A while ago I did a video 
where I explained

the single biggest barrier to awareness.

I basically explained that 
people don't see things

when the seeing of that thing 
would cause them pain.

Obviously, 
the avoidance of seeing something,

because seeing that something
would apply pain,

means that it is an avoidance strategy

and by definition therefore,
a coping mechanism.

If you want to see the video 
to understand this deeper,

the video is titled:

The Single Biggest Barrier to Awareness

In every city that I go to,

people sit across from me
in this intense frustration.

That they have certain truths,

truths that they feel are very 
important for other people to see,

but they cannot get these people to see.

This is an excruciating experience,

because it means that if 
people won't see something,

they won't make adjustments accordingly.

For example, let's say 
that we step on a cat's tail,

if we don't see that we're 
stepping on the cat's tail,

not only are we gonna 
continue to stand on it,

we're also going to 
tell ourselves the story

that the cat is insane, 
because it's screaming.

What people don't see,

is that they are 
fighting against resistance.

This is something we're all trained to do.

We meet opposition with 
equal or greater opposition.

We bulldoze it or continue 
to try to bypass it,

anything but try to resolve it directly.

When we do this, we don't get

that fighting against resistance
is resisting resistance,

which will, of course, never work.

All resistance really is, 
by the way, is opposition.

But it serves as a shield

that makes it so that we can 
never fully be in a relationship

to whatever's behind the shield

I'm gonna give you 
a golden rule of thumb today;

It's that if somebody 
is in resistance to something,

immediately drop whatever 
your original aim was,

and focus instead,

entirely on the resistance that they hold.

If they refuse to accept something,

deal directly with the part of them 
that refuses to accept it.

If they're not seeing a truth,

stop trying to convince them of it,

and instead, 
directly address the resistance

to seeing the truth in the first place.

I have an image for you

that may serve to ingrain 
this concept in you deeper.

I want you to imagine that you're 
trying to dance with somebody

but every time you go 
try to dance with them,

they are swatting you away.

It's obvious, they're making it obvious

that they don't want to dance.

I want you to imagine that in that moment

there's a shield that comes 
up in between the two of you.

Now if you continue to try 
to dance with this person,

you're ignoring and bulldozing 
that shield in front of you.

So you need to step back

and instead deal with the shield itself

or deal with them

in understanding why the shield is there,

what it needs from you.

It's really through that experience

of dealing with the resistance 
that you figure out

what those little loopholes are

or ways that you can help 
that shield come down.

But it should go without saying,

that this should happen before you 
start trying to dance with them again.

This should be the way you 
go about communicating.

Continuing to use this analogy,

drawing the person's 
attention to this shield,

helps them to become aware.

It helps them to introduce awareness 
to their own resistance.

And this is what begins corroding it.

Like a light beam shining 
on a sheet of ice.

This is the necessary step to take

for acceptance to occur.

Acceptance is the opposite 
of denial and avoidance.

To accept something

is simply to see it as valid and correct.

Now to accept something 
has nothing to do

with whether you like 
what you're accepting.

It has nothing to do with 
whether you condone it or not.

it's simply:

"I see this as valid or correct enough,

that I'm going to open myself 
to the experience of it,

rather than close myself off to it."

Basically doing this,

makes your being consent to 
receiving it and digesting it as truth

instead of fighting to not 
acknowledge it and not take it in.

Something that may help 
you to not resist resistance,

is to realize that a person's resistance

always comes from a 
super vulnerable place.

These parts of somebody that 
are resistant to seeing a truth,

specifically resist seeing that truth 
because it would lead to pain.

Everybody wants to avoid pain.

I mean, that's like a natural 
inclination for human beings.

Therefore the parts of them 
that don't want to see

are trying to protect them. 
It's all we're trying to do.

And yes, this is even the case

when somebody is not seeing something

when you see and it's obvious to you

that them not seeing it actually 
makes them end up in more pain.

Basically, you got to try to remember

they're just trying to stay safe.

And the safer you can make them feel

in the circumstance the less resistance

they're gonna have to seeing something.

The less pain,

the more willing they are to see it.

To understand this concept and depth,

I want you to watch my video titled:

There Is No Such Thing As Self Sabotage.

Helping someone to see

and really explore their own 
resistance to seeing something,

is a bigger gift

and always will be

than you trying to show them

whatever it is you're trying to show them.

For example, let's say it's obvious to you

that this parent

is interacting with their child 
in really self-centered ways.

It's obvious to you they're 
projecting all of their own needs

and their own desires on the child

and holding the child 
accountable to those things.

You may want to make them see this,

but the thing is that if you drag 
that in front of their awareness,

it's gonna cause them to feel shame.

They're gonna go into 
instantaneous resistance

and they're gonna 
look at you and say:

"NO! You aren't seeing this correctly,

everything I do, I do for my 
child and their best interests."

If you're able to stop

and work with their resistance 
to seeing this in the first place,

just the resistance itself,

what this could actually do

is drastically alter their relationship

in all sectors of their life, 
to everything.

The reason that the shame would 
have been kicked up in this parent

is because they believe that being 
self-interested it is not okay.

Their own denial and refusal 
to see themselves as self centered

will affect all areas of their life,

not just their relationship 
with their child.

This awareness has the capacity 
to make this person

a different and more 
authentic person all around.

Someone who does not subconsciously

get his or her needs met in a roundabout

subconscious or manipulative way.

Within a person's resistance

is the key to their childhood pain 
and what really needs resolving.

In the above scenario,

the parent has a trauma around 
their own Self-interests.

The condemnation they experienced

when trying to meet 
their own needs directly

is what created this covert strategy
of meeting their own needs

through their children and 
other people most likely.

This is what really needs 
resolving within them.

Become aware of what pain

or what painful changes

are indicated in a person's refusal

to see or feel or hear 
or accept something.

Become aware of what painful meaning

they're adding to an experience,

so that they will have 
no incentive to see it.

The more consciously willing they 
are to really faced that pain,

the more willing they will be

to open themselves up to awareness.

And the less painful you 
make it for them to do that,

the more open and willing they will be

to open themselves up to awareness.

I've got a better analogy 
I just came up with;

Imagine that you're trying 
to dance a waltz with someone,

and that person isn't having it,

because they're throwing 
up resistance.

and let's say the resistance 
they are throwing up

is that they're beginning 
to dance the tango.

Dance the tango with them instead.

Whenever you see resistance come up,

dance with the resistance.

Doing this means you have 
to get off your rigid stance

about the truth 
you're wanting them to see,

and instead, approach or deal with 
the resistance itself.

Do so with the energy and tonality 
and body language of curiosity.

From this place you can ask them,

if this thing were true 
and were the reality

what would be so bad about that?

If this thing were the actual 
truth or the actual reality,

what pain could a person avoid 
by refusing to see and accept it?

What would it mean about 
you or about the world?

You can help them from there,

to change their perspective 
relative to the answers they give.

You can help them 
to soften their resistance.

If you really want someone 
to see the truth,

you are never going to be able to 
just force them to see the truth.

Instead, you've got to show 
them their own resistance

to seeing the truth.

And help them 
to work with that resistance.

Have a good week.

Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte
www.tanyaduarte.com