you think you fellas
could try a little tact ?
277
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:57,000
I got company,
if you know what I mean ?
278
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,000
She's hot !
279
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:03,000
[ Door Slams ]
280
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:09,000
If Sherman has sex before I do,
I'm gonna be really pissed.
281
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:14,000
Sherman ? [ Chuckles ]
The Shermanator ?
282
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:17,000
- [ Both Laugh ]
- Come on, man.
283
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,000
[ Together ]
MILF ! MILF !
284
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:25,000
MILF ! MILF ! Dude, hey, dude.
What are you doin' to her, dude ?
285
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:29,000
Oh, my God,
bro, dude.
286
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:32,000
- [ Chuckles ]
- Enough of this blow job bullshit.
287
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:36,000
- I gotta get laid already.
- [ Vicky ] That's nice. Really, really nice.
288
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:39,000
- Can I have a ride ?
- Sure.
289
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,000
- [ Kevin ] Vicky, wait.
- Not for you.
290
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:47,000
Yeti !
I am the Yeti !
291
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:58,000
- [ Finch ] Good morning, gentlemen.
- Finch.
292
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:02,000
Where were you last night, huh ?
What happened to that foolproof plan of yours ?
293
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:05,000
Well, I was going for a fashionably-late
entrance and I was too late.
294
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:08,000
So,
no ladies left.
295
00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:11,000
[ Sherman ] It was a very
special night, very special.
296
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,000
- [ Girl Giggling ]
- Guys. Guys.
297
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:20,000
- I'll never forget this.
- Oh, I'll never forget it, either.
298
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:24,000
- [ Sherman ] Thank you.
- Uhh.
299
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:28,000
- [ Girl ] Well, bye.
- Bye.
300
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:30,000
Bye.
301
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:32,000
[ Door Closes ]
302
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,000
Fellas, say good-bye
to Chuck Sherman, the boy.
303
00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:39,000
I... am now a man.
304
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:42,000
I highly recommend
you join the club.
305
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:47,000
We were doin' the wild thing...
all night. I'm exhausted.
306
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,000
I don't get it. I mean,
how the hell did you do that ?
307
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:55,000
It was just my time.
It was just my time.
308
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:59,000
Best of luck
to you boys.
309
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:04,000
- I cannot believe this.
- Come on, guys.
310
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,000
You know, we should
be happy for Sherman.
311
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:11,000
[ Sighs ]
No, we shouldn't be.
312
00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:14,000
You know, I put in months
of quality time with Vicky.
313
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,000
Sherman meets a chick
for one night and scores.
314
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:19,000
- This is just wrong.
- No shit.
315
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:23,000
How the hell am I supposed
to become Mr. Sensitive Man ?
316
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:26,000
You know, we're all gonna go to college
as virgins. You realize this, right ?
317
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:29,000
I mean, they probably have special dorms
for people like us.
318
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:34,000
All right. I got an idea.
But it's got to stay between us.
319
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:36,000
It's really simple. We just
got to make an agreement.
320
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,000
Er, nah. It's--
It's more than an agreement.
321
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,000
- What ? A bet ?
- A pact.
322
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:43,000
No money involved.
More important than any bet.
323
00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:47,000
Here's the deal.
We all get laid before we graduate.
324
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:52,000
Dude, it's not like I haven't
been trying to get laid.
325
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:55,000
Think about when you work out, Oz.
You gotta have someone there, right ?
326
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,000
Someone to spot you.
Someone to keep you motivated.
327
00:18:57,500 --> 00:19:00,000
Well, that's exactly what
we can do for each other.
328
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:03,000
I mean, we'll be there
to keep each other on track.
329
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,000
Separately, we are flawed
and vulnerable, but together,
330
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:07,000
we are the masters
of our sexual destiny.
331
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,000
Their tiger-style
kung fu is strong.
332
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,000
But our dragon-style
will defeat it.
333
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:15,000
- Guys !
- The Shaolin masters from East and West must unite !
334
00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:17,000
- Fight, and find out who is number one.
- Guys !
335
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:22,000
Come on. You're ruining my moment here.
This is our very manhood at stake.
336
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:25,000
We must make
a stand, here and now.
337
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:30,000
No longer will our penises
remain flaccid and unused !
338
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:34,000
We will fight for every man out there
who isn't getting laid and should be.
339
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:37,000
This is our day.
This is our time.
340
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:42,000
And, by God, we will not stand by and
watch history condemn us into celibacy.
341
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:44,000
- Amen. Yes.
- I like that.
342
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:48,000
-We will make a stand. We will succeed.
-'Bout time !
343
00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:51,000
- We will get laid !
- Yeah ! - Yeah !
344
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:52,000
[ Cheering, Whooping ]
345
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:56,000
Now, the sex: It's got
to be valid, consensual sex.
346
00:19:56,500 --> 00:20:00,000
- No prostitutes.
That's what you're thinkin', Finch. - [ Sucking Air ]
347
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,000
[ Laughs ]
Busted.
348
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:05,000
So, basically,
prom is our last chance.
349
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,000
- Oh, dude. Prom sucks.
- I know,
350
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,000
but you gotta think
about it this way.
351
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:13,000
I mean, all the parties afterwards ?
The chicks are going to want to do it.
352
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:17,000
- Yeah-yeah, he's right. It's,
like tradition or something. - The Rose Bowl.
353
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:22,000
- So, that gives us--
- Exactly three weeks to the day.
354
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:27,000
- We're gonna do this.
- All right, to the next step ! - Next step !
355
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:28,000
[ Together ] Next step !
[ Whooping ]
356
00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:30,000
[ Together ] Next step !
[ Whooping ]
357
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:35,000
- I have visions I was in them
I was lookin' into the mirror -
358
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,000
- To see a little bit clearer -
359
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:40,000
- The rottenness
and evil in me -
360
00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:47,000
- Fingertips have memories I can't
forget the curves of your body -
361
00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:50,000
- And when I feel
a bit naughty -
362
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:54,000
- I run it up
the flagpole and see -
363
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,000
- Who salutes
but no one ever does -
364
00:20:56,500 --> 00:21:00,000
- I'm not sick
but I'm not well -
365
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:02,000
- I'm not sick
but I'm not well -
366
00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:05,000
- And I'm so hot -
367
00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:09,000
- 'Cause I'm in hell -
368
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:13,000
- Been around the world and found
that only stupid people are breeding -
369
00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:17,000
- The cretins
cloning and feeding -
370
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:20,000
- Well, did you get the flowers ?
- - And I don't even own a TV -
371
00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:25,000
- Hear the voices in my head
I swear to God -
372
00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:28,000
- It sounds like
they're snoring -
373
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:31,000
- But if you're poor
and you're boring -
374
00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:33,000
- The agony and the irony -
375
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:37,000
- They're killing me -
Whoa !
376
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:41,000
- I'm not sick
but I'm not well -
377
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:44,000
- And I'm so hot -
378
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:48,000
- 'Cause I'm in hell --**
379
00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:51,000
Don't worry. You'll
get her back soon enough.
380
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:53,000
- You think so ?
- Sure, she likes you.
381
00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:54,000
- Well, I like her too.
- Do you love her ?
382
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:55,000
- Well, I like her too.
- Do you love her ?
383
00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:59,000
Um, you know what ?
You can't really ask me that.
384
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:02,000
Well, if you want to get
her in the sack, I mean, just tell her you love her.
385
00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:05,000
- That's how I was duped.
- Look, Jessica,
386
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:08,000
I-l don't want
to dupe her.
387
00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:11,000
All right.
What you need to do...
388
00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:13,000
is learn how to press
a girl's buttons.
389
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:15,000
You have to give her
what she's never had.
390
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:19,000
- What's that ?
- Let me give you a hint.
391
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:23,000
[ Orgasmic Moans ]
Ohh, Kev ! Uhh. Yeah.
392
00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:26,000
- ? Comprende ?
- You mean an orgasm.
393
00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:29,000
- You got it, stud !
- Well, you know,
394
00:22:29,500 --> 00:22:31,000
I'm-l'm pretty sure that I've...
given her a--
395
00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:35,000
- No, you haven't.
- Well, there was one time--
396
00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:38,000
- No.
- Oh, man.
397
00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:43,000
- Look, kid, it's up to you.
The big "L" or the big "O." - Dickhead !
398
00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:47,000
- You gotta see this.
- [ Vocal Group ] - Do you believe in -
399
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:50,000
- - Magic in a young girl's heart -
- - Ooh, ooh -
400
00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:53,000
- How the music can free her
whenever it starts -
401
00:22:54,500 --> 00:22:57,000
- And it's magic
if the music is groovy -
402
00:22:57,500 --> 00:23:01,000
- - It makes you feel happy -
- What did you cocks do to him ?
403
00:23:01,500 --> 00:23:03,000
- - I'll tell you about the magic
It'll free your soul - - - Ooh, ooh, ooh -
404
00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:08,000
- But it's like tryin' to tell
a stranger 'bout rock 'n' roll --**
405
00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:10,000
Great.
See you next time.
406
00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:18,000
- Hey, guys.
Came to watch me in action ? - Yeah.
407
00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:21,000
- I-l think you sounded pretty good.
- Yeah, man.
408
00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:23,000
I think you need
your balls reattached.
409
00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:26,000
- Hey, keep it down, dude.
- What the fuck are you doing here ?
410
00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:28,000
This place
is an untapped resource.
411
00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:30,000
I mean,
check it out.
412
00:23:31,500 --> 00:23:35,000
- These vocal jazz girls are hot.
- Why the hell is he joining jazz choir so late ?
413
00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:39,000
- Maybe he's preparing for
another senior year at East ? - [ Chuckles ]
414
00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:43,000
You guys,
we don't even know him.
415
00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:47,000
You dipshit !
416
00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:49,000
You're expecting
to score with some...
417
00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:51,000
goody-goody
choirgirl priss ?
418
00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:55,000
These chicks don't know me. I can work
the sensitive angle here, fellas !
419
00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:58,000
You know, it's just like
that college chick told me.
420
00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:01,000
All that you gotta do
is just ask 'em questions...
421
00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:03,000
and listen to what
they have to say and shit.
422
00:24:03,500 --> 00:24:07,000
I don't know, man.
That sounds like a lot of work !
423
00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:12,000
- [ Knocking ]
- Uh, just a second !
424
00:24:17,500 --> 00:24:19,000
Come in. Come in.
425
00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:22,000
Oh, Jim, you're here.
426
00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:26,000
Uh, I was just walking
by your room and uh--
427
00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:30,000
And, you know, I was thinking, "Boy,
it's been a long time since we've had...
428
00:24:30,500 --> 00:24:32,000
a little
father-son, uh-uh, chat."
429
00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:38,000
Oh ! I almost forgot.
I, uh, I bought some magazines.
430
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:41,000
Do you just want to flip
to the center section ?
431
00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:46,000
Well, this is the--
this is the, uh, female form.
432
00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:49,000
And they have
focused on the breasts,
433
00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:54,000
uh, which are used primarily
to, uh, feed young infants...
434
00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:58,000
- and, uh-- and also, uh, in foreplay.
- Right. [ Clears Throat ]
435
00:24:58,500 --> 00:25:02,000
This is, uh--
This is Hustler.
436
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:06,000
And this is a much
more exotic magazine.
437
00:25:06,500 --> 00:25:10,000
Now, they have decided to focus
on the, uh, pubic region--
438
00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:14,000
- Right. Uh-huh.
- The whole groin area.
439
00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:18,000
Look at the expression on her face.
You see that ? See what's she's doing ?
440
00:25:18,500 --> 00:25:21,000
She's kind of looking
right into your eyes saying,
441
00:25:21,500 --> 00:25:25,000
"Hey, big boy.
Hey, how ya doin' ?"
442
00:25:25,500 --> 00:25:29,000
- You see ?
- Right.
443
00:25:29,500 --> 00:25:33,000
Shaved is a magazine
I'm not too familiar with,
444
00:25:33,500 --> 00:25:38,000
- but, again,
if you flip to the center... - [ Sighs ]
445
00:25:38,500 --> 00:25:40,000
[ Clears Throat ]
section--
446
00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:45,000
Well, you see the detail that, uh,
that they go into in this picture here.
447
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:48,000
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
- It almost looks like a tropical plant or something...
448
00:25:48,500 --> 00:25:50,000
- underwater... thing.
- Yeah. Yes.
449
00:25:50,500 --> 00:25:53,000
- Do you know what a clitoris is ?
- Oh, my God.
450
00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:55,000
- Well, don't say, "Oh--"
- Yes, I know what a clitoris is.
451
00:25:55,500 --> 00:25:57,000
Oh, you do. Oh, I see. Yes, you do.
I forgot you've been there and back.
452
00:25:57,500 --> 00:25:59,000
- You know everything--
- I've learned about it in Sex Ed--
453
00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:02,000
- I really don't need you
to talk about clitoris. - I'm trying to make this painless--
454
00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:05,000
- You know what ?
I'm sorry. Okay ? I'm sorry. - No-no-no.
455
00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:08,000
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
456
00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:10,000
I shouldn't
have got hot there.
457
00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:13,000
Well, you know what
I'm going to do, Jim.
458
00:26:13,500 --> 00:26:15,000
I'm going to just
leave these books here...
459
00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:18,000
for you to, uh, peruse at your, uh--
at your leisure.
460
00:26:19,500 --> 00:26:22,000
Wait !
[ Groans ]
461
00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:28,000
Well, safer
than a tube sock.
462
00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:30,000
[ Sighs ]
463
00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:34,000
- Okay, that-- That was good.
- Yeah.
464
00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:40,000
- See you at dinner.
- Uh, yeah. I'll see you at dinner.
465
00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:43,000
So, Finch,
this is your plan ?
466
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:46,000
You know, I don't think girls are
into the whole mini-golf thing.
467
00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:48,000
Kevin, I'm sure
that they're not.
468
00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:52,000
Actually, there is one small matter that
I need to ask for your cooperation in.
469
00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:55,000
- In the spirit of this
whole pact, you know ? - Sure, what do you need ?
470
00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:58,000
Whatever you hear about me, you agree.
And tell all the boys the same thing.
471
00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:02,000
Look, I gotta go.
Sixteen minutes round-trip.
472
00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:05,000
You know, Finch,
it's-- it's senior year.
473
00:27:05,500 --> 00:27:08,000
I mean, don't you think it's time you
learned how to take a dump at school ?
474
00:27:08,500 --> 00:27:11,000
When was the last time you looked
at the facilities in this school ?
475
00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:17,000
[ Murmuring ]
476
00:27:17,500 --> 00:27:20,000
- [ Grunts ]
- Excuse me.
477
00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:23,000
Uh, that's
Paul Finch, right ?
478
00:27:23,500 --> 00:27:26,000
- Yeah.
- Well, you've seen him in the locker room, right ?
479
00:27:26,500 --> 00:27:31,000
- Uh, yeah.
- So, my friends, they want to know. Is it true ?
480
00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:34,000
You know,
that he's... equipped.
481
00:27:34,500 --> 00:27:38,000
I have no idea. Finch showers
with his bathing suit on.
482
00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:40,000
I mean, uh--
483
00:27:40,500 --> 00:27:44,000
As a matter of fact, it is true.
The guy's huge !
484
00:27:44,500 --> 00:27:47,000
- Does he have a date for the prom yet ?
- No, definitely not.
485
00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:49,000
All right. Thanks.
486
00:27:50,500 --> 00:27:53,000
Oh, man !
487
00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:58,000
So I was thinking maybe you could
give me some advice, brother to brother.
488
00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:01,000
I thought you might know a trick
or somethin' to make her--
489
00:28:01,500 --> 00:28:05,000
- Orgasm ?
- Yeah. - What's good here ?
490
00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:08,000
- Try the spicy tuna hand roll.
- What ?
491
00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:11,000
- How do you do that ?
- Hey, never mind that. Listen, pay attention.
492
00:28:11,500 --> 00:28:15,000
Is that all that you're interested in,
tryin' to get your girl into bed ?
493
00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:18,000
No, it'd be good to be able
to, you know, return the favor.
494
00:28:18,500 --> 00:28:21,000
Be nice to know she enjoys
things as much as I do.
495
00:28:21,500 --> 00:28:24,000
See that ? That's good. That's what
I wanted to hear. Now, you qualify.
496
00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:28,000
- Qualify for what ?
- My man, you've just inherited the Bible.
497
00:28:30,500 --> 00:28:33,000
It originally started
as a sex manual,
498
00:28:33,500 --> 00:28:36,000
this book that some guys
brought back from Amsterdam.
499
00:28:37,500 --> 00:28:39,000
And each year it got passed on to one
East student who was worthy.
500
00:28:39,500 --> 00:28:43,000
Now, it's full of all sorts of stuff
that guys have added over the years.
501
00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:51,000
But you have to keep it a secret
and return it at the end of the year.
502
00:28:51,500 --> 00:28:55,000
All right.
So now you know. Good luck.
503
00:29:02,500 --> 00:29:04,000
- - lf you believe in magic -
- - Ooh, magic -
504
00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:09,000
- Don't you bother to choose if it's
jug band music or rhythm and blues -
505
00:29:09,500 --> 00:29:12,000
- Just go and listen
It will start with a smile -
506
00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:16,000
- That won't wipe off your face
no matter how hard you try -
507
00:29:16,500 --> 00:29:22,000
- Your feet start tappin' and you can't
seem to find how you got there -
508
00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:25,000
- Do you believe in magic --**
509
00:29:25,500 --> 00:29:30,000
- Scooby-dooby doo bah scoo-scooby-dooby
dooby-dooby doo bah -
510
00:29:30,500 --> 00:29:32,000
- Yeah, magic --**
511
00:29:32,500 --> 00:29:35,000
What was that ?
512
00:29:35,500 --> 00:29:37,000
- Uh, sorry.
- No, it was good.
513
00:29:40,500 --> 00:29:43,000
Well, it, uh--
It came from the heart.
514
00:29:43,500 --> 00:29:47,000
Well, keep it coming.
All right, people, good work !
515
00:29:47,500 --> 00:29:50,000
Now, don't forget. The state
competition's a couple of weeks away,
516
00:29:50,500 --> 00:29:53,000
so keep on it, okay ?
517
00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:06,000
Not bad, Chris.
518
00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:08,000
Really ?
519
00:30:09,500 --> 00:30:11,000
Thanks, uh,
Heather, right ?
520
00:30:11,500 --> 00:30:13,000
Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]
521
00:30:13,500 --> 00:30:16,000
So, you've got this sort of
Frank Sinatra thing going on.
522
00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:21,000
[ Chuckles ] Right. I feel like I've
discovered this whole new side of me.
523
00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:23,000
I mean, uh,
music is so expressive.
524
00:30:23,500 --> 00:30:27,000
[ Chuckles ] Okay.
I mean, I agree, but...
525
00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:30,000
aren't you supposed to be out,
like, trying to decapitate someone...
526
00:30:30,500 --> 00:30:34,000
-with your lacrosse stick or something ?
-Oh, sure. Sure.
527
00:30:34,500 --> 00:30:36,000
You know, I know what
people think. It's like,
528
00:30:36,500 --> 00:30:39,000
"Oz, he's just this
kick-ass lacrosse player."
529
00:30:40,500 --> 00:30:42,000
You know, I also play football,
by the way, but that's, like,
530
00:30:42,500 --> 00:30:46,000
- that's not all that I am, you know ?
- Of course, I didn't--
531
00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:50,000
I mean, it really bothers me when
people try to pigeonhole me like that.
532
00:30:50,500 --> 00:30:52,000
You ?
533
00:30:52,500 --> 00:30:55,000
You think
I don't get that ?
534
00:30:55,500 --> 00:30:58,000
God, it's like just because I don't
get drunk and barf every weekend...
535
00:30:58,500 --> 00:31:02,000
that people say, "Oh, look. There's
this Goody Two-Shoes choirgirl priss."
536
00:31:03,500 --> 00:31:07,000
Yeah. So, like,
what else do you do ?
537
00:31:07,500 --> 00:31:10,000
Well,
the same things you do,
538
00:31:10,500 --> 00:31:13,000
Iike hang out
with friends and stuff.
539
00:31:13,500 --> 00:31:16,000
- Why ? What do you think I do ?
- Oh, l--
540
00:31:16,500 --> 00:31:19,000
I just realized that I don't
know anything about you.
541
00:31:19,500 --> 00:31:24,000
- I was interested.
- Oh, well, what do you want to know ?
542
00:31:24,500 --> 00:31:27,000
You know,
stuff... about you.
543
00:31:30,500 --> 00:31:32,000
All right.
544
00:31:32,500 --> 00:31:37,000
Mom, I'm home !
545
00:32:24,500 --> 00:32:27,000
[ Chattering ]
546
00:32:29,500 --> 00:32:33,000
[ Moaning ]
547
00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:35,000
[ Moaning Continues ]
Oh, yeah. Oh !
548
00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:38,000
[ Gasps ]
549
00:32:38,500 --> 00:32:43,000
- Jim !
- It's not what it looks like.
550
00:32:48,500 --> 00:32:52,000
Well, we'll just tell your
mother that, uh-- that, uh--
551
00:32:52,500 --> 00:32:54,000
we ate it all.
552
00:33:00,500 --> 00:33:02,000
[ Sighs ]
553
00:33:19,500 --> 00:33:21,000
- [ Spectators Clamoring ]
- [ Grunts ]
554
00:33:32,500 --> 00:33:34,000
- [ Whistle Blows ]
- [ Cheering ]
555
00:33:34,500 --> 00:33:37,000
[ P.A. Announcer ]
Goal by number eight, Chris Ostreicher.
556
00:33:41,500 --> 00:33:43,000
- Nice game.
- Nice game. Good game.
557
00:33:46,500 --> 00:33:49,000
Hey, what are
you doin' here ?
558
00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:53,000
Just enjoying my first exhilarating
lacrosse experience.
559
00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:56,000
- You kicked butt.
- Oh, thanks.
560
00:33:56,500 --> 00:33:59,000
- Um, Chris--
- Oh, you can call me Oz, if you want.
561
00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:01,000
- Do I have to ?
- You can call me Ostreicher.
562
00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:03,000
- What's your middle name ?
- Nah, forget it.
563
00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:07,000
- Come on. I won't tell anyone.
- Well, neither will l.
564
00:34:07,500 --> 00:34:11,000
Okay. Um.
565
00:34:11,500 --> 00:34:14,000
So, I had this thought and--
566
00:34:14,500 --> 00:34:17,000
It may seem like
it's way out of left field.
567
00:34:17,500 --> 00:34:21,000
I don't know if you can,
but since I'm not going with anybody, I thought that maybe--
568
00:34:21,500 --> 00:34:24,000
Those guys sucked ass !
569
00:34:24,500 --> 00:34:26,000
Choir chick, what the hell
are you doing here ?
570
00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:31,000
Well, uh, I was
asking Chris to prom.
571
00:34:31,500 --> 00:34:33,000
So, do you
want to go ?
572
00:34:33,500 --> 00:34:37,000
Oh, yeah !
That would be great.
573
00:34:37,500 --> 00:34:40,000
Well, just don't
expect Oz to pay for the limo !
574
00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:43,000
Stifler, fuck !
I mean--
575
00:34:43,500 --> 00:34:48,000
Why do you got to be so
insensitive all the time ?
576
00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:51,000
What ?
577
00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:55,000
Whatever. Look, uh, don't forget.
My cottage after prom.
578
00:34:55,500 --> 00:34:57,000
On Lake Michigan.
[ Chuckles ]
579
00:34:57,500 --> 00:35:00,000
Hey, wait up, you pussies.
Where you goin' ?
580
00:35:00,500 --> 00:35:05,000
Ah, well, I gotta--
I gotta hit the showers now,
581
00:35:05,500 --> 00:35:09,000
but I think this is gonna
be really, really good.
582
00:35:09,500 --> 00:35:13,000
- Yeah. Me too.
- All right.
583
00:35:13,500 --> 00:35:15,000
- Bye.
- Bye. Bye.
584
00:35:20,500 --> 00:35:24,000
- 'Appenin' Oz !
- Working with the choir chick ?
585
00:35:24,500 --> 00:35:28,000
What d'ya say, fellas ? I just dig
those cute little sweaters she wears.
586
00:35:28,500 --> 00:35:32,000
- [ Laughing ]
- Nuts you do, you little horn dog.
587
00:35:32,500 --> 00:35:35,000
Yeah !
Yeah, baby !
588
00:35:35,500 --> 00:35:39,000
[ Stifler ] Spank me ! Spank me !
Hit that high "C."
589
00:35:39,500 --> 00:35:41,000
[ Falsetto ]
- Ahhhh -
590
00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:44,000
[ Whooping, Laughing ]
591
00:35:44,500 --> 00:35:47,000
Come on !
What's goin' on here ?
592
00:35:47,500 --> 00:35:51,000
[ Laughing, Shouting Continue ]
593
00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:54,000
I was being selfish
and majorly insensitive.
594
00:35:54,500 --> 00:35:57,000
I'm a-- I'm a total idiot.
I mean, a fool, a buffoon.
595
00:35:57,500 --> 00:36:00,000
I think shithead
really says it.
596
00:36:00,500 --> 00:36:02,000
You know what ? You're right.
I'm a shithead, and I want to make it up to you.
597
00:36:02,500 --> 00:36:04,000
You know what ? You're right.
I'm a shithead, and I want to make it up to you.
598
00:36:04,500 --> 00:36:07,000
Oh, yeah ? How ?
599
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:11,000
- [ Moaning ] Oh. Oh. Oh. Ohh !
- - Don't make me -
600
00:36:11,500 --> 00:36:13,000
- - Over -
- Vicky. Shh. Your parents are downstairs.
601
00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:17,000
- Kevin, don't stop !
- Just a second.
602
00:36:17,500 --> 00:36:20,000
- I'm rockin' steady -
603
00:36:20,500 --> 00:36:22,000
- ln demonology -
604
00:36:23,500 --> 00:36:28,000
- Hey so that you could make it -
605
00:36:28,500 --> 00:36:30,000
[ Moans ]
606
00:36:31,500 --> 00:36:35,000
- - You're really makin' it --**
- Hon, can you tell Vic to come on down for supper ?
607
00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:41,000
- [ Screams ] Holy shit !
- Shh. You know there's no lock on your door ?
608
00:36:41,500 --> 00:36:43,000
- -- [ Humming ]
- [ Moaning ]
609
00:36:44,500 --> 00:36:46,000
-- [ Continues ]
610
00:36:46,500 --> 00:36:49,000
Ohh ! I'm coming !
I'm coming !
611
00:36:49,500 --> 00:36:52,000
-- [ Humming ]
612
00:36:54,500 --> 00:36:56,000
- Oh, Jim !
- Dad.
613
00:36:56,500 --> 00:36:59,000
Hi, I was just looking
at the old family portrait out here.
614
00:36:59,500 --> 00:37:02,000
Well, that was
a fun day wasn't it ?
615
00:37:02,500 --> 00:37:04,000
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
616
00:37:04,500 --> 00:37:09,000
Jim, I want to talk
about masturbation.
617
00:37:09,500 --> 00:37:13,000
Now, I just want you to know that
it's-it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing.
618
00:37:13,500 --> 00:37:15,000
And I have
to admit, uh, you know.
619
00:37:15,500 --> 00:37:20,000
I did a fair bit of masturbating
when I was a little younger.
620
00:37:20,500 --> 00:37:24,000
- I, uh-- I used to call it
"stroking the salami." - [ Groans ]
621
00:37:24,500 --> 00:37:27,000
Yeah, you know,
"pounding the ol' pud."
622
00:37:27,500 --> 00:37:30,000
I never did it
with baked goods.
623
00:37:30,500 --> 00:37:34,000
But you know your Uncle Mort ?
He "pinched the one-eyed snake" five, six times a day.
624
00:37:34,500 --> 00:37:38,000
See, it's like, uh,
practice for the big game.
625
00:37:38,500 --> 00:37:42,000
You see ?
It's like-- It's like...
626
00:37:42,500 --> 00:37:44,000
banging a tennis ball
against a brick wall.
627
00:37:45,500 --> 00:37:49,000
Which can be fun.
It can be fun, but it's not a game.
628
00:37:49,500 --> 00:37:51,000
- Right. No.
- It's not a game.
629
00:37:51,500 --> 00:37:55,000
What you want is you want
a partner to return the ball.
630
00:37:55,500 --> 00:37:59,000
- Do you want a partner ?
- Yeah. Yeah-Yeah, I want a partner.
631
00:37:59,500 --> 00:38:01,000
- You do want a partner ?
- Oh, I want a partner.
632
00:38:01,500 --> 00:38:05,000
- Want a partner. Good. Good.
- Of course.
633
00:38:05,500 --> 00:38:07,000
Good.
634
00:38:07,500 --> 00:38:11,000
So, once Hal becomes king,
he has to take on...
635
00:38:11,500 --> 00:38:14,000
the responsibilities of leadership
and turn his back...
636
00:38:14,500 --> 00:38:16,000
on his old,
drunken friend, Falstaff.
637
00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:21,000
You see, Hal is going through a...
rite of passage, much like you all are.
638
00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:25,000
So make most of the time you've got
left together. You'll miss it later.
639
00:38:25,500 --> 00:38:27,000
- [ Teacher Continues ]
- So, does your tongue cramp up ?
640
00:38:27,500 --> 00:38:32,000
- Nah. You get kind of dizzy, though.
- Wow.
641
00:38:32,500 --> 00:38:36,000
That's amazing. She's probably
gonna want to do it soon.
642
00:38:37,500 --> 00:38:41,000
- [ Bell Rings ]
- All right. Class dismissed.
643
00:38:43,500 --> 00:38:48,000
Still questing after the Holy Grail,
huh, guys ?
644
00:38:51,500 --> 00:38:53,000
Hey, uh,
where's Finch ?
645
00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:55,000
- Oh, he went home to take a shit.
- [ Chuckles ]
646
00:38:55,500 --> 00:38:57,000
I don't get it.
I just don't.
647
00:38:58,500 --> 00:39:00,000
How does a guy like that
get this sudden reputation ?
648
00:39:00,500 --> 00:39:04,000
- What reputation ?
- Observe.
649
00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:08,000
Ex-Excuse me.
Do you know who Paul Finch is ?
650
00:39:08,500 --> 00:39:11,000
Yeah ! He's the guy
with the tattoo, right ?
651
00:39:11,500 --> 00:39:17,000
- You know, the eagle and the
blazing fire and that stuff. - [ Chuckles ]
652
00:39:17,500 --> 00:39:21,000
Well, um, if you guys see him later,
will you tell him Courtney says hi ?
653
00:39:21,500 --> 00:39:24,000
Bye.
654
00:39:24,500 --> 00:39:28,000
- [ Scoffs ]
- Okay. Explain.
655
00:39:28,500 --> 00:39:31,000
I can't. I don't
know how he's doing it.
656
00:39:31,500 --> 00:39:34,000
I, uh-- I guess that
just leaves Jim trailing.
657
00:39:34,500 --> 00:39:36,000
- Aw, Jimbo !
- Better sack up, buddy !
658
00:39:36,500 --> 00:39:38,000
Yeah, I know.
I'm working on it, all right ?
659
00:39:39,500 --> 00:39:41,000
James ?
660
00:39:41,500 --> 00:39:43,000
You are very good
in the world history class, yes ?
661
00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:47,000
- Me ? Y-Yes. No, uh--
- [ Mouthing Words ]
662
00:39:47,500 --> 00:39:50,000
- Yes, I am.
- Perhaps you could help me with my studies.
663
00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:53,000
Uh, yeah. Absolutely.
664
00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:55,000
Tha-Tha-Tha-- That would be--
That would be great sometime.
665
00:39:55,500 --> 00:39:59,000
- How about tomorrow ?
- Well, I have ballet practice.
666
00:39:59,500 --> 00:40:03,000
Perhaps I could come
by your house afterwards ?
667
00:40:03,500 --> 00:40:05,000
I could change
clothes at your place.
668
00:40:07,500 --> 00:40:10,000
Oh. Uh... yeah.
669
00:40:10,500 --> 00:40:14,000
I suppose that
would be okay. Sure.
670
00:40:20,500 --> 00:40:25,000
- [ Engine Off ]
- Nice car !
671
00:40:25,500 --> 00:40:27,000
- I'm glad you think so.
- You don't like it ?
672
00:40:27,500 --> 00:40:31,000
No, I like the car.
By the way, though, about prom ?
673
00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:34,000
That was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I invited you.
674
00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:37,000
- What are you talkin' about ?
- Please.
675
00:40:37,500 --> 00:40:41,000
I asked you because I thought you might
actually be worth going with.
676
00:40:41,500 --> 00:40:44,000
But you are just a jock.
No, wait. You're a jerk.
677
00:40:44,500 --> 00:40:47,000
Wait !
I don't understand.
678
00:40:47,500 --> 00:40:51,000
I saw you making fun of me
with your lacrosse buddies.
679
00:40:51,500 --> 00:40:53,000
Heather, I wasn't
makin' fun of you.
680
00:40:53,500 --> 00:40:56,000
Gimme a break.
You're so full of it.
681
00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:04,000
Fuck me ! There's gonna be an Eastern
European chick naked in your house.
682
00:41:04,500 --> 00:41:06,000
And you're not gonna
do anything about that ?
683
00:41:06,500 --> 00:41:10,000
What am I gonna do, huh ?
Broadcast her over the lnternet ?
684
00:41:10,500 --> 00:41:14,000
- Yeah.
- You can do that ?
685
00:41:17,500 --> 00:41:21,000
[ Scoffs ]
No. I cannot do that to her.
686
00:41:21,500 --> 00:41:25,000
Jim, get some fuckin' balls.
687
00:41:25,500 --> 00:41:29,000
If you don't have the guts
to photograph a naked chick, how you gonna sleep with one ?
688
00:41:30,500 --> 00:41:32,000
I don't like the kid,
but he's got a point.
689
00:41:32,500 --> 00:41:35,000
See, even shit-brick
knows you should do it.
690
00:41:36,500 --> 00:41:39,000
All you gotta do is set up some sort of
private link or whatever on the 'Net...
691
00:41:39,500 --> 00:41:41,000
and tell me the address.
692
00:41:41,500 --> 00:41:44,000
You can send me
the address too.
693
00:41:44,500 --> 00:41:47,000
I'll save
you a seat.
694
00:41:47,500 --> 00:41:53,000
- How sweet it is
to be loved by you, by you -
695
00:41:53,500 --> 00:41:57,000
- - I needed the shelter
of someone's arms - - - Someone's arms -
696
00:41:57,500 --> 00:42:01,000
- - There you were -
- - You were, oh -
697
00:42:01,500 --> 00:42:06,000
- I needed someone
who understands my ups and downs -
698
00:42:06,500 --> 00:42:08,000
- There you were --**
699
00:42:08,500 --> 00:42:12,000
Okay, that was good, but
I want to thicken-up that solo.
700
00:42:12,500 --> 00:42:15,000
Michigan State is this Saturday,
and I want that part to smoke.
701
00:42:15,500 --> 00:42:17,000
Yeah, I know,
my timing's off.
702
00:42:17,500 --> 00:42:21,000
No, it's not that. I think it'll
work better as a duet with a tenor part.
703
00:42:21,500 --> 00:42:23,000
I'll do it.
704
00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:27,000
- [ Whispers ] Dick.
- I'll do it.
705
00:42:27,500 --> 00:42:29,000
Great.
See you tomorrow.
706
00:42:31,500 --> 00:42:33,000
Hmph.
707
00:42:36,500 --> 00:42:39,000
- Why are you doing this ?
- 'Cause I want to.
708
00:42:39,500 --> 00:42:42,000
Yeah ? Well,
you can't fake this.
709
00:42:42,500 --> 00:42:46,000
You better practice.
710
00:42:47,500 --> 00:42:49,000
[ Beeping ]
711
00:42:56,500 --> 00:42:58,000
- [ Knocking ]
- Come in.
712
00:43:00,500 --> 00:43:04,000
Jim ? There's a, uh--
a young lady here to see you.
713
00:43:04,500 --> 00:43:07,000
- Hey, Nadia.
- Hi, James. Ready to study ?
714
00:43:07,500 --> 00:43:09,000
Oh, he's always ready to study.
He's a real bookworm, this kid.
715
00:43:09,500 --> 00:43:13,000
- Dad.
- That means-- He's not-not one of those nerdy guys but--
716
00:43:13,500 --> 00:43:18,000
- Dad !
- Well, I'll-- I'll let you two hit the books.
717
00:43:22,500 --> 00:43:25,000
You want a beer ?
718
00:43:25,500 --> 00:43:29,000
- [ Kevin ] Oh, there we go.
- [ Little Boy ] Come on, move !
719
00:43:29,500 --> 00:43:33,000
Steve ! It's my computer !
And I wanna use it !
720
00:43:33,500 --> 00:43:35,000
Shut up !
721
00:43:35,500 --> 00:43:38,000
Oh, you need to--
You need to change, right ?
722
00:43:38,500 --> 00:43:41,000
- Uhh, do you mind ?
- No. N-No, not at all.
723
00:43:41,500 --> 00:43:44,000
Uh, please, you know.
Just go ahead and get un-- get changed.
724
00:43:45,500 --> 00:43:48,000
[ Clears Throat ] I'll, uh-- I'll
go downstairs and start studying up.
725
00:43:48,500 --> 00:43:50,000
- [ Chuckles ] Yeah.
- Okay.
726
00:43:50,500 --> 00:43:53,000
- [ Finch ] Oh--
- [ Kevin ] All right, there he goes.
727
00:43:53,500 --> 00:43:54,000
Now,
we're in business.
728
00:43:54,500 --> 00:43:55,000
Now,
we're in business.
729
00:43:55,500 --> 00:43:57,000
-** [ Rock ]
730
00:43:57,500 --> 00:43:59,000
- Back in a sec.
- Jimmy, honey, wh--
731
00:44:00,500 --> 00:44:02,000
-- [ Continues ]
732
00:44:11,500 --> 00:44:16,000
- He pauses shaving and he tells himself
that he is the bomb -
733
00:44:16,500 --> 00:44:21,000
- She has her curlers set, her credit
cards are paying the funds -
734
00:44:21,500 --> 00:44:24,000
- - He's not that old I've been told --**
- Ah, here she is.
735
00:44:26,500 --> 00:44:29,000
- Did I miss anything ?
- No. You are just in time.
736
00:44:29,500 --> 00:44:33,000
- [ Boys Groaning ] Oh. Ohh !
- [ Kevin ] This is incredible.
737
00:44:33,500 --> 00:44:36,000
Oh, my God !
This is too much.
738
00:44:36,500 --> 00:44:39,000
[ Finch ] Oh, did you see ?
Oh, there that goes. Oh, geez.
739
00:44:39,500 --> 00:44:41,000
God bless
the lnternet.
740
00:44:41,500 --> 00:44:44,000
- [ Jim ] Ai-yi-yi.
- Do it. Take it off.
741
00:44:44,500 --> 00:44:47,000
- Oh, my God.
- [ Together ] Ohhh !
742
00:44:47,500 --> 00:44:49,000
Oh, thank you, God,
for this wonderful, wonderful day.
743
00:44:50,500 --> 00:44:54,000
- She takes her vitamins.
- - And it is way too unhealthy -
744
00:44:54,500 --> 00:44:56,000
- Often they've typically --**
745
00:44:56,500 --> 00:44:58,000
- [ Sighs ]
- Stop hyperventilating.
746
00:44:58,500 --> 00:45:01,000
-- [ Continues lndistinct ]
747
00:45:03,500 --> 00:45:08,000
This is, like,
the coolest thing I've ever seen.
748
00:45:08,500 --> 00:45:11,000
- I know.
- [ Both Snicker ]
749
00:45:11,500 --> 00:45:14,000
Can you believe-- This is definitely
one of Stifler's best ideas ever.
750
00:45:16,500 --> 00:45:18,000
[ Jim ] What is she--
She's touching my stuff.
751
00:45:18,500 --> 00:45:20,000
- Why is she touching my stuff ?
- [ Finch ] Man, let her touch.
752
00:45:21,500 --> 00:45:24,000
- She's going through my stuff !
- Nadia can touch anything she wants.
753
00:45:30,500 --> 00:45:33,000
- Oh.
- Oh, no. Oh, no.
754
00:45:33,500 --> 00:45:36,000
- No, no.
- Oh, nice collection there, Jim.
755
00:45:36,500 --> 00:45:38,000
She's gonna leave.
She's definitely gonna--
756
00:45:39,500 --> 00:45:41,000
She's getting comfortable.
She's not gonna leave.
757
00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:44,000
[ Finch ] She reads
the articles.
758
00:45:51,500 --> 00:45:54,000
[ Boys Moaning ]
759
00:45:57,500 --> 00:45:59,000
Is she ?
760
00:45:59,500 --> 00:46:03,000
She's goin' downstairs.
761
00:46:03,500 --> 00:46:06,000
[ Moaning ]
762
00:46:12,500 --> 00:46:16,000
- Oh, my God !
- Jackpot, baby !
763
00:46:16,500 --> 00:46:20,000
- Can you believe this ?
- Nadia, I would have never known.
764
00:46:20,500 --> 00:46:22,000
I have an announcement
that I would like to make.
765
00:46:23,500 --> 00:46:26,000
There is a gorgeous woman...
masturbating on my bed !
766
00:46:27,500 --> 00:46:32,000
- [ Finch ] Thank you, Nadia !
- If you ever had a chance with Nadia, this is it.
767
00:46:32,500 --> 00:46:37,000
- [ Scoffs ] What am I
supposed to do, Kev ? - Seduce her.
768
00:46:37,500 --> 00:46:40,000
Wha-- What the hell
would I say ?
769
00:46:40,500 --> 00:46:43,000
Go over there and ask her
if she needs an extra hand.
770
00:46:43,500 --> 00:46:47,000
- That's stupid, Kev. I can't--
- That's not stupid ! You're stupid if you don't go !
771
00:46:47,500 --> 00:46:49,000
Come on !
Get over there !
772
00:46:49,500 --> 00:46:52,000
- Get goin', man. She's prime.
- Get out of here !
773
00:46:52,500 --> 00:46:55,000
- She's waitin' for you.
- Okay, all right. I'm goin'.
774
00:46:55,500 --> 00:46:57,000
- Go !
- Go ! - I'm goin' !
775
00:46:57,500 --> 00:46:59,000
- Go ! Go ! Go ! Go !
- Oh, shit.
776
00:46:59,500 --> 00:47:03,000
-- [ Rock ]
777
00:47:08,500 --> 00:47:12,000
- She's open
waiting for more -
778
00:47:12,500 --> 00:47:16,000
- And I know he's only
lookin' to score -
779
00:47:16,500 --> 00:47:19,000
- And it's way too unhealthy -
780
00:47:19,500 --> 00:47:21,000
- - Often they've typically -
- Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
781
00:47:21,500 --> 00:47:25,000
- Been starved
for attention before --**
782
00:47:25,500 --> 00:47:27,000
[ Exhales Sharply ]
783
00:47:27,500 --> 00:47:30,000
Oh, boy. Oh, God.
Oh, crap. Oh, no.
784
00:47:30,500 --> 00:47:34,000
- [ Phone Rings ]
- Hello ?
785
00:47:34,500 --> 00:47:37,000
- Looks like Jim addressed
the e-mail wrong. - What ?
786
00:47:37,500 --> 00:47:41,000
It went out to every mailbox
in the East High directory.
787
00:47:41,500 --> 00:47:43,000
God, how juvenile.
788
00:47:43,500 --> 00:47:45,000
- -- [ Rock ]
- Hey, hey, hey, guys !
789
00:47:45,500 --> 00:47:49,000
- - Baby -
- Check this out ! Oh, my God ! Wow !
790
00:47:52,500 --> 00:47:54,000
Oh.
[ Laughs ]
791
00:47:54,500 --> 00:47:59,000
Please, God,
let this be it.
792
00:47:59,500 --> 00:48:01,000
Please ?
793
00:48:01,500 --> 00:48:05,000
- [ Inhales, Exhales Deeply ]
- [ Nadia Moaning, Panting ]
794
00:48:05,500 --> 00:48:10,000
- S-Somebody's goin' in there.
- [ Whimpering, Moaning ]
795
00:48:11,500 --> 00:48:13,000
Here you go.
That's what you need to do.
796
00:48:13,500 --> 00:48:16,000
- That guy's in my trig class.
- Oh, no.
797
00:48:18,500 --> 00:48:22,000
-Looks like you could use an extra hand.
-Jim !
798
00:48:22,500 --> 00:48:25,000
- Well-- Oh, God.
- Shame on you.
799
00:48:25,500 --> 00:48:27,000
Yeah, shame on me.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
800
00:48:27,500 --> 00:48:29,000
- Uh, you know, I'm just gonna go.
- Well,
801
00:48:29,500 --> 00:48:33,000
you have seen me.
802
00:48:33,500 --> 00:48:36,000
Now, it's
my turn to see you.
803
00:48:37,500 --> 00:48:41,000
Strip !
804
00:48:41,500 --> 00:48:43,000
- Strip ?
- Slowly.
805
00:48:43,500 --> 00:48:47,000
Uh, you mean,
like, strip strip ?
806
00:48:47,500 --> 00:48:51,000
For me.
807
00:48:51,500 --> 00:48:53,000
[ Finch ] What is he
talkin' to her about ?
808
00:48:53,500 --> 00:48:58,000
- Uh, no idea.
- Come on, Jim. People are viewing. Get to business.
809
00:48:58,500 --> 00:49:01,000
- [ Tuning Radio ]
- -- [ Techno ]
810
00:49:01,500 --> 00:49:04,000
Perfect !
811
00:49:04,500 --> 00:49:07,000
- Move, James ! Move !
- Yeah, yeah. Move.
812
00:49:13,500 --> 00:49:15,000
-- [ Continues ]
813
00:49:15,500 --> 00:49:18,000
- Go, trig boy ! It's yer birthday !
- [ Chittering ]
814
00:49:29,500 --> 00:49:30,000
- No ! No. No.
- Please, God.
815
00:49:31,500 --> 00:49:33,000
- [ Disappointed Muttering ]
- What's going on ?
816
00:49:38,500 --> 00:49:41,000
- Yes !
- All right. Get in the mix !
817
00:49:41,500 --> 00:49:43,000
- See there.
- Oh, okay.
818
00:49:45,500 --> 00:49:50,000
- This is disgusting.
- What the fuck is this ?
819
00:49:52,500 --> 00:49:54,000
Cut it out, man !
820
00:49:59,500 --> 00:50:01,000
Yeah.
821
00:50:02,500 --> 00:50:04,000
- [ Laughing ]
- [ Laughing ]
822
00:50:13,500 --> 00:50:15,000
Freak.
823
00:50:19,500 --> 00:50:21,000
Did not just
take out that chair.
824
00:50:21,500 --> 00:50:25,000
- Yup, he took out the chair.
- More, more, you bad boy !
825
00:50:26,500 --> 00:50:30,000
Oh, yeah, I'm naughty. I'm naughty,
baby. Hyah ! [ Slapping ]
826
00:50:30,500 --> 00:50:33,000
- [ Groans ] Ohh, God !
- [ Chitters, Slaps ]
827
00:50:33,500 --> 00:50:36,000
- Calling your name -
828
00:50:36,500 --> 00:50:39,000
- - Calling your name -
- Now,
829
00:50:39,500 --> 00:50:42,000
come to me.
830
00:50:42,500 --> 00:50:45,000
Oh, yeah.
831
00:50:51,500 --> 00:50:53,000
- Here we go.
- He's in, man.
832
00:50:54,500 --> 00:50:55,000
- - Calling -
- This just got a hell of a lot better.
833
00:50:55,500 --> 00:50:59,000
- Be gentle.
- Okay.
834
00:51:01,500 --> 00:51:04,000
- - Calling your name -
- Uh--
835
00:51:04,500 --> 00:51:06,000
- - Calling -
- Oh.
836
00:51:06,500 --> 00:51:09,000
- Your name --**
837
00:51:09,500 --> 00:51:11,000
- [ Whimpers ]
- Jim ?
838
00:51:11,500 --> 00:51:15,000
- Oh ! Oh, no.
- [ Both ] Oh, no.
839
00:51:15,500 --> 00:51:18,000
- [ All ] Oh. Ohh !
- Liftoff aborted.
840
00:51:19,500 --> 00:51:22,000
- Houston, we have a problem.
- Oh-- Uhh--
841
00:51:22,500 --> 00:51:25,000
- [ Blows Air ]
- What happened ? What did he do
842
00:51:25,500 --> 00:51:27,000
He blew it.
843
00:51:27,500 --> 00:51:30,000
I guess
I'll be going now.
844
00:51:30,500 --> 00:51:35,000
No, no, no, I'm-- I'm not done, Nadia.
I've, uh-- I've got reserves.
845
00:51:35,500 --> 00:51:38,000
Nadia, please, please.
I'm begging you.
846
00:51:38,500 --> 00:51:41,000
Well, I do like
your dirty magazines.
847
00:51:41,500 --> 00:51:46,000
You do ? Okay. Well. Um.
Did-Did-- Did you see this one ?
848
00:51:46,500 --> 00:51:51,000
This here is your-- is your more,
uh, exotic, risque magazine.
849
00:51:51,500 --> 00:51:53,000
- He's pullin' out the porn.
- He's desperate.
850
00:51:53,500 --> 00:51:55,000
[ Finch ] Jim, just wait
till she leaves.
851
00:51:55,500 --> 00:51:58,000
Very arousing women.
They arouse me-- [ Clears Throat ]
852
00:51:58,500 --> 00:52:00,000
They arouse me
very, very much.
853
00:52:00,500 --> 00:52:04,000
But, uh--
But not as arousing as you.
854
00:52:04,500 --> 00:52:08,000
- Oh, Jim !
- Oh, God !
855
00:52:08,500 --> 00:52:10,000
[ Coos ]
856
00:52:12,500 --> 00:52:16,000
- [ Together ] Yes !
- [ All Exclaiming ]
857
00:52:16,500 --> 00:52:18,000
He's ruining daisy !
Whoo !
858
00:52:18,500 --> 00:52:21,000
-- [ Continues ]
859
00:52:21,500 --> 00:52:25,000
So, uh, "shaved"
is the expression ?
860
00:52:28,500 --> 00:52:30,000
Holy shit.
861
00:52:30,500 --> 00:52:33,000
- Holy shit !
- [ All ] Holy shit !
862
00:52:34,500 --> 00:52:36,000
- H-H-Holy shit !
- Touch me, Jim.
863
00:52:39,500 --> 00:52:41,000
- Here.
- [ Gasps ]
864
00:52:41,500 --> 00:52:44,000
[ Groans ]
Oh. Oh.
865
00:52:44,500 --> 00:52:47,000
- [ Together ] Again ?
- Not again.
866
00:52:47,500 --> 00:52:50,000
- Not again, man !
- Is that possible ?
867
00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:52,000
What a loser.
868
00:52:52,500 --> 00:52:53,000
What a loser.
869
00:52:53,500 --> 00:52:56,000
[ Bell Ringing ]
870
00:52:56,500 --> 00:52:58,000
- [ Laughing ]
- [ Boy ] Hey !
871
00:53:05,500 --> 00:53:08,000
[ Laughing Continues ]
872
00:53:10,500 --> 00:53:12,000
[ Whooping, Taunting ]
873
00:53:16,500 --> 00:53:19,000
[ Chattering ]
874
00:53:19,500 --> 00:53:24,000
[ Oz ] - I needed someone
to understand my ups and downs -
875
00:53:24,500 --> 00:53:27,000
- There you were -
876
00:53:27,500 --> 00:53:32,000
- With sweet love
and devotion -
877
00:53:32,500 --> 00:53:34,000
- Deeply touching
my emotion -
878
00:53:34,500 --> 00:53:39,000
- I just wanna stop
and thank you, baby --**
879
00:53:41,500 --> 00:53:44,000
- Hey, minute man !
- Shut up.
880
00:53:44,500 --> 00:53:46,000
You know-- You know you're
supposed to be supportive.
881
00:53:46,500 --> 00:53:50,000
Hey, you think you still
got a chance with Nadia ?
882
00:53:50,500 --> 00:53:53,000
No. Her sponsors here
saw the thing on the 'Net.
883
00:53:53,500 --> 00:53:55,000
I-l really don't
think they liked it.
884
00:53:55,500 --> 00:53:58,000
How do
you know that ?
885
00:53:58,500 --> 00:54:00,000
- She's already on a plane back home.
- [ Groans ]
886
00:54:00,500 --> 00:54:02,000
Yeah.
887
00:54:02,500 --> 00:54:06,000
You know, guys ? Maybe I'm just
not good with girls, period.
888
00:54:06,500 --> 00:54:09,000
No-no-no, really-really. Like-- Like I
was born without that part of the brain.
889
00:54:09,500 --> 00:54:11,000
I mean, I can't
talk to girls.
890
00:54:11,500 --> 00:54:13,000
And when I do talk
to them, I screw it up.
891
00:54:14,500 --> 00:54:17,000
Yeah, well, come prom those excuses
aren't going to do you any good.
892
00:54:18,500 --> 00:54:22,000
- [ Sighs ]
- [ Michelle ] And one time at band camp,
893
00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:24,000
we weren't supposed
to have pillow fights,
894
00:54:24,500 --> 00:54:28,000
but we had a pillow fight,
and it was so much fun.
895
00:54:28,500 --> 00:54:33,000
A-And this one time, we all
lost our music and we were supposed to play this song,
896
00:54:33,500 --> 00:54:38,000
but we didn't know it, so we just made
it up and we kept playing and playing,
897
00:54:38,500 --> 00:54:42,000
and the conductor didn't know
what we were doing, and it was so funny.
898
00:54:42,500 --> 00:54:44,000
-So, you're pissed about somethin', huh.
-[ Scoffs ]
899
00:54:45,500 --> 00:54:46,000
You know what
I do when I'm angry ?
900
00:54:47,500 --> 00:54:50,000
I just play some Bach on my flute.
It's so relaxing.
901
00:54:50,500 --> 00:54:53,000
- I learned to do that at band camp.
- Hold on, uh--
902
00:54:53,500 --> 00:54:56,000
You have no idea
why I'm angry ?
903
00:54:57,500 --> 00:55:00,000
Is it because we have a test tomorrow ?
Sometimes I get cranky...
904
00:55:00,500 --> 00:55:03,000
- when I know I have
a big test to study for. - [ Laughs ]
905
00:55:03,500 --> 00:55:07,000
- Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty much it.
- I thought so...
906
00:55:07,500 --> 00:55:10,000
- because this one time at band camp--
- W-What's your name ?
907
00:55:10,500 --> 00:55:12,000
- Michelle.
- O-Okay.
908
00:55:12,500 --> 00:55:14,000
Michelle, um--
909
00:55:14,500 --> 00:55:17,000
[ Chuckles ] Do you want to be
my date for the prom ?
910
00:55:17,500 --> 00:55:21,000
Really ? You seriously
want to go with me ?
911
00:55:24,500 --> 00:55:27,000
Yes. Seriously.
912
00:55:27,500 --> 00:55:31,000
Are we going to Steve Stifler's
party afterwards ? Because that would be so cool.
913
00:55:31,500 --> 00:55:36,000
- Sure, whatever you want.
- Cool ! We're gonna have such a good time.
914
00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:42,000
It'll be like this one time at band camp
when we all had a campfire--
915
00:55:43,500 --> 00:55:45,000
[ Knocking At Door ]
916
00:55:50,500 --> 00:55:51,000
[ Siren Wailing, Distant ]
917
00:55:56,500 --> 00:55:59,000
Hi.
918
00:55:59,500 --> 00:56:03,000
- How'd you know I was here ?
- Stifler told me.
919
00:56:03,500 --> 00:56:07,000
- Talked to Stifler ?
- Well, I needed to find you.
920
00:56:07,500 --> 00:56:09,000
We're gonna have
to work on that song.
921
00:56:10,500 --> 00:56:13,000
Okay.
I'm glad you came by.
922
00:56:13,500 --> 00:56:15,000
So you work nights ?
923
00:56:17,500 --> 00:56:20,000
- My dad's the manager.
- Really ?
924
00:56:20,500 --> 00:56:23,000
Cool. Tell him
the subs are great.
925
00:56:26,500 --> 00:56:28,000
-So you're going to Michigan next year ?
-Yeah.
926
00:56:28,500 --> 00:56:31,000
My parents want me to go
to Northwestern, but...
927
00:56:31,500 --> 00:56:34,000
I don't wanna write all those
extra essays they make you do.
928
00:56:34,500 --> 00:56:40,000
I mean, how am I supposed to
know what my "most emotionally significant moment" was ?
929
00:56:40,500 --> 00:56:45,000
So when my "U" of "M" acceptance came in
December, I just said the hell with it.
930
00:56:45,500 --> 00:56:47,000
- Onions ?
- What ?
931
00:56:47,500 --> 00:56:49,000
You, uh, want onions ?
932
00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:51,000
Oh, no, thank you.
933
00:56:54,500 --> 00:56:57,000
So what are you
gonna major in ?
934
00:56:57,500 --> 00:57:01,000
State's got a good business
school, and I could probably walk-on to the lacrosse team.
935
00:57:01,500 --> 00:57:05,000
Well, you've probably got it
pretty figured out, then, huh ?
936
00:57:05,500 --> 00:57:09,000
I mean, business is okay,
and lacrosse is awesome, but...
937
00:57:09,500 --> 00:57:12,000
what am I gonna be,
a professional lacrosse player ?
938
00:57:12,500 --> 00:57:14,000
I really have no idea.
939
00:57:14,500 --> 00:57:17,000
Thank God.
I thought I was the only one.
940
00:57:17,500 --> 00:57:19,000
Well, you're not.
941
00:57:21,500 --> 00:57:23,000
So we're gonna be
close next year.
942
00:57:31,500 --> 00:57:33,000
You mean East Lansing
and Ann Arbor ?
943
00:57:33,500 --> 00:57:36,000
Yeah.
[ Chuckling ]
944
00:57:36,500 --> 00:57:38,000
[ Stifler ] What are you
talkin' about ?
945
00:57:38,500 --> 00:57:42,000
I can't go to the prom with you.
I'm holding out for someone else.
946
00:57:42,500 --> 00:57:44,000
[ Laughing ]
You gotta be fuckin' kidding me.
947
00:57:44,500 --> 00:57:49,000
I know it's a long shot, but I figure
Paul Finch might ask me.
948
00:57:49,500 --> 00:57:53,000
Finch.
Shit-brick.
949
00:57:53,500 --> 00:57:56,000
Oh, gosh.
I-l forgot.
950
00:57:56,500 --> 00:57:58,000
[ Stammering ]
You look okay.
951
00:57:58,500 --> 00:58:02,000
I-l mean, the scars
healed really well.
952
00:58:02,500 --> 00:58:04,000
- Hey, Stifler.
- Eat shit.
953
00:58:07,500 --> 00:58:08,000
What was that
all about ?
954
00:58:09,500 --> 00:58:13,000
- He's still embarrassed
because Finch kicked his ass. - Who told you that ?
955
00:58:13,500 --> 00:58:15,000
What do you mean,
"no comment" ?
956
00:58:15,500 --> 00:58:18,000
- Did you two hook up or something ?
- What, are you kidding ? No.
957
00:58:18,500 --> 00:58:22,000
Then how did all this
get started ?
958
00:58:22,500 --> 00:58:25,000
Well, I guess it's all right
for me to tell you now.
959
00:58:25,500 --> 00:58:29,000
That reputation of his isn't
going anywhere. Cheese, please.
960
00:58:29,500 --> 00:58:32,000
Finch comes up to me
and says, "Jessica,
961
00:58:32,500 --> 00:58:34,000
I need your help with this,
blah, blah, etcetera."
962
00:58:34,500 --> 00:58:37,000
So I said, "All right.
Pay me 200 bucks,
963
00:58:37,500 --> 00:58:40,000
and I'll tell a couple of girls
that you're dynamite in bed."
964
00:58:40,500 --> 00:58:42,000
So he did,
and I did.
965
00:58:43,500 --> 00:58:45,000
- That actually works ?
- Well, duh ! Of course.
966
00:58:45,500 --> 00:58:47,000
Naturally, I embellished
a little bit.
967
00:58:47,500 --> 00:58:50,000
Did you hear that Finch had
an affair with an older woman ?
968
00:58:50,500 --> 00:58:52,000
[ Chuckling ]
No, I didn't hear that one.
969
00:58:52,500 --> 00:58:54,000
That one was my favorite.
970
00:58:55,500 --> 00:58:57,000
[ Laughing ]
Do that cheerleader.
971
00:58:57,500 --> 00:59:00,000
- - Thank you, baby -
- She wants me. She calls me up--
972
00:59:00,500 --> 00:59:05,000
- How sweet it is
to be loved by you --**
973
00:59:05,500 --> 00:59:08,000
Oh, my God,
you're gay !
974
00:59:08,500 --> 00:59:10,000
Sing it with me.
You know the words.
975
00:59:10,500 --> 00:59:13,000
No, thanks, man. You've been
singin' that shit all week.
976
00:59:13,500 --> 00:59:17,000
If you try that at M.S.U.
this Saturday, I'll kick your ass.
977
00:59:17,500 --> 00:59:19,000
Our last game
is this Saturday.
978
00:59:19,500 --> 00:59:21,000
[ Snickers ]
Yeah, well, shit.
979
00:59:24,500 --> 00:59:28,000
I've got this lacrosse game. It's
really important. It's our last game.
980
00:59:28,500 --> 00:59:32,000
Central almost beat us last time, so
this time I really wanna kick their ass.
981
00:59:32,500 --> 00:59:35,000
But it's gonna be cool,
because the game's at State,
982
00:59:35,500 --> 00:59:38,000
which means afterwards
I'll be able to stop by.
983
00:59:38,500 --> 00:59:40,000
So you can't sing
at the competition.
984
00:59:40,500 --> 00:59:42,000
[ Sighing ] Heather, I'm sorry.
I totally blew it.
985
00:59:42,500 --> 00:59:47,000
It's okay. You should...
do what makes you happy.
986
00:59:49,500 --> 00:59:53,000
All right. Listen,
thanks for understanding.
987
00:59:53,500 --> 00:59:55,000
Yeah.
988
00:59:55,500 --> 00:59:58,000
So, uh, I guess
I'll see you later ?
989
00:59:58,500 --> 01:00:01,000
Mm-hmm.
990
01:00:10,500 --> 01:00:13,000
[ Whistling ]
991
01:00:13,500 --> 01:00:16,000
Hey, Kevin.
992
01:00:16,500 --> 01:00:21,000
- You seen shit-brick lately ?
- Why ? What did you do to him ?
993
01:00:21,500 --> 01:00:23,000
Me ? Nothing.
994
01:00:23,500 --> 01:00:26,000
See, I'm the one
whose ass he kicked.
995
01:00:26,500 --> 01:00:29,000
But, uh, I'll tell you
one thing, though.
996
01:00:29,500 --> 01:00:33,000
I don't think he's gonna have a problem
shitting in school anymore.
997
01:00:33,500 --> 01:00:35,000
Slipped a little something
into his mochaccino.
998
01:00:37,500 --> 01:00:40,000
Oh, God !
999
01:00:41,500 --> 01:00:43,000
Oh ! Oh !
1000
01:00:43,500 --> 01:00:46,000
[ Panting ]
1001
01:00:49,500 --> 01:00:51,000
Jesus.
1002
01:00:52,500 --> 01:00:54,000
Right this way,
sir.
1003
01:01:00,500 --> 01:01:03,000
Oh, God.
[ Farting ]
1004
01:01:08,500 --> 01:01:11,000
[ Farting ]
1005
01:01:17,500 --> 01:01:19,000
[ Farting ]
1006
01:01:31,500 --> 01:01:34,000
- [ Girls Laughing ]
- Oh, no.
1007
01:01:35,500 --> 01:01:37,000
It's gonna be fun.
1008
01:01:37,500 --> 01:01:39,000
[ Girl #2 ] You know it's just gonna be
some crappy band and stupid decorations.
1009
01:01:39,500 --> 01:01:43,000
[ Girl #1 ] You're just saying
that because prom's a week away and you don't have a date.
1010
01:01:43,500 --> 01:01:46,000
[ Girl #2 ] No, no, no.
I don't want a date.
1011
01:01:46,500 --> 01:01:50,000
- Finch is goin' stag and... so am l.
- [ Groaning ]
1012
01:01:50,500 --> 01:01:54,000
God, he's like so...
refined.
1013
01:01:54,500 --> 01:01:57,000
- [ Groans ]
- You think that older woman thing is true ?
1014
01:01:57,500 --> 01:02:00,000
Yeah, it's true.
It was Stifler's mom.
1015
01:02:00,500 --> 01:02:02,000
[ Farting ]
1016
01:02:02,500 --> 01:02:06,000
- [ Continues Farting ]
- Joanie, was that you ?
1017
01:02:06,500 --> 01:02:08,000
- Oh !
- Can't hold it.
1018
01:02:08,500 --> 01:02:11,000
Oh !
[ Loud Farting ]
1019
01:02:13,500 --> 01:02:15,000
[ Groaning ]
1020
01:02:15,500 --> 01:02:17,000
Eww !
1021
01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:20,000
[ Groaning ]
1022
01:02:30,500 --> 01:02:35,000
[ Whistling ]
1023
01:02:35,500 --> 01:02:38,000
[ Laughter ]
1024
01:02:40,500 --> 01:02:44,000
- Yeah !
- [ Laughter Continues ]
1025
01:02:44,500 --> 01:02:47,000
[ Vicky ] Kev ?
I think we've come...
1026
01:02:47,500 --> 01:02:51,000
- a really long way since homecoming.
- Yeah, we have.
1027
01:02:51,500 --> 01:02:53,000
Maybe it's time...
1028
01:02:53,500 --> 01:02:57,000
we start to express ourselves
in new ways.
1029
01:02:57,500 --> 01:02:59,000
- Yeah.
- You wanna do it ?
1030
01:02:59,500 --> 01:03:02,000
- Yeah.
- I love you.
1031
01:03:04,500 --> 01:03:06,000
It's your turn.
1032
01:03:07,500 --> 01:03:10,000
That's not
what I was thinking.
1033
01:03:10,500 --> 01:03:14,000
Sex. It's always
about sex.
1034
01:03:14,500 --> 01:03:17,000
It's not
always about sex.
1035
01:03:17,500 --> 01:03:20,000
I just thought it was
about sex this time.
1036
01:03:24,500 --> 01:03:28,000
Look, Vicky, love is a term
that gets thrown around,
1037
01:03:28,500 --> 01:03:30,000
and-and people
don't mean it.
1038
01:03:30,500 --> 01:03:33,000
When I say it, I want it
to be more than words.
1039
01:03:33,500 --> 01:03:36,000
- You know ? I want it to be--
- Perfect.
1040
01:03:38,500 --> 01:03:40,000
Exactly.
1041
01:03:40,500 --> 01:03:43,000
- [ Choir Director ] Okay, Albert.
You ready ? - No problemo.
1042
01:03:44,500 --> 01:03:48,000
- I close my eyes
at night -
1043
01:03:48,500 --> 01:03:51,000
Come on, Heather.
Work with me here.
1044
01:03:51,500 --> 01:03:53,000
[ Crowd Applauding, Cheering ]
1045
01:03:56,500 --> 01:03:59,000
- [ Whistle Blows ]
- [ Announcer ] Goal, Ostreicher !
1046
01:03:59,500 --> 01:04:03,000
- All right, Oz !
- Atta boy, Ozzie !
1047
01:04:03,500 --> 01:04:05,000
Whoo !
Yeah, baby !
1048
01:04:05,500 --> 01:04:07,000
- We're crushing you losers !
- Let's go, fellas !
1049
01:04:07,500 --> 01:04:09,000
Come on !
Whoo-hoo !
1050
01:04:11,500 --> 01:04:16,000
- Bumblebee, bumblebee,
bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee -
1051
01:04:16,500 --> 01:04:18,000
Focus on the music.
Think melody.
1052
01:04:18,500 --> 01:04:21,000
- Let the music be my guide.
- That would be a start.
1053
01:04:32,500 --> 01:04:34,000
Who's the man ?
Stifler !
1054
01:04:37,500 --> 01:04:39,000
[ Coach ]
Huddle up, guys ! Huddle up !
1055
01:04:47,500 --> 01:04:51,000
Huddle up !
Come on ! Okay.
1056
01:04:51,500 --> 01:04:53,000
All right, all right !
1057
01:04:53,500 --> 01:04:55,000
- Good hustle, guys.
- Good hustle.
1058
01:04:55,500 --> 01:05:00,000
But you can still lose. You all saw
what happened to Oz out there.
1059
01:05:00,500 --> 01:05:05,000
I don't want to ever see any of you
thinking you're gonna score.
1060
01:05:05,500 --> 01:05:08,000
You don't score
until you score.
1061
01:05:09,500 --> 01:05:11,000
- Until you score.
- That's right, baby !
1062
01:05:11,500 --> 01:05:13,000
[ Coach ] It all boils down
to today.
1063
01:05:13,500 --> 01:05:17,000
For you seniors,
this marks the culmination...
1064
01:05:17,500 --> 01:05:20,000
- of the past four years.
- Culmination.
1065
01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:25,000
[ Coach ] I want you to think about
what this means to you.
1066
01:05:25,500 --> 01:05:28,000
Do you guys wanna look back
on your days at East...
1067
01:05:28,500 --> 01:05:32,000
and know that you used
the time you had ?
1068
01:05:32,500 --> 01:05:35,000
- Hell, yeah !
- You do !
1069
01:05:37,500 --> 01:05:40,000
- Ah ! Good attitude, Ostreicher.
- Good luck, fellas.
1070
01:05:40,500 --> 01:05:44,000
Christ, I didn't tell ya
to leave the game.
1071
01:05:44,500 --> 01:05:46,000
I'm sorry, Coach.
1072
01:05:46,500 --> 01:05:49,000
You got someplace more important
to be, Ostreicher ?
1073
01:05:49,500 --> 01:05:51,000
Yeah.
1074
01:05:51,500 --> 01:05:53,000
Ostreicher !
1075
01:05:54,500 --> 01:05:58,000
Oz ?
Fuckface ?
1076
01:05:58,500 --> 01:06:01,000
[ Coach ] Ostreicher !
1077
01:06:26,500 --> 01:06:28,000
- Hey, Oz !
- Ozmeister !
1078
01:06:29,500 --> 01:06:31,000
- [ Albert ] Oh, great.
- What about the game ?
1079
01:06:31,500 --> 01:06:34,000
- I'm not playing.
- You're missing the game for us ?
1080
01:06:34,500 --> 01:06:37,000
No, I'm missing the game
for you.
1081
01:06:40,500 --> 01:06:44,000
- D-Does this mean I'm not
gonna get to do the duet ? - Albert, you suck.
1082
01:06:49,500 --> 01:06:51,000
I don't think
he's comin' back.
1083
01:06:51,500 --> 01:06:53,000
[ Heather ] - Close my eyes at night -
1084
01:06:53,500 --> 01:06:58,000
- - Close my eyes -
- - Wonderin' where would I be without you in my life -
1085
01:06:58,500 --> 01:07:02,000
- - Oh -
- - Everything I did was just a bore -
1086
01:07:02,500 --> 01:07:07,000
- - Just a bore -
- - Everywhere I went seems I been there before -
1087
01:07:07,500 --> 01:07:12,000
[ Together ] - But you brighten up
for me all of my days -
1088
01:07:12,500 --> 01:07:15,000
- - With a love so sweet -
- - ln so many ways -
1089
01:07:15,500 --> 01:07:17,000
- I just wanna stop -
1090
01:07:17,500 --> 01:07:22,000
- - And thank you, baby -
- [ All ] - I just wanna stop -
1091
01:07:22,500 --> 01:07:25,000
- - And thank you, baby -
- - Thank you, baby -
1092
01:07:25,500 --> 01:07:30,000
- How sweet it is
to be loved by you --**
1093
01:07:30,500 --> 01:07:33,000
[ Audience Applauding ]
1094
01:07:33,500 --> 01:07:35,000
Yeah, Oz !
You fuckin' rule !
1095
01:07:35,500 --> 01:07:38,000
- Fuckin' rule !
- Yeah !
1096
01:07:41,500 --> 01:07:43,000
[ Vicky ] Maybe the words
aren't that important.
1097
01:07:43,500 --> 01:07:45,000
It's like, I know he
really cares about me, you know ?
1098
01:07:45,500 --> 01:07:47,000
Even if he can't
say it, he does.
1099
01:07:47,500 --> 01:07:51,000
And yeah, he always talks about sex, but
that's okay, 'cause he's a guy, right ?
1100
01:07:51,500 --> 01:07:54,000
- He's got a dick. He's a guy.
- Right.
1101
01:07:54,500 --> 01:07:56,000
Wait. Is this
translation right ?
1102
01:07:56,500 --> 01:07:59,000
"Go home, bird teacher.
I've had enough."
1103
01:07:59,500 --> 01:08:02,000
I don't know.
I got it from Kevin.
1104
01:08:02,500 --> 01:08:06,000
- So, does it hurt ?
- What ?
1105
01:08:06,500 --> 01:08:09,000
You know-- sex.
Does it hurt ?
1106
01:08:09,500 --> 01:08:13,000
Yeah. I mean, the first time you do it,
you know, it hurts.
1107
01:08:13,500 --> 01:08:17,000
But then you, you do it again
and again and again--
1108
01:08:17,500 --> 01:08:21,000
It just starts to feel good.
Really good.
1109
01:08:21,500 --> 01:08:24,000
Okay, so say
I don't do it.
1110
01:08:24,500 --> 01:08:29,000
And then I go off to college. I might
end up doing it with some random guy...
1111
01:08:29,500 --> 01:08:32,000
- who totally turns out to be a jerk.
- This is true.
1112
01:08:32,500 --> 01:08:35,000
And I'll wish I would've
done it with Kevin.
1113
01:08:35,500 --> 01:08:37,000
So go do it with Kevin.
1114
01:08:38,500 --> 01:08:41,000
- You think ?
- Yeah. You're-- You're ready.
1115
01:08:41,500 --> 01:08:45,000
- You're woman. Look at you.
You're ready for sex. - You're right.
1116
01:08:45,500 --> 01:08:47,000
- I know.
- I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna have sex.
1117
01:08:48,500 --> 01:08:50,000
- Now.
- And it's gonna be right, and it's gonna be just perfect.
1118
01:08:50,500 --> 01:08:52,000
- Perfect sex.
- Thanks, Jessica.
1119
01:08:53,500 --> 01:08:55,000
Please.
1120
01:08:55,500 --> 01:08:58,000
[ Whispering ]
Kevin.
1121
01:08:58,500 --> 01:09:00,000
Kevin.
1122
01:09:02,500 --> 01:09:05,000
- [ Whispering ] I wanna have sex.
- [ Loud ] Now ?
1123
01:09:10,500 --> 01:09:12,000
Prom.
1124
01:09:14,500 --> 01:09:20,000
- As you walk up those steps
and garner your award -
1125
01:09:20,500 --> 01:09:24,000
- Try not to forget about me -
1126
01:09:24,500 --> 01:09:27,000
- 'Cause I was there when you
had no one else to hold -
1127
01:09:30,500 --> 01:09:33,000
- You used to look
just like a saint -
1128
01:09:33,500 --> 01:09:35,000
- And stumble into walls -
1129
01:09:35,500 --> 01:09:39,000
- You're a guy's
very own quarantine -
1130
01:09:39,500 --> 01:09:43,000
- You used to never
think you'd ever grow old --**
1131
01:09:54,500 --> 01:09:56,000
[ Jim's Dad ] You must be excited
about the big night tonight.
1132
01:09:56,500 --> 01:09:59,000
Thrilled.
1133
01:09:59,500 --> 01:10:00,000
Who's the lucky girl ?
1134
01:10:00,500 --> 01:10:02,000
Who's the lucky girl ?
1135
01:10:02,500 --> 01:10:04,000
Michelle.
1136
01:10:04,500 --> 01:10:07,000
- Michelle.
- Yeah.
1137
01:10:07,500 --> 01:10:11,000
- She must be very special.
- Oh, she's special, all right.
1138
01:10:11,500 --> 01:10:14,000
I'm sure she is special if you
picked her out of the whole bunch.
1139
01:10:17,500 --> 01:10:20,000
[ Clears Throat ] Jim, I'm just gonna
say one thing...
1140
01:10:20,500 --> 01:10:22,000
before you leave
tonight.
1141
01:10:23,500 --> 01:10:28,000
I want you to be very,
very careful...
1142
01:10:28,500 --> 01:10:30,000
when you're
putting on...
1143
01:10:30,500 --> 01:10:33,000
the corsage.
1144
01:10:36,500 --> 01:10:38,000
Okay, Dad.
1145
01:10:38,500 --> 01:10:40,000
- Promise me.
- I promise.
1146
01:11:01,500 --> 01:11:05,000
- Midnight at the oasis -
1147
01:11:06,500 --> 01:11:09,000
- Send your camel to bed -
1148
01:11:11,500 --> 01:11:15,000
- Shadows painting our faces -
1149
01:11:15,500 --> 01:11:18,000
- Traces -
1150
01:11:18,500 --> 01:11:22,000
- Of romance in our heads -
1151
01:11:22,500 --> 01:11:25,000
- Heaven's holding a half-moon -
1152
01:11:27,500 --> 01:11:30,000
- Shining just for us -
1153
01:11:32,500 --> 01:11:36,000
- Let's slip off
to a sand dune -
1154
01:11:36,500 --> 01:11:38,000
- Real soon -
1155
01:11:38,500 --> 01:11:41,000
- And kick up a little dust -
1156
01:11:41,500 --> 01:11:46,000
- Come on
Cactus is our friend -
1157
01:11:46,500 --> 01:11:51,000
- He'll point out the way -
1158
01:11:51,500 --> 01:11:53,000
You know, at band camp
we have dances like this,
1159
01:11:53,500 --> 01:11:56,000
only they're way funner.
1160
01:11:57,500 --> 01:12:00,000
- Till the evenin' ends --**
1161
01:12:00,500 --> 01:12:05,000
- Hey, hey, hey
Oooh -
1162
01:12:10,500 --> 01:12:13,000
[ Kevin ] All right, status check.
Where do you guys stand ?
1163
01:12:14,500 --> 01:12:17,000
Finch, we know where you are,
but can't really use that as an excuse.
1164
01:12:17,500 --> 01:12:19,000
Jim ?
1165
01:12:19,500 --> 01:12:24,000
Uh, my date's a flute-toting band dork.
Does that answer your question ?
1166
01:12:24,500 --> 01:12:27,000
Oz, is this vocal-jazz shit
gonna pay off or what ?
1167
01:12:27,500 --> 01:12:30,000
Kevin, what's with
the attitude ?
1168
01:12:30,500 --> 01:12:33,000
Attitude ? Me ?
1169
01:12:33,500 --> 01:12:36,000
I think you guys should be
a little more enthusiastic.
1170
01:12:36,500 --> 01:12:38,000
This is the night
we've been waiting for.
1171
01:12:38,500 --> 01:12:41,000
We're in this together.
You guys can't back out.
1172
01:12:41,500 --> 01:12:44,000
Kev, you don't need us to get laid.
Are you afraid or something ?
1173
01:12:44,500 --> 01:12:48,000
No. Come on.
We made a pact.
1174
01:12:48,500 --> 01:12:51,000
You can't break that.
You guys are gonna have to--
1175
01:12:51,500 --> 01:12:55,000
Have to what, Kev, huh ?
I don't have to do shit.
1176
01:12:55,500 --> 01:12:59,000
Forget it already. I am so sick
and tired of all this bullshit pressure.
1177
01:12:59,500 --> 01:13:03,000
I've never even had sex, and already,
I can't stand it. I hate sex !
1178
01:13:04,500 --> 01:13:07,000
And I'm not gonna stand around here
busting my balls over something that,
1179
01:13:07,500 --> 01:13:09,000
quite frankly,
isn't that damn important.
1180
01:13:09,500 --> 01:13:11,000
I'm gonna go hang out
with that geek over there...
1181
01:13:11,500 --> 01:13:14,000
'cause at least she has something else
to talk about besides sex.
1182
01:13:14,500 --> 01:13:16,000
Goddamn.
1183
01:13:18,500 --> 01:13:21,000
Yeah.
1184
01:13:21,500 --> 01:13:24,000
You know, at least I learned
how to shit in school, buddy.
1185
01:13:25,500 --> 01:13:27,000
Hey, Finch.
1186
01:13:27,500 --> 01:13:29,000
- Wanna dance ?
- Yeah.
1187
01:13:29,500 --> 01:13:33,000
- Oooh -
1188
01:13:35,500 --> 01:13:38,000
- How come you have no date ?
- I like to keep my options open.
1189
01:13:38,500 --> 01:13:40,000
I got something for you.
1190
01:13:42,500 --> 01:13:45,000
Consider it
a consolation prize.
1191
01:13:48,500 --> 01:13:51,000
Jessica, this is great !
Wow !
1192
01:13:51,500 --> 01:13:55,000
- Felt sorta guilty
1193
01:13:55,500 --> 01:13:58,000
No, I spent 50 on the flask,
150 on the earrings.
1194
01:14:00,500 --> 01:14:02,000
- These are, uh--
- Let me just clarify...
1195
01:14:02,500 --> 01:14:07,000
- that you have no chance
of scoring with me, Finch. - Of course not !
1196
01:14:07,500 --> 01:14:09,000
So I take it you and Sherman
are pretty close, huh ?
1197
01:14:10,500 --> 01:14:12,000
You met at that party
a while back, right ?
1198
01:14:12,500 --> 01:14:14,000
Yeah, we were
up all night together.
1199
01:14:14,500 --> 01:14:17,000
We had one of those
amazingly deep conversations...
1200
01:14:17,500 --> 01:14:20,000
where you feel like
you really get to know someone.
1201
01:14:20,500 --> 01:14:23,000
[ Chuckling ]
Deep conversation, huh ?
1202
01:14:23,500 --> 01:14:25,000
Is that
what you call it ?
1203
01:14:26,500 --> 01:14:28,000
What else
would I call it ?
1204
01:14:34,500 --> 01:14:36,000
Thank you, Great Falls.
1205
01:14:36,500 --> 01:14:39,000
We're gonna take a little break.
You are beautiful.
1206
01:14:44,500 --> 01:14:46,000
[ Boy ] You suck !
1207
01:14:46,500 --> 01:14:48,000
[ Microphone Feedback ]
1208
01:14:49,500 --> 01:14:51,000
Excuse me, everyone.
1209
01:14:51,500 --> 01:14:53,000
Sorry to interrupt.
1210
01:14:53,500 --> 01:14:56,000
I just thought
you all should know this.
1211
01:14:56,500 --> 01:14:59,000
Chuck Sherman is a liar.
1212
01:14:59,500 --> 01:15:01,000
I never had sex with him.
1213
01:15:01,500 --> 01:15:05,000
He's never had sex with anyone.
I know this because he told me.
1214
01:15:05,500 --> 01:15:09,000
Once he tried to screw
a grapefruit, but that's all.
1215
01:15:09,500 --> 01:15:13,000
Oh. He also told me that when he gets
nervous, he sometimes wets his pants.
1216
01:15:13,500 --> 01:15:17,000
- Thank you for your time.
- [ Crowd Chattering, Laughing ]
1217
01:15:22,500 --> 01:15:24,000
[ Jim Clears Throat ]
1218
01:15:30,500 --> 01:15:33,000
- [ Jim ] Guess what ?
- Not interested.
1219
01:15:33,500 --> 01:15:37,000
Kevin. Come on, man. The bus
to Stifler's is gonna be here soon.
1220
01:15:37,500 --> 01:15:39,000
- I'm not going.
- [ Jim ] What ?
1221
01:15:39,500 --> 01:15:43,000
Why not ?
1222
01:15:43,500 --> 01:15:48,000
Look, things didn't really
turn out how I wanted them to.
1223
01:15:48,500 --> 01:15:50,000
I mean, I don't even
know what I'm doin'.
1224
01:15:50,500 --> 01:15:54,000
I-l'm acting like I've got
everything together tonight.
1225
01:15:54,500 --> 01:15:57,000
I know that Vicky's gonna
ask me if I love her, and...
1226
01:15:57,500 --> 01:15:59,000
I don't know
what I'm gonna say.
1227
01:15:59,500 --> 01:16:01,000
I mean,
I'm on the brink.
1228
01:16:01,500 --> 01:16:05,000
I'm just about to do it.
I should be psyched.
1229
01:16:05,500 --> 01:16:09,000
I don't know. Maybe you're right.
Maybe I am just scared.
1230
01:16:09,500 --> 01:16:13,000
[ Scoffs ] Come on, Kev.
Tonight is the night.
1231
01:16:13,500 --> 01:16:17,000
We-We are finally going
to a post-prom party on the lake.
1232
01:16:17,500 --> 01:16:19,000
We have been waiting for this
for four years.
1233
01:16:19,500 --> 01:16:22,000
Why else have we been friends
with Stifler all this time, right ?
1234
01:16:23,500 --> 01:16:26,000
We were friends
with Stifler ?
1235
01:16:26,500 --> 01:16:28,000
Hey, look.
1236
01:16:29,500 --> 01:16:32,000
Sherman didn't even
get laid.
1237
01:16:32,500 --> 01:16:34,000
- He didn't ?
- No, he pissed himself.
1238
01:16:35,500 --> 01:16:37,000
- [ Laughing ]
- What ?
1239
01:16:38,500 --> 01:16:40,000
We'll tell you
on the bus.
1240
01:16:40,500 --> 01:16:44,000
I'm gonna go inside
and grab my bag.
1241
01:16:44,500 --> 01:16:46,000
My date too, perhaps ?
1242
01:16:48,500 --> 01:16:50,000
[ Jim ] Stifler's mom
got it in the divorce.
1243
01:16:50,500 --> 01:16:52,000
[ Michelle ] That reminds me
of this one time--
1244
01:16:52,500 --> 01:16:55,000
Hey, can I ask you
a question ?
1245
01:16:55,500 --> 01:16:58,000
How come you don't have any stories ?
I've got lots of them,
1246
01:16:58,500 --> 01:17:00,000
and you don't have any.
1247
01:17:00,500 --> 01:17:03,000
Oh, I've got stories.
Believe me. They're just, uh--
1248
01:17:03,500 --> 01:17:06,000
They're just a little
more risque than tales of band camp.
1249
01:17:06,500 --> 01:17:11,000
Are they gross or something ?
Like guy stuff ? Tell me !
1250
01:17:11,500 --> 01:17:13,000
Okay.
You want a story ?
1251
01:17:13,500 --> 01:17:15,000
Here's a story.
Stifler finds this beer--
1252
01:17:19,500 --> 01:17:23,000
- [ Kevin ] This is
the nicest room in the house. - Kev, it's perfect.
1253
01:17:34,500 --> 01:17:37,000
- [ Vicky Screams ]
- You guys are gonna fuck, aren't ya ?
1254
01:17:37,500 --> 01:17:40,000
Fuckers !
Fuckers, fuckers !
1255
01:17:40,500 --> 01:17:42,000
Fuckers,
fuckers, fuckers !
1256
01:17:44,500 --> 01:17:46,000
- Out.
- Aw, come on !
1257
01:17:46,500 --> 01:17:49,000
- Get out.
- Aw, man !
1258
01:17:51,500 --> 01:17:55,000
- [ Laughing ]
- [ Laughing ]
1259
01:18:07,500 --> 01:18:09,000
There's something
I've been meaning to tell you, Heather.
1260
01:18:09,500 --> 01:18:11,000
What's that ?
1261
01:18:11,500 --> 01:18:14,000
It's gonna sound
really bad, but, uh,
1262
01:18:14,500 --> 01:18:16,000
I want you to know.
1263
01:18:16,500 --> 01:18:19,000
You see, uh,
1264
01:18:19,500 --> 01:18:24,000
I'm a virgin,
and, uh--
1265
01:18:24,500 --> 01:18:26,000
Well, me, Kevin, Jim
and Finch were--
1266
01:18:26,500 --> 01:18:29,000
We all made this pact...
1267
01:18:29,500 --> 01:18:32,000
that we would
lose our virginity...
1268
01:18:32,500 --> 01:18:34,000
before high school
was over,
1269
01:18:34,500 --> 01:18:37,000
and tonight is supposed
to be the night that we all do it.
1270
01:18:39,500 --> 01:18:41,000
This isn't the best way
to proposition me.
1271
01:18:41,500 --> 01:18:44,000
No, that's--
That's not what I mean.
1272
01:18:44,500 --> 01:18:47,000
W-What I mean is, uh--
1273
01:18:48,500 --> 01:18:50,000
Look, do you know
what made me leave that game ?
1274
01:18:50,500 --> 01:18:54,000
See, Coach, he was givin' us
this speech about...
1275
01:18:54,500 --> 01:18:57,000
not slacking off when you see
the opportunity to score--
1276
01:18:57,500 --> 01:18:59,000
This isn't any better,
Chris.
1277
01:18:59,500 --> 01:19:01,000
No, you see--
You see, Heather,
1278
01:19:02,500 --> 01:19:04,000
what I realized is that...
1279
01:19:04,500 --> 01:19:09,000
with you, it's...
not like I'm running towards a goal...
1280
01:19:09,500 --> 01:19:12,000
Iooking for
the best way to score.
1281
01:19:12,500 --> 01:19:16,000
This may sound
a little corny, but...
1282
01:19:16,500 --> 01:19:18,000
I feel like
I've already won.
1283
01:19:21,500 --> 01:19:25,000
And, uh,
I care about you a lot.
1284
01:19:26,500 --> 01:19:29,000
Oz, I know.
1285
01:19:30,500 --> 01:19:33,000
- You called me Oz.
- Well, yeah.
1286
01:19:33,500 --> 01:19:35,000
It's what your friends
call you.
1287
01:19:35,500 --> 01:19:38,000
I mean, I feel like I'm
one of your friends now.
1288
01:19:38,500 --> 01:19:42,000
And... your girlfriend ?
1289
01:19:44,500 --> 01:19:49,000
- Ain't never thought that
I could love like this -
1290
01:19:49,500 --> 01:19:52,000
- This feeling inside me
is growing -
1291
01:19:52,500 --> 01:19:57,000
- I never thought that
you would care --**
1292
01:20:16,500 --> 01:20:18,000
Are ya lost ?
1293
01:20:22,500 --> 01:20:25,000
You're Stifler's mom.
Uh--
1294
01:20:25,500 --> 01:20:28,000
No, no, not lost.
Just, um,
1295
01:20:28,500 --> 01:20:30,000
you know,
taking the tour.
1296
01:20:33,500 --> 01:20:37,000
Hey, uh, thank you for letting
us have this wonderful party.
1297
01:20:37,500 --> 01:20:39,000
As if there was
an alternative in the matter.
1298
01:20:44,500 --> 01:20:47,000
So, you enjoying yourself ?
1299
01:20:47,500 --> 01:20:50,000
I'm... three sheets
to the wind, ma'am.
1300
01:20:50,500 --> 01:20:53,000
I'm so happy for you.
1301
01:20:53,500 --> 01:20:55,000
But it takes the edge off,
doesn't it ?
1302
01:20:57,500 --> 01:21:00,000
- Where's your little date tonight ?
- No date. It was--
1303
01:21:00,500 --> 01:21:02,000
It was a bathroom incident.
1304
01:21:03,500 --> 01:21:07,000
- Pardon me ?
- Never mind.
1305
01:21:11,500 --> 01:21:13,000
You have
anything to drink ?
1306
01:21:13,500 --> 01:21:15,000
I believe the kegs
are upstairs.
1307
01:21:17,500 --> 01:21:19,000
That is what
the cretins drink.
1308
01:21:19,500 --> 01:21:21,000
I'm talking about
alcohol, liquor.
1309
01:21:21,500 --> 01:21:24,000
- The good stuff.
- All right.
1310
01:21:26,500 --> 01:21:28,000
I got some scotch.
1311
01:21:28,500 --> 01:21:33,000
- Single malt ?
- Aged 18 years.
1312
01:21:33,500 --> 01:21:35,000
The way I like it.
1313
01:21:38,500 --> 01:21:41,000
Why don't you go
grab a glass from the bar ?
1314
01:21:43,500 --> 01:21:46,000
I think I should.
1315
01:21:46,500 --> 01:21:48,000
Allow me.
1316
01:21:49,500 --> 01:21:51,000
You know it's
a bitchin' party.
1317
01:21:51,500 --> 01:21:54,000
The Stif-man
always comes through in the clutch.
1318
01:21:57,500 --> 01:22:01,000
[ Jim Laughs ] And then he just
puked his brains out.
1319
01:22:01,500 --> 01:22:04,000
- That is a nasty story.
- Yep, I told you.
1320
01:22:04,500 --> 01:22:06,000
Do you want to hear
a nasty story of mine ?
1321
01:22:06,500 --> 01:22:08,000
It's sort of sexual.
1322
01:22:10,500 --> 01:22:13,000
Yeah !
Yeah, let's hear it.
1323
01:22:13,500 --> 01:22:18,000
Okay, well, this one time at band camp,
we were playing this game.
1324
01:22:18,500 --> 01:22:21,000
I don't know if you know it,
but it's called "Spin the Bottle."
1325
01:22:21,500 --> 01:22:25,000
And I had to kiss this guy
named Mark Wander on the lips.
1326
01:22:25,500 --> 01:22:27,000
And-And he plays
trombone--
1327
01:22:27,500 --> 01:22:30,000
[ Kevin ] So how do you
want to be ?
1328
01:22:30,500 --> 01:22:33,000
Like... how do you
want to do it ?
1329
01:22:34,500 --> 01:22:37,000
I don't know.
How do you ?
1330
01:22:37,500 --> 01:22:42,000
Like... normal style.
The missionary position.
1331
01:22:43,500 --> 01:22:45,000
Okay.
1332
01:22:51,500 --> 01:22:54,000
Kev ?
1333
01:22:54,500 --> 01:22:56,000
- Yeah ?
- I wanna hear you say it.
1334
01:22:56,500 --> 01:22:58,000
Okay.
1335
01:23:01,500 --> 01:23:04,000
Victoria,
1336
01:23:04,500 --> 01:23:06,000
I love you.
1337
01:23:07,500 --> 01:23:10,000
I love you.
1338
01:23:21,500 --> 01:23:24,000
- Don't stray -
1339
01:23:24,500 --> 01:23:26,000
- Don't ever go away -
1340
01:23:26,500 --> 01:23:29,000
- I should be
much too smart for this -
1341
01:23:29,500 --> 01:23:32,000
- You know it gets
the better of me -
1342
01:23:32,500 --> 01:23:36,000
- Sometimes
when you and I collide -
1343
01:23:36,500 --> 01:23:39,000
- - I fall into an ocean of you -
- Oh. My hair.
1344
01:23:39,500 --> 01:23:41,000
- Pull me out in time -
1345
01:23:41,500 --> 01:23:43,000
- [ Gasps ]
- - Don't let me drown -
1346
01:23:43,500 --> 01:23:46,000
- Let me down -
1347
01:23:46,500 --> 01:23:48,000
You okay ?
1348
01:23:48,500 --> 01:23:52,000
Yeah. Go slow.
1349
01:23:52,500 --> 01:23:55,000
- Say you'll stay -
1350
01:23:55,500 --> 01:23:58,000
- Don't come and go -
1351
01:23:58,500 --> 01:24:00,000
- Like you do -
1352
01:24:02,500 --> 01:24:05,000
- Sway my way -
1353
01:24:05,500 --> 01:24:08,000
- Yeah, I need to know -
1354
01:24:08,500 --> 01:24:11,000
- All about you -
1355
01:24:12,500 --> 01:24:15,000
- Say you'll stay --**
1356
01:24:15,500 --> 01:24:18,000
So the end of the story
is you...
1357
01:24:18,500 --> 01:24:20,000
had to kiss the guy
for 20 seconds.
1358
01:24:20,500 --> 01:24:24,000
Yes ! And he was such a dork.
Everyone laughed at me...
1359
01:24:24,500 --> 01:24:28,000
- but I didn't care
because it was so funny. - I get it.
1360
01:24:28,500 --> 01:24:32,000
And this one time at band camp,
I stuck a flute in my pussy.
1361
01:24:32,500 --> 01:24:34,000
Hmm.
[ Sputters ]
1362
01:24:34,500 --> 01:24:36,000
[ Coughs ]
Excuse me ?
1363
01:24:36,500 --> 01:24:39,000
What ? You don't think I know
how to get myself off ?
1364
01:24:39,500 --> 01:24:43,000
Hell, that's what
half of band camp is-- Sex Ed.
1365
01:24:43,500 --> 01:24:46,000
So are we gonna screw soon,
'cause I'm gettin' kinda antsy.
1366
01:24:55,500 --> 01:24:57,000
This'll do. Whoo-hoo !
1367
01:24:59,500 --> 01:25:03,000
- [ Toy Squeaks ]
- [ Grunts ] Ow !
1368
01:25:03,500 --> 01:25:05,000
Now, I have two rubbers.
Wear them both. It'll desensitize you.
1369
01:25:05,500 --> 01:25:08,000
Now, I have two rubbers.
Wear them both. It'll desensitize you.
1370
01:25:08,500 --> 01:25:10,000
I don't want you coming
so damn early this time.
1371
01:25:12,500 --> 01:25:15,000
What makes you think
that I would come early ?
1372
01:25:15,500 --> 01:25:19,000
Come on. I saw you on the 'Net.
Why do you think I accepted this date ?
1373
01:25:19,500 --> 01:25:22,000
- You're a sure thing.
- [ Scoffs ]
1374
01:25:24,500 --> 01:25:27,000
Yes, I am.
1375
01:25:27,500 --> 01:25:31,000
So I said, "This is very obviously
a Piero della Francesca."
1376
01:25:31,500 --> 01:25:34,000
[ Laughing ]
Hmm.
1377
01:25:39,500 --> 01:25:44,000
So, uh, would you object if I said
that you were quite striking ?
1378
01:25:44,500 --> 01:25:49,000
Mr. Finch, are you
trying to seduce me ?
1379
01:25:49,500 --> 01:25:52,000
- Yes, ma'am, I am.
- - And here's to you -
1380
01:25:52,500 --> 01:25:54,000
- Mrs. Robinson -
1381
01:25:54,500 --> 01:25:58,000
- Jesus loves you more
than you will know -
1382
01:25:58,500 --> 01:26:01,000
- Whoa, whoa, whoa -
1383
01:26:01,500 --> 01:26:04,000
- Stand up tall, Mrs. Robinson -
1384
01:26:04,500 --> 01:26:08,000
- Mmm, you're dead.
- - God in heaven smiles on those who pray -
1385
01:26:08,500 --> 01:26:11,000
- Hey, hey, hey -
1386
01:26:11,500 --> 01:26:13,000
- - Hey, hey, hey --**
- [ Pool Balls Clacking ]
1387
01:26:13,500 --> 01:26:15,000
- - Hey, hey, hey --**
- [ Pool Balls Clacking ]
1388
01:26:15,500 --> 01:26:18,000
- Sway my way -
1389
01:26:18,500 --> 01:26:21,000
- Yeah, I need to know -
1390
01:26:21,500 --> 01:26:24,000
- All about you -
1391
01:26:24,500 --> 01:26:27,000
- And there's no cure -
1392
01:26:27,500 --> 01:26:30,000
- And no way to be sure -
1393
01:26:30,500 --> 01:26:32,000
- Why everything's
turned inside out -
1394
01:26:32,500 --> 01:26:34,000
- lnstilling so much doubt -
1395
01:26:34,500 --> 01:26:37,000
- It makes me so tired -
1396
01:26:37,500 --> 01:26:40,000
- I feel so uninspired -
1397
01:26:40,500 --> 01:26:42,000
- My head is battling
with my heart -
1398
01:26:42,500 --> 01:26:46,000
- My logic has been torn apart
And now --**
1399
01:26:46,500 --> 01:26:49,000
- [ Stifler's Mom ] I had
no idea you'd be this good. - Neither did l.
1400
01:26:49,500 --> 01:26:51,000
[ Moaning ]
Oh, Finchy. Finch.
1401
01:26:51,500 --> 01:26:54,000
- Oh, Stifler's mom, whoa !
- Finchy !
1402
01:26:58,500 --> 01:27:00,000
[ Toy Squeaks ]
1403
01:27:00,500 --> 01:27:03,000
- [ Toy Squeaking ]
- Okay, let's go.
1404
01:27:03,500 --> 01:27:06,000
What's my name ?
Say my name, bitch !
1405
01:27:06,500 --> 01:27:08,000
Michelle, Michelle.
1406
01:27:09,500 --> 01:27:11,000
[ Jim ] Oh, God.
1407
01:27:39,500 --> 01:27:41,000
That was
a great night, huh ?
1408
01:27:43,500 --> 01:27:45,000
Yeah.
1409
01:27:47,500 --> 01:27:50,000
I mean, I just can't believe
we had our senior prom.
1410
01:27:50,500 --> 01:27:54,000
I know.
It went by so fast.
1411
01:27:54,500 --> 01:27:57,000
Yeah, it did.
1412
01:27:57,500 --> 01:27:59,000
Kevin ?
1413
01:28:04,500 --> 01:28:06,000
Next year with you
going to Ann Arbor...
1414
01:28:06,500 --> 01:28:09,000
and me going to lthaca,
1415
01:28:10,500 --> 01:28:13,000
it's not gonna work,
is it ?
1416
01:28:13,500 --> 01:28:15,000
No.
Don't say that.
1417
01:28:15,500 --> 01:28:17,000
I mean,
we could make it work.
1418
01:28:19,500 --> 01:28:21,000
- It'll be perfect.
- No, Kevin.
1419
01:28:23,500 --> 01:28:25,000
-But--
-See, that's what I've been realizing...
1420
01:28:26,500 --> 01:28:28,000
is that...
nothing's perfect.
1421
01:28:28,500 --> 01:28:33,000
And you can't
plan everything.
1422
01:28:33,500 --> 01:28:37,000
Well, I guess... you will
be pretty far away.
1423
01:28:38,500 --> 01:28:41,000
And we'll be on our own,
meeting new people.
1424
01:28:45,500 --> 01:28:47,000
Last night, though.
1425
01:28:51,500 --> 01:28:54,000
I wasn't lying.
1426
01:28:55,500 --> 01:28:57,000
I know.
1427
01:29:13,500 --> 01:29:16,000
She's gone.
Wha--
1428
01:29:16,500 --> 01:29:18,000
Oh, my God.
She used me.
1429
01:29:19,500 --> 01:29:20,000
I was used.
1430
01:29:22,500 --> 01:29:26,000
I was used.
Cool !
1431
01:29:28,500 --> 01:29:30,000
What's this door locked--
1432
01:29:30,500 --> 01:29:32,000
Mom, where's--
1433
01:29:34,500 --> 01:29:38,000
- Mom ? Shit-brick ?
- [ Finch ] Hey, Stifler.
1434
01:29:40,500 --> 01:29:44,000
- Do do do do do do do -
1435
01:29:44,500 --> 01:29:47,000
[ Finch ] I just gotta say that women,
1436
01:29:47,500 --> 01:29:50,000
Iike a fine wine,
only get better with age.
1437
01:29:51,500 --> 01:29:54,000
Of course, I have
no basis for comparison, but, uh,
1438
01:29:55,500 --> 01:29:56,000
it was good.
1439
01:29:57,500 --> 01:29:59,000
So you almost made it,
huh, Oz ?
1440
01:29:59,500 --> 01:30:03,000
- I'll just say that
we had a great night together. - Hang in there, buddy.
1441
01:30:03,500 --> 01:30:08,000
- You'll get there.
- You know, guys, I think we're falling in love.
1442
01:30:08,500 --> 01:30:12,000
Wha-- [ Chuckles ]
Wow.
1443
01:30:12,500 --> 01:30:14,000
That's great, man.
That's awesome.
1444
01:30:16,500 --> 01:30:18,000
Y-You know what
the coolest thing is, guys ?
1445
01:30:18,500 --> 01:30:21,000
This.
You know, right now.
1446
01:30:21,500 --> 01:30:24,000
It's true. I mean, after this,
everything's gonna be different.
1447
01:30:24,500 --> 01:30:28,000
After... getting laid ?
1448
01:30:28,500 --> 01:30:31,000
- After high school.
- Here's to the next step.
1449
01:30:31,500 --> 01:30:34,000
- To the next step.
- To the next step. - To the next step.
1450
01:30:36,500 --> 01:30:39,000
- Do do do do do do do -
1451
01:30:39,500 --> 01:30:42,000
- Do do do do do do do -
1452
01:30:42,500 --> 01:30:44,000
- Do do do do do do do -
1453
01:30:44,500 --> 01:30:46,000
- Do do do do do do do --**
1454
01:30:52,500 --> 01:30:57,000
- Chickety China, the Chinese
chicken, have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin' -
1455
01:30:57,500 --> 01:30:59,000
- Watchin' X Files
with no lights on -
1456
01:30:59,500 --> 01:31:01,000
- We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one -
1457
01:31:01,500 --> 01:31:03,000
- Like Harrison Ford
I'm getting frantic -
1458
01:31:03,500 --> 01:31:04,000
- Like Sting I'm tantric
Like Snickers guaranteed to satisfy -
1459
01:31:04,500 --> 01:31:05,000
- Like Sting I'm tantric
Like Snickers guaranteed to satisfy -
1460
01:31:05,500 --> 01:31:07,000
- Like Kurosawa
I make mad films -
1461
01:31:07,500 --> 01:31:09,000
- Okay, I don't make films
but if I did they'd have a samurai -
1462
01:31:10,500 --> 01:31:11,000
- Gonna get a set of better clubs,
gonna find the kind with tiny nubs -
1463
01:31:12,500 --> 01:31:14,000
- So my irons aren't always
flyin' off the backswing -
1464
01:31:14,500 --> 01:31:16,000
- Gonna get in tune
with Sailor Moon 'cause that cartoon -
1465
01:31:16,500 --> 01:31:18,000
- Has got the boom anime babes
that make me think the wrong thing -
1466
01:31:18,500 --> 01:31:20,000
- How can I help it if I think
you're funny when you're mad -
1467
01:31:20,500 --> 01:31:22,000
- Tryin' hard not to smile
though I feel bad -
1468
01:31:22,500 --> 01:31:24,000
- I'm the kinda guy
who laughs at a funeral -
1469
01:31:24,500 --> 01:31:26,000
- Sweetheart ?
- - Can't understand what I mean You soon will -
1470
01:31:26,500 --> 01:31:29,000
- It's been one week
since you looked at me -
1471
01:31:29,500 --> 01:31:30,000
- Dropped your eyes to the side
and said, I'm sorry --**
1472
01:31:30,500 --> 01:31:31,000
- Dropped your eyes to the side
and said, I'm sorry --**
1473
01:31:31,500 --> 01:31:35,000
- Hello to your mother
your brother significant other -
1474
01:31:35,500 --> 01:31:39,000
- I am the summertime -
1475
01:31:39,500 --> 01:31:45,000
- And I'm here
to free your mind -
1476
01:31:45,500 --> 01:31:49,000
- Kick off your shoes the blues
and use anything but your mind -
1477
01:31:49,500 --> 01:31:54,000
- 'Cause this is
the summertime -
1478
01:31:54,500 --> 01:31:59,000
- And it's here
to free your mind -
1479
01:31:59,500 --> 01:32:04,000
- How many other people
can you save today -
1480
01:32:04,500 --> 01:32:09,000
- Don't you think it's high time
that you sail away -
1481
01:32:09,500 --> 01:32:14,000
- Leave today
Don't fall behind -
1482
01:32:14,500 --> 01:32:18,000
- Try something new, turn into you
if only for a short time -
1483
01:32:18,500 --> 01:32:23,000
- I am the summertime -
1484
01:32:23,500 --> 01:32:28,000
- And I'm here
to free your mind --**
1485
01:32:38,500 --> 01:32:40,000
- Love is tragic
Love is bold -
1486
01:32:40,500 --> 01:32:43,000
- You will always
do what you are told -
1487
01:32:48,500 --> 01:32:51,000
- Love is hard
Love is strong -
1488
01:32:51,500 --> 01:32:54,000
- You will never say
that you were wrong -
1489
01:32:59,500 --> 01:33:01,000
- I don't know
when I got bitter -
1490
01:33:01,500 --> 01:33:06,000
- Love is surely better
when it's gone -
1491
01:33:08,500 --> 01:33:10,000
- 'Cause you wanted more -
1492
01:33:10,500 --> 01:33:13,000
- More than I could give -
1493
01:33:13,500 --> 01:33:15,000
- More than I could handle -
1494
01:33:15,500 --> 01:33:18,000
- And a life that I can't live -
1495
01:33:19,500 --> 01:33:21,000
- You wanted more -
1496
01:33:21,500 --> 01:33:23,000
- More than I could bear -
1497
01:33:24,500 --> 01:33:26,000
- More than I could offer -
1498
01:33:26,500 --> 01:33:30,000
- And a love that isn't there -
1499
01:33:41,500 --> 01:33:43,000
- Love is color
Love is love -
1500
01:33:43,500 --> 01:33:46,000
- Love is never saying
you're too proud -
1501
01:33:51,500 --> 01:33:54,000
- Love is trusting
Love is honest -
1502
01:33:54,500 --> 01:33:57,000
- Love is not a hand
that holds you down -
1503
01:34:02,500 --> 01:34:04,000
- I don't know
when I got bitter -
1504
01:34:04,500 --> 01:34:09,000
- Love is surely better
when it's gone -
1505
01:34:11,500 --> 01:34:13,000
- 'Cause you wanted more -
1506
01:34:13,500 --> 01:34:16,000
- More than I could give -
1507
01:34:16,500 --> 01:34:18,000
- More than I could handle -
1508
01:34:18,500 --> 01:34:21,000
- And a life that I can't live -
1509
01:34:22,500 --> 01:34:24,000
- You wanted more -
1510
01:34:24,500 --> 01:34:26,000
- More than I could bear -
1511
01:34:27,500 --> 01:34:29,000
- More than I could offer -
1512
01:34:29,500 --> 01:34:33,000
- And a love that isn't there -
1513
01:34:36,500 --> 01:34:40,000
- I gotta pick me up
when I am down -
1514
01:34:42,500 --> 01:34:45,000
- I gotta get my feet
back on the ground -
1515
01:34:47,500 --> 01:34:52,000
- I gotta pick me up
when I am down -
1516
01:35:02,500 --> 01:35:05,000
- I don't know
when I got bitter -
1517
01:35:05,500 --> 01:35:09,000
- But love is surely better
when it's gone -
1518
01:35:12,500 --> 01:35:14,000
- 'Cause you wanted more -
1519
01:35:14,500 --> 01:35:17,000
- More than I could give -
1520
01:35:17,500 --> 01:35:19,000
- More than I could handle -
1521
01:35:19,500 --> 01:35:22,000
- And a life that I can't live -
1522
01:35:22,500 --> 01:35:22,990
- You wanted more --**