0:00:14.868,0:00:20.373
It's been said if you never want[br]to have sex again, get married.

0:00:20.374,0:00:22.034
(Laughter)

0:00:22.615,0:00:27.076
Sex is one of the most contentious[br]issues in marriage today,

0:00:27.576,0:00:29.934
second only to finances.

0:00:30.117,0:00:32.018
There are many married couples

0:00:32.019,0:00:35.698
that have not had sex[br]for months, even years,

0:00:35.699,0:00:40.250
and that's OK as long as they are OK[br]with it and happily married.

0:00:40.763,0:00:46.142
The problem arises when one person[br]in the relationship wants sex,

0:00:46.143,0:00:48.194
and the other doesn't.

0:00:48.784,0:00:54.053
According to a national newspaper survey[br]of approximately 10,000 respondents

0:00:54.054,0:00:55.415
- mostly married men -

0:00:55.744,0:01:00.738
75% were satisfied in their relationship,

0:01:00.739,0:01:05.566
but more than 50%[br]were dissatisfied with their sex lives.

0:01:05.567,0:01:08.415
We are having sex[br]- don't get me wrong -

0:01:08.416,0:01:12.892
we are just having sex at the wrong time,[br]and with the wrong people;

0:01:12.893,0:01:14.795
I'll get to that later.

0:01:14.796,0:01:16.576
(Laughter)

0:01:16.577,0:01:20.928
We are having sex before we get married,[br]ten years on average,

0:01:21.494,0:01:25.094
so we are effectively[br]in a long-term relationship

0:01:25.095,0:01:31.552
and potentially, quite sexually bored[br]before we even mess up the marital bed.

0:01:32.081,0:01:34.711
And that has its consequences.

0:01:34.712,0:01:39.393
Most brides today do not have sex[br]on their wedding nights,

0:01:39.394,0:01:43.501
and 50% of men would not[br]have married their spouse

0:01:43.502,0:01:48.292
had they known their marriage[br]was going to be sexless.

0:01:49.063,0:01:51.177
So, everybody wants to know

0:01:51.178,0:01:54.554
just how much sex[br]are married people having

0:01:54.555,0:01:59.592
whether they are in heterosexual[br]relationships or same-sex unions.

0:01:59.593,0:02:03.972
You all want to know what's going on[br]at the Joneses; well, not much.

0:02:03.973,0:02:05.524
(Laughter)

0:02:07.184,0:02:13.146
Only about 7% of married couples[br]set the sheets ablaze.

0:02:13.995,0:02:17.224
Most married couples have sex

0:02:17.225,0:02:21.604
a little bit more than once a week[br]for the first decade of their marriage.

0:02:21.605,0:02:23.164
It decreases after that.

0:02:23.165,0:02:25.439
So they have sex about 58 times a year.

0:02:26.322,0:02:32.152
And 20% of marriages meet the criteria[br]as a sexless marriage,

0:02:32.153,0:02:38.328
and that, defined by the experts,[br]is sex less than ten times a year.

0:02:39.515,0:02:43.047
So why aren't we having sex[br]in our marriages?

0:02:43.048,0:02:46.665
There's a little-known[br]chemical in the brain

0:02:46.666,0:02:49.742
conveniently called PEA or 'PEA, '

0:02:49.989,0:02:56.324
and it's responsible for the elation,[br]the excitement, and the euphoria

0:02:56.325,0:03:02.144
that you feel when you meet somebody[br]that you are sexually interested in.

0:03:03.724,0:03:05.646
It's a fantastic feeling.

0:03:05.647,0:03:09.476
This chemical is gorging[br]through your blood vessels.

0:03:09.477,0:03:14.007
You are so happy; that's[br]how powerful this little chemical is.

0:03:14.008,0:03:17.072
But what happens after two years

0:03:17.073,0:03:21.984
is that chemical diminishes[br]as does sexual frequency.

0:03:21.985,0:03:23.573
That's just about the time

0:03:23.574,0:03:26.858
you might get married[br]or may have conflict in your relationship,

0:03:27.214,0:03:31.763
and that is why communication[br]is key to great sex.

0:03:31.764,0:03:33.534
There is another reason

0:03:33.535,0:03:35.555
we are not having sex[br]in our relationship,

0:03:36.025,0:03:40.396
and that has to do[br]with the sex education that we provide.

0:03:41.192,0:03:43.783
I'd like to share a story about myself.

0:03:44.202,0:03:48.617
When I was a teenager, my mother[br]came racing into my bedroom, and she said,

0:03:48.618,0:03:50.552
"Maureen, please, tell me

0:03:50.553,0:03:53.514
you have not allowed a boy[br]to French-kiss you."

0:03:54.580,0:03:58.729
She was feeling terrible[br]that the sex education came a bit late.

0:03:58.730,0:04:02.439
And I was feeling horrifically guilty,[br]as an Irish Catholic girl,

0:04:02.440,0:04:04.658
that I'd French-kissed a number of boys

0:04:04.659,0:04:06.068
(Laughter)

0:04:06.069,0:04:07.599
by that stage.

0:04:10.012,0:04:11.839
We teach girls and women

0:04:11.840,0:04:15.649
that sex is dirty,[br]and sex is bad, or it's over rated.

0:04:16.149,0:04:19.596
We say, "You're just going to get[br]a sexual-transmitted infection anyway,"

0:04:19.596,0:04:20.904
or, "You may get pregnant!"

0:04:20.906,0:04:24.120
This whole fear-base thing[br]frightens women from enjoying sex,

0:04:24.121,0:04:29.169
and we never talk about pleasure[br]or orgasm with girls and women.

0:04:29.170,0:04:34.178
And in fact, some women say,[br]"Orgasm's not important,"

0:04:34.179,0:04:38.069
and that the journey is just as good[br]as the destination.

0:04:38.070,0:04:39.100
I disagree.

0:04:39.681,0:04:40.931
(Laughter)

0:04:40.932,0:04:42.028
Of course.

0:04:42.481,0:04:45.928
I am the one who French-kissed[br]all the boys, as an Irish Catholic girl.

0:04:45.929,0:04:47.178
(Laughter)

0:04:47.179,0:04:48.729
(Applause)

0:04:50.895,0:04:54.294
It's like getting on a train[br]with your lover,

0:04:54.843,0:04:58.700
and you are going to the most pleasurable[br]place on the planet.

0:04:58.701,0:05:00.324
You are so excited.

0:05:00.325,0:05:04.101
You are getting lubed up with all[br]the free drinks they are giving you.

0:05:04.102,0:05:05.604
This is amazing!

0:05:06.199,0:05:08.667
And just before you reach[br]your destination,

0:05:09.377,0:05:11.873
he gets off, and you don't.

0:05:11.874,0:05:13.242
(Laughter)

0:05:13.243,0:05:14.685
You get my point.

0:05:14.686,0:05:15.865
(Laughter)

0:05:16.506,0:05:18.136
(Applause)

0:05:20.896,0:05:24.555
The sex education[br]we have for boys and men:

0:05:24.556,0:05:26.137
that's entirely different.

0:05:26.615,0:05:31.198
It's a global program, it's free,[br]it's accessible to everybody,

0:05:31.948,0:05:35.597
and it's known as internet pornography.

0:05:35.598,0:05:36.907
Fantastic!

0:05:36.908,0:05:41.406
And it does nothing to teach[br]men and boys about intimacy

0:05:41.407,0:05:44.538
which is really important to men and boys,

0:05:44.539,0:05:48.028
or how to make love to anybody.

0:05:49.399,0:05:54.871
Also, we have a paucity of information[br]about sexual health

0:05:54.872,0:05:58.015
for LGBTQI community,

0:05:58.818,0:06:01.368
and we need to add to that.

0:06:01.908,0:06:05.887
Marriage can rapidly go[br]from a holy matrimony to holy hell

0:06:05.888,0:06:10.002
with the finances, the kids,[br]the houses, the illness.

0:06:10.003,0:06:12.592
I mean, you may have signed up[br]for sickness and health,

0:06:12.593,0:06:15.911
but that was long before[br]you'd ever witnessed a man cold.

0:06:15.930,0:06:17.069
(Laughter)

0:06:17.070,0:06:18.109
And...

0:06:18.110,0:06:19.575
(Laughter)

0:06:21.136,0:06:23.966
And how about that richer or poorer thing?

0:06:23.967,0:06:26.956
Ladies, we are going to have[br]to start going for richer.

0:06:26.957,0:06:32.116
Most women today are working[br]inside and outside of the home.

0:06:32.117,0:06:34.385
We are doing the lion's share[br]of the housework

0:06:34.386,0:06:38.364
because according to research,[br]men don't feel they are that good at it.

0:06:38.365,0:06:41.205
And we are bridging the gap

0:06:41.206,0:06:44.271
between growing children[br]and aging parents.

0:06:44.272,0:06:48.192
We are exhausted doing it all[br]and never doing it.

0:06:48.193,0:06:52.713
And when we are doing it,[br]we are checking our smartphones.

0:06:52.714,0:06:56.634
10% of people check[br]their smartphones during sex

0:06:56.635,0:06:58.282
(Laughter)

0:06:58.451,0:07:02.069
35% immediately afterward.

0:07:03.875,0:07:07.492
We are connected to the Internet

0:07:07.493,0:07:08.978
(Laughter)

0:07:11.899,0:07:14.229
(Cheers) (Applause)

0:07:21.452,0:07:27.487
We are connected to the Internet[br]and disconnected from our would-be lovers.

0:07:27.882,0:07:29.675
Maybe this is the reason

0:07:29.676,0:07:36.290
that the most common sex position[br]for married couples is doggy style.

0:07:37.183,0:07:38.183
No, no, no!

0:07:38.184,0:07:39.613
It's not what you're thinking.

0:07:39.614,0:07:41.555
Get your minds out of the gutter.

0:07:41.556,0:07:45.020
This is the one where he is[br]on all his fours and begs,

0:07:45.021,0:07:46.804
and she plays dead.

0:07:46.805,0:07:48.576
(Laughter)

0:07:53.220,0:07:57.136
I have a clinical practice where I see[br]patients that have sexual dysfunction,

0:07:57.627,0:08:00.266
and there are two questions[br]that I ask everybody.

0:08:00.446,0:08:03.109
The first one is,[br]"Are you sexually active?"

0:08:03.110,0:08:04.206
It's obvious.

0:08:04.702,0:08:09.839
When I ask women,[br]they never say yes or no

0:08:09.840,0:08:11.272
- well, they never say yes -

0:08:11.273,0:08:12.753
but they never say yes or no.

0:08:13.055,0:08:15.151
They say, "Sometimes,"

0:08:15.152,0:08:19.031
"Sort of," "I am not sure," "He is"

0:08:19.032,0:08:20.710
(Laughter)

0:08:20.711,0:08:24.104
or they say, "I am married."

0:08:24.444,0:08:27.351
I say, "Well, that means no to me."

0:08:27.352,0:08:30.611
They say, "Yes, sure. Right. it is no."

0:08:30.612,0:08:35.989
Most men complain[br]that women never initiate sex.

0:08:37.071,0:08:40.746
The reason for this[br]is because, once again,

0:08:40.748,0:08:43.929
the sex education we provide to women.

0:08:44.142,0:08:45.892
Women falsely believe

0:08:46.205,0:08:51.776
that female sexual interest, desire,[br]precedes sexual activity,

0:08:51.777,0:08:53.631
when in actuality,

0:08:54.209,0:08:59.751
it is sexual activity that prompts[br]sexual interest and desire.

0:08:59.752,0:09:05.229
Sexual arousal emerges[br]as a result of sexual activity.

0:09:07.821,0:09:13.063
So, you guys, I know,[br]intimacy is important to you.

0:09:14.410,0:09:17.252
The most important question[br]that reflects this,

0:09:17.253,0:09:18.872
that I receive from you,

0:09:18.873,0:09:22.741
is, "How much masturbation[br]is too much masturbation?"

0:09:22.742,0:09:23.931
(Laughter)

0:09:23.932,0:09:30.143
So, I just say, "Well,[br]as long as you can go to work

0:09:30.144,0:09:32.282
(Laughter)

0:09:32.283,0:09:34.012
you should be fine."

0:09:34.703,0:09:36.760
And then I realize

0:09:38.600,0:09:42.449
that that's perhaps[br]all that what you are doing at work.

0:09:42.450,0:09:44.067
(Laughter)

0:09:44.068,0:09:47.999
So, I know intimacy is important.

0:09:48.000,0:09:50.920
You want to come home,[br]and you want to make love to your wife

0:09:50.921,0:09:52.930
if you are in a heterosexual relationship.

0:09:52.931,0:09:58.315
So after a long[br]and quite possibly very hard day,

0:09:59.506,0:10:03.034
you come home to a bit of chaos, perhaps,

0:10:03.035,0:10:07.725
but you've just got sex on the mind,[br]and she says, "Did you remember the milk?"

0:10:07.965,0:10:12.017
And you are like,[br]"Darn! The milk! I forgot the milk!"

0:10:12.018,0:10:14.222
Don't beat yourselves up about it;

0:10:14.223,0:10:15.245
if not for the milk,

0:10:15.246,0:10:19.405
we have Facebook, hormones,[br]"I am feeling a little tired tonight,"

0:10:19.406,0:10:22.996
"My stomach is sticking out, I am feeling[br]kind of fat, can't do it tonight,"

0:10:22.997,0:10:25.016
"Didn't we have sex last month?"

0:10:25.017,0:10:27.356
And you are like,[br]"That was actually last year!"

0:10:27.357,0:10:28.498
(Laughter)

0:10:28.499,0:10:31.352
You don't get it.[br]I mean, literally, you don't get it.

0:10:31.353,0:10:35.662
But you're like, "She is amazing,[br]she works in and outside of the home,"

0:10:35.663,0:10:39.088
"She does a great job[br]with the kids," "She volunteers,"

0:10:39.089,0:10:42.644
She even has time for girls' nights out.

0:10:42.645,0:10:47.532
So, I brought a friend home[br]after one such girls' night out.

0:10:47.872,0:10:53.221
As we approached her house, drove up,[br]she looked up to her bedroom window,

0:10:53.222,0:10:55.474
she saw that the lights were on,[br]and she said,

0:10:55.475,0:10:59.092
"Argh! Donny is waiting up for me.[br]Do me a favor.

0:10:59.093,0:11:00.894
Drive around the block a few times

0:11:00.895,0:11:01.930
(Laughter)

0:11:01.931,0:11:03.602
until the light goes out."

0:11:03.996,0:11:09.271
I said, "Listen! You get in there[br]and make love to your husband,

0:11:09.272,0:11:11.174
before somebody else does."

0:11:11.175,0:11:15.662
Because that is one thing[br]that will increase a woman's sexual desire

0:11:15.663,0:11:18.037
when someone else wants her man.

0:11:18.735,0:11:21.712
Still unconvinced, she said,

0:11:22.922,0:11:27.251
"I decided to extol[br]the health and beauty benefits

0:11:27.252,0:11:29.638
that sex has for a woman:

0:11:30.178,0:11:35.598
a youthful glow, better sleep,[br]wrinkle-free skin.

0:11:35.969,0:11:37.917
Keep driving," she said.

0:11:37.918,0:11:39.029
(Laughter)

0:11:40.059,0:11:43.929
There is a device that will increase[br]anybody's sexual desire,

0:11:43.930,0:11:47.323
and that happens to be[br]the Mercedes-Benz 4matic convertible SL

0:11:47.324,0:11:48.324
(Laughter)

0:11:48.325,0:11:50.664
and it comes in 64 colors.

0:11:50.676,0:11:52.477
But if that doesn't do it,

0:11:52.478,0:11:56.547
the desire to have a baby will rev up[br]any woman's sex drive.

0:11:56.548,0:12:00.086
The problem is having that baby[br]is likely to kill it

0:12:00.087,0:12:04.417
along with any marital eroticism[br]a couple may have had

0:12:05.512,0:12:08.034
because a lot of people believe

0:12:08.035,0:12:12.656
motherhood and being sexual[br]is incongruous.

0:12:13.528,0:12:19.528
John followed me on Linkedln for two years[br]before he mustered up the courage

0:12:20.078,0:12:22.987
to make an appointment[br]about his sexless marriage.

0:12:22.988,0:12:25.107
He'd been married for seven years,

0:12:25.108,0:12:28.308
and they had never[br]consummated the relationship.

0:12:29.078,0:12:32.540
Their parents were pressuring them[br]to have children

0:12:32.541,0:12:34.531
because they wanted grandchildren.

0:12:35.574,0:12:38.393
When they came into my clinical practice,

0:12:38.394,0:12:42.826
the second question that I ask everybody[br]that enters my clinical practice,

0:12:42.827,0:12:44.636
most unfortunately, is,

0:12:44.637,0:12:50.475
"Have you ever experienced sexual abuse[br]or unwanted sexual advances as a child?"

0:12:51.507,0:12:54.220
This was the first time[br]this gentleman had learned

0:12:54.221,0:12:57.604
that his wife had experienced[br]sexual abuse, as a six-year-old,

0:12:57.605,0:13:00.453
at the hands of her best friend's father.

0:13:00.454,0:13:04.144
She thought sex was dirty, she hated sex.

0:13:05.084,0:13:09.534
We need a worldwide moratorium[br]on ending sexual violence on our children,

0:13:09.535,0:13:11.604
boys and girls,[br]because it happens to both.

0:13:11.605,0:13:12.890
(Applause)

0:13:21.595,0:13:25.466
Healing from sexual abuse[br]takes a lifetime.

0:13:27.921,0:13:29.927
Ella had lived a lifetime.

0:13:30.637,0:13:35.399
A widow, she said she wasn't[br]sexually active, but she hoped to be.

0:13:35.417,0:13:38.981
I thought, "Fantastic![br]Somebody is going to have sex here!"

0:13:39.302,0:13:41.965
But she said, "The problem, Maureen,

0:13:42.905,0:13:46.375
is that these old guys[br]can't get it up anymore."

0:13:46.914,0:13:50.013
I said, "Well, Ella, you might have[br]to go for a younger guy."

0:13:50.014,0:13:52.293
She said, "What's younger[br]when you are 84?"

0:13:52.294,0:13:53.329
(Laughter)

0:13:53.429,0:13:54.459
"70?"

0:13:54.469,0:13:55.729
(Laughter)

0:14:00.299,0:14:02.218
"Yes," some of you are saying.

0:14:02.219,0:14:04.276
The hard truth is

0:14:04.277,0:14:09.057
that men in their 30s and 40s[br]may experience erectile dysfunction.

0:14:09.732,0:14:13.451
Ella is going to have to go[br]for a millennial.

0:14:13.452,0:14:15.002
(Laughter)

0:14:18.127,0:14:20.876
So you are all probably thinking,[br]"What's the big deal?

0:14:20.877,0:14:23.066
Why treat my erectile dysfunction?"

0:14:23.067,0:14:26.359
Well, I liken the penis to a plane.

0:14:26.360,0:14:29.782
If the pilot can't get[br]the plane up in the air

0:14:29.783,0:14:32.672
and keep the plane[br]in the air for the entire trip,

0:14:32.673,0:14:35.143
it's probably a problem with the engine.

0:14:35.582,0:14:37.751
So if you can't get your penis up

0:14:37.752,0:14:41.132
and keep it up[br]for the entire sexual experience,

0:14:41.924,0:14:44.372
there's likely a problem with your engine.

0:14:44.373,0:14:46.054
Well, that's your heart.

0:14:46.754,0:14:49.339
Erectile dysfunction[br]is the canary in the coal mine,

0:14:49.340,0:14:52.175
and it may signify cardiovascular disease.

0:14:52.176,0:14:54.925
It may also indicate diabetes.

0:14:54.926,0:14:57.186
So, these two medical conditions,

0:14:57.187,0:15:01.761
in addition to low testosterone,[br]stress, substance use and abuse,

0:15:01.762,0:15:06.610
excessive alcohol consumption,[br]unresolved conflict, financial issues,

0:15:06.611,0:15:09.409
all of those may contribute[br]to low sexual desire,

0:15:09.410,0:15:12.441
and you may end up in a sexless marriage.

0:15:13.497,0:15:16.568
George presented to my clinical practice:

0:15:16.569,0:15:20.199
at age 40, he decided to settle down.

0:15:20.299,0:15:25.130
He was marrying a beautiful[br]and accomplished woman

0:15:25.870,0:15:27.439
in a few months.

0:15:27.440,0:15:29.130
There's only one problem:

0:15:30.000,0:15:31.189
George was gay!

0:15:31.190,0:15:32.847
(Laughter)

0:15:32.848,0:15:38.687
George could not bear to tell[br]his family that he was gay,

0:15:38.688,0:15:42.366
because he felt it would have[br]shamed the entire family.

0:15:42.572,0:15:46.191
I said, "George, you are going to end up[br]in a sexless marriage!"

0:15:46.192,0:15:48.420
He said, "Tell me something I don't know!"

0:15:49.175,0:15:51.765
So, George said to me his plan was this,

0:15:52.823,0:15:57.672
"Well, when my parents die,[br]I'm then going to divorce this woman,

0:15:57.673,0:16:00.263
and I'm going to marry[br]the man that I love."

0:16:00.509,0:16:03.348
I said, "George,[br]you are not thinking straight!"

0:16:03.349,0:16:04.906
(Laughter)

0:16:09.550,0:16:13.450
Sex is the barometer[br]of the state of affairs in a marriage.

0:16:13.560,0:16:20.225
People who live in sexless marriages[br]report feeling frustrated, unloved,

0:16:20.226,0:16:25.406
undesirable, unattractive,[br]and the worst of all, lonely.

0:16:25.568,0:16:29.913
And loneliness has been shown[br]to increase vascular resistance,

0:16:29.914,0:16:34.294
elevate blood pressure,[br]and lead to an early death.

0:16:35.462,0:16:38.756
You are more likely to die from loneliness

0:16:38.757,0:16:43.387
than you are from obesity[br]or excessive alcohol consumption.

0:16:43.804,0:16:46.163
When I educate women, and I say,

0:16:46.164,0:16:50.796
"If you are not having sex[br]with your husband, someone else may,"

0:16:50.797,0:16:52.702
they get upset, and they say

0:16:52.703,0:16:55.691
that I am blaming women[br]for men's bad behavior,

0:16:55.692,0:16:59.571
when in actuality,[br]I am doing a community service.

0:16:59.572,0:17:00.579
You see?

0:17:00.580,0:17:05.628
Men in sexless marriages cheat[br]to remain in that marriage, in general.

0:17:05.630,0:17:09.424
And women cheat[br]to leave a sexless marriage.

0:17:09.425,0:17:11.928
And women cheat, too.[br]Nobody ever thinks we do.

0:17:11.929,0:17:14.560
We are just sneakier about it,[br]we just don't get caught.

0:17:14.563,0:17:15.578
(Laughter)

0:17:15.579,0:17:17.518
Or socialize very differently.

0:17:17.519,0:17:19.413
This is one thing we have on you, guys.

0:17:19.414,0:17:20.644
(Laughter)

0:17:21.690,0:17:25.851
Women cheat with other men,[br]and women cheat with other women.

0:17:26.098,0:17:29.728
And technology has made cheating[br]accessible for everybody:

0:17:29.737,0:17:32.766
from the politician[br]to the stay-at-home parent.

0:17:32.767,0:17:38.523
That quick swipe right can lead[br]to an online passionate love affair;

0:17:39.015,0:17:42.944
from texting to sexting,[br]to secret phone conversations.

0:17:42.945,0:17:45.631
The more two people communicate online,

0:17:45.632,0:17:49.602
the more likely[br]an in-person encounter will occur.

0:17:49.830,0:17:53.060
But you can always blame your genes.

0:17:54.031,0:17:58.390
The gene DRD4[br]has been isolated in cheaters.

0:17:58.391,0:18:04.241
And the sexless marriage's just[br]the environment to turn on that gene.

0:18:04.490,0:18:07.190
It's based on a system[br]of pleasure and reward.

0:18:08.135,0:18:11.494
The stakes are high,[br]the rewards, substantial.

0:18:11.495,0:18:17.580
It is the perfect cocktail[br]to turn that love drug back on, PEA,

0:18:17.581,0:18:19.901
and the cycle begins again.

0:18:20.096,0:18:25.419
Historically, marriage was[br]not based on mutual love

0:18:25.420,0:18:28.830
But rather it was an institution[br]to acquire, of all things,

0:18:28.831,0:18:33.600
in-laws, property, and physical labor.

0:18:33.601,0:18:36.921
But at the turn[br]of the 20th century, in America,

0:18:36.922,0:18:41.066
egalitarian ideals and the emerging[br]Hollywood movie industry

0:18:42.016,0:18:45.156
burdened marriages[br]with promising romantic love forever.

0:18:45.227,0:18:48.082
And now we are living forever.[br]Fantastic! Congratulations!

0:18:48.083,0:18:51.633
You get to have sex with the same person[br]for the rest of your life!

0:18:52.183,0:18:55.251
The second most common question[br]that I hear from patients

0:18:55.252,0:18:57.082
is, "When does sex end?"

0:18:57.653,0:19:01.593
A 44-year-old asked me; he said,[br]"When does sex end, Maureen? 65?"

0:19:01.622,0:19:04.505
I answered him this way,[br]"A 22-year-old asked me,

0:19:04.506,0:19:09.465
'When does sex end, Maureen? 35?'[br]Everybody is older, until you get there."

0:19:09.466,0:19:12.400
I am here to tell you that sex never ends.

0:19:13.050,0:19:15.249
If you are healthy, you can have

0:19:15.250,0:19:16.619
(Cheers)

0:19:16.620,0:19:18.140
(Applause)

0:19:20.811,0:19:22.019
If you are healthy,

0:19:22.020,0:19:25.970
you can have a great sex life[br]well into your 80s and 90s.

0:19:26.652,0:19:29.812
Sex is good for you. Sex is healthy.

0:19:30.374,0:19:32.594
Yet, sex is shrouded in shame.

0:19:33.570,0:19:35.193
In the ancient aristocracies,

0:19:35.194,0:19:36.317
the wealthy men

0:19:36.318,0:19:39.317
had courtesans for pleasure[br]and concubines for quick sex.

0:19:39.318,0:19:43.258
In the way we are going,[br]computers will be our concubines;

0:19:43.779,0:19:46.679
internet pornography,[br]our mistress of the day.

0:19:47.321,0:19:52.051
Technology is fast replacing[br]human connection at high speed.

0:19:53.057,0:19:56.057
So, how do you rev up[br]the sexless marriage?

0:19:56.515,0:19:59.945
Sex is about blood flow, it's exercise.

0:20:00.669,0:20:03.059
Everyday, you want[br]to have a daily workout.

0:20:03.081,0:20:05.641
It increases your agility, your stamina.

0:20:06.301,0:20:09.431
Women will experience[br]more sexual sensation

0:20:10.171,0:20:12.641
when blood is flowing to the genitalia.

0:20:12.923,0:20:15.773
It also helps to treat[br]erectile dysfunction.

0:20:16.472,0:20:19.732
Also, get help for any of the sexual[br]dysfunctions you may have.

0:20:20.057,0:20:23.636
Vaginal dryness is an issue[br]that happens to women

0:20:23.637,0:20:26.781
who are on the oral contraceptive pill,[br]who are breastfeeding,

0:20:26.782,0:20:28.701
perimenopausal, postmenopausal,

0:20:28.702,0:20:30.712
and there are treatments for you.

0:20:30.713,0:20:34.293
Pay more attention to your spouse[br]than you do to your smartphone.

0:20:34.908,0:20:39.328
Spend more time in your bedrooms[br]than you do in your boardrooms,

0:20:39.597,0:20:43.016
or your bedrooms[br]are going to become boardrooms.

0:20:43.017,0:20:44.723
(Laughter)

0:20:44.724,0:20:46.675
Deal with your marital issues.

0:20:47.276,0:20:50.225
Go to sleep in the same bed,[br]at the same time,

0:20:50.226,0:20:53.785
and don't bring anything or anyone[br]into your marriage,

0:20:53.786,0:20:57.245
except for a great sex toy[br]and a darn good sex therapist.

0:20:57.246,0:20:58.866
(Laughter)

0:21:00.614,0:21:02.843
You must establish guidelines

0:21:02.844,0:21:05.882
that govern those moments[br]when you are struck

0:21:05.883,0:21:08.871
by someone's attractiveness[br]outside of your marriage.

0:21:09.531,0:21:11.190
But don't think for a second

0:21:11.191,0:21:13.900
that you have to have sex[br]with the same person

0:21:13.901,0:21:15.436
for the rest of your life.

0:21:15.437,0:21:17.057
That's not what I mean.

0:21:17.997,0:21:21.167
In your mind, that is, fantasy is key.

0:21:22.225,0:21:24.705
Your brain is your largest sex organ.

0:21:25.231,0:21:29.811
And one more thing: I would like[br]to leave you all off with a bang:

0:21:29.826,0:21:31.300
(Laughter)

0:21:31.301,0:21:36.800
settle all marital arguments[br]in the bedroom, naked.

0:21:36.801,0:21:38.381
(Cheers) (Laughter)

0:21:38.382,0:21:40.182
(Applause)