Hello down there!
I just finished watching the Snow White live-action remake.
And now, I'm leaving the parking lot on my way home.
I wasn't going to see it initially because
I'm beyond tired of live-action remakes.
I don't like them.
I do not like greens eggs and ham.
And the only reason I decided to go see this one is because
somehow there was a lot of hype for it with people saying
it's one of the best live-action remakes ever made.
Now that I finished it, I can say I disagree.
I apologize for the wacky camera angle here
that looks like it's filming a dick pic,
but I wanted to just give you my raw thoughts
immediately after seeing it.
I didn't really like it.
I know there was a lot of controversy with the movie.
Don't really know what it all was. I didn't pay too much attention.
I know the star, Rachel Zegler, apparently
had, like, some bad interviews or something
and Gal Gadot, people say, is, like, the worst actress of our generation.
Couldn't tell ya.
All I know is I didn't like the movie.
So setting aside the controversy with it,
was the film good in its own right?
Not to me, it wasn't.
But I'm also not the target demographic anymore,
I'm a fuckin' 30-year-old greaseball.
The Snow White remake, it shares a little bit in common with the original.
But it feels like it wanted to carve its own path.
It's a little bit longer than the original,
so it adds a little bit more.
Not a ton, but it adds things that nobody gives a fuck about
and it really feels like there was two different visions
for the film that ended up clashing.
So they have the seven dwarves, but they also have seven bandits,
which I don't get the point of.
The only bandit that matters is the main one, Jonathan.
Every other bandit, I don't think they even had a name.
There was, like, one scene where they said one of their names,
but you don't know who the fuck they're talking about
'cause they have never mentioned any of them by name.
I don't know why they're here.
It feels like they are the remnants of what
the original direction was for this remake.
At least that's my little fuckin' tinfoil condom conspiracy theory.
It feels like the seven bandits were supposed to replace the dwarves
but then they decided not to do that,
so now you have the seven bandits and the seven dwarves,
and it just doesn't mesh well at all.
Really, most of the movie I don't think meshes super well.
There's a lot of new songs in it that
I didn't recognize from the original and I thought they blew ass.
I wasn't a fan.
But there was a couple songs that I recognized from
the original, and they were fine.
Those were kind of fun. Like the classic Heigh Ho,
that was kind of sweet.
Truthfully, I just don't have a whole lot to say about the movie
'cause it is absolutely just not for me.
Also, I feel like I'm shouting at the phone screen right now
like I got headphones on,
but... you know, it is what it is.
It's just... I don't... like, I (laughs) I really feel like
I'm at this point shaking my fist at the clouds.
I don't really... don't see...
why you'd ever choose to watch this over the original.
Like, it's not a "bad" movie, really...
Like, it's not even terrible. I think, there's things about it
that don't really work for me, personally.