[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.25,0:00:10.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello and welcome to Conscious TV
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.78,0:00:13.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Renate McNay
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.51,0:00:15.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Today, in this studio with me is
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.66,0:00:16.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne Foxton
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.94,0:00:18.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello Suzanne
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.12,0:00:19.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hi Renate
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.44,0:00:22.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Renate: Grace was shining on Suzanne,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.45,0:00:26.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she awakened while she was washing dishes,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.45,0:00:30.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we are going to find out the story about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.77,0:00:34.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So can you talk us through, Suzanne,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.62,0:00:37.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how that happened and when it happened?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.69,0:00:40.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne: Well,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.79,0:00:44.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the biggest sort of quality of it happening was that...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.04,0:00:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what I was looking for was always
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.70,0:00:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right there in the first place, so,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.54,0:00:54.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can tell the story of what seemed
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.53,0:00:57.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to happen leading up to that...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.57,0:00:59.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But just to preface it by saying
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.32,0:01:00.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it doesn't really matter
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.52,0:01:01.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's not important.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.46,0:01:03.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this kind of thing seems
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.45,0:01:04.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to happen in so many
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.88,0:01:05.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,different ways
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.100,0:01:07.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for different people...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.96,0:01:09.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I was going through some
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.47,0:01:10.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,therapy.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.28,0:01:13.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Three years ago or so,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.04,0:01:17.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and was at a real...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.10,0:01:19.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was very suicidal and
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.76,0:01:22.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was just the classic existential crisis.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.58,0:01:24.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Renate: Yes, you were in a depression?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.56,0:01:26.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne: Oh yes, big depression.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.28,0:01:27.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Renate: Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.05,0:01:31.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne: No meaning, just looking at a big void.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.24,0:01:34.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And many people will know just
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.14,0:01:35.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what I'm talking about.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.39,0:01:38.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was terrible, terrible. It was awful, it was hell.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.93,0:01:41.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I had a sort of big breakdown
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.68,0:01:44.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and went into hospital
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.29,0:01:48.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was very, very malnourished and underweight,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.29,0:01:52.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I spent a lot of time just getting my health back...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.29,0:01:55.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started therapy for the depression
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.36,0:01:57.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was probably
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.54,0:01:59.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just very fortunate that the person
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.40,0:02:01.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who was there to help me
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.86,0:02:05.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was a little bit of a traditional seeker
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.58,0:02:07.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I suppose, of enlightenment
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.49,0:02:08.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or whatever
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.30,0:02:09.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you might call it,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.62,0:02:11.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he introduced this a little bit
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.47,0:02:13.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into the therapy.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.24,0:02:14.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most of the therapy
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.42,0:02:15.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had a lot to do with
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.68,0:02:16.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just peeling away
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.93,0:02:18.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an incredible sense of
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.15,0:02:20.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,worthlessness
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.34,0:02:22.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that really came into it a lot.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.37,0:02:25.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And feeling utterly unworthy which is,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.48,0:02:27.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I suppose, the big problem with
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.10,0:02:29.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the ego:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.21,0:02:30.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's just a little constructed
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.76,0:02:32.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thing that’s given away too much
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.73,0:02:34.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,responsibility and feels
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.39,0:02:35.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really unworthy. So...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.44,0:02:37.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Renate: So you had a difficult
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.21,0:02:39.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,childhood. I guess?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.15,0:02:40.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne: Well, I had
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.24,0:02:43.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some difficulties in childhood
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.04,0:02:45.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I wouldn't blame my parents...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.52,0:02:46.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Renate: Sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.64,0:02:48.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne: ...at all, you know, it’s...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.66,0:02:49.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have no control over
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.92,0:02:51.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these things,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.92,0:02:54.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I know the way I responded
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.28,0:02:56.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was quite bad, rather than
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.16,0:02:57.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what actually
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.14,0:02:59.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,might have happened to me; so that was quite
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.44,0:03:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,difficult and I had
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.98,0:03:03.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a very difficult adolescence,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.24,0:03:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I suppose,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.42,0:03:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and did lots of experimenting
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.00,0:03:08.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with altering my state of mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.32,0:03:09.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was very dependent
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.72,0:03:10.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on alcohol
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.64,0:03:12.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and other substances
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.22,0:03:15.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and was just basically desperate
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.22,0:03:16.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be anywhere
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.74,0:03:18.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but where I was;
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.64,0:03:20.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,desperate to get out of
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.22,0:03:22.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my head in any way I could.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.07,0:03:28.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whatever was in front of me was never enough
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.07,0:03:30.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was never good enough,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.28,0:03:32.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or else it was terrible.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.38,0:03:34.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I wanted to leave.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.76,0:03:37.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never could just be there,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.69,0:03:38.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just be there,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.46,0:03:41.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so when I had this sort of big existential crisis
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.58,0:03:43.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or whatever [voice becoming shaky],
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.37,0:03:45.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,depression and suicide
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.56,0:03:48.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all that, which so many people go through,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.48,0:03:51.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was really suffering;
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.40,0:03:54.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was really awful.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.31,0:03:58.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I suppose the therapy substituted
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.31,0:03:59.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with what other people
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.64,0:04:01.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,might practice in other ways,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.96,0:04:03.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know. It was just a peeling
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.54,0:04:06.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,away of the ego
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.27,0:04:10.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the need to be validated. And in some strange
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.24,0:04:11.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,convoluted way.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.33,0:04:13.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was validated
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.26,0:04:15.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and loved by the therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.21,0:04:17.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and also by my friends and family.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.60,0:04:19.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that sense of worthlessness
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.87,0:04:21.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,got peeled away through that;
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.63,0:04:22.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just sort of a being
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.89,0:04:23.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a presence
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.83,0:04:25.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with other people
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.02,0:04:27.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,became enjoyable
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.86,0:04:31.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was able to appreciate it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.04,0:04:32.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I had this thing
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.42,0:04:33.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the knife [laughing],
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.81,0:04:34.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,washing up.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.79,0:04:37.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Renate: Yes, so tell us that thing with the knife.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.11,0:04:39.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne: Well, the thing with the knife:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.78,0:04:43.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was just washing up and was...
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.78,0:04:45.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had never been a traditional
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.33,0:04:46.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,seeker in the way
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.37,0:04:48.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that some people are,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.100,0:04:50.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I had these recently
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.74,0:04:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,introduced ideas about it
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.40,0:04:55.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about the meaning of life,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.16,0:04:56.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what is it? What is...?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.80,0:04:59.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are all one,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.12,0:05:00.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, that kind of thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.74,0:05:02.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very vague and nebulous.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.11,0:05:03.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I looked at the knife
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.62,0:05:04.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it just seemed to be
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.88,0:05:05.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very much itself.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.97,0:05:07.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know...
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.17,0:05:09.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Renate: So the knife was itself?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.09,0:05:10.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne: The knife became
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.45,0:05:13.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very 'knife-ish' [laughing]
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.06,0:05:14.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's very, very,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.14,0:05:15.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very hard to describe,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.45,0:05:16.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,except that I then just saw
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.97,0:05:18.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that everything had always been
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.95,0:05:20.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like that, the whole time,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.22,0:05:22.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with maybe something
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.96,0:05:24.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the way of it
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.22,0:05:26.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(we could call that the ego if you like;
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.14,0:05:27.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something like that).
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.63,0:05:29.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was just not able
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.23,0:05:32.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to fully appreciate it until then.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.19,0:05:34.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I think if I could just say,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.76,0:05:38.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's maybe a bit dangerous
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.17,0:05:40.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a way to describe
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.50,0:05:42.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a certain happening,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.28,0:05:44.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a big event that seems to happen
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.63,0:05:46.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and an awakening ‘ah-ha!’ moment,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.45,0:05:47.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because often...
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.57,0:05:49.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's not the case, I think,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.76,0:05:52.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with some people; it’s a very gradual,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.71,0:05:54.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gentle sort of a thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.79,0:05:56.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But for me it just had to be “Whoa"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.56,0:05:58.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Whoa" here I am!” [laughs]
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.64,0:05:59.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Renate: Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.60,0:06:01.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne: And whatever I was looking for
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.62,0:06:03.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was this knife and whatever else
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.100,0:06:05.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,happened to be around.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.71,0:06:07.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Renate: Yes. So what happened
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.51,0:06:10.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after you saw the real
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.38,0:06:13.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,nature in the knife [laughing]?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.84,0:06:16.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne: Well, what happened?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.96,0:06:18.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't really matter,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.78,0:06:20.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I did have a sort of a moment
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.53,0:06:22.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there where I was crouching
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.60,0:06:26.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the kitchen floor going “Whoa!”
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.46,0:06:27.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a bit like Bill and Ted in
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.88,0:06:30.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their ‘Excellent Adventure’ “Whoa, whoa!”
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.58,0:06:33.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it didn’t really last that long,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.64,0:06:35.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that was kind of fun.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.78,0:06:38.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A sort of internal visual thing
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.55,0:06:40.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of all creation forming in on
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.06,0:06:42.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,itself again and again
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.11,0:06:43.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and kind of winking in and out
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.60,0:06:44.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of existence over and over.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.92,0:06:45.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Something like that.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.100,0:06:47.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's very hard to describe.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.47,0:06:49.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Renate: So you knew
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.53,0:06:51.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what you were experiencing in
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.49,0:06:52.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this moment?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.38,0:06:54.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You didn’t have any doubts coming in,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.71,0:06:56.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or you didn't have any thought like,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.56,0:06:58.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,“Oh my God, I am getting crazy!”?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.19,0:06:59.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne: Yes, well, I think that
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.85,0:07:02.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,afterwards, yes I did |laughing]!
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.17,0:07:04.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got some sort of
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.95,0:07:08.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a physiological, phenomenal thing
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.95,0:07:10.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I was... I felt like I was
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.66,0:07:11.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,seeing things
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.48,0:07:12.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe slightly above
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.92,0:07:15.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the usual where the eyes
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.07,0:07:16.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,come out
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.35,0:07:17.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I did think...
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.41,0:07:18.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was still in therapy
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.76,0:07:22.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was thinking "Am I going nuts?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.76,0:07:24.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I was just searching
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.17,0:07:25.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the internet,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.18,0:07:26.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as one does these days,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.62,0:07:29.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I came across
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.35,0:07:31.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stanley Sobottka's Course
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.09,0:07:33.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in Consciousness.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.93,0:07:35.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He’s a quantum physicist at
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.48,0:07:36.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the University Of Virginia
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.100,0:07:38.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he wrote...
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.54,0:07:41.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had a whole tome of about
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.40,0:07:43.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,two hundred pages, about
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.15,0:07:44.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the scientific way
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.42,0:07:46.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of getting there.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.04,0:07:47.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was an atomic physicist
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.39,0:07:49.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so he was looking at the atom
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.17,0:07:50.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how it’s all spaced,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.53,0:07:52.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that there don't seem to be
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.04,0:07:53.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,any rules and
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.01,0:07:54.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there doesn’t seem to be anything
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.61,0:07:56.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there and how he came to some
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.10,0:07:56.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kind of enlightenment through that.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.86,0:07:57.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Renate: O really?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.63,0:07:59.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne: Yeah. And at the end of
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.26,0:08:02.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of that tome, Tony Parsons
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.38,0:08:03.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was cited.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.89,0:08:05.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which he’s quite local;
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.12,0:08:07.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he's the only one in UK that was cited.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.13,0:08:09.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I went to see him,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.52,0:08:11.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just some of the words that
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.21,0:08:12.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he used just... It just reassured
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.86,0:08:13.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my mind that
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.68,0:08:16.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it wasn't going mad, you know;
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.33,0:08:17.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it was just...
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.86,0:08:21.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,seeing things very clearly
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.70,0:08:22.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and without some of
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.85,0:08:26.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the usual safeguards that
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.85,0:08:28.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the mind puts in place perhaps.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.57,0:08:30.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that’s why my perspective
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.19,0:08:31.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was slightly different;
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.92,0:08:34.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,things would seem to actually
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.80,0:08:36.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,visually disappear
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.70,0:08:38.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that kind of thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.93,0:08:41.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that really doesn't seem to be
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.17,0:08:42.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an issue at the moment
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.65,0:08:47.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it just.. Everything seems very
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.64,0:08:50.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,much itself and it always has done.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.30,0:08:52.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Renate: Yes. So when you say,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.36,0:08:54.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Things started disappearing" -
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.45,0:08:57.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that something you still experience?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.79,0:09:01.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzanne: Not really. I mean,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.79,0:09:03.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot of people who write and
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.89,0:09:07.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talk about this kind of thing
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.74,0:09:11.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they do go on about the
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.17,0:09:12.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,importance of not thinking and
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.100,0:09:14.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you must not think
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.56,0:09:16.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and clear your mind of thoughts.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.88,0:09:18.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if I do... If my mind doesn't seem
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.95,0:09:22.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be terribly engaged, you know
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.95,0:09:24.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with thinking and planning
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.60,0:09:26.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and 'whatever-ing', then yes
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.92,0:09:28.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sometimes actual physical
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.58,0:09:30.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,objects can just seem to waver
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.40,0:09:32.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,around a bit, you know...
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.76,0:09:35.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I wouldn’t say this is
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.53,0:09:36.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a necessary thing, or a thing
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.98,0:09:38.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that people should be
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.11,0:09:39.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,looking for, it’s just,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.28,0:09:40.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know the mind is going
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.00,0:09:43.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to do funny things sometimes.