Hello down there!
I just finished watching the Snow White live-action remake.
And now, I'm leaving the parking lot on my way home.
I wasn't going to see it initially because
I'm beyond tired of live-action remakes.
I don't like them.
I do not like greens eggs and ham.
And the only reason I decided to go see this one is because
somehow there was a lot of hype for it with people saying
it's one of the best live-action remakes ever made.
Now that I finished it, I can say I disagree.
I apologize for the wacky camera angle here
that looks like it's filming a dick pic,
but I wanted to just give you my raw thoughts
immediately after seeing it.
I didn't really like it.
I know there was a lot of controversy with the movie.
Don't really know what it all was. I didn't pay too much attention.
I know the star, Rachel Zegler, apparently
had, like, some bad interviews or something
and Gal Gadot, people say, is, like, the worst actress of our generation.
Couldn't tell ya.
All I know is I didn't like the movie.
So setting aside the controversy with it,
was the film good in its own right?
Not to me, it wasn't.
But I'm also not the target demographic anymore,
I'm a fuckin' 30-year-old greaseball.
The Snow White remake, it shares a little bit in common with the original.
But it feels like it wanted to carve its own path.
It's a little bit longer than the original,
so it adds a little bit more.
Not a ton, but it adds things that nobody gives a fuck about
and it really feels like there was two different visions
for the film that ended up clashing.
So they have the seven dwarves, but they also have seven bandits,
which I don't get the point of.
The only bandit that matters is the main one, Jonathan.
Every other bandit, I don't think they even had a name.
There was, like, one scene where they said one of their names,
but you don't know who the fuck they're talking about
'cause they have never mentioned any of them by name.
I don't know why they're here.
It feels like they are the remnants of what
the original direction was for this remake.
At least that's my little fuckin' tinfoil condom conspiracy theory.
It feels like the seven bandits were supposed to replace the dwarves
but then they decided not to do that,
so now you have the seven bandits and the seven dwarves,
and it just doesn't mesh well at all.
Really, most of the movie I don't think meshes super well.
There's a lot of new songs in it that
I didn't recognize from the original and I thought they blew ass.
I wasn't a fan.
But there was a couple songs that I recognized from
the original, and they were fine.
Those were kind of fun. Like the classic Heigh Ho,
that was kind of sweet.
Truthfully, I just don't have a whole lot to say about the movie
'cause it is absolutely just not for me.
Also, I feel like I'm shouting at the phone screen right now
like I got headphones on,
but... you know, it is what it is.
It's just... I don't... like, I (laughs) I really feel like
I'm at this point shaking my fist at the clouds.
I don't really... don't see...
why you'd ever choose to watch this over the original.
Like, it's not a "bad" movie, really...
Like, it's not even terrible. I think, there's things about it
that don't really work for me, personally.
But, but it's, again It's not for me
I'm not a 6 year old
But like, when I'm watching this and remembering the original
Like the poison apple in the original for example
Big deal
Like an actual huge piece of the original
In this one, it's nothing
It is beyond nothing
So like, the...
The evil...
So when Snow White gets the poison apple
?
She takes a bite and then she gets the sleeping death
Well, she only stays sleeping dead for like 10 minutes
It, it was a sleeping snooze
Like she actually just took a nap because
she was only in that state for 2 scenes
And then Jonathon came up and gave her a kiss
And then she was immediately freed from it
So like there's never like it doesn't even feel like there's
ever anything at stake
It doesn't even feel like serious
It just, it's crazy to say this but
It feels like it moves so fuckin' fast despite being longer than
Longer than the original
And yet offers less reasons to get invested
If that makes sense
Like I shit you not, she gets the fuckin' poison apple,
she falls asleep with ?
The dwarfs come up and they're like "aw jinkies"
So then they hold like a fuckin' viking burial
kind of
they put her on a rock
and they're like lamenting that she's shed the mortal coil
And like it switches to another scene with Jonathon who
breaks out of the, the castle, and then he
immediately shows up, and they're still there
Like over her body, her corpse
So I think it's really only been like 5 minutes
They haven't begun the funeral
and Jonathon shows up and kisses her, and she's fine
So like, it never really feels like anything's a big deal
So you're kinda just there to enjoy the music moreso than anything
Which I wasn't liking
And to be honest, while it's just me and you here
I walked out of the movie
And I'm kind of embarrassed to say that 'cause
I never walk out of movies, and this movie
like I said, isn't even like the worst movie I've ever seen or anything
It's not even the worst live action remake I've seen
But I walked out with like the last 15 minutes
'Cause I was just so fuckin' bored
And I really was just, really in a, like a, trance
Like a ? state
And I was ready to leave
So I didn't, maybe the ending really saves it
Maybe the ending ties it all together with an absolute masterpiece
But I doubt it
Now as someone who stared in the Hunger Games ? Part 1
I feel qualified to ? on acting performances
And I would say, it was, fine, overall
Like I, I actually think ? did a good job as Snow White
Like, she didn't do like anything crazy, it wasn't y'know,
some kind of Oscar worthy performance
But I thought it was really just, fine
Gal Godot, on the other hand, I do not think was the right choice for this role
It feels like she wanted to go like over the top and like ham it up, but
was a little reserved
Like didn't really commit to going crazy with it
And then it just kind of
Peters in this, really, bad purgatory of just being flat
Like she's never over the top enough that it becomes charming
and like disney villain like
but it's also not played seriously enough to the point where
you like take her seriously
so she's just kind of dull
And everyone else around them,
they don't have a big enough role to play for me to
give a fuck to even talk about their performances
I guess except for maybe Jonathon
But Jonathon, he just had to be in love with Snow White immediately and
that's kind of it
So he didn't really get a whole lot to do besides that
Anyway though, that's kinda my review of Snow White live action 2025
I didn't like it very much
But I imagine if you're 6 years old or you just really like disney live action remakes
you'll probably be pretty satisfied with the film, I think, most likely
yep
well that's really about it
I'm driving right now, and I don't like to take my eyes of the road
So when I get to the next red light, I'll, I'll stop the recording